How long does a Cap male need to process emaotions

My Cap told me yesterday, after much serious conversation about us and where things were, that he needed time and space away from me to process everything. I emailed him earlier today to confirm with him something he asked me to do on a personal level and his response had to do with work related things were working on together. It's confusing and hurtful and making me question now if he only sees the work related stuff moving forward and not the personal stuff. Thoughts? Suggestions?

I don't know how long it will take him but he doesn't sound ready for a relationship. Never did.

You need to give him his space if that's what he's asking for. I'm a Leo women that have been seeing a capricorn man and I had to learn everything the hard way. You need to read all my post because you can be in for a roller coaster ride if you don't understand him.

Posted by capgirl75
I re-read your other threads and frankly, it doesn't look good. I mean, you posted before that he was standing you up and testing you. He changes plans at the last minute and doesn't call. Now he says he needs space.

I don't think anyone could answer the question of how much space this guy would need. In general, if someone says they want space, then leave them alone until they contact you.

It seems like he needs space more than he has been with you from the sounds of it. If I were you, I'd say, "Take all the time you need." And I'd move on. You deserve better.

Your not gonna change his mind about what he actually want. He have to make that decision. Capricorn are extremely reliable and him standing you up is not a good sign at all. My friend have never stood me up!!! We had a rocky road but he haven't stood me up. I need to read more of your post so i can get a better understanding of what's going on.

Posted by capgirl75
I re-read your other threads and frankly, it doesn't look good. I mean, you posted before that he was standing you up and testing you. He changes plans at the last minute and doesn't call. Now he says he needs space.

I don't think anyone could answer the question of how much space this guy would need. In general, if someone says they want space, then leave them alone until they contact you.

It seems like he needs space more than he has been with you from the sounds of it. If I were you, I'd say, "Take all the time you need." And I'd move on. You deserve better.

Sorry - there's been a huge gap in time and events since my last post. So much has changed. We've actually spent the better part of the last two and a half weeks together, at his insistence. He's been opening up, sharing, making the effort, testing, questioning, but mostly just being there. He's not stood me up since my last post (which he completely made up for the following day, on his own. He knew he massed up by standing me up that night) and he really is involved with the two of us. It's been challenging because his work schedule is SO demanding. I've spent the better part of a few afternoons with him and I see it first hand...from the time he's out of bed till the time he returns it's non-stop for him. SO I see now how much of an effort it takes for him to fit me in.

To add to my original post (in this thread) this next week is extra slammed. I wonder if he might be pushing me away due to that. Will Caps do that?

sorry for the typos...ugh!

*sigh*

All of that "effort" he's making now can mean something yet absolutely nothing at the same time.

If you are stuck on continuing just make sure you are paying attention to what you are feeling along the way. The good and the bad.

I hear you guys...I'm protecting myself. Any thoughts on my original question with this post about how long it can take for a Cap to process emotional things?

Posted by cowpuncher

Posted by lnana04
*sigh*

All of that "effort" he's making now can mean something yet absolutely nothing at the same time.

If you are stuck on continuing just make sure you are paying attention to what you are feeling along the way. The good and the bad.

Yep. He could be legit and just working that hard... or he could be a deuchebag. Dunno.

DO expect him to stick to plans though, there is just no good excuse for standing somebody up short of illness, catastrophic automobile issues, or finding your dog dead. It's very disrespectful.

click to expand

It really is disrespectful. He's made it up to her these past two weeks yet now he's "processing" and slightly pushing her away. Not a good pattern developing here.

Perfectly said.

Posted by cowpuncher
Furthermore, regarding the "processing" thing and the question you asked about that relating to work leolady...

It could be one of a couple different things:

A) He's really stressed out and busy with work (which you acknowledge), and really does need some time to process... to think about how much of himself he can put into things with you, and how much time he really has to offer you. This is possible. Be on guard against just assuming it's true though, keep your eyes peeled and demand the respect you are due.

B) A cop out excuse, because he doesn't want to spend that much time with you. Yeah, it sucks but we better consider the possibility. Is this a guy who really enjoys his job, or the money he's making? Or is this a guy who doesn't? The reason I ask is to help pin things down... maybe he wants to spend all that time at work? Some of us do, and I don't know the circumstances of his job, or if he HAS to put in the time he's putting in there.

Even with making it up to you, I still don't like the fact that he stood you up, or has changed plans at the last minute.... nor am I really wild about the "processing" thing. Keep your guard up. If the guy really does like you, he'll find ways to make time for you even if his schedule is insane. If he doesn't, you then have your answer.

Complicated input to process but all really good points to be made. I'm leaning towards the good stuff that's being said. As an example, I see both your points CP with option A and B above. When I really think about what your saying and compare it to what's actually happened over the past couple of weeks I can with good certainty say it's option A that fits best. He knows he's got a busy week coming up and he's already shared with me that he's going to have no free time. I agreed with him. So looking towards the week and I'm going to be able to see two of his shows and outside of that I'm going to leave him to work and not ask to see him. I really want him to understand that I get how busy he is and that I'm can be okay with it.

I want to add another layer to the mix since I've gotten input on the original question now. This one's a doosey and this is what I'm waking up with in my head this morning as being a bit of a bigger issue so I'd love some feedback.

I'll explain with a new post...

