Doing it Wrong (Page 2)

Posted by fishcrabscale2

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by fishcrabscale2

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by fishcrabscale2

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by fishcrabscale2

Your thread is just something i need right now. I want to kick my stupid ass. I started something that i kinda regret, but im also curious so whatever.

Background: we are not exclusive, no physical thing happened btwn us but now kinda emotionally attached. We havent seen each other in 3mos and still cant.. anyway, last month he asked me about a "massage" that he was curious about. I understand from reading here that some people cannot handle going without sx for a long time so i said try it coz im also curious and there are bigger implications down the line that i want to realize. It wasnt a big deal at all in my mind. But now of course the script in my mind flipped but i didnt ask to abort mission because my twisted sense of curiosity is already engaged despite the activation of my shark brain (and hyperventilating) atm

Wth am i thinking sometimes i dont know ((scream))

Edit: i was all rational about the "massage" because it will be done by a "professional" and is legal in that country

what were you curious about? That you might get jealous? And was he asking for permission?

Yes and i egged him to try it. It is easy to have a rational perspective on things if it actually isnt happening yet.. but yeah i got jealous.

yes true. so he went ahead with it and now you're jealous? How are you handling being jealous...will you be able to forget and move on?

Yes he went ahead with it and told me about the experience. It doesnt make sense for me to get jealous but i felt what i felt and told him. But now im thinking... is he going to do it in secret next time?? 😒😒😒

Anyway, i learned this from my friends gemini mom (bless her soul). Their cap dad was a ship captain and was away like 90% of the time so they had this understanding.

I had to find out what that felt like. I have to be honest i cant relax here while someone is touching you! 😖

Well what could work in those understandings is don't ask don' tell policy you know.

Ive always given a long leash and it always comes out.. after a few months/year like my ex. Maybe he couldnt bear the guilt. I try to balance my perspective and see it from their view, but i still question the need/self-control. Easy for me to judge because i can go years without, but is it fair to impose the same standard to everyone?

Edit: my ex was cheating

This one is a professional massage

click to expand

Well i'm the same way. I can make that agreement of don't ask don't tell... but sometimes i also question if that's too understanding and that sometimes in relationships to ask for that kind of commitment actually strengthens the relationship rather than making it more estranged.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

@Tiziani I have to call you out, Tiz. You said Capricorns are one sign you don't see where they're coming from at all. Is this true? Is there anything we need to work on?

*confronting a Libra...part 2*

Yeah I have no idea.

Honestly I don't even see a problem there.

Even with the talk you and Roosagicorn were having, I do not see a big problem there either. It sounds like just one of those getting to know each other phases, where gradually you both learn to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff. (though it did sound like the Libra guy was being pedantic).

Well you know the background but recently I got the courage to tell him what I want which was to give us a real chance. And he just dodged the convo entirely. Not saying yes or no.

But then the next day has no problem flirting with me and telling me he misses me, recounting our time spent together, asking me when I'm visiting him etc. I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it.

So i've kind of gone on the defense where I'm just trying my damn hardest to not fall for the flirtations and just keep it friendly. I fucked up today but tomorrow is a new day.

I told my Leo/Sag Moon guy friend about it and he was like , "Promise me you won't go after this guy."

Like I just have a nutcase on my hand I think....

Ok, well personally I am extremely biased against avoidant behaviour right now since I've been surrounded by that recently and have little patience for it. So I'm more likely to come down hard on this guy than even you lol

But what really takes my attention there is what makes you say "I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it."?

This kind of mirrors a conversation I was having with Acsquarepluto yesterday and I'm wondering why the focus would be on condoning on encouraging anything because that puts all the focus on what he wants, rather than what you want and what you're getting out of this.

I guess I'm trying to be un-bothered.... like it doesn't affect me. I don't know how else to communicate that it's a real issue regarding what he's doing. It's definitely not okay. Either just be friends or take the step.

What is he doing that's affecting you? Is it the getting in touch with you? I'm asking to understand

Well what's bothering me is that he flirts with me heavy and not just shallow things but says sentimental things but then won't tell me what he wants when I ask him. He doesn't say that he wants just to be friends or anything more.

I don't know if I'm explaining myself. But basically I have feelings for him and he says things that make me think he does too. However, when I bring up the subject he avoids it.

Fair enough, Still. Well look I don't want to jerk you around.

The general tone of your story is like you're trying to get him to change himself, but that's out of your control.

