The thing about Crabettes

Why are you so obsessed with playing therapists and sorting other people's problems, people you barely know - yet when your bae needs your understanding and support, you don't know what to do.

Two of my favourite bosses are Crabs (females, if it matters astrologically speaking). Both have the same tendency to be overly engaged in the personal problems of a selected few (me included) in their staff and at times it feels like  talking to a therapist. I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing, I guess bc it depends what their motives are and if it's some sort of ego trip or genuine care, or both.

The boss at my new job is starting to pick up on my inner struggles (outwardly I'm pretty balanced) and has me put my guard down somewhat bc her concerns seem genuine and bc as she puts it, "It's not about the work, it's that I want everyone working here to feel well". Which sounds either incredibly arrogant and self-indulgent or like she's a saint.

As for my Crab gf, she's used to me being balanced, her rock... and in the past it's always been her who was in need of my understanding & support dealing with her issues but when I'm going through something, she does not seem to know how to deal with it. And I'm not asking her to do anything really, contrary - just be supportive in the sense that she needs to leave it be and not take my issues onto herself. Just let me feel crappy if I'm having that kind of day, or days. That's all the "support" I ask: Don't try to fix my problems like it's some on-and-off switch and when that fails, start getting all impatient.

When it comes to acquaintances and friends though, she always seems supportive and understanding and trying to be there for them (or give space), but she can't cope with me going through rough patches, even though it's completely unrelated to her, or us.

To conclude: She possesses similar qualities as my two last Cancer bosses when dealing with other ppl's problems, but when it comes to the person closest to her, she kinda sucks and it makes me feel lonlier than if I actually had no one by my side..

Maybe it's just that she's used to me being balanced and not all 'bipolar' - but logically she should be able to understand that I'm a human being with emotions going through stuff like anyone else, and not a golden lion God lol.

Any of this ring any bells to anyone as far as Crab behaviour & feelings go?

Looooool YES. Some cancers close to me are like this. Great at giving emotional support to others and strangers will easily spill their guts to them. However, for me who is super close to them, I find they are really suprised maybe even disturbed when I have an emotional breakdown. In the moment, they don't do much. But they do check up on me and try to help me out in small tangible ways. So I think they do obviously care just not in the way you expect them to so it comes off a bit cold. Yeah, it's really weird.

Posted by Black-Mamba

To me it's like why are you like those ppl, why can't you get your shit together

Now feeling sad Moody etc is cool

But if you're making terrible decisions, none ambitious, it actually creates anxiety and depression in me

And I can't have empathy

Yeah it's none of those things. Terrible decisions, lack of ambition.. I did some of my best life-choices while at my worst, I quit my job for a better one. Actively seeking shit out mind you, not just passively waiting around for options/ suggestions. She's proud of me for it.

So it's definitely more about mood swings, feeling down on some days, sometimes it switches by the hour. I don't take it out on her, I still make sure we do shit together and have fun, plan things... but it's her impatience and inability to just accept that it's ok to feel down for no appearant reason that puts a lot of unecessery stress on me. Where is that inner Crab therapist?

Yes I've talked to her about it, she understands for a while, then it's like I need to remind her and rewire her brain again. So I have to support her in her supporting me, all while tackling my own shit.

In any other case I'd have concluded that the person detests weak(-nesses in) people, but if that were true you wouldn't show so much care & support for everyone else but the person closest to you.

Posted by applecherrypie

Looooool YES. Some cancers close to me are like this. Great at giving emotional support to others and strangers will easily spill their guts to them. However, for me who is super close to them, I find they are really suprised maybe even disturbed when I have an emotional breakdown. In the moment, they don't do much. But they do check up on me and try to help me out in small tangible ways. So I think they do obviously care just not in the way you expect them to so it comes off a bit cold. Yeah, it's really weird.

Ok so my two Crab bosses just have savior complex. Just as I thought. Easy being supportive when you don't have to deal with it at home I guess 🙄

Have you expressed this to your gf the way you did in your OP?..

The "playing therapist" thing is genuine BTW.

Rejection is a hard pill for us crabs to swallow so when our "bae" is feeling down our nurturing side amplifies.. but if he's not really communicating with us what he needs then we sometimes feel like maybe we are the problem then get upset 🥴

If she loves you and you communicate your needs clearly she will become more patient but she will still want to kiss your forehead and help you feel better.

Oh andddd we take on other's emotions at times. I could be happy as shyt one minute but a soon as I get around a depressed mfer.. my mood will shift to sad.. weird ish.

And then there are those who play therapist which floors me as most don't even know how to fix themselves much less someone else. I'm not talking about sympathizing but a boss at work playing my therapist would yank my chain - mainly because I do not get that close to people at work. If I'm down one day and it bothers you, then don't be around me.

