deal break secrets or can it be good for relations

How do you cappy men/women deal with a secret from someone, that never said anything to anyone else? Would it be a deal break for anything further as relationship wise?

Posted by Clareisa
How do you cappy men/women deal with a secret from someone, that never said anything to anyone else? Would it be a deal break for anything further as relationship wise?

This sentence does not make sense to me at all.

Posted by TigerCap

Posted by Clareisa
How do you cappy men/women deal with a secret from someone, that never said anything to anyone else? Would it be a deal break for anything further as relationship wise?

This sentence does not make sense to me at all.

click to expand

Me neither lol. Rephrase needed.

Depends on the secret. If my partner revealed that he murdered all his exes in their sleep, it would probably affect the relationship negatively, yes. If the secret was something I could accept/handle, it would probably bring us closer together, seeing as I got to know him a little bit better by the revelation.

Yes. I wanted to write it that way, but it came out wrong.

I told him it was mistake in my early teens. Also said,I learned from my mistakes and regret it too. I did tell him, I could have the same situation with my ex as before. I said it bother me inside and I can't even think of doing it again, even with my ex.

what if its a secret work related. Taking into consideration how devoted they are to their work and business, if he thinks that sharing this secret would make him gain something in the company... would he share it with others or just keep it to himself?

We agreed not to say anything to anyone, with the secrets we both shared. I have a feeling mine secret would cause him not to be there anymore. With my secret I explained calmly why I did it.

I would respect the honesty. And if it happened a long time ago and you expressed that you learned from it and haven't done it again, then things would be fine. I'd much rather hear it from you than someone else.

I expressed it in person and next day tho text and nothing more after that. He knows I have will power for quite of things, he said it himself. I know he doesn't he goes back to things he can't control. Hopefully he can see I look past how he can't get over things. I listen carefully and try not to judge him and give him advice. When he's an ass, I call him on it.

Maybe he just needs time to process your secret? Maybe he's trying to figure out if he can cope with it or not? Or he doesn't think he can handle it and moves further away from you? What do you think? What is your gut feeling?

I would like to talk about it more with him and see what he says about. He said few things nothing more, he just listened as I explained why I did it. Here's what I think: then all this patience is been for nothing and trying to stick by your guy throw good and bad situations. Who has enough patience to deal with you's and have that staying power. Don't ditch you's when the first problem comes up. Isn't that what you's want?

Well, imo, only he knows if he can handle the secret or not and that should be his decision. It may have nothing at all to do with his staying power(it may, but not necessarily). I think it's a great idea to talk to him about it - it's the only way you'll know.

Hope it works out for the two of you! 🙂

Thanks, hope so too. He disappeared once for 3 weeks. Didn't understand why,if it had to do with opening up to me about his problems. I didn't freak out and question him,figured he would tell me or he got scared and said to much. If he does it again, then I think I have the answer and move on.

I'm sorry. I thought you meant that you had revieled a secret to him. If it was the other way around I would like to say that I sometimes find that people can feel very vulnerable after having revieled secrets about themselves. Some people who have just told me big secrets about themselves have even withdrawn completely. I hope this is not such a case. I would just be there for him and let him know that he can trust you. And yes, talk to him. Good luck! 🙂

He started to open up first and reviled stuff, just little at time. So I took a chance and reviled my secret, so we shared details. I said once to him if we are arguing or misunderstood each other, I like to clear it up as soon as possible. Still think myself he won't handle mine and be gone for good.

He said to me this ain't like himself he never opens up and he finds himself doing that lately. I really thought it will bring us closer, but I find it's doing the opposite for us. Even when he opens up with other general stuff.

Posted by Clareisa
He said to me this ain't like himself he never opens up and he finds himself doing that lately.

Maybe you came too close to soon(not your fault since you didn't force him to open up) and now he's retreating? Or/and maybe he couldn't handle your secret. Difficult. Yes, you have got to talk to him. Good luck! 🙂

He hasn't called or text. So we can't talk and I don't want message him alot.

Posted by Everything

Posted by HappyCapper
I'm sorry. I thought you meant that you had revieled a secret to him. If it was the other way around I would like to say that I sometimes find that people can feel very vulnerable after having revieled secrets about themselves. Some people who have just told me big secrets about themselves have even withdrawn completely. I hope this is not such a case. I would just be there for him and let him know that he can trust you. And yes, talk to him. Good luck! 🙂

You're so kind. And such great advice.

click to expand

Aww, thank you!🙂 *blushing*

Posted by Everything

Posted by Secret
I think what she is trying to say is:

I told a very important secret about myself to my cap man, a secret I never told anyone before, will the fact that he knows my secret affect our relationship somehow?

Wow you're clever 😄 psychic much?

click to expand

Just so many years of my life trying to decrypt complexed codes 😛

Posted by Secret
You Capricorns can predict the future, there's some psychic there too...

I KNEW you were gonna say that! 😉

Posted by Clareisa
He hasn't called or text. So we can't talk and I don't want message him alot.

Still nothing?

He called and never said much about. Talked about his problems that he is dealing with right now and know I would understand. I wanted to tell him stay but he needs to do this for his son.

Well, I can understand the prioritizing of a person's child, but I'm sorry to hear that it put you in this position. All the best to you!

Thanks. There is other situations that bought us together. We both understand we need to get other things in motions. With the time we have, we are calmly saying goodbye and see each other when we can.