You can control how you show yourself it's not okay and what boundaries work for you by not replying to him when he gets in touch. Not because you're trying to be a hardass but just because you're taking care of yourself and showing yourself that.

And if you do keep replying to him and getting in touch with him that's ok, too. But then at that point you can't tell yourself it's not okay because there's clearly something you're getting out of that, that you're ok with.

click to expand

Yeah, that's quite an adult convo right there. I do need to be honest with myself and figure out what am i getting out of this that's keep me around. Initially, it was just to pass time with someone I found attractive and it just snowballed into more and more. Now, he's just a good reason for me to feel romantic/emotional where I don't want to get that from someone else in my life. Like I don't want to enter the dating world because I have a lot of shit going on myself.

However, I think the emotional toll this is taking on me now is more than what I had anticipated. I want to set my own boundaries but i just seesaw between , "oh it'll be fine we're just friends. I can handle being friends" to "why am i letting this person treat me this way. This is all BS and I need to just walk away period."

May be I don't want to lose him either...so i'm playing his game. But I think long term plan for me would definitely to just walk away.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

@Tiziani I have to call you out, Tiz. You said Capricorns are one sign you don't see where they're coming from at all. Is this true? Is there anything we need to work on?

*confronting a Libra...part 2*

Yeah I have no idea.

Honestly I don't even see a problem there.

Even with the talk you and Roosagicorn were having, I do not see a big problem there either. It sounds like just one of those getting to know each other phases, where gradually you both learn to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff. (though it did sound like the Libra guy was being pedantic).

Well you know the background but recently I got the courage to tell him what I want which was to give us a real chance. And he just dodged the convo entirely. Not saying yes or no.

But then the next day has no problem flirting with me and telling me he misses me, recounting our time spent together, asking me when I'm visiting him etc. I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it.

So i've kind of gone on the defense where I'm just trying my damn hardest to not fall for the flirtations and just keep it friendly. I fucked up today but tomorrow is a new day.

I told my Leo/Sag Moon guy friend about it and he was like , "Promise me you won't go after this guy."

Like I just have a nutcase on my hand I think....

Ok, well personally I am extremely biased against avoidant behaviour right now since I've been surrounded by that recently and have little patience for it. So I'm more likely to come down hard on this guy than even you lol

But what really takes my attention there is what makes you say "I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it."?

This kind of mirrors a conversation I was having with Acsquarepluto yesterday and I'm wondering why the focus would be on condoning on encouraging anything because that puts all the focus on what he wants, rather than what you want and what you're getting out of this.

I guess I'm trying to be un-bothered.... like it doesn't affect me. I don't know how else to communicate that it's a real issue regarding what he's doing. It's definitely not okay. Either just be friends or take the step.

What is he doing that's affecting you? Is it the getting in touch with you? I'm asking to understand

Well what's bothering me is that he flirts with me heavy and not just shallow things but says sentimental things but then won't tell me what he wants when I ask him. He doesn't say that he wants just to be friends or anything more.

I don't know if I'm explaining myself. But basically I have feelings for him and he says things that make me think he does too. However, when I bring up the subject he avoids it.

Fair enough, Still. Well look I don't want to jerk you around.

The general tone of your story is like you're trying to get him to change himself, but that's out of your control.

You can control how you show yourself it's not okay and what boundaries work for you by not replying to him when he gets in touch. Not because you're trying to be a hardass but just because you're taking care of yourself and showing yourself that.

And if you do keep replying to him and getting in touch with him that's ok, too. But then at that point you can't tell yourself it's not okay because there's clearly something you're getting out of that, that you're ok with.

Yeah, that's quite an adult convo right there. I do need to be honest with myself and figure out what am i getting out of this that's keep me around. Initially, it was just to pass time with someone I found attractive and it just snowballed into more and more. Now, he's just a good reason for me to feel romantic/emotional where I don't want to get that from someone else in my life. Like I don't want to enter the dating world because I have a lot of shit going on myself.

However, I think the emotional toll this is taking on me now is more than what I had anticipated. I want to set my own boundaries but i just seesaw between , "oh it'll be fine we're just friends. I can handle being friends" to "why am i letting this person treat me this way. This is all BS and I need to just walk away period."

May be I don't want to lose him either...so i'm playing his game. But I think long term plan for me would definitely to just walk away.

