SyntheticAnesthetic
@SyntheticAnesthetic
16 YearsAries
Comments: 0 · Posts: 301 · Topics: 9
Wow, I don't know what happened (Page 2)
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
If you dont want to help him then dont, why are you blaming yourself for your own things you say and do? You must take responsiblity for your own actions etc. If you dont situations like this arise. Where you wonder wtf is going on and you know damn well what is going on. Goodluck honey. Go within to seek the answers you seek on the outside my dear sweet lovable person you.... HAHAHAHHA!!!!
Posted by Capriquoise
If you dont want to help him then dont, why are you blaming yourself for your own things you say and do? You must take responsiblity for your own actions etc. If you dont situations like this arise. Where you wonder wtf is going on and you know damn well what is going on. Goodluck honey. Go within to seek the answers you seek on the outside my dear sweet lovable person you.... HAHAHAHHA!!!!
But I DID want to help, and I did try. I tried and tried and tried. What actions should I being taking responsibility for? I was not the one that I said "I love you", I was not the one that said "I can see myself with you", I was not the one that said "I feel like I can tell you anything" etc...I was trying to be there for him for whatever he needed, but he's too far gone in his misery and depression to let anyone help.
I thought he was a good person, and someone I enjoyed spending time with, but I can't keep forcing myself or my help onto him. I hope he gets through whatever is going on, and enjoys a happy life, but obviously I am not the one he wants help from, or he's too scared or whatever other reason.
And no, this was my first experience with this type of person, so I did NOT know what was going on, hence why I asked for help on this board/in this thread.
I don't understand your message, you don't even know me. I am a bit confused on this as well. With everyone telling me to give him up, and when I say I think I can, I get a message like this saying it's my own fault he doesn't want to be with me? I don't quite "get it"...
Syn, don't pay any attention to Capriquoise...you're on the right track here with the advice from Rig, Tiki, myself and the few others.
Posted by callmegenesis
Syn, don't pay any attention to Capriquoise...you're on the right track here with the advice from Rig, Tiki, myself and the few others.
Thanks 🙂 I appreciate you all taking your time to help me understand the Leo mind a bit more.
And thanks for the tip on Capriquoise as well, I also received a message about this too. I was starting to doubt myself after reading their messages, until I realized they don't know me at all, so ignore I will!
"But I DID want to help, and I did try."
Although you have the best intentions, I want to let you in on something. Unless he specifically ASK you for your help then DON'T DO GIVE HIM HELP, don't assume your helping is HELPING HIM because most likely helping him makes him feel weak and pathetic inside and those feelings will be ASSOCIATED WITH YOU, meaning he'll blame you for making him feel weak and pathetic and listen I've been in your shoes, I love to help people but sometimes it can backfire in our face, you have to take into consideration that this is an ADULT PERSON--not a child that needs a mother to fix his problems. Helping him can also come across as CONTROLLING and he'll associate that feeling with YOU, he'll feel like you're attempting to control his feelings--control his experience--control how he chooses to live his life, helping can also feel MOTHERLY, mothers fix, help, listen intently, offer--give advice, he doesn't want to f*ck his mother, he wants a lover.
So the quickest easiest way to get things back on track is to stop helping--stop giving and let him figure it all out all by himself. You can't have it both ways, you can have him and help him at the same time, there is opposition CREATED when you try to be that kind of woman plus being that way leaves vulnerable to be exploited and taken for granted.
Wait to GIVE that kind of loving help when you are for certain the person has BOTH FEET in the relationship, he actually appreciates your help and demonstrate that appreciation through reciprocation.
You're wasting your time TRYING--trying to be a friend--trying to fix--trying to give and give and give which actually gives off a desperate needy vibe and you do not want that vibe associated with you, that vibe is something he feels inside and a man will back out on you, take you for granted, disappear on you because it feels like you're REVOLVING your life and happiness around him, as if you're trying to fix him so you can be happy, WILL NEVER WORK, he'll flake out, he'll disappear, he'll ignore you, he'll run.
You'll soon find yourself in a serious relationship but until then don't throw your pearls in front of swine...
Although you have the best intentions, I want to let you in on something. Unless he specifically ASK you for your help then DON'T DO GIVE HIM HELP, don't assume your helping is HELPING HIM because most likely helping him makes him feel weak and pathetic inside and those feelings will be ASSOCIATED WITH YOU, meaning he'll blame you for making him feel weak and pathetic and listen I've been in your shoes, I love to help people but sometimes it can backfire in our face, you have to take into consideration that this is an ADULT PERSON--not a child that needs a mother to fix his problems. Helping him can also come across as CONTROLLING and he'll associate that feeling with YOU, he'll feel like you're attempting to control his feelings--control his experience--control how he chooses to live his life, helping can also feel MOTHERLY, mothers fix, help, listen intently, offer--give advice, he doesn't want to f*ck his mother, he wants a lover.
