Why does this always happen?

This topic was created in the Dating forum by sweethearts on Monday, August 17, 2020 and has 16 replies.

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@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

The one you want, don’t want you and the one that wants you, you don’t want.

Met an Aries on Thursday, went out Saturday and Sunday. Really nice guy, a chef and a gentleman. Cooked for me, talked to me, we get on well, he’s keen for me to come over again this week.

But you know when you know, he isn’t the one...

What’s are the options now? FWB our friends.

Profile picture of Chuckcem
@Chuckcem
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Don't waste your time if you are not interested. It's unfair to both of you. It sounds like this guy has his life together, so give him the space to find someone who suits him.

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@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Chuckcem

Don't waste your time if you are not interested. It's unfair to both of you. It sounds like this guy has his life together, so give him the space to find someone who suits him.

That’s where my head’s at.

So how would you prefer to be told?

Profile picture of Chuckcem
@Chuckcem
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by Chuckcem

Don't waste your time if you are not interested. It's unfair to both of you. It sounds like this guy has his life together, so give him the space to find someone who suits him.

That’s where my head’s at.

So how would you prefer to be told?

click to expand

Be direct and state that you are still looking around, but don't think the two of you are compatible romantically. The less time you spend dragging things out the easier it will be. Not everyone takes this type of news well, so be mindful if you get any crazy/violent vibes from this guy. In which case, you'll need to ghost before anything escalates. However if he's a healthy guy with a sense of self worth, he will appreciate the honesty and move on to someone else.

Profile picture of sweethearts
@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by Chuckcem

Don't waste your time if you are not interested. It's unfair to both of you. It sounds like this guy has his life together, so give him the space to find someone who suits him.

That’s where my head’s at.

So how would you prefer to be told?

Be direct and state that you are still looking around, but don't think the two of you are compatible romantically. The less time you spend dragging things out the easier it will be. Not everyone takes this type of news well, so be mindful if you get any crazy/violent vibes from this guy. In which case, you'll need to ghost before anything escalates. However if he's a healthy guy with a sense of self worth, he will appreciate the honesty and move on to someone else.

click to expand

No he’s no nutter. Really nice but I already see his intentions and they aren’t the same as mine. Thanks 🙏

Profile picture of Logger
@Logger
6 Years

You nailed the biggest challenge in life, in dating.

In any relationship, 90% of the time, one or the other is settling to some degree. Just the way it is.

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@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by GemiAwesomeAss

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by Chuckcem

Don't waste your time if you are not interested. It's unfair to both of you. It sounds like this guy has his life together, so give him the space to find someone who suits him.

That’s where my head’s at.

So how would you prefer to be told?

Get a drink. Trust me. You’ll decide what’s what next day...

click to expand

Funny enough Gem, we went for a walk along the beach and I had my hair up and he put his hand around the back of my neck. So I asked, what does that mean? Gave him a brief that it was talked about on a site. To him, he’s taller and it was more an affectionate resting place. Ok? Didn’t make me feel uncomfortable.

Profile picture of sweethearts
@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Logger

You nailed the biggest challenge in life, in dating.

In any relationship, 90% of the time, one or the other is settling to some degree. Just the way it is.

Not interested in settling at this point in my life, I’m ready for “the one” just hate that feeling when you have to be the one to say, doesn’t feel right. I’d normally cop out like the guys around this board do and not contact for days leaving them guessing. Recently been on that side and it feels like shit!! (The one I wanted) so I don’t want to put anyone through that.

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@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by peachy06

I'll answer when I find the answer, since I've been struggling with this pattern as well.

It’s shit hey? I just want to connect and feel that connection. I feel like, I shouldn’t date because I do know almost instantly when there is something for me and then..... it isn’t there enough for them :/ so frustrating, because the rejection cuts.

Profile picture of sweethearts
@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

There wasn’t anytime to actually say I wasn’t interested. 1 text just said how are you and the 2nd said you’re quiet?? I was trying to pick the moment without dragging anything out but also dreading it.

Anyway done now. He had his spat telling me I wasn’t a genuinely nice person. No need to answer that!

Profile picture of Lostthoughts
@Lostthoughts
6 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Logger

You nailed the biggest challenge in life, in dating.

In any relationship, 90% of the time, one or the other is settling to some degree. Just the way it is.

Perfection doesn't really exist but you don't have to settle!

After getting to know people and yourself, at some point people tend to get a good idea what qualities they need and want in a partner. Also what works and doesn't for them in a partnership. Comparability(need) and chemistry(want).

Why would you risk having to pass someone by that is amazing for you because you are in a committed relationship and settled? Does anyone not know someone with a story about that kind of regret?

There is a lot easier to meet available people to than previous generations too. That is were most of that mentality comes from. There is no need to settle.

Similarly, I can understand if someone feels they have to settle for financial reasons or help with other difficulties in life. However, where there is a will there is a way.

You don't have give a way that post in your life to get by. I see a lot of people with good comparability but no chemistry, same or opposite sex, partnering up to get by. I probably end up doing this myself in the near future🤷