Can a man (gemini) be both controlling/overly possessve and commitment-phobic?

Hi,

From my understanding, the behaviours of a very controlling/possessive man in a relationship is different to the behaviours of a commitment-phobic man as they're almost on opposite sides of the spectrum with the only thing in common between them both is that either behaviour at extreme levels can completely ruin a relationship.

However, I was surprised to realise that my recent ex showed nearly ALL signs of BOTH a commitment phone and an overly controlling, suspicious, possessive man.

E.g. he'd constantly question where I was, who with, etc., he'd get concerned that I was talking to a guy he saw I was online until late, he'd get upset and sulk if I didn't pick up the phone when he rang, he'd complain about me revealing clothes, say he knows people in my area so I'd better not lie to him if I have been seeing other guys etc., reluctantly agreed to a casual open relationship when things didn't work out in the relationship when it was more serious but still continued trying to keep track of me, asking if I was seeing any other guys, if any guy had seen me naked, would get upset if I didn't respond to texts on time or if I said I was going to sleep to him via text and then remained online(all very controlling possessive behaviours)

BUT he also had typical commitment phobic behaviours e.g. came on strong at first with gifts, days out, unlimited compliments, daily hour-long phone calls, charming and then reduced it to once in a while, he was mid-thirties with a string of short romances of a month or two, never introduced me to his family, would never post about me on social media, continued to add lots of random girls on Facebook (girls he's never met) and clicking "like" on their pics (this was across very many girls, not just one specific girl), would go out drinking till 5am, talked about marriage etc. too early on but avoided the conversation later in the relationship (few months down the line).

So, any insight? It was almost like he was power hungry and wanted possession of me but was also very flighty and didn't want to commit?

He has sun in gemini, moon in sagittarius, venus in sagittarius, mars in scorpio and leo in ascendants.

Never seen both habits in the same person

haha this would be me as a man. I am a gemini, when ppl get too close i get freaked out but also when i care i also get jealous when they are too distant. There is a fine line for me in which I am comfortable which makes it difficult to date.

He cant be venus in sag it might be in aries or gemini my highest bet is on venus in gem since we love freedom

He can be detached yet the Scorpio Mars makes him want to possess.

From my past, hell yes they can be. They can be so clingy but also detached. Its more of a "I can flirt & go to the bar AND also love you but you ur mines and only mines. Just how it works" kind of thing.

That's so common #doublestandards?

Posted by aj123
Hi,

From my understanding, the behaviours of a very controlling/possessive man in a relationship is different to the behaviours of a commitment-phobic man as they're almost on opposite sides of the spectrum with the only thing in common between them both is that either behaviour at extreme levels can completely ruin a relationship.

However, I was surprised to realise that my recent ex showed nearly ALL signs of BOTH a commitment phone and an overly controlling, suspicious, possessive man.

E.g. he'd constantly question where I was, who with, etc., he'd get concerned that I was talking to a guy he saw I was online until late, he'd get upset and sulk if I didn't pick up the phone when he rang, he'd complain about me revealing clothes, say he knows people in my area so I'd better not lie to him if I have been seeing other guys etc., reluctantly agreed to a casual open relationship when things didn't work out in the relationship when it was more serious but still continued trying to keep track of me, asking if I was seeing any other guys, if any guy had seen me naked, would get upset if I didn't respond to texts on time or if I said I was going to sleep to him via text and then remained online(all very controlling possessive behaviours)

BUT he also had typical commitment phobic behaviours e.g. came on strong at first with gifts, days out, unlimited compliments, daily hour-long phone calls, charming and then reduced it to once in a while, he was mid-thirties with a string of short romances of a month or two, never introduced me to his family, would never post about me on social media, continued to add lots of random girls on Facebook (girls he's never met) and clicking "like" on their pics (this was across very many girls, not just one specific girl), would go out drinking till 5am, talked about marriage etc. too early on but avoided the conversation later in the relationship (few months down the line).

So, any insight? It was almost like he was power hungry and wanted possession of me but was also very flighty and didn't want to commit?

He has sun in gemini, moon in sagittarius, venus in sagittarius, mars in scorpio and leo in ascendants.

