Call me crazy.... (Page 2)

Whats the deal here? Are all other men just dogs so we love the libra nicety so we put up?

yeah that's a different kettle of fish QS.....and friendship is MOST important....I guess like the rest of us, hang in there and take it slow.

Chatz, being a scorp, I normally fight for what I want. Guess I don't know what I want, just want, maybe it isn't him, just want someone to be close too. I knew I wanted my ex and I was pretty determined to have him in the way I wanted to have him or not have him at all.

If I go from being 65% sure to 100% sure about my friend I will do whatever it takes, until then I will just be the friend I have always been and keep looking.

Aries chiming in again. Space? Just the kind of space where you have let him go. Then see if HE calls back / contacts you again THEN you will know how to respond to him. And,in my opinion, FWB does not translate well into dating after that. From your posts, it sounds like there is no "ring" (bell of truth type ring) of security here. I'd be very hesitant and uncomfortable and take a looking back attitude toward it as you move forward. *sigh*

Atom thanks, I went out with some friends last night and he called to see what I was doing just when I was leaving (His timing always seems right on the money)...

OK, we talked for a minute and he asked if he could see me, I asked what did he have in mind... He said, I was thinking about you earlier and realized I hadn't seen you recently and wanted to see you (It has only been 2 weeks). Bringing on the charm but I got him. I said OK, your place or mine? He said whichever you'd like. I went to his place.

We had a little conversation and he commenced to taking my clothes off. I let him, then I looked him in the eye and said... "Honestly I just want to chill. He smiled a devilish smile and said, for you, I don't mind. I said if it is uncomfortable then we can talk a little longer and I can go home. He said, "Girl, you know I like having you around. We slept, he held me. The next morning I looked at him and realized, I like being friends for now. I am comfortable with this and the feeling to be more vanished right then, however, I am still looking. I guess it just took for me to "just be" with him w/o the sex...

I went out with the Taurus last night and we met some friends out. It was fun.

Nice, QS!

Kickin'! Best of both worlds... Resolve / peace of mind AND the opportunity to get shagged when you feel the need. Gotta love the true beauty of that... 🙂

Okay, guys... I know, I know, tired of me and this same deal with this Libra friend of mine, but I must share. So bare with me...

Last night (per Nic's suggestion) I called him around 11:00pm. He answered, he asked what was I doing up so late. Told him I couldn't sleep, had a couple things on my mind. He asked me what was on my mind. I stalled, and said never mind, he said, "OK", then he told me he was sick with the flu. I asked if he wanted me to come check on him tomorrow.. He said, " No, I will be OK, you don't have too." I asked if he was sure, he said, "Yeah I will be fine." I sighed, he asked again, what was on my mind, I said nothing and out of the blue he said, "You want to date me don't you=." Totally shocked, I said What!!! He repeated and I just told him about my general feelings of lonliness and wanting to be with someone in general and how my feelings have changed over the past month or so - keeping it general. I told him that he would be a great candidate but, because of his emotional state, I didn't know if he was capable of even attempting to see where a relationship could go right now. He listened... Didn't respond.

He sighed (a relief—)then he said, "you have to be sure that whomever the person is they can give you the space to figure this stuff out while you are with them and vis versa, you must be able to give the other person the space, while being together to get over his fears, issues and emotional state and it just might work.. This is life...

"The other person, fears, issues and emotional state, ok could that person be him?" I dunno...

I explained that I was always so sure and confident about my decisions in life, I know what I want and I want it because I want it, but at this point and time I am confusing myself.. That I do think he would be a good candidate, however I didn't know if this was a good time and I didn't want to ruine the friendship we already had. I explained, I want to go out cuddle and be with someone exclusively now. I am afraid, but I want it.

He said, " I don't think you are confused I think you really want that and that is OK. Life changes people. However, you mentioned - you know what I want and I want it because I want it, that might not be a good approach if the other person is not 100% sure either."

"Another hint—"

So, his head started hurting and he said, I will give you a call tomorrow. Everything will be OK. We hung up

I sent him a text: "Let me know if you need anything."

I sent him a text: "Let me know if you need anything."
His response: "Okay"
2 seconds later another text from him: "What time are you coming over tomorrow"

(OK now I am confused because he said it was OK he will be fine when I asked if he wanted me to come over)

Before I could respond to that text, another text: "Can you pick up a couple bags of blackforest gummie worms for me. They are at any walgreens...