" I do need to be honest with myself and figure out what am i getting out of this that's keep me around"

To me that is 100% what I would focus on, and there are no wrong answers. As long as you are enjoying yourself and taking care of yourself that's the one important thing from my pov.

click to expand

Now that I'm thinking about it...he does remind me a lot of my dad who was 1000% charming but 0% responsible about other people around him. If any serious topic would be brought up to him, he'd laugh it off and make some witty remark.

How much do I owe you for this session, Tiz? 🙂

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

@Tiziani I have to call you out, Tiz. You said Capricorns are one sign you don't see where they're coming from at all. Is this true? Is there anything we need to work on?

*confronting a Libra...part 2*

Yeah I have no idea.

Honestly I don't even see a problem there.

Even with the talk you and Roosagicorn were having, I do not see a big problem there either. It sounds like just one of those getting to know each other phases, where gradually you both learn to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff. (though it did sound like the Libra guy was being pedantic).

Well you know the background but recently I got the courage to tell him what I want which was to give us a real chance. And he just dodged the convo entirely. Not saying yes or no.

But then the next day has no problem flirting with me and telling me he misses me, recounting our time spent together, asking me when I'm visiting him etc. I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it.

So i've kind of gone on the defense where I'm just trying my damn hardest to not fall for the flirtations and just keep it friendly. I fucked up today but tomorrow is a new day.

I told my Leo/Sag Moon guy friend about it and he was like , "Promise me you won't go after this guy."

Like I just have a nutcase on my hand I think....

Ok, well personally I am extremely biased against avoidant behaviour right now since I've been surrounded by that recently and have little patience for it. So I'm more likely to come down hard on this guy than even you lol

But what really takes my attention there is what makes you say "I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it."?

This kind of mirrors a conversation I was having with Acsquarepluto yesterday and I'm wondering why the focus would be on condoning on encouraging anything because that puts all the focus on what he wants, rather than what you want and what you're getting out of this.

I guess I'm trying to be un-bothered.... like it doesn't affect me. I don't know how else to communicate that it's a real issue regarding what he's doing. It's definitely not okay. Either just be friends or take the step.

What is he doing that's affecting you? Is it the getting in touch with you? I'm asking to understand

Well what's bothering me is that he flirts with me heavy and not just shallow things but says sentimental things but then won't tell me what he wants when I ask him. He doesn't say that he wants just to be friends or anything more.

I don't know if I'm explaining myself. But basically I have feelings for him and he says things that make me think he does too. However, when I bring up the subject he avoids it.

Fair enough, Still. Well look I don't want to jerk you around.

The general tone of your story is like you're trying to get him to change himself, but that's out of your control.

You can control how you show yourself it's not okay and what boundaries work for you by not replying to him when he gets in touch. Not because you're trying to be a hardass but just because you're taking care of yourself and showing yourself that.

And if you do keep replying to him and getting in touch with him that's ok, too. But then at that point you can't tell yourself it's not okay because there's clearly something you're getting out of that, that you're ok with.

Yeah, that's quite an adult convo right there. I do need to be honest with myself and figure out what am i getting out of this that's keep me around. Initially, it was just to pass time with someone I found attractive and it just snowballed into more and more. Now, he's just a good reason for me to feel romantic/emotional where I don't want to get that from someone else in my life. Like I don't want to enter the dating world because I have a lot of shit going on myself.

However, I think the emotional toll this is taking on me now is more than what I had anticipated. I want to set my own boundaries but i just seesaw between , "oh it'll be fine we're just friends. I can handle being friends" to "why am i letting this person treat me this way. This is all BS and I need to just walk away period."

May be I don't want to lose him either...so i'm playing his game. But I think long term plan for me would definitely to just walk away.

" I do need to be honest with myself and figure out what am i getting out of this that's keep me around"

To me that is 100% what I would focus on, and there are no wrong answers. As long as you are enjoying yourself and taking care of yourself that's the one important thing from my pov.

Now that I'm thinking about it...he does remind me a lot of my dad who was 1000% charming but 0% responsible about other people around him. If any serious topic would be brought up to him, he'd laugh it off and make some witty remark.

How much do I owe you for this session, Tiz? 🙂

1 squillion dollars.

But if you want to go one better, I can forego the invoice and accept enchiladas in the mail.

click to expand

enchiladas > money

you live in London, right? May be you can go kick him in the balls for me and i'll pay you 5 enchiladas for that!

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by tiziani

Posted by stillstillwater

@Tiziani I have to call you out, Tiz. You said Capricorns are one sign you don't see where they're coming from at all. Is this true? Is there anything we need to work on?

*confronting a Libra...part 2*

Yeah I have no idea.

