One Too Many Caps

So I started talking to one Cap guy about 6 weeks ago and things are going fairly well. I'm really into him but my Taurus patience is helping nicely.

So today out of the blue my Cap 1st love texts me and asks me to call him. I didn't even expect him to still have/remember my number. I called him and after making small talk, he asks me "Why was I never good enough for you?". So I explained to him that it wasn't a matter of him not BEING good enough for me, it was about him not TREATING me well. He then says that I should have stuck with him through it all and seeing me in pain would have lead him to change (because that is what he saw his grandfather and uncles do).WHAT IN THE ENTIRE FUCK!!! And he was serious. And when I repeated back to him I think he realized how asinine it sounded. I ended by telling him that if we ever wanted the same things from life at any point we probably would have worked. I always wanted a serene and stable home and he was too busy running the streets.

The new Cap is at a crossroad in his life and I really want to see how he steps up to tackle the challenges in order to achieve his goals. He's kind of hinting at me "helping him out", but Id really rather encourage him to do what it takes to get himself to where he wants to be. I don't want to seem like I'm snubbing him but the last thing I need a codependency from a "man". I don't know him well enough at this point to say which is in his character. So is there anything I can do besides offer suggestions that would keep me at a safe observing distance?

Posted by Gob_Shite
Sorry but you sound selfish...

How so?

Or are you another man who feels like a woman should give her loyalty to a man who has yet to earn it?

Welp. So much for teamwork.

Posted by Gob_Shite

Posted by SweetestFatale

Posted by Gob_Shite
Sorry but you sound selfish...

How so?

Or are you another man who feels like a woman should give her loyalty to a man who has yet to earn it?

It's called 'reading between the lines'...

click to expand

Maybe it's called "seeing something that isn't there"

Posted by daron76
Welp. So much for teamwork.

I'm all for team work, but is it not a good idea to see what the team is doing prior to joining it? Of course I have my improvements to make, but I'm really big on SELF improvement. I love the motivation of others, but I'm highly self driven. Supposedly Caps are too. I'd love to be part of a team with 2 self driven individuals working towards both common and individual goals.

Posted by Caplove
Helping him out. As in financially?

I agree with Capri Sun, i don't think there's anything else you can really do. It's best to just be encouraging, motivating and help inspire him to come up with ways to do it himself. There's so much more fulfillment in achieving a goal on your own instead of having a pile of cash handed to you. Plus, why's the new guy asking you for money? I'm surprised he's comfortable enough to suggest this.

It definitely wasn't a large sum by any measure and he may not have even been asking as much as he was just venting about his present situation. He seems pretty comfortable venting the details he really doesn't display publicly. This particular situation, in my opinion, has a pretty simple solution. I've suggested it to him with no real response but hopefully it got his wheels turning. If he asked for my assistance to execute a plan I'm almost willing to bet I'd be willing to help him. Doing it for him....nope.