My Capricorn Brother used to put me down

I have a Capricorn brother who is 17 years older than me. I'm 31, he's 48. When I was majoring in math in uni, he roasted me for being unintelligent in front of everyone. It was merciless and went on for years. I saw him twice a week (at my mom's house) for about four years and he would pick on me so bad in front of everyone. He also would buy my sister a gift like a laptop for Christmas and get me nothing. It went on like that for YEARS. He was super successful and made a lot of money and everyone respects him. People naturally believe what he says and people seem perfectly okay with him even after he gets caught in a lie. I am a quiet Cancer and easy to pick on. This all was a decade ago. Fast forward a decade later he is now wanting to be friendly with me. I graduated, started making money, traveled the world, and have been married for 6 years now. I pretty much gave up hope of having a relationship with him circa 2011, after I got married as I felt getting married subbed for any familial support I wasn't getting. I came to a closure about it all after our mother died and was 100% prepared never to see or contact him again. Our uncle from across the country was visiting our state wanted to take us all out for dinner and I agreed. My brother is now acting like nothing happened at all. He even called me after the dinner that I only went to appease my uncle. Do you guys have any idea why he is reaching out? What's the angle?

BTW, he totally ruined my rep with my extended family after my mom died and that was just two years ago.

I've witnessed and experienced the Cancer/Capricorn harshness, so I have an understanding of how bad it can get. My Cap father is like this with his Cancer nephew, and my Cancer aunt is like this with me(I'm a Cap).

Most likely he was jealous of your path and your strength to pursue it.

He's feeling guilty m, especially as he gets older and it's hitting him hard that the two of you don't have a relationship...most likely because of him.

Posted by IanTiering

Posted by everfreshjuice
I have a Capricorn brother who is 17 years older than me. I'm 31, he's 48. When I was majoring in math in uni, he roasted me for being unintelligent in front of everyone. It was merciless and went on for years. I saw him twice a week (at my mom's house) for about four years and he would pick on me so bad in front of everyone. He also would buy my sister a gift like a laptop for Christmas and get me nothing. It went on like that for YEARS. He was super successful and made a lot of money and everyone respects him. People naturally believe what he says and people seem perfectly okay with him even after he gets caught in a lie. I am a quiet Cancer and easy to pick on. This all was a decade ago. Fast forward a decade later he is now wanting to be friendly with me. I graduated, started making money, traveled the world, and have been married for 6 years now. I pretty much gave up hope of having a relationship with him circa 2011, after I got married as I felt getting married subbed for any familial support I wasn't getting. I came to a closure about it all after our mother died and was 100% prepared never to see or contact him again. Our uncle from across the country was visiting our state wanted to take us all out for dinner and I agreed. My brother is now acting like nothing happened at all. He even called me after the dinner that I only went to appease my uncle. Do you guys have any idea why he is reaching out? What's the angle?

BTW, he totally ruined my rep with my extended family after my mom died and that was just two years ago.

Cry me a river

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Posted by youngali
He was being an annoying competitive brother and in a sense it ended up pushing you in a to do better for yourself and prove him wrong. Technically, I think it shaped you into the person you are today. Although his actions may have hurt you, you need to tell him how annoying he was and that you're glad he's outgrown the shit head stage.

Nothing to hold a grudge over, as he's still your sibling and in this world family is all we've got.

Oh bullshit, siblings are not supposed to treat you like shit for no reason. If you truly believe it's nothing to hold a grudge over, then you're even more stupid than you look. If you want to be a doormat for every asshole in the world, go right ahead but keep it to yourself.

@everfreshjuice you're doing great for yourself, you made YOUR OWN family. You don't need that piece of shit anywhere in it. Blood isn't worth a damn when you're treated like crap, especially when you didn't deserve any bit of it.

People change... I think rather than thinking about what he may be thinking, it's better to embrace him with open heart - whether he hurts you again or not, he's still family :-)

Posted by everfreshjuice
I have a Capricorn brother who is 17 years older than me. I'm 31, he's 48. When I was majoring in math in uni, he roasted me for being unintelligent in front of everyone. It was merciless and went on for years. I saw him twice a week (at my mom's house) for about four years and he would pick on me so bad in front of everyone. He also would buy my sister a gift like a laptop for Christmas and get me nothing. It went on like that for YEARS. He was super successful and made a lot of money and everyone respects him. People naturally believe what he says and people seem perfectly okay with him even after he gets caught in a lie. I am a quiet Cancer and easy to pick on. This all was a decade ago. Fast forward a decade later he is now wanting to be friendly with me. I graduated, started making money, traveled the world, and have been married for 6 years now. I pretty much gave up hope of having a relationship with him circa 2011, after I got married as I felt getting married subbed for any familial support I wasn't getting. I came to a closure about it all after our mother died and was 100% prepared never to see or contact him again. Our uncle from across the country was visiting our state wanted to take us all out for dinner and I agreed. My brother is now acting like nothing happened at all. He even called me after the dinner that I only went to appease my uncle. Do you guys have any idea why he is reaching out? What's the angle?

BTW, he totally ruined my rep with my extended family after my mom died and that was just two years ago.

Don't trust him. If you will - you will soon find out why he was nice and it might hurt you. So when he calls - send to voicemail.

