Libra One Night Stand

Hi all:

I'm a Libra on the Scorpio cusp. For a number of months, I was pursued by a Libra male. I ignored his advances, because I was mistakenly under the impression that he was married. This weekend, we ran into each other at a party and one thing led to another . . .

He asked me to go on a date the next night, and then blew me off. I asked if he wanted to get together the next day just as friends, and he demurred. While he had told me that he wanted to see me again during the liaison, he switched to saying that is was just a ONS, that it was fun etc. I then sent him an e-mail, saying that I must have misread the signals, that I understood now that it was really just a ONS, and that I wouldn't bug him again. The next morning I received an e-mail asking me to lunch.

I said yes, and offered up that we just enjoy each other's company and see whether we are compatible. He agreed. He answered a few more e-mails, and then disappeared.

I told him that if he was thinking of going to lunch just to show he is a good guy, not to worry, he's OK in my book . . . but if he wanted to see me because he "desperately missed me" (joke), I would be happy to see him. No response.

I got angry, and let him know it. He lashed back at me, ripped me a new one, and explained why he had not responded to my e-mails (TMI, but reasonable). I apologized profusely . . . twice. I explained why I had reacted the way that I had, not as an excuse but just as an explanation. No response.

I really do like him. Is there any chance that he will eventually respond, or give us a chance? Or have I been too much of a psycho?

MANY thanks. . .

You're expecting too much. Seems like he's trying to make you a fuck buddy and you have different ideas.

Firstly, you liked him and knew you wanted more...why would you sleep with him straight off? You've made yourself look easy, guys want a bit of a challenge.

I personally would wonder if you've just jumped into bed with me as easily as that how many others have there been??

You are coming off a bit psycho, you're expecting too much from someone that you "ARE NOT" in a relationship with. You sleep with him and that was your mistake, it doesn't put you automatically in a relationship! BACK OFF!

Let him contact you, if he doesn't then let him go. If he does, play it cool and keep your options open.

I honestly don't understand how people can come on message board and try to get advice from people who no absolutely nothing about you or the person you need advice on, yet you want us to try and give advice with NO details. Sheesh we don't know you, don't know him, we don't even know what you look like so its not like we can post it all over the web if you give us more info so whats with the tight lips on the info?? You can't come on here tight lipped and expect valid advice, anything the others have told you is most likely very vague because you wrote a vague post.

What I will say is, if it's a one night stand to him I would act as though he never happen. No one is gonna diss me. And I surely wouldn't have let him know I was mad. He's not your man, and you two never even went out on date. So how can you have gotten mad? Don't get me wrong I can understand if it upset or frustrated you because you were disappointed and wanted more, but you had no right to lash out on him. He made you no promises. To be perfectly honest, he's most likely done for good, and will only come around if he has no other options. Not trying to be mean, but this is why I stress to people that anger, hostility, and any show of negativity is not the way to deal with Libra, they will lash back or just plain disappear, or BOTH. The way to beat a libra at their own game is to act JUST like them. Treat them the way they are treating you. If you find that you cant, then disappear on they azz and watch how fast they try to see whats up or what happen. THEN you let them have it, after all they asked for it, but even then you wanted to be choosey on your choice of words, and check ya tone too.

Thanks ALibra . . . I am so glad that you responded. Some more info would be good . . .

He and I met a number of months ago on a job site, but we had spoken without knowing each other on several occasions, over a number of projects. When I met him face-to-face a month ago, I thought he was good looking, but also noticed a wedding band. I had been seeing someone, so I didn't think anything further. He e-mailed me later in the afternoon, nice to meet you, etc. We exchanged messages back and forth, professional and friendly, nothing more. I work in a very male-dominated field, and have a lot of male friends/coworkers. so I though nothing of it.

Then word came out of a conferenced that we had been wondering about, so I e-mailed the dates to him. Again, I thought that it was a friends thing, just a new work contact. He came on strong, asking me when my flights were, did I want to share a car from the airport, would I leave a day early and stay a day later . . . I couldn't believe a married guy was being so disrespectful, and was really offended. I shut him down, blew him off and just stopped responding like any good Libra would. Then, the day before conference, about a month later, he e-mailed me asking when my flights were. I ignored him.