I agree with Yodi, especially women take on the feeling that when their so isn't talking to them or is down or in avoidance mode, it feels to them like maybe they've done something to upset. So yes, you may have to continue to help her understand that life isn't all a bowl of cherries.

Fuck astrology.

Women are strong for others, and when they get a man.. They need him to be strong for her. You said it yourself, you're "her rock".

Guys gotta stop looking for women to confide in... Holla at your fuckin mother, if you still have her. Talk to your homies and shit.. Women have never been good at being the shoulder to cry on.

Women don't wanna hear you bitch, and there's nothing wrong with that fact.

They wanna hear what you gonna DO about it.

You switching the polarity.. You eventually gonna turn her off. Then you ain't got no "crabette".

Yeah, this sounds familiar.

Best guess? The closer they are to the person in question, the more it affects them (the Cancer) personally. The more it affects them (the Cancer) personally, the less objective they can become.

I don't think it's just a Cancer thing though. My Scorp ex was the same way.

Sensitivity can be a double edged sword. Sometimes sensitivity can equal emotionally self-involved and/or defensive.

Posted by Black-Mamba

I get it

I’m more older so more mature

But I’d like a man who can sometimes depend on me emotionally

Eventually it might be much

But I’d try to get him to feel better

When ppl are feeling down isn’t the best thing to let them be

Those are all things I'm specifically not asking of her. I don't expect to depend on her emotionally (more than what's normal in a relationship) and I specifically said in my post I don't need her to try n make me feel better, that's the whole problem. Then she feels powerless and annoyed cuz I don't have a on-and-off switch to my problems . She takes it on herself. I need support in the sense that I want her to understand there's nothing she can do and just accept it for what it is so i can focus on myself

Crabettes, I love it

Posted by Emhendo

Fuck astrology.

Women are strong for others, and when they get a man.. They need him to be strong for her. You said it yourself, you're "her rock".

Guys gotta stop looking for women to confide in... Holla at your fuckin mother, if you still have her. Talk to your homies and shit.. Women have never been good at being the shoulder to cry on.

Women don't wanna hear you bitch, and there's nothing wrong with that fact.

They wanna hear what you gonna DO about it.

You switching the polarity.. You eventually gonna turn her off. Then you ain't got no "crabette".

I'm not 'looking for women to confide in'. I want the exact opposite. Leave me alone with my problems and let's switch the subject. Support me by doing nothing. Shift focus.

Rest of your post you're just pulling shit straight out of your ass that has nothing to do with my post. Probably projecting your own fears and insecurities

Fuck I'm gonna spend all my time in this thread correcting other ppl's reading skills.

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by Emhendo

Fuck astrology.

Women are strong for others, and when they get a man.. They need him to be strong for her. You said it yourself, you're "her rock".

Guys gotta stop looking for women to confide in... Holla at your fuckin mother, if you still have her. Talk to your homies and shit.. Women have never been good at being the shoulder to cry on.

Women don't wanna hear you bitch, and there's nothing wrong with that fact.

They wanna hear what you gonna DO about it.

You switching the polarity.. You eventually gonna turn her off. Then you ain't got no "crabette".

I'm not 'looking for women to confide in'. I want the exact opposite. Leave me alone with my problems and let's switch the subject. Support me by doing nothing. Shift focus.

Rest of your post you're just pulling shit straight out of your ass that has nothing to do with my post. Probably projecting your own fears and insecurities

Fuck I'm gonna spend all my time in this thread correcting other ppl's reading skills.

click to expand

Man.. Shutcho ass up!

Everything I said was in direct response to "She possesses similar qualities as my two last Cancer bosses when dealing with other ppl's problems, but when it comes to the person closest to her, she kinda sucks and it makes me feel lonlier than if I actually had no one by my side.."

Fuck does it sound like? If I called you out, just be a man about it and say "damn, I really didn't look at it like that".. Yeah, I was a ASSHOLE about it.. But screw you 😄 Just some tough love.

Posted by Emhendo

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by Emhendo

Fuck astrology.

Women are strong for others, and when they get a man.. They need him to be strong for her. You said it yourself, you're "her rock".

Guys gotta stop looking for women to confide in... Holla at your fuckin mother, if you still have her. Talk to your homies and shit.. Women have never been good at being the shoulder to cry on.

Women don't wanna hear you bitch, and there's nothing wrong with that fact.

They wanna hear what you gonna DO about it.

You switching the polarity.. You eventually gonna turn her off. Then you ain't got no "crabette".

I'm not 'looking for women to confide in'. I want the exact opposite. Leave me alone with my problems and let's switch the subject. Support me by doing nothing. Shift focus.

Rest of your post you're just pulling shit straight out of your ass that has nothing to do with my post. Probably projecting your own fears and insecurities

Fuck I'm gonna spend all my time in this thread correcting other ppl's reading skills.

