Wait out my Crab friend or expect no answer?

Been friends with a Cancer guy for about 3 years. He's about 12 years younger than me. We are on and off a lot: chatty, get close, get too close, and then disappear from each other's lives for months. This has happened a lot. Recently he came to visit me from another state and stayed the week with me. We had a great time, relaxing, sex, etc. He knew I didn't want FWB and led me to believe there was something more involved. Halfway through the trip I confronted him about it and he broke down, telling me he just wanted to be just friends. We parted on good terms. However, I had never really thought to ask why he felt that way, and then I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Finally I decided I did want to know the "why" of his decision. I texted him this on Monday and also let him know I wasn't interested in idle chit chat until he answered. I've had enough experience with him to know that if I ask a question and go on with other things, I never get an answer back. I feel he owes me at least this much as he knew my feelings about him and let it drag out for so long. I understand why he let it go on, I just want to know why he chose what he did.

Anyway...no word from him since. As a classic Scorp, I hate being ignored. And I also know this Cancer hides in his shell when he doesn't want to answer a question.

So my question to all you Cancers out there: Should I expect an answer back? Or should I just assume he's done with it all and never expect to hear from him again? We Scorps tend to be intuitive about the people we care about and I don't honestly think he wants to poof on me permanently. And all the past times, I've been the one to re-connect with him, to which he is eager to respond. But this is different. For once I'm leaving it up to him...

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks!

Sex+friends=awkward ? probably be hearing from him casually once you disappear for a bit.

Thank you for the reply!

We're talking again. I reached out and he replied back quickly. He told me I frustrated him with how I asked for my answer. And said his reasoning for being just friends was made up of 2 things: age difference (which is a new decision) and the fact that I stress him out when I ask for answers.

Since then he reaches out to me at least once a day. Not sure if he's trying to just keep the friendship alive or if he's in cling-mode. When he reaches out, I give a friendly reply.

He has admitted more than once that me dating someone else would bother him, but he's not willing to step up himself. So now he is squarely in the friend zone and I am hoping that time will fade these feelings for him.

What should be my next step? And what is going on in that Crabby mind? Is he regretting his decision and if he is, will he ever step up?

I love the Cancer male's depths of emotion. As a Scorpio I actually need it and appreciate it. But sometimes it feels like we're 2 separate oceans.

Oh my God!!! I have a similar situation. But it's the other way around. I'm a Cancer female and I like a Scorpio guy. I think he likes me but I'm not sure. Trust me when I say this, Cancers take love seriously and we're scared of getting hurt. I recently did the same thing as your Cancer friend. I went POOF on my Scorpio crush and disappeared for a while because I'm still not sure about his feelings for me and I feel like I love him so I don't want to get hurt. I'm sensitive and deep just like Scorpios. I wish you luck with him and try being patience and giving it some time. Maybe he'll fall for you like I did with that Scorpio dude. What made me fall for him was that he showed me he cared about my SOUL and not a lot of people are like that. He worried about my feelings and emotions and that really impressed me. Everyone else just gives a crap about how I feel.

Good luck!!!!!!!

Thank you for the encouragement. All I can be is patient at this point, and let him come back if he wishes. And if he wants more, he'll have to make it abundantly clear.

Scorpio and Cancer are such a good mix. We both get the emotional depth of the other, we just have to learn to understand and trust each other. Open communication seems to be the issue. Lol

I think he feels guilty about just not being that into you and is trying to get things back to normal, whatever that means to him.



I don't romantically mesh with Scorpios at all. Neither do I with Pisces or fellow Cancerians. But it might be my other placements.

Thank you. I've wondered about that as well. Just wish it hadn't taken 2 years for him to admit it.

Posted by ScorpMomma
Thank you. I've wondered about that as well. Just wish it hadn't taken 2 years for him to admit it.

I hear you! I had it similarly happening to me. It hurts, but nobody deserves to get stuck with someone who always has a foot out of the door. You deserve much better than that.