So the quickest easiest way to get things back on track is to stop helping--stop giving and let him figure it all out all by himself. You can't have it both ways, you can have him and help him at the same time, there is opposition CREATED when you try to be that kind of woman plus being that way leaves vulnerable to be exploited and taken for granted.
Wait to GIVE that kind of loving help when you are for certain the person has BOTH FEET in the relationship, he actually appreciates your help and demonstrate that appreciation through reciprocation.
You're wasting your time TRYING--trying to be a friend--trying to fix--trying to give and give and give which actually gives off a desperate needy vibe and you do not want that vibe associated with you, that vibe is something he feels inside and a man will back out on you, take you for granted, disappear on you because it feels like you're REVOLVING your life and happiness around him, as if you're trying to fix him so you can be happy, WILL NEVER WORK, he'll flake out, he'll disappear, he'll ignore you, he'll run.
You'll soon find yourself in a serious relationship but until then don't throw your pearls in front of swine...
sorry typo...meant to say
you can't have him and help him at the same time
leaves you vulnerable to being exploited and taken for granted.
you can't have him and help him at the same time
leaves you vulnerable to being exploited and taken for granted.
Ya'll such amazing women (not quoise). Bravo!
Don't be too hard on Capriquoise, I think I understand what she is trying to say. You shoulnd't want to help someone who doesn't ask for your help, so look inside and see why you want/need to help these people - why you want them to need you perhaps?
Posted by celticlioness
Don't be too hard on Capriquoise, I think I understand what she is trying to say. You shoulnd't want to help someone who doesn't ask for your help, so look inside and see why you want/need to help these people - why you want them to need you perhaps?
Oh, yeah I get that. Well it seemed like he was asking for it but didn't know how to come out and say, well actually he kind of did. Saying that he can't keep doing everything on his own.
It's in my nature to help people, I just get satisfaction from seeing people better, happy and enjoying life more. I don't really care for personal gain as long as I know that I helped in some way, it makes me feel like I accomplished something, and was just being a good person. I know if I was down, or whatever, and someone helped me get out of a mess, I would be grateful and happier for it.
I would never been to ashamed to ask for it when needed.
I don't see (myself personally, unsure of others) why you would explain and spill your guts numerous times explaining your situation and slightly hinting, if not outright saying it, that you need help, if you didn't.
But I digress, I suppose it's like when men get lost and they won't ask for directions, They just keep circling around and around trying to figure out which way to go. They'll bitch about it, they'll huff and puff, but instead of doing the easy thing, they take the hard way and end up with more frustration and wasted time.
I wish you all could see the events and words and situations that occurred inside my head, this would make trying to explain things a whole lot easier lol.
Posted by tiki33
"But I DID want to help, and I did try."
You're wasting your time TRYING--trying to be a friend--trying to fix--trying to give and give and give which actually gives off a desperate needy vibe and you do not want that vibe associated with you, that vibe is something he feels inside and a man will back out on you, take you for granted, disappear on you because it feels like you're REVOLVING your life and happiness around him, as if you're trying to fix him so you can be happy, WILL NEVER WORK, he'll flake out, he'll disappear, he'll ignore you, he'll run.
click to expand
Which is exactly why I have stopped, no matter what he tells or has told me. He's obviously too deep into his misery.
(Cont) But like I said, I would feel better if everyone I knew was happy too. My happiness will never stem from a relationship, unless it's some pure fairy tale. Unfortunately, it has caused some pain in the past, but that's over now. THe most I can do is learn from it and move on with clearer eyes.
"Oh, yeah I get that. Well it seemed like he was asking for it but didn't know how to come out and say, well actually he kind of did. Saying that he can't keep doing everything on his own."
But you can't SEE this is how you get INVOLVED in a man's life way too fast and it's another reason why it doesn't work, YOU SEE IT NOT WORKING BUT YOU KEEP KICKING THAT DEAD HORSE, he's speaking to you about his problems which by the way he shouldn't be doing that unless you're his wife--someone he's been in a commitment with for years, you can't see how you are GIVING just by being there, listening intently to HIS PROBLEMS, you're not a therapist, you're not his mother and if you behave this way he'll take you for granted--feel you're someone he can wipe his feet on because your desperate or why else would you sit there USING UP YOUR PRECIOUS TIME listening to PROBLEMS especially when you could be out living a great fun fantastic life but you are CHOOSING to listen to his misery. Can't you see how you being this way makes you look pathetic and in turn makes him feel pathetic for being with a pathetic woman. DO NO SEND THIS KIND OF MESSAGE OUT TO A MAN YOU BARELY KNOW, he'll thing you ARE NOT WORTHY to be his woman and that's why this went wrong for you.
