@scorpioartlover
9 Years
scorpio lady confused by cancer man, or maybe i'm just dumb
Understanding a Cancer Man’s Behavior When Dating a Scorpio Woman
Cancer men value emotional connection and loyalty, often acting caring and protective. Their communication may slow when they feel unsure or overwhelmed, especially during complex situations like ongoing divorces. Signs of genuine interest include consistent communication and respectful behavior. Trust your instincts and observe his actions to determine if he genuinely cares or is using you for sex.
My divorce will be final next week. Life sometimes gets messy, which you may learn. I was looking for actual advice, not snark, but thanks for your input.
Posted by scorpioartlover
He knew I was married, asked me to dinner (but we were "friends" still) and after this first dinner alone and a lot of conversation before, we had a great evening in bed. I told him at the time that I was leaving my husband bc I didn't want him to think I was the cheating type
Why would he care that your the cheating type? Which btw you are, sleeping with foreign dick while married = cheating, duh.
But seriously why would he care? After all he asked out a woman he knew was married. If you weren't the cheating type he wouldn't have been interested. No morals attracts no morals.
Look, I am 45 and you are 23 if your profile is to be believed. I most likely have a lot more messy life experience than you do, simply by virtue of having lived twice as many years.
Telling me to not make bad decisions is not really advice, it is scolding. But I don't want to get into a tit for tat with you.
I had already started the divorce when I slept with him. And I really do not think he is a person with no morals. He seems pretty conservative. We really got swept up in a moment. These things do happen.
Your 45, how old is this cancer man?
Has he ever been married?
He is 47. Yes he was married for like 10 years when he was in his 20s. He has been divorced for I think 15 years or so. No kids but he LOVES kids. He is devoted to his neices and nephews.
Posted by scorpioartlover
I had already started the divorce when I slept with him. And I really do not think he is a person with no morals. He seems pretty conservative. We really got swept up in a moment. These things do happen.
Are you still living with your husband or are you separated?
Just moved last week. So most of this relationship was happening while we were divorcing but still living together.
Would you regret your decision to divorce if it doesn't work out with this Cancer man or if you know he's only been using you for sex?
Ha thanks.
We knew each other casually before we had this dinner alone. We had been at several work-related events and knew each other from those. He knew that I was married the first time we met but he stared at me nonstop. I knew he was interested in me the minute we met each other, but nothing happened for a year.
When we went to dinner, the pretext was that it was friends. It seemed very casual but I knew he was very interested in me. He was flirting hard. And I admit I was really attracted to him even the first time I met him but I was at the beginning stages of thinking about the divorce at that point.
When this man and I slept together, I had already told my husband that I wanted to divorce. And I told Cancer man, both A) because I did not want him to think I was a serial cheater and B) to indicate that I would be available later if he was interested in a relationship. I know that may have been weird but I felt compelled to tell him the truth.
No. I started the divorce BEFORE i got involved with this guy. I DID NOT divorce because of him. The whole situation is just crappy timing.
Posted by Teena
Would you regret your decision to divorce if it doesn't work out with this Cancer man or if you know he's only been using you for sex?Are you saying this relationship they have wont likely last and hes probably using her for sex——
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Lol! No.. I only wanted to know if this guy was her motivation to go for divorce since she mentioned she already knew him before they actually slept together. Would she have given her marriage one more chance if it's not for this guy..?
Posted by scorpioartlover
My divorce will be final next week. Life sometimes gets messy, which you may learn. I was looking for actual advice, not snark, but thanks for your input.
Are you separated?
I dont mean legally-- just physically living apart
from your soon to be ex husband.
Cancer men are beyond comprehension to me,
but the little I do know-- they aren't into loss,
and they're easily hurt (It's true!)
It may be self protection, alone-- just a guess
though.
Additionally, he ignores my text messages, but I am certain that he stalks me on Instagram. He watches every single story I post and is usually one of the first ones to look at them. He set up a fake account to do this. ( I know this sounds nutty, but I am 99% sure this person is him based on observation of this person's habits.)
Disappears on you and ignores your text messages, but is so obsessed with you he creates fake accounts to stalk you online.
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You're thinking he's a Scorp moon right?