Never seen both habits in the same person

In my experience, he can't control me, definitely not openly (I'm a Leo and nobody has gotten away with even trying to openly dominate me till date) but I very well know that he can be sneakily controlling - like using his silver tongue, being manipulative, trying to subtly control me using emotions, etc. Well, only a week ago I gave confronted him in my usual style , he was cornered, couldn't justify himself this time and is putting up a gentlemanly act trying to regain my approval. I know that this is a cycle and will repeat itself. What involving this fellow doesn't involve a cycle, always jumping back and forth, swinging left and right in all areas of life! Now you understand this form of controlling, I suppose.

Commitment-phobic, yes. He'll want everything that a man would expect from his girlfriend, yet he'd try to run away when he knows that marriage or even serious relationship talks can surface any moment and he's the one who initiated flirtation, love talk, commitment and marriage! Yes, super sweet initially and then cold as a wall, and the moment he knows I may/will leave, he'd come back and get clingy! Yep, quite jealous, but he knows well he can't openly demand me to share with him details of my life, so he asks me those questions politely, so I frankly tell him. Very much jealous, kind of possessive and flirtatious, but still has eyes open for anyone that he may like (he has this stupid justification "what if you and I meet someone better in future?" and I bluntly told him that he's super stupid and needs to get lost or go looking for that right one!) and doesn't want to commit. A waste of time!

And they say relationship with a Gem can never be boring! Last night, after thinking about it for a few days to a week, I frankly told him how sickening and super boring his cycles, swinging, inconsistency and repeated breaking up of promises are.

I don't see them as opposite sides of the spectrum at all. They both seem interconnected to me actually. I think all that controlling nature says something about him. He's insecure n has trust issues. N trust issues is one of the reasons for someone to be a commitment phobe.

I would have thought you were describing a Gemini/Virgo dominant... But that's a bit different. Obviously the Sag and Scorpio mix is the passion in him, the chaser, and he probably really wants to get with you for the long haul, but the Gem Sun is the commit-phobe.

If you have some Gemini or Aqua, and you need a bit of space, this could work, but otherwise it might be a bit complicated.

I was discussing this yesty with wifey, guys we pursue, we're super motivated, in love etc and then we feel like we can't maintain the relationship, it's too heavy, because the GIVERS of love are women, MOTHERS, and always will be. So on a subconscious level we always expect the woman to nurture us, while we just do whatever we want and have fun mostly. This is particularly showing with a Gemini.

But we do get attached, guys grow feelings quite unexpectedly, if a guys breaks up and then comes back it's because he realises how insanely in love with you he is. It's sincere.

Posted by bricklemark
I would have thought you were describing a Gemini/Virgo dominant... But that's a bit different. Obviously the Sag and Scorpio mix is the passion in him, the chaser, and he probably really wants to get with you for the long haul, but the Gem Sun is the commit-phobe.

If you have some Gemini or Aqua, and you need a bit of space, this could work, but otherwise it might be a bit complicated.

I was discussing this yesty with wifey, guys we pursue, we're super motivated, in love etc and then we feel like we can't maintain the relationship, it's too heavy, because the GIVERS of love are women, MOTHERS, and always will be. So on a subconscious level we always expect the woman to nurture us, while we just do whatever we want and have fun mostly. This is particularly showing with a Gemini.

But we do get attached, guys grow feelings quite unexpectedly, if a guys breaks up and then comes back it's because he realises how insanely in love with you he is. It's sincere.

Yes... a lot of Gems want to be nurtured and allowed to have fun with their hobbies and friends. I like to nurture and coddle plus I like my Aline time so I guess that works for me. I also need that person to spend time with me and do stuff together so make sure it's not one-sided. Gotta have balance. My Gem like to play golf with his buddies but he also will go places with me so I'm ok I want him to be happy ?

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by bricklemark
I would have thought you were describing a Gemini/Virgo dominant... But that's a bit different. Obviously the Sag and Scorpio mix is the passion in him, the chaser, and he probably really wants to get with you for the long haul, but the Gem Sun is the commit-phobe.

If you have some Gemini or Aqua, and you need a bit of space, this could work, but otherwise it might be a bit complicated.

I was discussing this yesty with wifey, guys we pursue, we're super motivated, in love etc and then we feel like we can't maintain the relationship, it's too heavy, because the GIVERS of love are women, MOTHERS, and always will be. So on a subconscious level we always expect the woman to nurture us, while we just do whatever we want and have fun mostly. This is particularly showing with a Gemini.