Yes he can keep doing everything on his own. Why? Because you're not his wife and he's a grown man, you don't want a man-boy nor do a you want a grown ass baby, someone you have to fix and help and spend an exorbitant amount of your free time baby sitting, your reaction to him not wanting to do everything on his own--has to be well I do everything on my own and I'm just fine, you'll be alright--say goodbye and most likely he'll stop using you as an ENERGY ATM, sucking up all of your good energy so HE CAN FEEL BETTER. You are investing too much too soon and that's another reason why things went downhill.
But you can't SEE this is how you get INVOLVED in a man's life way too fast and it's another reason why it doesn't work, YOU SEE IT NOT WORKING BUT YOU KEEP KICKING THAT DEAD HORSE, he's speaking to you about his problems which by the way he shouldn't be doing that unless you're his wife--someone he's been in a commitment with for years, you can't see how you are GIVING just by being there, listening intently to HIS PROBLEMS, you're not a therapist, you're not his mother and if you behave this way he'll take you for granted--feel you're someone he can wipe his feet on because your desperate or why else would you sit there USING UP YOUR PRECIOUS TIME listening to PROBLEMS especially when you could be out living a great fun fantastic life but you are CHOOSING to listen to his misery. Can't you see how you being this way makes you look pathetic and in turn makes him feel pathetic for being with a pathetic woman. DO NO SEND THIS KIND OF MESSAGE OUT TO A MAN YOU BARELY KNOW, he'll thing you ARE NOT WORTHY to be his woman and that's why this went wrong for you.
Yes he can keep doing everything on his own. Why? Because you're not his wife and he's a grown man, you don't want a man-boy nor do a you want a grown ass baby, someone you have to fix and help and spend an exorbitant amount of your free time baby sitting, your reaction to him not wanting to do everything on his own--has to be well I do everything on my own and I'm just fine, you'll be alright--say goodbye and most likely he'll stop using you as an ENERGY ATM, sucking up all of your good energy so HE CAN FEEL BETTER. You are investing too much too soon and that's another reason why things went downhill.
"It's in my nature to help people, I just get satisfaction from seeing people better, happy and enjoying life more. I don't really care for personal gain as long as I know that I helped in some way, it makes me feel like I accomplished something, and was just being a good person."
And this is what I call codependency. Whenever you put helping others FIRST over putting yourself FIRST then you are attempting to AVOID YOURSELF by helping others, I'm not saying you are doing all of this intentionally, many times we behave this way unconsciously, start looking why you feel better for helping someone, you said "I accomplished something, and I was just being a good person." Well do you feel the only way to be a good person is by helping them? If you feel this way and you prioritize helping someone then you'll always manage to push men away from you. Men feel emasculated when you help them, they aren't weak, they aren't shut-in's and can't walk and can't bathe themselves so you see you're treating him like a child or a handicap person AND WHO WANTS TO FEEL LIKE THAT--NO ONE and so yes he'll leave--he'll stop calling--he'll simply fade out--disappear out of your life...And yes to some extent it's your fault because you won't stop doing what doesn't work.
" I know if I was down, or whatever, and someone helped me get out of a mess, I would be grateful and happier for it.
I would never been to ashamed to ask for it when needed."
BUT THAT'S YOU....You cannot project HOW YOU FEEL ONTO OTHERS because not everyone is grateful nor happier because they were too down and out to help themselves, some men feel very insecure around a woman that is DOING HIS JOB, doing what he's supposed to be doing for himself. You have good intentions but not all good intentions are good or turn out well in the end. Learn how to BACK OFF, that is the best gift you can give a man, allowing him to sort out his own life and yet still being available if it's conducive to your schedule is probably the most mature thing you can do, putting you first actually HELPS HIM sort his own life out believe it or not.
And this is what I call codependency. Whenever you put helping others FIRST over putting yourself FIRST then you are attempting to AVOID YOURSELF by helping others, I'm not saying you are doing all of this intentionally, many times we behave this way unconsciously, start looking why you feel better for helping someone, you said "I accomplished something, and I was just being a good person." Well do you feel the only way to be a good person is by helping them? If you feel this way and you prioritize helping someone then you'll always manage to push men away from you. Men feel emasculated when you help them, they aren't weak, they aren't shut-in's and can't walk and can't bathe themselves so you see you're treating him like a child or a handicap person AND WHO WANTS TO FEEL LIKE THAT--NO ONE and so yes he'll leave--he'll stop calling--he'll simply fade out--disappear out of your life...And yes to some extent it's your fault because you won't stop doing what doesn't work.