😄
No like I said the divorce had NOTHING to do with his guy. My ex and I "worked" on our marriage except for the part where he didn't want to do any work. We went to therapy bc I dragged him. But nothing changed. The marriage had run its course.
Yes we are separated physically but only recently. But the Cancer guy doesn't know this yet. he seems very sensitive. I mean he appears manly and confident but when you talk to him for a little while he seems to be pretty emotionally intelligent.
Posted by scorpioartlover
Just moved last week. So most of this relationship was happening while we were divorcing but still living together.
See, what kinda dude fucks a chick knowing shes gonna go home and sleep in the same bed as her man? Only a dude whose just trying to get his dick wet, nothing more.
His behavior, only hitting you up when he wants to hit the pussy, and quiet the rest of the time tells me he's not looking to seriously date you.
If he was he wouldn't have crossed that line with you to begin with.
Additionally, he ignores my text messages, but I am certain that he stalks me on Instagram. He watches every single story I post and is usually one of the first ones to look at them. He set up a fake account to do this. ( I know this sounds nutty, but I am 99% sure this person is him based on observation of this person's habits.)
Disappears on you and ignores your text messages, but is so obsessed with you he creates fake accounts to stalk you online.
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Liking a persons post that shows up on your insta feed is hardly stalking (and indicative of practically no effort). I second spocks eye roll.
Sorry, I don't think you understand the situation. I was living in the same house as my husband but not SLEEPING with him. We were living apart though in the same house.
My ex was not "my man" at this time, I made it clear to him that we were done and Cancer and I talked about it bc he is also divorced.
yes I would think so too. We tried to make plans a few times before that but they fell through... I don't know what to think bc like I said he seems so focused on me when we are together (the conversation, not just the sex) and then he goes away then pops up again out of nowhere.
I'm not doing anything for now. Not in getting touch with him. Just wondering if I should totally forget about him or not.
Posted by scorpioartlover
Sorry, I don't think you understand the situation. I was living in the same house as my husband but not SLEEPING with him. We were living apart though in the same house.My ex was not "my man" at this time, I made it clear to him that we were done and Cancer and I talked about it bc he is also divorced.
He's your man until the divorce papers go through, at least in the eyes of the state...
Whether you were sleeping in the same bed or not isn't really the issue. My point is you were still LIVING with your husband when you started fucking another man. Maybe it would've been different if you were seperated and living in your own place and going through the divorce...but thats not the case.
Most men (most people) of character who are thinking seriously about another person would wait until they are separated before pursuing.
Posted by scorpioartlover
yes I would think so too. We tried to make plans a few times before that but they fell through... I don't know what to think bc like I said he seems so focused on me when we are together (the conversation, not just the sex) and then he goes away then pops up again out of nowhere.I'm not doing anything for now. Not in getting touch with him. Just wondering if I should totally forget about him or not.
Your in his lineup. He calls you when his number 1-5 falls through.
Yes I suppose that is true. Like I said, we both got swept up in a moment (we were both alone in another city) but now I wish that the dinner had just remained platonic. But whatever, it happened the way it happened and there is nothing I can do about it now.
Well he hasn't lived in the same state as his ex in 10 years... but who knows who he may be fucking. Like I said, my gut feeling was that he is not a player. He is a 47 yo with a serious job and he seems like a genuine person (meaning only that he does not seem like a user, as he seems pretty sensitive to other people). But you never know.
Posted by scorpioartlover
Well he hasn't lived in the same state as his ex in 10 years... but who knows who he may be fucking. Like I said, my gut feeling was that he is not a player. He is a 47 yo with a serious job and he seems like a genuine person (meaning only that he does not seem like a user, as he seems pretty sensitive to other people). But you never know.
How long has it been since you've been out there in the dating world though? You can't afford to trust your gut feeling.
Posted by scorpioartlover
Well he hasn't lived in the same state as his ex in 10 years... but who knows who he may be fucking. Like I said, my gut feeling was that he is not a player. He is a 47 yo with a serious job and he seems like a genuine person (meaning only that he does not seem like a user, as he seems pretty sensitive to other people). But you never know.How long has it been since you've been out there in the dating world though? You can't afford to trust your gut feeling.
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I haven't dated in like 15 years! I was with my ex for years before we got married.
This isn't the 90s. One swipe right and pussy will come to you.
No strings attached pussy.