My response: Sure, what the hell are gummie worms

His response: They are in a green bag, blah, blah, blah

My response: Sure. I will be there in the afternoon around 1 or 2. (Working a half day today).


Finally, I went to sleep, thought that was sweet.

Thoughts anyone, not just Libra guys, LS, HP, Atom, Chatz, alcheme whomever wants to bite.

I agree with him. You are only confused because you are afraid of what you want.

I think he wants you to talk in person about this. I am not sure how he is feeling about all this but it is obvious that he really cares about you and appreciates the space you have given him to sort crap out. I think he is still torn between the past and the present.

I agree LS, I agree. I know he needs time and I feel this would not be a good time to persue. However, I will see him this afternoon and maybe we will talk more, only if he wants too.

I am afraid. That is true. Which is so out of charactor for me.

I am not only afraid if it was with him, with anyone. Atleast with him, there would be a little comfortability... You know what I mean? Not starting from scratch and the getting to know you stage. I hate starting over.

I know exactly what you mean! I hate investing only to have it not pan out. I am really pissed the last leo didn't work out as I really liked him on so many levels.

PLUS, it is scary to put yourself on the line and be vulnerable. It really is. When we really care about other people, when we really love them, we are give them our power .... which is why it is so important to choose well.

Don't settle for a guy who can't be there for you right now. It might be convenient and comfortable, but really be objective about what he can give and where he is at. Don't give your power to someone who can't respect it. Protect yourself.

And yes, I know how hard it is out there in the dating world. It is hard to find someone you respect and admire and are compatible with long term, who feels the same back but it is better to spend three years looking for the right mate and meeting all sorts of interesting people than spending three years in a go nowhere relationship and another year with a broken heart.

I am not saying this won't work out I am just saying be really honest with yourself about what he can and cannot give you.

Use logic not just feeling. Ya know?

And yes ... when we finally admit what we really want even to ourselves it is terrifying but eventually the fear of not being fufilled beats the fear of not having it and then we are on our way to happiness.

When we are confused, we usually know what we want but realize changes have to be made to get what we really want and that is scary because what we know is safer than what we don't know. He might mean leaving someone we love behind, or moving to another country, or starting our own business but when we leap into our own desires with faith, life supports us.

🙂

LS, I agree with you completely. I know what I am dealing with and that is scary, because I know in my heart what he is capable of giving and what he isn't. That is why I will keep him as a friend regardless. I am still looking, trust me. If someone comes along, I will try my luck, there just hasn't been anyone lately... Not that I am that interested in anyway or who don't have similar issues.

Maybe I will attract different people now that my position in life has changed. I was attracting people with issues and weren't ready for a relationship before and now that I am ready, I will attract people who are ready. Likes attract, I remember you told me that on one of these threads...

That is my hope too QS. For both of us. I feel I am ready for a relationship now. I am over the 'X AND I have a great sense of direction in my life. I know the type of person I want to attract and am becoming that person myself.

Like attracts Like!

I was look for trees in the wrong forest before.

Good Luck to both of us QS! May we soon find the right person for both of us.

Queenscorpio,

I have a huge grin on my face and unlike usual, it's not because I am aroused. Maybe in a few minutes though 😉

I am glad you called him, the result was just as I suspected.

""The other person, fears, issues and emotional state, ok could that person be him?" I dunno..."

Yes, we speak about ourselves in third person all the time. We sound like were speaking "in theory" so the other person won't look passed what we are trying to say and focus solely on trying to read us. It keeps both people on topic. He was basically telling you to stop worrying becuase he is feeling the same way you are. The sigh, was a sigh of relief and realisation.

"He said, " I don't think you are confused I think you really want that and that is OK. Life changes people. However, you mentioned - you know what I want and I want it because I want it, that might not be a good approach if the other person is not 100% sure either."

"Another hint?"

Not a hint, he basically just told you, again in our cunning Libra double speak to stop worrying becuase you two are thinking/feeling the exact same way.

Remember how I said that you need to talk to him about it and the akwardness of that one visit with him was likely because you are both picking up on each others thoughts and emotions but both of you were afraid to be the first ones to open up? well, you just did, he is probably really relieved right now if for no other reason you came to him with what he knew was true about you all along. After all, he did tell you how you were feeling before you got a chance to explain why he called.

Don't over analyze this conversation too much.

What happened was him saying look, I know you feel a cirtain way. And you said yeah, I am sorry it is different than what I told you in the beginning, and then he said don't worry about it, I think maybe I am ok with this way. So.....good job.