The second day of the conference I was at the bar with a bunch of co-workers and he came over (he knows them from other jobs). We talked, laughed . . . truth be told my real impression was that he was a 50 year old frat dick, talking about getting drunk and conferences and being rude to women. I was not impressed. But I did learn that he was not married, had been divorced for a while, and I guessed that I was just mistaken.

Later that night, he began e-mailing me. We talked, and he seemed very vulnerable and sweet. But I also knew that I was drunk. I am recently divorced, have young kids at home, a full time job and I had just had an extremely stressful day . . . I wanted a release that night and figured it would be to be with someone. I have been dating others, and there is someone I like very much, but I am deathly afraid of getting married again and I am not rushing into anything.

So, he came to my room. The sex was incredible. We talked a bit ... he has been divorced for almost 10 years, but still wears his wedding band on occasion -- he couldn't say why. Red flag? Yes. But I didn't really care. I told him that I was dating others, and he made comments to the effect that he would do

Don't know what happened to the rest of my message, but . . .

So he made comments to the effect that he would do whatever was necessary for him to see me again, and he asked me to dinner. The rest is as reported below.

So, there you have it. Yeah, he is probably gone for good. I just wish that I hadn't acted so ungracefully, and that I had maintained some of my dignity. I know why I reacted the way that I did -- the rejected element of a ONS, though absolutely part of the deal, knocked me sideways after my divorce. Oh well . . . lesson learned! I hope I don't run into him again any time too soon. Thanks so much for the input, all.

Love, LS67 (Venus in Virgo, Moon in Scorpio, God help me)

You're welcome. A woman does not loose dignity by having a one night stand. Some men have had sex with women on the first date and have married them later on. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. Not saying that will happen with you but, I just don't feel women should feel bad for living a little FOR ONCE. Not to say you should just go out and have a one night stand whenever you feel like it because you shouldn't. The only reason you feel you lost some dignity is because you actually liked this man for more than just sex, or at least you became interested.

What's even funnier is that I think, had he got up the next morning and went on his merry way without so much as speaking about a 2nd date, I believe you would've been just fine. It wasn't until he painted the image that the two of you could be something more that those emotional womanly wheels started to turn. He said "date" and u ran with it. You were both out of obviously really touchy marriages, and he's probably just as spooked about a relationship or the whole dating scene, just as much as you are about marriage. Heck if he's still wearing the band from 10 yrs ago, I think its safe to say he's either still married or still hung up. Neither of which you should want any parts of.

And if you should happen to run into him, don't hold your head down because you acted out of character. You had a weak moment, we all do. Stand up tall, look him the eye and hold your head up like the goddess you were and still are when you met. Shoot, just look at it like you two did each other a favor if only for one night. Done deal. By the way, go get checked out too. Just to be safe, can never be too sure with the "Live-a-lil rendezvous"

Thanks ALibra! You are exactly right . . . I definitely did go into it with a ONS in mind. But the sex was so good, my ego so tattered and my desire to be desireable so strong that when he began to talk in terms of something more I grabbed it and ran like a banshee with it. I guess that's why the let down was so rough. Not even acknowledging my apology, knowing that we will see each other again, shows that he is not a very nice guy and conceited in the extreme in his presumption that I am THAT gone over him after so little interaction.

I will hold my head high. He has acted very much like a married man, which is NOT something that I want a part of -- BTDT. That is what flamed me so badly when he first came onto me -- that a seemingly married man was pursuing me, offering what is, for most other women, a very bullshit existence.

Not to worry about the health issue . . . we used something.


Much love, LS67

Good job woman!! Lol. Good luck girl! Glad your feelings better about it.

Holy Moses, All . . .

It was bugging me as to whether he was married, so I looked on line. He is indeed divorced, BUT I also discovered that he had been charged with 4th Degree Criminal Mischief a few years ago for slashing a former friend's tires (the report stated that the couple had decided to remain friends with his soon-to-be ex wife, which apparently merited psycho behavior on HIS part -- JEEZ), and that he owes literally millions on a failed real estate venture, which he personally guaranteed. I KNEW there was something fishy about him. He is a hot mess.

God does protect us. Don't ever force a relationship, of any kind. If it is meant to be, it will come naturally and all will fall into place without a whole lot of effort. When you have to circle the square, you are going against plan. That never ends well. My new rule: I don't have the time for confusing men, and will always trust my gut.

So much love to you all, and thank you again for your words of wisdon,

LS67
xo