As you may or may not know this started as a casual situation between us. It was discussed and agreed upon that we would see each other but still have the option to date and see other people, to include sex if either wanted. We did openly discuss and agree to this. I stress this point because I really was blind to the fact that he was not interested in seeing others as we continued to spend more time together so he stopped. Apparently he thought I was doing the same but I wasn't. I continued to date other men (mostly just a lot of first dates with no second. A couple of men we're ongoing but nothing physical) and it started coming up in conversation between the two of us. Sooooo blind. I think I talked a little about it in my other thread. Anyway. I added one other man into the mix who was just a sexual partner only. I had legitimate reasons at the time this started.

Above I told you that my cap and I had a lot of serious discussion the other night. I was honest with him and told him about the sexual partner. As you can imagine he was not happy. I reminded him that we had an open agreement and that we had never decided to be exclusive. He shared with me that the way he sees it is that as two people get to know each other, when they really care about the other person, they will slowly start to weed out other people from their dating pool. I agreed and reminded him that I had already been doing that with the "dates". I told him that the last time I saw the sexual partner that I shared with him that things might be getting serious with someone else and that I might not see him anymore. My cap didn't believe me. So that was a large portion of the rest of the conversation that night. That's what he wants to think about.

I feel like he's not being fair since we had agreed that we could see others and that never changed. Really this was the first serious conversation we had about it and to realize that he feels like I have been cheating on him is killing me. It seems unjust from his end.

Of course I explained to him multiple times throughout the rest of the night that I didn't want to see anyone else anymore (and really hadn't for the past few weeks) except him.

con't...

con't
This ties into my email yesterday. I told him that I closed my online dating account and that I wouldn't be seeing anyone anymore, except him. His response to the email was focused on work not what I said in the email. Yes, that bothers me but I've also started to recognoze with him that he'll do this on occasion. When he can't discuss something personal he'll ignore it at the time but then process it later and then he'll address it with me. In the past too there have been several emails that he didn't respond to at all so I feel like the fact that he responded could be a good sign.

When I was taking him back to his place the following morning he asked me how I was and I told him the same, that I didn't want to stop seeing him. He says to me "okay. how about this; it's a brand new day and we can start fresh. I can forgive you for you past and I can try and best let go of mine (he's struggling a bit with some ex issues) and moving forward we can start fresh from today, forward." Then right before he was getting out of the car he reminds me "to not be worried about it, that everything was going to be fine." Somewhat unusual behavior for him when he's getting out of my car, particularly since he was in a super rush because he was late; normally he just says bye.

So, okay, please don't shred me here. I've had a really rough couple of days with all of this and my heart is bleeding because I really had no idea he felt this way about me and now I feel like I've screwed it up and that I've hurt him; which is the very last thing I wanted to do. I want him in my life (I've told him this six ways to Sunday!!) and I need to know how best to handle this situation moving forward.

To

Posted by capgirl75
\Personally, I never would have told him about the other guy. No one could handle that. No guy could handle it. No girl could handle it. If you are going to have a casual relationship like that, you have to have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Yes, agreed. I should have known better. It's the trying to be honest thing.

Posted by capgirl75
If he wanted you to be exclusive with him, he should have told you.

This is how I feel too! I think in his own way though he did try to tell me but because he was nervous and scared it was never a direct conversation coming from him. So I didn't end up hearing him. Yet, now he want's to hold it against me. Unfair! And I told him as much the other night. I'm really hoping he heard me.

Posted by capgirl75
From my experience with a Cap male, also, I will say to watch out for half-truths. He will not lie, exactly. But he will tell half the truth, leave out important details.

Funny you bring this up. He asked me a few weeks ago if I thought he lied. I responded back with exactly what you said here. He acknowledged what I was telling him at that time and has been trying to improve since then. He has gotten better but when he slips up again I call him on it. Sometimes this works and sometimes not. Old habits die hard.

Posted by capgirl75
I would not believe for 1 second that he has been completely faithful to you either. Maybe he was looking for an excuse, and you handed it to him on a silver platter. Did he come out and say he was not sleeping with anyone else?

I think he's been honest with me. He told me about a situation that happened a while back with a girl (after we started seeing each other but before things started turning more serious) that involved some messing around. Since then he has told me twice that he was not seeing anyone else; casually, dating, serious or sexually...except me. Again...my blinders were on.

Getting him to express his emotion can take years sometimes. Especially if your not patient with him. Leo's can turn a Capricorn man off because of our aggressive nature. You have to really understand him to make everything work. Patients is the key. Don't look for him to express his emotion verbally. You will feel his love before he actually reveal it verbally. Even when he do express his emotion verbally don't look for that to always happen.

Posted by leolady69
I hear you guys...I'm protecting myself. Any thoughts on my original question with this post about how long it can take for a Cap to process emotional things?

Getting him to express his emotion can take years sometimes. Especially if your not patient with him. Leo's can turn a Capricorn man off because of our aggressive nature. You have to really understand him to make everything work. Patients is the key. Don't look for him to express his emotion verbally. You will feel his love before he actually reveal it verbally. Even when he do express his emotion verbally don't look for that to always happen.

Posted by leolady69
I hear you guys...I'm protecting myself. Any thoughts on my original question with this post about how long it can take for a Cap to process emotional things?