Strange Situations

I have a cancer friend/ex-boyfriend who I have known since I was fourteen. He's a relatively close friend, but I find myself retreating from him sometimes when I feel he's being selfishly self-obsessed and self-destructive. Anyway, at least once in eveery conversation we have, in some way or another he manages to sexually proposition me (we have not been intimate in any way whatsoever since my junior year of high school). Although, he did kiss me out of nowhere a couple years ago. That was weird. It was so quick and sneaky-like, I didn't really even have time to return or NOT return the kiss. lol. I just looked at him like, "what the hell was that?" and then he laughed and said, "I haven't done that in a while". And then he left. Anyway, he'll sort of jokingly say things to me like, "let's just have some sex" or "you know, we would both feel a lot better if we just did it with each other", blah blah blah. I just laugh and say, "um, it's not going to happen" or "yeah whatever...". I just know how he is (a bit of a player), and I definitely do not want to get my heart broken as I did by him when I was fourteen and fifteen. But of course he's always telling me how he's changed now, he's grown up, blah blah blah.

But he has this girl in his life, who he's proposed to. But she turned him down. She had a baby by another guy; he wants (the cancer wants) to be the baby's caretaker. They've been together off and on for a long time. I don't like her, simply because I feel that she invites drama and negativity (she's a Pisces) into his life. I try to stay out of it though. Except that he often comes to me and like, wants me to listen silently on the phone to their conversations/fights. And I do, and it pisses me off in a way that he would never commit to me years ago but yet here is this dominating, controlling freaky snot girl who he wants to marry? It's weird. He sort of leans on me a lot, but never or rarely follows through with the advice I give him.

We have a lot of fun together, but he's on antidepressants and he's drinking himself into oblivion because of this girl. I don't know what to think about the way he is with me. Why the sexual comments in almost every conversation we have? And it's always been like this too. He's always done that. I don't know whether to be offended, or what. I just don't understand this guy and his motivations sometimes. We have talked about things, about the past between the two of us, and I have made it clear that there are certain things he did that I will never get over. And he says he only did them because he was immature at the time and wanted to play the field. He sort of has apologized.

I don't know. I definitely don't want a relationship with him. No, no no. No! Nope. Not going there again. But, sometimes I do feel pangs of jealousy about this other girl. And I don't get why he feels the need to completely sabotage and ridicule any relationship I have, in any way he can. It's like he enjoys taking all the good feelings I might have about a person and smooshing them into the ground. I have to literally ignore it sometimes otherwise it works! 😢 I mean truly, he'll dig up the weirdest things about whatever guy I'm expressing interest in, and I never know where he got the information, or who told him that, or what. I don't know, we have a weird friendship I guess.

But I do get the sense that he cares about me. And I hope he knows that I care about him. Everything's always strange between us though. We've done pretty well at having a good friendship considering the extremely rocky/dramatic nature of our relationship we used to be in.

Are there any light-shedding perspectives on this guy from any of the wonderful cancers out there?

p.s, he's 23. which I only mention because people go through a really weird phase at that age, i've noticed. lol. I just can't wait to go through mine? lol

True. And it is really hard to just be friends with someone you've had a relationship with. It's hard to completely cut him out of my life though, because I've known him for soooo long, and I really am worried about him. Most of his other friends have deserted him because they can't pull him out of the despair. And I don't want to be one of those "fair-weather friends". It can be rough though. And a lot of times, I will isolate myself from him for like three months at a time, because I feel there's no getting through, or he's being a jerk to me. And he can be a jerk sometimes.

Oh, it's soo hard to be friends after intense intimacy and closeness with someone. I tried too with my virgo ex, and it just doesn't work. I saw him out with another, and although I was kind and polite to them both, it nearly killed me inside. (I am the cancer). Actually we were both out with another, and I know he felt it too. He has made a few approaches to stay connected, but right now it is just too hard, and it's over 1 year since we split. Go figure.

Parallax - what's your sign?

Oh, it's soo hard to be friends after intense intimacy and closeness with someone. I tried too with my virgo ex, and it just doesn't work. I saw him out with another, and although I was kind and polite to them both, it nearly killed me inside. (I am the cancer). Actually we were both out with another, and I know he felt it too. He has made a few approaches to stay connected, but right now it is just too hard, and it's over 1 year since we split. Go figure.

Parallax - what's your sign?

Phoenix, I really admire you for being a steadfast friend! I must admit that I have no experience like this to relate to.
The closest I can come to maintaining a friendship, (after the relationship is over), is with my daughter's father, who is a Cancer, btw.
Aquarians are good hearted...but, when you break our hearts we are as cold as ice.
Maintaining a relationship with him has been one of the hardest things for me ever...but, I have done it for 14 years now...
I am beginning to get used to it...
Good for you, Phoenix! I commend your friendshipability!
However, he sounds messed up and I wouldn't take any of his advances seriously...
He has far to go in straightening up his life...
The bad boy appeal loses itself after a week of badboyness! Oh sure, I have stuck it out longer...but, it did lose it's appeal after a week or so...
Love ya girl!

Oh my God, sometimes I feel like I am portrayed as a very complex, emotionally unbalanced, stubborn, cold, too senstitive, isolationg, wishful thinker.

I just think we are sooo very misunderstood. Most people dont realise the intensity, loyal, loving, deep emotions we in fact feel, and can't understand the level of hurt we feel when one hurts or betrays us?

Sometimes, honestly, I wish I was another sign at times. maybe a virgo, or a gemini...but I know the impact I have on others being a cancer....so there!

🙂

Ilove you both! (Parallax and floater1)!
So there!
Star

I do miss Cwab though...😢

I am not certain why...but, Cancer is the sign that fascinates me most!

I think I may have inadvertently deported cwab back to pakistan.

Why is that Star - that cancer people fascinate you so?

Is it because we are so deep? Or because we are moody?

Why is it?

Hi Star, thank you, and I totally agree with you. Thanks for appreciating my "friendshipability" LOL, that is so funny! 😛

james -- lol, how it's possible to inadvertently deport someone, I don't know. But, that was funny. 🙂

Well you quite by accident call the emigration people and turns cwab in as an illegal. Then hope for the best.

The dumb butter put his e mail up