But we do get attached, guys grow feelings quite unexpectedly, if a guys breaks up and then comes back it's because he realises how insanely in love with you he is. It's sincere.

Yes... a lot of Gems want to be nurtured and allowed to have fun with their hobbies and friends. I like to nurture and coddle plus I like my Aline time so I guess that works for me. I also need that person to spend time with me and do stuff together so make sure it's not one-sided. Gotta have balance. My Gem like to play golf with his buddies but he also will go places with me so I'm ok I want him to be happy ?

click to expand

Perfect combo ?

Posted by Effervescent
I don't know why people read things on the internet written by non-Geminis and take it as facts.

We can be very possessive and controlling. I know I am. I am scared of commitment but if I feel like you're mine then you're mine and I will fight for you, yet at the same time be scared of committing.

😈

Care to elaborate on the "I will fight for you, yet at the same time be scared of committing" part?

How can a partner differentiate this from player behavior?

gemini sun, sagg moon. Selfish. These boys need to learn love is not possession.

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by bricklemark
I would have thought you were describing a Gemini/Virgo dominant... But that's a bit different. Obviously the Sag and Scorpio mix is the passion in him, the chaser, and he probably really wants to get with you for the long haul, but the Gem Sun is the commit-phobe.

If you have some Gemini or Aqua, and you need a bit of space, this could work, but otherwise it might be a bit complicated.

I was discussing this yesty with wifey, guys we pursue, we're super motivated, in love etc and then we feel like we can't maintain the relationship, it's too heavy, because the GIVERS of love are women, MOTHERS, and always will be. So on a subconscious level we always expect the woman to nurture us, while we just do whatever we want and have fun mostly. This is particularly showing with a Gemini.

But we do get attached, guys grow feelings quite unexpectedly, if a guys breaks up and then comes back it's because he realises how insanely in love with you he is. It's sincere.

Yes... a lot of Gems want to be nurtured and allowed to have fun with their hobbies and friends. I like to nurture and coddle plus I like my Aline time so I guess that works for me. I also need that person to spend time with me and do stuff together so make sure it's not one-sided. Gotta have balance. My Gem like to play golf with his buddies but he also will go places with me so I'm ok I want him to be happy ?

Perfect combo ?

click to expand

What is the perfect combo?

Posted by Blue_Froggie
It is extremely difficult to commit to a single idea or even to a person. So it isn't​ the easiest thing to do in this world, there will definitely be a phase where we wouldn't wanna commit to a person. To commit means we love them and we are giving up a part of us being us and it is a scary thought, we don't wait around to fall in love nor do we fantasize about being in love with someone or spending our life with one and all forever. FUCK FOREVER IS A SCARY WORD

...

IF we love someone, we will be so bloody possessive, so possessive we can put the fixed signs to shame. And we can be controlling too, imagine something stupid and throw tantrums... If we trust you, then you will see the mellow side of us. But getting there can be tricky.

It's crazy that you mentioned this. My gem bf was so quick to take me off the market it's not even funny. He wasn't "thirsty" or anything like that but I don't know it's insane how fast things happened and how I even allowed it. Some strong aura y'all gems have, my goodness lol. He did admit to being a jealous guy and I told him that's not good so then he said, he's only jealous if you give him a reason which makes sense cuz that's exactly how I am. We both admitted to being territorial. However, I have a feeling, he may be more than I am, he just hasn't shown it yet since we're still "new" in this relationship. We're both alphas and I don't respond well to authority lol. He says he doesn't care, he will win most of the battles anyways lol -_-

If he was "scared" of commitment, why was he the first to so easily joke around or just even mention the topic of how many kids he wants? lol. I don't even joke like that cuz that freaks me out, but I let him and just laugh. I will admit, when I'm pmsing, I don't like going hours of not talking, then I get possessive but I work hard to not show it LOL! I tend to act spoiled. When I'm normal again, hours without talking is fine with me since I like my space. However, he will "jokingly" message me saying "I don't care about him anymore". His way of wanting attention I guess 😄

His placements:

Rising: Scorpio

Sun:Gem

Moon:Sag

Mercury: Gem

Venus: Cancer

Mars: Cap

Jupiter: Pisces

Posted by Effervescent

Posted by tumultuouscorp
gemini sun, sagg moon. Selfish. These boys need to learn love is not possession.