" I know if I was down, or whatever, and someone helped me get out of a mess, I would be grateful and happier for it.
I would never been to ashamed to ask for it when needed."
BUT THAT'S YOU....You cannot project HOW YOU FEEL ONTO OTHERS because not everyone is grateful nor happier because they were too down and out to help themselves, some men feel very insecure around a woman that is DOING HIS JOB, doing what he's supposed to be doing for himself. You have good intentions but not all good intentions are good or turn out well in the end. Learn how to BACK OFF, that is the best gift you can give a man, allowing him to sort out his own life and yet still being available if it's conducive to your schedule is probably the most mature thing you can do, putting you first actually HELPS HIM sort his own life out believe it or not.
"But I digress, I suppose it's like when men get lost and they won't ask for directions, They just keep circling around and around trying to figure out which way to go. They'll bitch about it, they'll huff and puff, but instead of doing the easy thing, they take the hard way and end up with more frustration and wasted time.
I wish you all could see the events and words and situations that occurred inside my head, this would make trying to explain things a whole lot easier lol."
No--This actually explains it perfectly! Let him figure out his own life, it's like when you were a kid and an adult in your family wanted to help and interfered and you felt angry for them helping you because you knew you'd eventually sort it all out for yourself, some people may look like they want help but just really angry because they can't figure things out for themselves, that's what he truly wants more than anything so helping him will only create more issues--bad feelings and he'll blame you--associate those bad feelings with YOU, so it's best just stay out of it and even if he ask for help be wary of helping a grown man because it won't make him feel much better about himself and he'll associate that feeling with YOU, in the end YOU CAN'T WIN, you'll lose him even when your intentions were good.
"But like I said, I would feel better if everyone I knew was happy too. My happiness will never stem from a relationship, unless it's some pure fairy tale. Unfortunately, it has caused some pain in the past, but that's over now. THe most I can do is learn from it and move on with clearer eyes."
And if you have to tell us you're happy then maybe somewhere deep inside you really aren't happy or you wouldn't USE helping a man as a way to feel like you're a good happy person. In other words work on your own shit and you'll be less inclined to save the men you date. If you're happy and he's not then you'll know to take you and your happiness some place else to someone else who will APPRECIATE you and your happiness instead of using you to feel better about themselves.
I hope you've learned something from this and the next time you meet a wounded man--you'll think twice before kicking that same dead horse again and instead let him go on how own way to find his own happiness. NEXT--MOVE ON.
I wish you all could see the events and words and situations that occurred inside my head, this would make trying to explain things a whole lot easier lol."
No--This actually explains it perfectly! Let him figure out his own life, it's like when you were a kid and an adult in your family wanted to help and interfered and you felt angry for them helping you because you knew you'd eventually sort it all out for yourself, some people may look like they want help but just really angry because they can't figure things out for themselves, that's what he truly wants more than anything so helping him will only create more issues--bad feelings and he'll blame you--associate those bad feelings with YOU, so it's best just stay out of it and even if he ask for help be wary of helping a grown man because it won't make him feel much better about himself and he'll associate that feeling with YOU, in the end YOU CAN'T WIN, you'll lose him even when your intentions were good.
"But like I said, I would feel better if everyone I knew was happy too. My happiness will never stem from a relationship, unless it's some pure fairy tale. Unfortunately, it has caused some pain in the past, but that's over now. THe most I can do is learn from it and move on with clearer eyes."
And if you have to tell us you're happy then maybe somewhere deep inside you really aren't happy or you wouldn't USE helping a man as a way to feel like you're a good happy person. In other words work on your own shit and you'll be less inclined to save the men you date. If you're happy and he's not then you'll know to take you and your happiness some place else to someone else who will APPRECIATE you and your happiness instead of using you to feel better about themselves.
I hope you've learned something from this and the next time you meet a wounded man--you'll think twice before kicking that same dead horse again and instead let him go on how own way to find his own happiness. NEXT--MOVE ON.
No, I'm not completely happy, but I know I have been and I will be again. I have learned a lot from reading responses and all the advice everyone has given. I never thought that being there for someone would turn out so bad, but I guess, I never thought that deep into it. I just thought I was being a good friend or whatever, but I can see now it's way deeper than that.