Man, that's another one now. All this love in the air, except on my end of the pond. I'm jelous, why can't I have a scorpio hottie chasing me? I would make it worth her while. 😉

QS, I'm confused and you have to fill me in. I thought you were shagging a Taurus?

* However, you mentioned - you know what I want and I want it because I want it, that might not be a good approach if the other person is not 100% sure either."

I took it to mean that it is good to know what you want but the other person has feelings that need to be taken into account as well. Just because you want what you want doesn't mean the other person is certain about what they want. By saying, "might not be a good approach" he is saying some people (not necessarily him) may feel pressured if they aren't 100% sure and the other person is pushing for it.

If I like someone and want to help them, I often step out of myself and try to look at the situation as an outsider. I think this is what he was doing.

BTW, the fact that he wants to see you tonight is a good sign. It means he is feeling a little insecure. When I feel tension or conflict, I want to be near the other person there right away so I know everything is okay. That means he cares. It could go either way ... he may know he has to let you go because it is best for both of you or he will decide to conform to your expectations.

I'm curious to see how it pans out.

Good Luck!

Yes goodluck QS......keep us posted 🙂

Gummie Worms— anything with worms involved I'd steer clear of LOL

OK, I am back. Had a wonderful afternoon. Let me reply to comments first....

Nic, love you, you are our own little (or big) Dr. Phil!!! Your advice worked like a charm a burden is off my chest (that is the only certain thing)he totally shocked me with the "when are you coming over" and other things I will tell you guys soon.

LS, your words couldn't be more further from the truth. I totally translated what you said about wanting what I want to exactly what you thought he meant. I also clarified to him that I was that way in other aspects of my life but confused here...

HP, Shagging a Taurus— Know, I met one and went out with him. Didn't shag him. Only the Libra friend so far.

Now for the juicyy stuff.... Anticipating—?

LS, sorry " Your words couldn't be more closer to the truth!!!" Too excited. Sorry

After I got off work, went to pick up the gummie worms, had to take care of a couple things on my way to his house. Called, he answered and asked if I was close. I said I would be ther in about 5 min.

He met me at my car as usual and ofcourse I scolded him for coming out in 3 degree weather sick... Gently though. He blushed... His eyes lit up like a 2 year old when I bought the gummie worms. I said, "here is your candy, and you look like a little kid in the candy store." Grinning ear to ear...

The afternoon was blissful. We didn't have sex, didn't kiss, didn't touch... We huged and smiled and talked and watched all the aternoon shows and snuggled under the covers in his bed with all our clothes on... 🙂

Talked about everything except the convo last night he made a couple of comments though. we fell asleep, took a short nap together. I heated some canned soup up for him and bougt him juiced. Made him take medicine he didn't want to take and talked about the classes he was teaching and other stuff.

Oh, and Nic, he actually looked at me in my eyes when we talked. He goofed around alot and made me laugh, but I could tell he wasn't his old self... Weak, hot and cold flashes, body aches, fever off and on.

awwwww that's so cute!!!

After awhile, I had to leave (hated it). I started putting my shoes on and he asked, "where are you going? Going to pick up your daughter from daycare?" with a sad look in his eye. I said yes, gave him a hug and told him I will check on him tomorrow... I will, but after that I will wait until he contacts me.

QS that's so sweet....you must be happy to a degree 🙂

Wait until he contacts you again?? lol...yes, Im in that situation right now....haven't heard from mine since Friday (after my texts) and we are meant to be hooking up tonight, however, no confirmation and its almost midday here - dunno but I think that's too much even for me to take now. I don't want him ringing or texting at 6.00 to see if he could come around at 8.00.....that's hardly the r/ship I want *shrugs*

I am hell bent on not making a first move this time. I dunno, maybe there's something going on with him coz he hasn't even been on his chat sites much but he could have just sent me a text.

QS.....how long have you known yours again??

Chatz, call him and reconfirm. I see a lot of us get into a pattern, including me with Libra guys where we are afraid that they will run away if we speak our minds. I have been like that with my Libra friend. Then Nic, reconfirmed that it is OK for us to tell them how we feel, it is all about how we tell them, rather than what we tell them. Since you haven't contacted him in awhile, give him a ring. You have no idea how hard it was for me to call my libra friend last night and things turned out exactly as Nic predicted... It was wierd and scary, and I am not yet out of the woods.