Thank you. I do plan to take the next year and work on myself. And let the feelings fade so that a good one can have my complete heart. 🙂

Awww I'm sorry to hear this

.. you seem so sweet and I want it to work out for you 😢 if your cancer can't give you what you want and deserve I say move on... Get out ! Go date! Have fun! You can still be friends (although I believe he will be salty about you dating 😆)

You are all so very sweet to me. Thank you!

Posted by ScorpMomma
Thank you. I've wondered about that as well. Just wish it hadn't taken 2 years for him to admit it.

If I was dating man 12 years younger I would kind of expect him to vanish every day! How gorgeous are you really!

Posted by peo

Posted by ScorpMomma
Thank you. I've wondered about that as well. Just wish it hadn't taken 2 years for him to admit it.

I hear you! I had it similarly happening to me. It hurts, but nobody deserves to get stuck with someone who always has a foot out of the door. You deserve much better than that.

click to expand

And much older...

Lol. I look like the girl next door, but have been told by many that I look younger than my age.

I seem to attract the younger ones...

Posted by ScorpMomma
Thank you. I do plan to take the next year and work on myself. And let the feelings fade so that a good one can have my complete heart. 🙂

I planned the exact same thing! I graduate from grad school next year, so I'll have a lot of things to focus on and I hope to find a job and start new somewhere. In the meantime spend time with my friends, finish my thesis, be selfish (I tend to give a lot in relationships) and make my own uninterrupted self-care rituals...

Posted by peo

Posted by ScorpMomma
Thank you. I do plan to take the next year and work on myself. And let the feelings fade so that a good one can have my complete heart. 🙂

I planned the exact same thing! I graduate from grad school next year, so I'll have a lot of things to focus on and I hope to find a job and start new somewhere. In the meantime spend time with my friends, finish my thesis, be selfish (I tend to give a lot in relationships) and make my own uninterrupted self-care rituals...

click to expand

Sounds like you have a great plan! I'm thinking of going back to school (again) and pursuing something new. I feel you about the "selfish." We all need to regroup and refresh ourselves. I wish you the very best. 🙂

Hey Scorp!

So, if you can be his friend, then you should be his friend. Us crabs are friendly as hell and love to have a great, positive people in our lives. But on another note, expect just that "friendship" no expectations of anything else. I know as a crab myself, when my mind is made up that is it. If you frustrate him with your answers, or the questions you ask then he's not for you anyway. I don't see anything wrong with what you asked, but I do see how he reacted to your question as wrong. Instead of giving you an answer, he backed away (disappeared) and came back to say you frustrated him with how you worded the question. He sounds like a playboy and either not ready to settle down, or he really has in his mind that you aren't the one, but wants to keep you around as a "just in case". I don't what works best in regards to you moving on, but I really don't think this guy is yours. Also, it would probably make it harder for you to keep him in your life in hopes to have a friendship, knowing you still have feelings for him. Disappear on him. Don't intiate anymore convo. When he texts you, you can respond but the replies should be short. Don't make yourself too available or eager to want to talk with him.

Posted by ScorpMomma
We're talking again. I reached out and he replied back quickly. He told me I frustrated him with how I asked for my answer. And said his reasoning for being just friends was made up of 2 things: age difference (which is a new decision) and the fact that I stress him out when I ask for answers.

Since then he reaches out to me at least once a day. Not sure if he's trying to just keep the friendship alive or if he's in cling-mode. When he reaches out, I give a friendly reply.

He has admitted more than once that me dating someone else would bother him, but he's not willing to step up himself. So now he is squarely in the friend zone and I am hoping that time will fade these feelings for him.

What should be my next step? And what is going on in that Crabby mind? Is he regretting his decision and if he is, will he ever step up?

I love the Cancer male's depths of emotion. As a Scorpio I actually need it and appreciate it. But sometimes it feels like we're 2 separate oceans.

Thank you for the advice and input!