It's amazing how much you don't see when it's right in front of you. He was the first person I've ever met that was deeply troubled. I don't know if he wants attention, help, or something else but either way, I have not contacted him and don't plan to anytime in the near future.
I need to work on getting my life together without interference from drama and craziness.
It's amazing how much you don't see when it's right in front of you. He was the first person I've ever met that was deeply troubled. I don't know if he wants attention, help, or something else but either way, I have not contacted him and don't plan to anytime in the near future.
I need to work on getting my life together without interference from drama and craziness.
Good to hear, goodluck with it all.
Tiki, you go gf...you rock.
"No, I'm not completely happy, but I know I have been and I will be again. I have learned a lot from reading responses and all the advice everyone has given. I never thought that being there for someone would turn out so bad, but I guess, I never thought that deep into it. I just thought I was being a good friend or whatever, but I can see now it's way deeper than that."
Yeah I was just like you back in the day, when something didn't work out between myself and a man well I would blame him, I knew it couldn't be ME, not me because I was so giving, I gave everything and I had to learn that was the problem, my giving was the problem and I learned how to stop it, stop pushing men away with my INTENSE NEED to save to help and give away my good love. My neediness was the problem, the need to care give and fix was the problem, I only stopped when someone pointed this out to me.
The giving creates a problem because a man will feel pressured to reciprocate, he'll feel all these icky feelings that come with charity, as if he's incompetent, he'll feel as if you are competing with him and he'll fight, he'll run, there will be a fight or flight response, to avoid that just stop it, stop being the good listener, the giver, the helper, just be you, you are ENOUGH, be yourself instead of being this caregiver type that can only attract WOUNDED MEN putting you in a really weak position to be exploited--rejected, instead display other good qualities that you have, be strong, be independent, be you, show other sides of yourself.
"It's amazing how much you don't see when it's right in front of you. He was the first person I've ever met that was deeply troubled. I don't know if he wants attention, help, or something else but either way, I have not contacted him and don't plan to anytime in the near future."
He doesn't want anything, he'll take what you give but he doesn't want ANYTHING, if you freely give it he'll take it but he doesn't want anything.
"I need to work on getting my life together without interference from drama and craziness."
EXACTLY....Focus on being the BEST you you could ever be, focus on your life, growing and maturing, don't worry about him, that's what he got a mama for.
Yeah I was just like you back in the day, when something didn't work out between myself and a man well I would blame him, I knew it couldn't be ME, not me because I was so giving, I gave everything and I had to learn that was the problem, my giving was the problem and I learned how to stop it, stop pushing men away with my INTENSE NEED to save to help and give away my good love. My neediness was the problem, the need to care give and fix was the problem, I only stopped when someone pointed this out to me.
The giving creates a problem because a man will feel pressured to reciprocate, he'll feel all these icky feelings that come with charity, as if he's incompetent, he'll feel as if you are competing with him and he'll fight, he'll run, there will be a fight or flight response, to avoid that just stop it, stop being the good listener, the giver, the helper, just be you, you are ENOUGH, be yourself instead of being this caregiver type that can only attract WOUNDED MEN putting you in a really weak position to be exploited--rejected, instead display other good qualities that you have, be strong, be independent, be you, show other sides of yourself.
"It's amazing how much you don't see when it's right in front of you. He was the first person I've ever met that was deeply troubled. I don't know if he wants attention, help, or something else but either way, I have not contacted him and don't plan to anytime in the near future."
He doesn't want anything, he'll take what you give but he doesn't want ANYTHING, if you freely give it he'll take it but he doesn't want anything.
"I need to work on getting my life together without interference from drama and craziness."
EXACTLY....Focus on being the BEST you you could ever be, focus on your life, growing and maturing, don't worry about him, that's what he got a mama for.
Well this is the end dear friends, I heard from him tonight.
He's still hung up on his ex, loyal is right!
I wish him luck in his endeavors and hope he finds happiness.
I wish that for myself as well. Even with everything around me falling apart, I have to rise up and get out of this muck.
Thank you all for your time, attention, and advice. I appreciate every single one of you.
He's still hung up on his ex, loyal is right!
I wish him luck in his endeavors and hope he finds happiness.
I wish that for myself as well. Even with everything around me falling apart, I have to rise up and get out of this muck.
Thank you all for your time, attention, and advice. I appreciate every single one of you.
take heart that he at least told you syn. it's at least providing a point of closure which is something at least and also gives you all the answers you need.
i hope things work out for you. i kinda know you'll be happy though with all that ram in ya, lol! 🙂
i hope things work out for you. i kinda know you'll be happy though with all that ram in ya, lol! 🙂
Rig is right, Syn. Closure is a wonderful thing, especially for those of us who didn't get the courtesy of that from our assclowns we were involved with.