Posted by LadyNeptune
This isn't the 90s. One swipe right and pussy will come to you.No strings attached pussy.
Yes I suppose so. I am so turned off by that.
Posted by LadyNeptune
This isn't the 90s. One swipe right and pussy will come to you.No strings attached pussy.
Yes I suppose so. I am so turned off by that.
click to expand
My point is that sex is taken much more casual. If you want a relationship you need to establish exclusivity before jumping on the D.
Just cause he's present when he's around you, shows interest in your conversations, doesn't indicate he wants anything more from you then an enjoyable time + sex.
Posted by Scorpio123
What's with all the ex talk? Does it matter!? The relationship is OVER. Divorce doesn't happen over night so it's very unlikely that she just filed for divorce for this guy. Hold your judgement. She's not asking about the ex!To the OP; I would ask him honestly what does he want and where does he see this going, what does he expect from it? Both of you aren't young anymore so it's not like you've all these years to waste waiting on someone, see how he really feels about you (even if you have to grill him) so that way both of you are on the same page.
Ok thank you, you actually read my post. I haven't talked to him about that yet since the divorce took so long. I've felt that while I think we have a great connection, there was no point in talking about that since I was not in a position to do much. He is also divorced and knows that it is a messy and difficult process.
And yes we are both middle aged and serious people. We. Itu have intense careers. He's smart and cultured and sensitive. I don't think he's a douchebag but maybe he doesn't want a relationship.
And NO I DID NOT leave ex for him! This divorce was 3 years in the making.
I was asking advice because I haven't dated in so long and never dated a Cancer. I see his back and forth. My ex is a Scorpio like me lol match made in hell.
I'm not used to this hot and cold behavior and not sure if I should just abandon this or give it a chance. My gut feeling was that he and I are very compatible but you never know. Life is so complicated.
Posted by scorpioartlover
Well he hasn't lived in the same state as his ex in 10 years... but who knows who he may be fucking. Like I said, my gut feeling was that he is not a player. He is a 47 yo with a serious job and he seems like a genuine person (meaning only that he does not seem like a user, as he seems pretty sensitive to other people). But you never know.Yeah, I just meant someone else in general. I really didn't see it coming.. the guy seemed over the top into me and not at all like the user type. Just keep an open mind I guess to say..
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Yes thanks for your reply. Idk whether to give up or wait it out a bit more, given that my situation was so ambiguous
Posted by Scorpio123
What's with all the ex talk? Does it matter!? The relationship is OVER. Divorce doesn't happen over night so it's very unlikely that she just filed for divorce for this guy. Hold your judgement. She's not asking about the ex!To the OP; I would ask him honestly what does he want and where does he see this going, what does he expect from it? ... it's not like you've all these years to waste waiting on someone, see how he really feels about you (even if you have to grill him) so that way both of you are on the same page.
What she said ^^
I love this post.
❤
Posted by LadyNeptune
This isn't the 90s. One swipe right and pussy will come to you.No strings attached pussy.
Fucking for sport is nothing new.
Posted by Scorpio123
Also you can be LEGALLY separated and still live in the same household, someone who has ever been married or filed for divorce wouldn't know that, so that in fact is NOT cheating, and it's obvious that your cancer knew that.Does he have commitment issues? You said he hasn't married again after his divorce years ago, is it something that scares him?
When did you last meet again? How was that?
Idk if he has commitment issues but I suspect he may. He broke up with his ex wife but idk about his relationships since then. Of course I would like to know more about that but I didn't want to get into a lot of relationship talk before I was really available. I didn't want to freak him out. In fact I really just want to get to know him better and spend a little more time with him. I don't want to dive into a major relationship for fuck's sake bc I'm getting out of a long one.
Last time we saw each other was a couple weeks ago. It was nice, we talked a lot and had great sex. He is always super attentive in bed and makes sure I have an A+ orgasm. But I have not spoken to him since. I leave it be for now since I'm still dealing with some divorce issues.
Posted by LadyNeptune
This isn't the 90s. One swipe right and pussy will come to you.No strings attached pussy.
Fucking for sport is nothing new.
click to expand
But now you don't even need to buy her drinks to get laid. Just download an app.