What a piece of shit!!! Urghhhh...

Is that Aileen Wuornos in your avi?

As for the OP... steer clear.

He's already shown you exactly who he is.

Move on with your life

He is trying to hoover you in after you moved on. He got a source of supply when he put you down over the years. Now he cannot access it so he is trying to get his "punching bag" back.

Some people get satisfaction from putting others down. Very insecure and sadistic!!!

His put downs are more about him than you He probably feels unintelligent and projects that insecurity on you thus the put down.

"He is acting like nothing happened" - He will continue with his abusive ways and wont acknowledge your experience. So don't play along with his tactics. He doesnot care. If you play along, you are consenting to the abuse.

He enjoys hurting you but that only happens if you let him

No contact will benefit you and you will heal faster !!!

Living well is the best revenge after all.

Sorry you had to go through this 😢

Posted by netpower

Posted by netpower

Posted by ParisianCappy
i love my new profile picture

LOL

You crack me up..... 😄

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Posted by netpower

Move on with your life

He is trying to hoover you in after you moved on. He got a source of supply when he put you down over the years. Now he cannot access it so he is trying to get his "punching bag" back.

Some people get satisfaction from putting others down. Very insecure and sadistic!!!

His put downs are more about him than you He probably feels unintelligent and projects that insecurity on you thus the put down.

"He is acting like nothing happened" - He will continue with his abusive ways and wont acknowledge your experience. So don't play along with his tactics. He doesnot care. If you play along, you are consenting to the abuse.

He enjoys hurting you but that only happens if you let him

No contact will benefit you and you will heal faster !!!

Living well is the best revenge after all.

Sorry you had to go through this 😢

Brilliant. My exact thoughts. I put him and some of his flying monkeys on call block. I was really truly over it and had zero hopes of things working out ever. I divorced the situation completely. I live four hours away, I have my own friends...these people are like a fungus.

Posted by Montgomery
Is that Aileen Wuornos in your avi?

As for the OP... steer clear.

He's already shown you exactly who he is.

Yes! Well, the Charlize Theron version. I think I might be the least family oriented Cancer at this point. The desire to connect has been dead for too long.

Posted by RumiL
People change... I think rather than thinking about what he may be thinking, it's better to embrace him with open heart - whether he hurts you again or not, he's still family :-)

??. You clearly come from a good family or one where they respect you for the most part. There is zero benefit to the advice you're giving.

Posted by Aliensusedourbogroll

Posted by youngali

Posted by Aliensusedourbogroll

Posted by youngali
He was being an annoying competitive brother and in a sense it ended up pushing you in a to do better for yourself and prove him wrong. Technically, I think it shaped you into the person you are today. Although his actions may have hurt you, you need to tell him how annoying he was and that you're glad he's outgrown the shit head stage.

Nothing to hold a grudge over, as he's still your sibling and in this world family is all we've got.

A lot of assumption here. Why are you assuming the brother is the reason he's successful today? Why assume he did all this stuff to prove his brother wrong, not to do it for himself? Does this mean you think if the brother wasn't a prick the OP wouldn't be where he was today? Cos that's laughable.

because every successful person has haters, and haters can be your biggest motivators.

is that laughable? o_O

What's laughable is you think the only reason why he's where he is today is because of someone else's opinion, not because he had goals he set for himself. Do you only do things because of other people, not for yourself?

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I was already on my way. It was my brother who felt the need to put down and compete with a teenage girl. He was in his 30s with his own kids already. In retrospect I feel kinda bad for him.

Posted by everfreshjuice

Posted by Montgomery
Is that Aileen Wuornos in your avi?

As for the OP... steer clear.

He's already shown you exactly who he is.

Yes! Well, the Charlize Theron version. I think I might be the least family oriented Cancer at this point. The desire to connect has been dead for too long.

click to expand

I'm a (mostly) non-bossy LEO.

I get it.

Where's your moon?

Do mean connect with your brother, or the

world at large?

You said a lot in that little paragraph... I'm

assuming you meant the latter and that you

don't mind questions.

Esp with that avi.

🙂

Posted by everfreshjuice

Posted by RumiL
People change... I think rather than thinking about what he may be thinking, it's better to embrace him with open heart - whether he hurts you again or not, he's still family :-)

??. You clearly come from a good family or one where they respect you for the most part. There is zero benefit to the advice you're giving.

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In families there is no benefit or loss, family is family. You have nothing to lose if you give your brother another chance or give him endless chances... He has already hurt you in the past, what more can he do now? And maybe he has changed...people do change..

Living well is the best revenge after all.

Sorry you had to go through this 😢

Brilliant. My exact thoughts. I put him and some of his flying monkeys on call block. I was really truly over it and had zero hopes of things working out ever. I divorced the situation completely. I live four hours away, I have my own friends...these people are like a fungus.

- I am glad to hear that you are "there" ... as I finally got "there" after years of my own family members being like this to me - my own mother directing this "production". People who have never been in these types of situations have no idea what it's really like and how it affects an individual - growing up in that environment. I am very glad that you have had the ability to remain strong throughout and outgrow the people that are toxic no matter who they are. Live your life well and surround yourself with love!