It's easy to fall into the same patterns you are used to, all with the same results. I've had to change my relationship habits dramatically and believe me, it's not easy, but be strong and fight everyday to make yourself a better version of your beautiful self.
It's easy to fall into the same patterns you are used to, all with the same results. I've had to change my relationship habits dramatically and believe me, it's not easy, but be strong and fight everyday to make yourself a better version of your beautiful self.
Yes, I got the answers I needed, even though they weren't in my favor. I can understand all of it. Long relationships take time to get over, and some never do.
At least he told me I made him feel loved, so I guess that's something lol.
I'm not the type to hate, so I wish him happiness and hope he finds it. We all need it.
At least he told me I made him feel loved, so I guess that's something lol.
I'm not the type to hate, so I wish him happiness and hope he finds it. We all need it.
Just when I thought it was over and I was done...he text me today.
Ahhhhhhhhh, why?
Ahhhhhhhhh, why?
Posted by SyntheticAnesthetic
Just when I thought it was over and I was done...he text me today.
Ahhhhhhhhh, why?
Well, I'm sure you know that you guys will be going around in circles (well, more like HE will be, but he'll certainly take you along) if you get back into this. If he's not over his ex and he seems unsure about what to do, he's not ready for a relationship. You need to make things clear with him that you're not going to be a back up to his ex (and you should not want this, either). Man, that guy needs to figure some things out with himself.
No kidding, after that last convo I was like...ok that's done, now I can concentrate on other things.
I didn't think I'd hear from him again, (well I kinda had a small gut feeling I would, just not this soon) so I was putting it out of my mind and was nearly over everything.
I just got 2 jobs, working on my life again, and now he comes back...I can't do this.
It's all or nothing with me, there is no in between. I will not be a rebound or part time shoulder to lean on.
I didn't think I'd hear from him again, (well I kinda had a small gut feeling I would, just not this soon) so I was putting it out of my mind and was nearly over everything.
I just got 2 jobs, working on my life again, and now he comes back...I can't do this.
It's all or nothing with me, there is no in between. I will not be a rebound or part time shoulder to lean on.
He's not ready..continue working on you. He didn't change that quick nor has he gotten a clue..He needs some real time away from you first...
I met a Leo guy who is very similar with ur issue, Syn. He was in a long term relationship for years and now he's been single for the longest time. Although he doesn't like being single/alone, he just doesn't want to get hurt again. He's not ready for a relationship or not thinking of one at the moment. I just let him be and when he's ready to open up then I'll be there for him. Currently he's focusing on his work/career. And much a traveler for work at times bc he's single. He told me that he wants to get married and have kids. So he's been open to me in some points. We are both not young anymore and those things make u thing about ur future. He's in his mid 30s and I'm in my late 20s. I have an old soul I usually like older men. He does contact me but rarely. I try not to contact him everyday. But I would randomly text good AM, good night and asking how his day is going. Since he is the lion I'll let him hunt me down, If he wants me in his life.
I just know what a Leo men really think at times.. I do analyize things a little bit too much but I just try to let things be. Everything happens for a reason.
I just know what a Leo men really think at times.. I do analyize things a little bit too much but I just try to let things be. Everything happens for a reason.
Posted by Striking
He's not ready..continue working on you. He didn't change that quick nor has he gotten a clue..He needs some real time away from you first...
+1
Don't read too much into his behavior. Why? Because he know you are a good woman, NO ONE not even me want to lose a good person from his or her life so he'll come back to see if you are AVAILABLE to give out those benefits for free, because you see he's already told you he's still in love with his ex, he's already did everything he can do to push you away romantically but some men can be really selfish and try to have his cake and eat it too, meaning he will try to have YOU and have his feelings--love--Pursue his unfulfilled desires and lick his fractured wounds over his ex--have his EX at the same time.
You will never be first if he's pining over this woman, he'll dump you when you get too involved in his life only to try and come back to re-establish FRIENDSHIP to keep getting those GOOD FRIENDSHIP BENEFITS and that will literally KILL your self esteem so to prevent yourself from investing anymore of your precious time--attention and energy LEAVE HM ALONE.