Posted by scorpioartlover
I am a 45yo soon to be divorced scorpio woman in an ambiguous relationship with a 47 yo cancer man. Been married with really the wrong person for 9 years. I knew cancer man professionally but really only acquaintances for a year before we slept together. He knew I was married, asked me to dinner (but we were "friends" still) and after this first dinner alone and a lot of conversation before, we had a great evening in bed. I told him at the time that I was leaving my husband bc I didn't want him to think I was the cheating type and at the time he said "I know you are not that kind of person." We really connected so well and both of us felt that we had known each other for a long time even though we had really only just started to know each other.Started off with somewhat frequent texts but he has a crazy and demanding job and so do I. Over the next couple months we communicated and saw each other a couple times, but I know he was uncomfortable with my status. (I'm in the process of divorcing but it is slow.) Sex is always very intimate and GREAT, we both enjoy it a lot. I am very attracted to him and I am quite sure that he is attracted to me, he looks at me a lot and i know he thinks I am beautiful. After we saw each other in February, the communication really slowed and he would disappear after a few exchanges.
We didn't see each other again until a few weeks ago, again sex was great but since then have not heard from him. When we are together it feels so natural (I mean the conversation, not just the sex), we talk about a fair amount of personal stuff. But then he is just GONE.
Additionally, he ignores my text messages, but I am certain that he stalks me on Instagram. He watches every single story I post and is usually one of the first ones to look at them. He set up a fake account to do this. ( I know this sounds nutty, but I am 99% sure this person is him based on observation of this person's habits.)
I am not pressing anything bc my divorce is not final. I do not want him to think I am pressuring him in any way as it is not appropriate since I am not legally unbound. But I am very interested in him and cannot, decide if he is just using me for sex or is actually interested in me.
My gut feeling when I met him was that he is a gentlemanly, caring person. I can see how much he cares about his family. he does not seem like a player to me. So it seems to go against what I think his character is to just use me but it is hard for me to be objective.
I am willing to be patient but I am not willing to be taken advantage of.
Any advice?
What if he ignore you after you divorce? It can happen.
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He is ignoring her now
Posted by scorpioartlover
Well he hasn't lived in the same state as his ex in 10 years... but who knows who he may be fucking. Like I said, my gut feeling was that he is not a player. He is a 47 yo with a serious job and he seems like a genuine person (meaning only that he does not seem like a user, as he seems pretty sensitive to other people). But you never know.Yeah, I just meant someone else in general. I really didn't see it coming.. the guy seemed over the top into me and not at all like the user type. Just keep an open mind I guess to say..
Yes thanks for your reply. Idk whether to give up or wait it out a bit more, given that my situation was so ambiguous
Just refrain from being the one to reach out and make contact at this point is all i'd say.
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That's my plan. Just living life and waiting to see if he reappears. If he doesn't I'll be fine but I'd like to pursue something slowly if he's up for it. I'd actually like to rewind and just hang out even though the sex is so good
Posted by LadyNeptune
This isn't the 90s. One swipe right and pussy will come to you.No strings attached pussy.
Fucking for sport is nothing new.
But now you don't even need to buy her drinks to get laid. Just download an app.
click to expand
Nah
It takes what it takes... some are willing to
forego the social niceties, others will still
want to meet for a drink first.
Tinder probably just caters to the cheap date
set-- and now they have a new medium.
Those people have always been around.
Posted by Scorpio123
I don't see why ignore each other if both of you do like each other? I swear every person on here says to everyone "end it" then who are we gonna end up with when we are constantly ending it before it even begins?You sound like you were actually friends, this isn't a tinder hump and dump, pick up your phone and call him! Your way of communication can't just be watching one another's Instagram. Sometimes women make the first move, I believe in gender equality, do you!? I don't wait and expect the guy to do everything, you have to prod the relationship forward at times.
Cancer people can be extremely insecure, maybe that's one reason.
No this is not a Tinder thing. I tried to be a little aggressive with him earlier on so I backed off. I was still not divorced and I didn't want to press it being in that situation.
I did send him a text a couple days ago
But he hasn't replied.
Like I said he weirdly stalks all my Instagram stories (the ines that disappear after a day) but then he is hot and cold with the communication. So he's watching me but doesn't always talk. It's odd.