I'm a Gemini Sun, Sag Moon.

I want to fall deeply in love where you're mine and I'm yours.

People are who nonchalant about love do not interest me.

click to expand

Im a gem sun aries moon but im terrified of emotions. Like i would run if a girl said she loved me. Like if im just relaxing with a female and she starts pouring her heart out...i wouldnt know how to react. Most likely i just freeze on her lol not intentionally but i just do

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by bricklemark
I would have thought you were describing a Gemini/Virgo dominant... But that's a bit different. Obviously the Sag and Scorpio mix is the passion in him, the chaser, and he probably really wants to get with you for the long haul, but the Gem Sun is the commit-phobe.

If you have some Gemini or Aqua, and you need a bit of space, this could work, but otherwise it might be a bit complicated.

I was discussing this yesty with wifey, guys we pursue, we're super motivated, in love etc and then we feel like we can't maintain the relationship, it's too heavy, because the GIVERS of love are women, MOTHERS, and always will be. So on a subconscious level we always expect the woman to nurture us, while we just do whatever we want and have fun mostly. This is particularly showing with a Gemini.

But we do get attached, guys grow feelings quite unexpectedly, if a guys breaks up and then comes back it's because he realises how insanely in love with you he is. It's sincere.

Yes... a lot of Gems want to be nurtured and allowed to have fun with their hobbies and friends. I like to nurture and coddle plus I like my Aline time so I guess that works for me. I also need that person to spend time with me and do stuff together so make sure it's not one-sided. Gotta have balance. My Gem like to play golf with his buddies but he also will go places with me so I'm ok I want him to be happy ?

Perfect combo ?

What is the perfect combo?

click to expand

Are you on drugs?

Posted by yung_wisegem

Posted by Effervescent

Posted by tumultuouscorp
gemini sun, sagg moon. Selfish. These boys need to learn love is not possession.

I'm a Gemini Sun, Sag Moon.

I want to fall deeply in love where you're mine and I'm yours.

People are who nonchalant about love do not interest me.

Im a gem sun aries moon but im terrified of emotions. Like i would run if a girl said she loved me. Like if im just relaxing with a female and she starts pouring her heart out...i wouldnt know how to react. Most likely i just freeze on her lol not intentionally but i just do

click to expand

I'm like that too if it's too soon

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by bricklemark
I would have thought you were describing a Gemini/Virgo dominant... But that's a bit different. Obviously the Sag and Scorpio mix is the passion in him, the chaser, and he probably really wants to get with you for the long haul, but the Gem Sun is the commit-phobe.

If you have some Gemini or Aqua, and you need a bit of space, this could work, but otherwise it might be a bit complicated.

I was discussing this yesty with wifey, guys we pursue, we're super motivated, in love etc and then we feel like we can't maintain the relationship, it's too heavy, because the GIVERS of love are women, MOTHERS, and always will be. So on a subconscious level we always expect the woman to nurture us, while we just do whatever we want and have fun mostly. This is particularly showing with a Gemini.

But we do get attached, guys grow feelings quite unexpectedly, if a guys breaks up and then comes back it's because he realises how insanely in love with you he is. It's sincere.

Yes... a lot of Gems want to be nurtured and allowed to have fun with their hobbies and friends. I like to nurture and coddle plus I like my Aline time so I guess that works for me. I also need that person to spend time with me and do stuff together so make sure it's not one-sided. Gotta have balance. My Gem like to play golf with his buddies but he also will go places with me so I'm ok I want him to be happy ?

Perfect combo ?

What is the perfect combo?

Are you on drugs?

click to expand

No, Are you? ?

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by yung_wisegem

Posted by Effervescent

Posted by tumultuouscorp
gemini sun, sagg moon. Selfish. These boys need to learn love is not possession.

I'm a Gemini Sun, Sag Moon.

I want to fall deeply in love where you're mine and I'm yours.

People are who nonchalant about love do not interest me.

Im a gem sun aries moon but im terrified of emotions. Like i would run if a girl said she loved me. Like if im just relaxing with a female and she starts pouring her heart out...i wouldnt know how to react. Most likely i just freeze on her lol not intentionally but i just do

I'm like that too if it's too soon

click to expand

Yea especially if its too soon. Thats why i prefer to be friends first.