Man.. Shutcho ass up!

Everything I said was in direct response to "She possesses similar qualities as my two last Cancer bosses when dealing with other ppl's problems, but when it comes to the person closest to her, she kinda sucks and it makes me feel lonlier than if I actually had no one by my side.."

Fuck does it sound like? If I called you out, just be a man about it and say "damn, I really didn't look at it like that".. Yeah, I was a ASSHOLE about it.. But screw you 😄 Just some tough love.

click to expand

And where in that quote do I even hint at

"looking to confide in her"

"looking to talk about my shit with her"

"looking for a shoulder to cry on" ?

I have specifically stated over and over again, I'm not asking anything of her except that she not take it upon her to try n fix me in her own Crabby way and that I'm asking for passive support. You choose to read your own shit into it, then backpedal.

If you read again, 90% of your rant don't even apply to my original post.

Posted by Arielle83

Also, I don’t think it’s sign specific.

I have the same issue with older women in the workplace, or women who think they are “above me” in some assumed way.

They mother hen me which is them basically projecting their feelings or experience onto me.

I didn't feel that either of the bosses thought they were above me, more like they get some perverse emotional high out of being there for you. But I admire their razor-sharp presence in that sense. Just suspicious of where exactly it tingles them

Posted by enfant_terrible

Why are you so obsessed with playing therapists and sorting other people's problems, people you barely know - yet when your bae needs your understanding and support, you don't know what to do.

Two of my favourite bosses are Crabs (females, if it matters astrologically speaking). Both have the same tendency to be overly engaged in the personal problems of a selected few (me included) in their staff and at times it feels like  talking to a therapist. I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing, I guess bc it depends what their motives are and if it's some sort of ego trip or genuine care, or both.

The boss at my new job is starting to pick up on my inner struggles (outwardly I'm pretty balanced) and has me put my guard down somewhat bc her concerns seem genuine and bc as she puts it, "It's not about the work, it's that I want everyone working here to feel well". Which sounds either incredibly arrogant and self-indulgent or like she's a saint.

As for my Crab gf, she's used to me being balanced, her rock... and in the past it's always been her who was in need of my understanding & support dealing with her issues but when I'm going through something, she does not seem to know how to deal with it. And I'm not asking her to do anything really, contrary - just be supportive in the sense that she needs to leave it be and not take my issues onto herself. Just let me feel crappy if I'm having that kind of day, or days. That's all the "support" I ask: Don't try to fix my problems like it's some on-and-off switch and when that fails, start getting all impatient.

When it comes to acquaintances and friends though, she always seems supportive and understanding and trying to be there for them (or give space), but she can't cope with me going through rough patches, even though it's completely unrelated to her, or us.

To conclude: She possesses similar qualities as my two last Cancer bosses when dealing with other ppl's problems, but when it comes to the person closest to her, she kinda sucks and it makes me feel lonlier than if I actually had no one by my side..

Maybe it's just that she's used to me being balanced and not all 'bipolar' - but logically she should be able to understand that I'm a human being with emotions going through stuff like anyone else, and not a golden lion God lol.

Any of this ring any bells to anyone as far as Crab behaviour & feelings go?

Hello, crabette here. I think I may have a clue(s) to the answer you may be looking for: I don't know about most cancers because I've seen several different types, but as for me, if my man was my rock/awesome I would feel totally obligated to be the same for him, especially during his low points...because I would love him and because I would genuinely want to see him wholesome and content. So if I notice you're wounded, I'm going to find the tools to heal you. As a nurturer, I'm going to nurture you. And we can nurture from a distance, if my man wanted to stew in his own boil, that's fine, just communicate the why, when and how. And he shouldn't take too long because then I'd start to get the impression that he would be fine on his own and id start to distance myself but not only to give space (moreso because of the space that's naturally dividing).

Perhaps you should be more clear about your needs, for example, how much space are you talking/to what extent? If you asked me for space I would give you ample space, so much so that it may seem like I'm distant (unless you made the boundary clear). So if you need a little space, ask for a little. If you need major space, ask for major space.

Also for what it's worth, as a cancer I don't want to be a savior or recognized as one. I think people easily get that misconstrued. It's just that it's easy to pick up on energy and when in close quarters with one very often, the energy radiating off of a sad/angry/depressed/whatever person becomes hard to ignore and sometimes I don't mind sharing what I have learned in my experience to possibly help. I am open to others doing the same for me if I was at a low point/I value authentic interactions. If I notice that one isn't receptive to it, the switch will go off (mostly because I would tire of getting distracted by the vibes emanating so I would just have to detach from it) and I won't give a damn any longer and will begin to disengage (because it'll be harder to be authentic with the person at that point).

Not saying this is the best way to be, but I'm just saying.