Posted by Scorpio123
I don't see why ignore each other if both of you do like each other? I swear every person on here says to everyone "end it" then who are we gonna end up with when we are constantly ending it before it even begins?You sound like you were actually friends, this isn't a tinder hump and dump, pick up your phone and call him! Your way of communication can't just be watching one another's Instagram. Sometimes women make the first move, I believe in gender equality, do you!? I don't wait and expect the guy to do everything, you have to prod the relationship forward at times.
Cancer people can be extremely insecure, maybe that's one reason.
No this is not a Tinder thing. I tried to be a little aggressive with him earlier on so I backed off. I was still not divorced and I didn't want to press it being in that situation.
I did send him a text a couple days ago
But he hasn't replied.
Like I said he weirdly stalks all my Instagram stories (the ines that disappear after a day) but then he is hot and cold with the communication. So he's watching me but doesn't always talk. It's odd.
I would block that second Instagram account and see what he does.
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Maybe yes to that idea
Love has no boundaries and even no morals. So what if she's married? Go get him and be happy dear lady. Good luck
Posted by scorpioartlover
I had already started the divorce when I slept with him. And I really do not think he is a person with no morals. He seems pretty conservative. We really got swept up in a moment. These things do happen.
Did he know that you already started the divorce process when he asked you out? If not, well........you have your answer. Now, he's probably thinking he can't trust you in the long run.
I'll be 40 in a month. @ladyneptune called this one correct
Cancer man can be very insecure. With his age and past experiences he might be still waiting for a big romance or just having fun. Whatever it is he knows it. Crabs usually have trauma of being deceit, so he might just be protecting himself. From a crab man, my advice is to sort your divorce first. Make sure that you are emotionally stabilised following that. And then talk with him in the most straightforward manner possible. If he wants something more from you he'll wait. Note that crabs appreciate direct confrontation, but in the right time. If you jump too quickly he'll see you as shallow, and that's a number one turn off for a crab (I would think that anything before you're emotionally 'clean' from the divorce is too soon).
Posted by carrazeda
Cancer man can be very insecure. With his age and past experiences he might be still waiting for a big romance or just having fun. Whatever it is he knows it. Crabs usually have trauma of being deceit, so he might just be protecting himself. From a crab man, my advice is to sort your divorce first. Make sure that you are emotionally stabilised following that. And then talk with him in the most straightforward manner possible. If he wants something more from you he'll wait. Note that crabs appreciate direct confrontation, but in the right time. If you jump too quickly he'll see you as shallow, and that's a number one turn off for a crab (I would think that anything before you're emotionally 'clean' from the divorce is too soon).
Thanks for your reply. I am still sorting the divorce, waiting for paperwork to be finalized and focused on helping my kids adjust to this. That is a lot to manage and I am not in a position to dive into a relationship though I am very interested in this person. We exchange messages once in a while but not much. He is still watching me from a distance, I don't know what that means. I'm pretty sure he doesn't think I am shallow, we have had several pretty substantive conversations. He knows that I am a serious person. But I do realize that he is probably very wary of my situation. Maybe he is afraid he would be some kind of rebound relationship for me but that is not the case at all. I was 100% envisioning myself alone when I split up with my husband. But this thing with the Cancer man happened out of the blue. Timing is not great but you can't control that.
Posted by Fun4Life
@scorpioartlover.....it's a very bad sign, as a Cancer man, if you text him and he ignores it.If I am really interested in someone, I would never do that because I hate it when I'm involved with someone and they ignore me. I'd say it was just a fling for him and he's afraid of the conflict to tell you how he really feels now. We avoid conflict quite a bit.
yeah i get that... but if that's the case then why does he text me at all? why not just drop off the radar entirely? it's not like we had such a big relationship that he owes me anything. he appears out of nowhere to say hi sometimes. and why does he secretly watch me online?
Posted by Fun4Life
@scorpioartlover.....it's a very bad sign, as a Cancer man, if you text him and he ignores it.If I am really interested in someone, I would never do that because I hate it when I'm involved with someone and they ignore me. I'd say it was just a fling for him and he's afraid of the conflict to tell you how he really feels now. We avoid conflict quite a bit.
yeah i get that... but if that's the case then why does he text me at all? why not just drop off the radar entirely? it's not like we had such a big relationship that he owes me anything. he appears out of nowhere to say hi sometimes. and why does he secretly watch me online?