Honestly I don't even see a problem there.

Even with the talk you and Roosagicorn were having, I do not see a big problem there either. It sounds like just one of those getting to know each other phases, where gradually you both learn to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff. (though it did sound like the Libra guy was being pedantic).

Well you know the background but recently I got the courage to tell him what I want which was to give us a real chance. And he just dodged the convo entirely. Not saying yes or no.

But then the next day has no problem flirting with me and telling me he misses me, recounting our time spent together, asking me when I'm visiting him etc. I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it.

So i've kind of gone on the defense where I'm just trying my damn hardest to not fall for the flirtations and just keep it friendly. I fucked up today but tomorrow is a new day.

I told my Leo/Sag Moon guy friend about it and he was like , "Promise me you won't go after this guy."

Like I just have a nutcase on my hand I think....

Ok, well personally I am extremely biased against avoidant behaviour right now since I've been surrounded by that recently and have little patience for it. So I'm more likely to come down hard on this guy than even you lol

But what really takes my attention there is what makes you say "I was strong and didn't condone nor encourage it."?

This kind of mirrors a conversation I was having with Acsquarepluto yesterday and I'm wondering why the focus would be on condoning on encouraging anything because that puts all the focus on what he wants, rather than what you want and what you're getting out of this.

I guess I'm trying to be un-bothered.... like it doesn't affect me. I don't know how else to communicate that it's a real issue regarding what he's doing. It's definitely not okay. Either just be friends or take the step.

What is he doing that's affecting you? Is it the getting in touch with you? I'm asking to understand

Well what's bothering me is that he flirts with me heavy and not just shallow things but says sentimental things but then won't tell me what he wants when I ask him. He doesn't say that he wants just to be friends or anything more.

I don't know if I'm explaining myself. But basically I have feelings for him and he says things that make me think he does too. However, when I bring up the subject he avoids it.

Fair enough, Still. Well look I don't want to jerk you around.

The general tone of your story is like you're trying to get him to change himself, but that's out of your control.

You can control how you show yourself it's not okay and what boundaries work for you by not replying to him when he gets in touch. Not because you're trying to be a hardass but just because you're taking care of yourself and showing yourself that.

And if you do keep replying to him and getting in touch with him that's ok, too. But then at that point you can't tell yourself it's not okay because there's clearly something you're getting out of that, that you're ok with.

Yeah, that's quite an adult convo right there. I do need to be honest with myself and figure out what am i getting out of this that's keep me around. Initially, it was just to pass time with someone I found attractive and it just snowballed into more and more. Now, he's just a good reason for me to feel romantic/emotional where I don't want to get that from someone else in my life. Like I don't want to enter the dating world because I have a lot of shit going on myself.

However, I think the emotional toll this is taking on me now is more than what I had anticipated. I want to set my own boundaries but i just seesaw between , "oh it'll be fine we're just friends. I can handle being friends" to "why am i letting this person treat me this way. This is all BS and I need to just walk away period."

May be I don't want to lose him either...so i'm playing his game. But I think long term plan for me would definitely to just walk away.

" I do need to be honest with myself and figure out what am i getting out of this that's keep me around"

To me that is 100% what I would focus on, and there are no wrong answers. As long as you are enjoying yourself and taking care of yourself that's the one important thing from my pov.

Now that I'm thinking about it...he does remind me a lot of my dad who was 1000% charming but 0% responsible about other people around him. If any serious topic would be brought up to him, he'd laugh it off and make some witty remark.

How much do I owe you for this session, Tiz? 🙂

1 squillion dollars.

But if you want to go one better, I can forego the invoice and accept enchiladas in the mail.

enchiladas > money

you live in London, right? May be you can go kick him in the balls for me and i'll pay you 5 enchiladas for that!

There isn't much I wouldn't do for the 'ladas.

click to expand

just wear a mask when you do it haha

Posted by DeadInside

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by DeadInside

there is a girl i want to treat her bad

so pretty much doing it wrong?

i feel the good guy technique wont work or maybe i should just be myself.

click to expand

Exactly Just be yourself.

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Have you ever liked somebody so much but just held yourself back because you know that you're just doing it all wrong. Like may be the reasons why you want to talk to this person doesn't match their interest in you...and you're just all nonchalant and want to make excuses to chat it up like "im not that into them", "this is just fun", "i don't really care".

But deep down you know the reality... what's the reality? The reality is may be you're bored or being needy or may be too into them. Just doing it wrong. And it feels wrong. How do you handle it?

i'm trying to throw any article and any distraction my way..anything except actually being productive that is because that'd just make it all more torturous.