Be honest and tell him you wanted a chance to see if things could be real but now that he's revealed his true feelings you NEED TIME to move on, you'll want to be friends again but not right now and the most effective way to handle this is to SAY NOTHING, you don't need permission to move on, he gave you closure now MOVE ON, you can always pick up as a friend a few months from now, he'll welcome you back into his life. Why? Because you are beautiful wonderful giving woman so don't worry about him and his feelings, he'll be pining over his ex and plus going away will give him time to let her go and you never know he may just realize he was being a dum dum and take you back on once his wounds and pride are all healed up.
Posted by tiki33Posted by Striking
He's not ready..continue working on you. He didn't change that quick nor has he gotten a clue..He needs some real time away from you first...
+1
Don't read too much into his behavior. Why? Because he know you are a good woman, NO ONE not even me want to lose a good person from his or her life so he'll come back to see if you are AVAILABLE to give out those benefits for free, because you see he's already told you he's still in love with his ex, he's already did everything he can do to push you away romantically but some men can be really selfish and try to have his cake and eat it too, meaning he will try to have YOU and have his feelings--love--Pursue his unfulfilled desires and lick his fractured wounds over his ex--have his EX at the same time.
You will never be first if he's pining over this woman, he'll dump you when you get too involved in his life only to try and come back to re-establish FRIENDSHIP to keep getting those GOOD FRIENDSHIP BENEFITS and that will literally KILL your self esteem so to prevent yourself from investing anymore of your precious time--attention and energy LEAVE HM ALONE.
Be honest and tell him you wanted a chance to see if things could be real but now that he's revealed his true feelings you NEED TIME to move on, you'll want to be friends again but not right now and the most effective way to handle this is to SAY NOTHING, you don't need permission to move on, he gave you closure now MOVE ON, you can always pick up as a friend a few months from now, he'll welcome you back into his life. Why? Because you are beautiful wonderful giving woman so don't worry about him and his feelings, he'll be pining over his ex and plus going away will give him time to let her go and you never know he may just realize he was being a dum dum and take you back on once his wounds and pride are all healed up.click to expand
this is too too truthful. wonderful post.
gosh.
'Don't read too much into his behavior. Why? Because he know you are a good woman, NO ONE not even me want to lose a good person from his or her life so he'll come back to see if you are AVAILABLE to give out those benefits for free, because you see he's already told you he's still in love with his ex, he's already did everything he can do to push you away romantically but some men
It's so frustrating, to the point of madness.
So he still loves his ex, ok I was fine with that, let him go, do, whatever.
But he had to text me one goddamn thing, and say nothing else. So ominous. I hate it. It's not fair to me.
I'm too sensitive for this.
I hate it, so much. I need a mind eraser. He lives 5 minutes away. It seems like 1 million.
So he still loves his ex, ok I was fine with that, let him go, do, whatever.
But he had to text me one goddamn thing, and say nothing else. So ominous. I hate it. It's not fair to me.
I'm too sensitive for this.
I hate it, so much. I need a mind eraser. He lives 5 minutes away. It seems like 1 million.
Posted by scorpiophoenix
I met a Leo guy who is very similar with ur issue, Syn. He was in a long term relationship for years and now he's been single for the longest time. Although he doesn't like being single/alone, he just doesn't want to get hurt again. He's not ready for a relationship or not thinking of one at the moment. I just let him be and when he's ready to open up then I'll be there for him. Currently he's focusing on his work/career. And much a traveler for work at times bc he's single. He told me that he wants to get married and have kids. So he's been open to me in some points. We are both not young anymore and those things make u thing about ur future. He's in his mid 30s and I'm in my late 20s. I have an old soul I usually like older men. He does contact me but rarely. I try not to contact him everyday. But I would randomly text good AM, good night and asking how his day is going. Since he is the lion I'll let him hunt me down, If he wants me in his life.
I just know what a Leo men really think at times.. I do analyize things a little bit too much but I just try to let things be. Everything happens for a reason.
That sounds pretty much exactly like what I'm going through. When he told me everything last week, I was like ok, he's done I can forget him, but he came back with one small text. Then nothing. I don't know how to handle it. I mean one part of me is like, ignore it, it only hurts. But the other part of me is completely understanding of his situation and am willing to give him whatever amount of time, because I know what it's like to be confused. But I don't want to be waiting around for someone who will just run me over so to speak, am I wasting my time waiting?
I mean, dating, whatever, I never really cared for that anyway and I am not interested in anyone currently. I just don't want to hold out hope he will come around, and be like he was before. I feel so stupid for ever believing anything he said to me.
Whatever you do, don't rush. If you wait a while and he doesn't come around, then you'll just have to be strong and leave. Don't let him hold you back with his words.
Just remember that even the most seemingly perfect relationships can turn out so wrong when people rush into them without fixing their problems or other attachments.