Oh, I have known my Libra friend 7 months, mind you for the first 2 months we were strictly friends and he was back and forth with his ex about 5 times since and I wasn't really looking for more than FWB at the time. So you have been at this point longer than I, however, I have known him longer. He and I were friends first, which to me makes everything a little more complicated, than it was with my ex. We liked eachother and started that way all though he took me through some of the exact same things we are all going through on these threads.

Call and ask if you guys are still on or not.. Make it light like no big deal.

Chatz, call him and ask "Hey, I'm on my way. Did you say you wanted whipped cream in a can or Cool Whip?" ')

Thanks QS....he actually made the midday cut off point - 20 minutes he had to spare too LOL.

He sent me a text and made a joke out of it....it would have probably taken a lot for him to send it actually as he'd know he should have done it way before now so at least he's come through afterall.

Sorry guys, its just so frustrating. I normally do all the work, the communicating, etc so it is encouraging he even remembered tonight LOL.....just get a little put off with this aloofness and honestly, Im not sure how much longer I can take the detachment from him inbetween. I just don't mean that much to him which is sad but we'll see how tonight goes....might just tell him how I feel as you suggested above QS...thank you 🙂

I'm so friggin's addicted to ebay....

LOL HP...that's a great idea!!!! You've given me a wicked response - will text him back with that one 🙂

Thanks guys - you always know how to bring me back up again

xox

e-bay is THE site!!!

That is so awesome, QS!

Sorry that I didn't have any good advice like everyone else to offer up, but after reading your post, I do believe that I was more lost than you... Trying to give you advice would have been like the blind trying to lead the visually impaired. 🙂

But, I was cheerleading for you... I am so glad your efforts have paid off!

Chatz, no problem. However, don't say anything straight forward about your feelings tonight... Just try to have a great time and subtly slide a general remark in here and there. Nothing too intense...

Alcheme, girl you are hilarious, scorps are I guess. Thanks, but I have been dealing with these Libra lads long enough to know I am not quite out of the woods yet.

Thanks all I am a little relieved.

Oh!!! While I was over there, his mother called and I guess she asked how he was and he said, "I am fine I am surrounded by friends who care about me.... My friend Binti just came by and made me some soup and bought some stuff to me." After saying that he turned to me and grinned. I smiled thought that was sweet.

OOps, guess I just let my name be known, and since I don't know anyone else in this world with that name the cat is out of the bag... Heehee.

thanks QS will do 🙂.....he's now sending multiple texts - really, I don't get this guy at all but yessssss i intend on enjoying tonight.

Binti is a gorgeous name - where does that come from??

Chatz, you've got a partner her going through the same puttin' off detachment thing. But I'm not taking it seriously anymore and I think it's driving her nutz.

Congrats, QS, you handled it right. Let him get into you more. And equating NIC' with Dr. Phil—? Okay, I GUESS I'll accept that for now. . .

Thanks Atom, and I take all of your advice to heart, even when you think I don't. It is just Nic told me something specifically to do during this situation, like call him (something I didn't want to do) and how to tell him how I felt. I did exactly that and my friends actions were exactly as Nic said they would be. He is phsycic or something I dunno... Scary...

Atom, you are so sweet and you are right this is driving me a little crazy, but I have dealt with his kind before. Now I will lay back and wait and see what happens. I just needed to get that load off my chest and I did.

Chatz, thanks, my name means "Precious daughter" Swahili, my dad stole it from a friend who named is daughter Binti, I guess I do know one more person named Binti.

Got a wierd text this morning from the Libra...

Text: Thanks for the short visit...

What is that about?? I didn't respond...

I was with him from 1-4:30pm that didn't seem short to me. Really don't want to respond to that.

Yeah, don't respond. You're doing FINE.

Atom, I agree - not to take it seriously anymore.....made my decision (which Im hoping not to go back on LOL) yesterday before he contacted me....I will fill you in on last night in another post...dunno where yet *sigh*

Still catching up on all the other posts

OK... I called like I said this morning before a meeting at work I left a message on his phone: "Hey _____ I was just calling to see if you were feeling any better, I will talk to you later."

After a long day at work and picking up my daughter, cooking dinner, eating, talking to a couple girl friends on the phone. I get a text:

"I go ur message. Thanks bu. I made a doc. apptmt for tomorrow morning. I will keep you posted."

I thought that was so sweet.

My response 2 hours later (because I hadn't noticed when he sent it). "K... just making sure u r Ok."

Hmmmm, this can be so peaceful in a way, however, I am still on my toes...