Yea I’ve been there it sucks. It was extremely hard to start conversations with her. I didn’t know what she liked or how she thought, but I liked her a little too much. The thing is, the more she discovered about me, the more she became interested in me and would ask me so much questions. I sucked at handling that one in particular and it ended up flopping

click to expand

Why... how did you end up flopping?

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Have you ever liked somebody so much but just held yourself back because you know that you're just doing it all wrong. Like may be the reasons why you want to talk to this person doesn't match their interest in you...and you're just all nonchalant and want to make excuses to chat it up like "im not that into them", "this is just fun", "i don't really care".

But deep down you know the reality... what's the reality? The reality is may be you're bored or being needy or may be too into them. Just doing it wrong. And it feels wrong. How do you handle it?

i'm trying to throw any article and any distraction my way..anything except actually being productive that is because that'd just make it all more torturous.

Yea I’ve been there it sucks. It was extremely hard to start conversations with her. I didn’t know what she liked or how she thought, but I liked her a little too much. The thing is, the more she discovered about me, the more she became interested in me and would ask me so much questions. I sucked at handling that one in particular and it ended up flopping

Why... how did you end up flopping?

I was too slow at picking up clues and everything. I wasn’t in my best mental state at that time and was going through an emotional decline unfortunately. I thought she was too pretty for me too because she was an angel

click to expand

well what do you think about if someone heard your story there and said well you just weren't that into her! or else you wouldn't have let those barriers stand in between.

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Have you ever liked somebody so much but just held yourself back because you know that you're just doing it all wrong. Like may be the reasons why you want to talk to this person doesn't match their interest in you...and you're just all nonchalant and want to make excuses to chat it up like "im not that into them", "this is just fun", "i don't really care".

But deep down you know the reality... what's the reality? The reality is may be you're bored or being needy or may be too into them. Just doing it wrong. And it feels wrong. How do you handle it?

i'm trying to throw any article and any distraction my way..anything except actually being productive that is because that'd just make it all more torturous.

Yea I’ve been there it sucks. It was extremely hard to start conversations with her. I didn’t know what she liked or how she thought, but I liked her a little too much. The thing is, the more she discovered about me, the more she became interested in me and would ask me so much questions. I sucked at handling that one in particular and it ended up flopping

Why... how did you end up flopping?

I was too slow at picking up clues and everything. I wasn’t in my best mental state at that time and was going through an emotional decline unfortunately. I thought she was too pretty for me too because she was an angel

well what do you think about if someone heard your story there and said well you just weren't that into her! or else you wouldn't have let those barriers stand in between.

I’m sure I was into her alot😂 but I had a lot of things going on around that time. Mainly negative things and the odds were stacked against me at the time for even trying to pursue her.

click to expand

Yeah absolutely..so may be it turned out best for her and you. I mean sometimes life does get in the way of love 🙂

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by stillstillwater

Have you ever liked somebody so much but just held yourself back because you know that you're just doing it all wrong. Like may be the reasons why you want to talk to this person doesn't match their interest in you...and you're just all nonchalant and want to make excuses to chat it up like "im not that into them", "this is just fun", "i don't really care".

But deep down you know the reality... what's the reality? The reality is may be you're bored or being needy or may be too into them. Just doing it wrong. And it feels wrong. How do you handle it?

i'm trying to throw any article and any distraction my way..anything except actually being productive that is because that'd just make it all more torturous.

Yea I’ve been there it sucks. It was extremely hard to start conversations with her. I didn’t know what she liked or how she thought, but I liked her a little too much. The thing is, the more she discovered about me, the more she became interested in me and would ask me so much questions. I sucked at handling that one in particular and it ended up flopping

Why... how did you end up flopping?

I was too slow at picking up clues and everything. I wasn’t in my best mental state at that time and was going through an emotional decline unfortunately. I thought she was too pretty for me too because she was an angel

well what do you think about if someone heard your story there and said well you just weren't that into her! or else you wouldn't have let those barriers stand in between.

I’m sure I was into her alot😂 but I had a lot of things going on around that time. Mainly negative things and the odds were stacked against me at the time for even trying to pursue her.

Yeah absolutely..so may be it turned out best for her and you. I mean sometimes life does get in the way of love 🙂

Nooooo because I liked her and I don’t have herrrrrr... ugh I should slap myself 😓

click to expand

may be try again?