Is it worth it to wait? That is something you need to decide. How important is he to you and do you think you can get around his insecurities (which I'm sure he'll always have)? You need to ask yourself those questions.
Just remember that even the most seemingly perfect relationships can turn out so wrong when people rush into them without fixing their problems or other attachments.
Is it worth it to wait? That is something you need to decide. How important is he to you and do you think you can get around his insecurities (which I'm sure he'll always have)? You need to ask yourself those questions.
Posted by Scenic
Whatever you do, don't rush. If you wait a while and he doesn't come around, then you'll just have to be strong and leave. Don't let him hold you back with his words.
Just remember that even the most seemingly perfect relationships can turn out so wrong when people rush into them without fixing their problems or other attachments.
Is it worth it to wait? That is something you need to decide. How important is he to you and do you think you can get around his insecurities (which I'm sure he'll always have)? You need to ask yourself those questions.
Posted by bluemoon9043834
You should probably go to the Aries forum board for help from other Aries... this guy doesn't seem to care about you or to be invested in you, unfortunately. Probably the best thing to do is to not answer any of his calls or texts, don't be at his beck and call... don't let him treat you as an option. Find someone who will make you the center of their universe. 🙂click to expand
I do have feelings for him, even though we haven't spent a whole lot of time together, there's just SOMETHING about him, I can't place it. I don't know, I replied back with one word. I'm not making first contact again, and if he decides to talk to me normally again, I am telling him like I've told him before, all or nothing, no in between. A friend, a lover, or nothing. I can't worry about someone who doesn't worry about me, it's mentally exhausting. And driving me insane. And it hurts. I deserve better, I'm a good person dammit.
i don't want to waste space re-quoting but that was very cool advice tiki 🙂
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
I'm in college and have seen this attractive guy around school frequently. A few days ago I was on tumblr and saw his bl
Hey so I have met this Leo guy last summer and I would see him in the randomest ways ever! He was after me and tried eve
BBQ Vodka Pool Party aka House Warming aka 5 de Mayo aka Welcome to summer Party. You're cordially invited to come an
So, we've been texting for a couple of weeks...at first he was very, uhh, short and took forever to answer, but being an
I want to break your heart and give you mine. You're taking me over. I've never been in a relationship like this
Ours is perfect - ha! Horrors of Leo: Watch out! Expect no praise, you who are so self-centered and so full of you
Hi everyone, I'm curious, how are Leo men with apologising? A couple of days ago, I was discussing something with th
Wondering if any fellow felines have felt the retrogrades ease up as well. I find myself being very energetically sensit
lol. remember the leo at work who i accidentally 'approached' via a dating site (a little aggressively cos he ignored m
Hi all, I am in a long distance relationship of only a few months with a Leo male. I have a very good male friend
This is probably my moon speaking and not so much my Lion sun.. Does anyone feel a shift in focus and wantings? I
Hellooooo, So what's your view on this combo Leo Woman with Scorp moon and scorp man ?
Hello my handsome leo men and beautiful leo women. I been reading up on this forum for months and now I find myself need
I have know my good guy friend(leo man) for 12yrs. I am a scorpio woman. we have been casual good friends. Recently star
Can i rant here? you people do not have to respond, i just feel like crying among my own. i could not have cried amon
So a Leo I went to highschool with has recently got in touch with me. We've shared mutual friends, but never actually hu
Q. How many Leos does it take to change a light-bulb? A. One - to call the electrician!
I believe I posted in the Sag boards with this, but I wanted to see about Leos... Sag experiences? My first love i
I'm finding it difficult at this moment keeping composure after a fight with my Scorpion. I'm not upset in terms of sadn
Seraph, you'll especially be fond of this one ;) http://www.flickr.com/photos/floridapfe/tags/lion ^ go to the
Yeah, I'm not vain, but I have a decent face, I'm not too horrible looking, I've gotten enough compliments, instead of denying them all, I've just started accepting and agreeing. So I'm with the general consensus.
And to add to the ego thing, sure it hurts that they said a lot of things and made a lot of empty promises that they never fulfilled, there are certain things you shouldn't say to a person unless you mean them. I believe in turth and honesty. I don't think being upset over that is a crime. Don't say something if you don't mean it. I've done all I can to be a helpful friend to this person, they don't accept it at this moment. I can't sit around and wait, I've tried, and if I keep trying it just makes me look pathetic and weak. I'm not. I'm a strong person that deserves someone to care about me as much as I care about them. If I'm hated for that, or whatever, I'm sorry, I can't please everyone now can I? ;p