I see....I didn't know he was still texting you, but not answering you when you contact him. I still think that's strange, but he may be keeping contact in case he wants to meet up again for the sex. Like others have said, rather than torture yourself, it's time for you to ask him directly. You've know him long enough for some frank conversation. Nobody can know for sure what goes on inside his mind until HE tells you.
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Yes I plan on talking to him... If he reaches out to me again and tries to plan something. I didn't do that earlier because I was still getting the divorce and I thought it was pointless to have a discussion like that. Like I said I'm really focused on hashing out the other parts of my life post-divorce, so I am not contacting him unless he initiates. I don't think I need to try to press him for information right now, I am fine to wait until he approaches me. I just think that it is so weird that he watches me from a distance.
Posted by Rindaroo
Why didn't you move out once you filed for divorce? Personally, I have dated while separated but I didn't file until after I moved out. I can't imagine being with someone & then returning home where I'd see my still husbands face.. even though we weren't technically together. I can understand working on the decision to leave for 3 years though and feeling like it's over. Btw, I left my ex at age 48 after 20 years, also working on it for 3 years before I left.You know at this stage, it's highly unlikely for the relationship to work. He is basically a rebound or maybe comfort to you. When you are exiting a marriage, having someone to pay attention to you, sexually and otherwise is something that fills a void. It doesn't mean it's necessarily right. Your Scorpio may be having concerns about the timing in terms of more of a relationship than it's been.
I didn't move out right away because I have two children. I had to sort out many issues with the finances and custody before I moved. Believe me, it was very unpleasant to live together after having made the decision but I did it for the well being of my children. I wanted to minimize the disruption and chaos in their lives.
As for the rebound thing, I know it may sound like that but it is definitely not that situation. Not to sound like an ass, but I get plenty of attention from men. This particular person (Cancer, not Scorp) I really felt a connection with. I realize that the relationship is a long shot but I am trying to understand his behavior which is just so weird to me.
Posted by TemporaryKodak
Lol RIP to sanity in 2017"Im a 50 year old lady who gets caught up in the moment"
I just hollered
Posted by Capz
tl:dr, what that thread is saying in short
something about hopping off one dick and trying to jump back onto another i think
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I am a 45yo soon to be divorced scorpio woman in an ambiguous relationship with a 47 yo cancer man. Been married with really the wrong person for 9 years. I knew cancer man professionally but really only acquaintances for a year before we slept together. He knew I was married, asked me to dinner (but we were "friends" still) and after this first dinner alone and a lot of conversation before, we had a great evening in bed. I told him at the time that I was leaving my husband bc I didn't want him to think I was the cheating type and at the time he said "I know you are not that kind of person." We really connected so well and both of us felt that we had known each other for a long time even though we had really only just started to know each other.
Started off with somewhat frequent texts but he has a crazy and demanding job and so do I. Over the next couple months we communicated and saw each other a couple times, but I know he was uncomfortable with my status. (I'm in the process of divorcing but it is slow.) Sex is always very intimate and GREAT, we both enjoy it a lot. I am very attracted to him and I am quite sure that he is attracted to me, he looks at me a lot and i know he thinks I am beautiful. After we saw each other in February, the communication really slowed and he would disappear after a few exchanges.
We didn't see each other again until a few weeks ago, again sex was great but since then have not heard from him. When we are together it feels so natural (I mean the conversation, not just the sex), we talk about a fair amount of personal stuff. But then he is just GONE.
Additionally, he ignores my text messages, but I am certain that he stalks me on Instagram. He watches every single story I post and is usually one of the first ones to look at them. He set up a fake account to do this. ( I know this sounds nutty, but I am 99% sure this person is him based on observation of this person's habits.)
I am not pressing anything bc my divorce is not final. I do not want him to think I am pressuring him in any way as it is not appropriate since I am not legally unbound. But I am very interested in him and cannot, decide if he is just using me for sex or is actually interested in me.
My gut feeling when I met him was that he is a gentlemanly, caring person. I can see how much he cares about his family. he does not seem like a player to me. So it seems to go against what I think his character is to just use me but it is hard for me to be objective.
I am willing to be patient but I am not willing to be taken advantage of.
Any advice?