New, looking for some libra insight! Please :-)

Hi everyone, I was hoping to get some insight on my issue. This is my first post, but I've read everything on the Libra board!

I'm an aries and this man is a libra (10/20).

I went on 5 dates with a new guy. First being drinks/dinner. Second was a day trip (lunch/dinner/drinks). Third lunch. Fourth date my house/movies. Fifth dinner/drinks.

He is a very nice guy, and we've had a great time each time we've gone out. He's paid for everything except for lunch and the movies (I offered the other times, he declined). I haven't pursued him or initiated any of the dates except for the lunch date.

This is where things get weird. Things got hot and heavy on our last two dates. I declined the first time, and he was fine with it. He even stayed over (it was late), and didn't make a move because I had said no.

Fast forward to the fifth date. Clothes are off, and then he freaks out. Say that he doesn't want things to get weird!!! Yes, well how much weirder is it to have your clothes taken off, and then turned down?!?! He said it was too soon (I agree, but...)

We said that we'd just ignore this episode, and pretend that this didn't happen, and move on. He left an hour or so later. I got a text message the next day, asking how my day was, but I haven't heard from him since. (he said he'd call me before he left).

Is there any reason for a guy NOT want to have sex? Please help....my head is spinning! I also don't know if I should contact him. I really like this guy. Please help!!

Don't take it personal, he wasn't ready to get to that point with you, probably due to a few negative issues from his past love relationship experiences he more than likely wanted to back up because he knew sex would change the dynamics of the relationship which it would and he's not ready for that...I don't blame him.

At this point don't call him, you will seem desperate, let the issue fade and he will more than likely come back around but if he doesn't don't take it personal, move on from it.

AQ, how long ago did you last hear from him?

If you agree it was too soon, then you and him respect each other. It may be that he backed out of it because he didn't want to lose respect for you.

Did you respond to his text message? He said he'd call you before he left? Where was he going? Is he out of town that gives him a legitimate reason for not talking to you the last few days?

I say contact him for a simple conversation and act as if that episode never happened, as you both agreed.

BTW, I'm not a Libra, but I'm dating one.

Hi Tiki, thanks for responding :-)

I was totally taken aback, since he initiated everything. But, I *am* taking it personally at this point. Trying not to, but that's really hard. I can't imagine what was going on in his head. Especially since he couldn't express why, except for the weird bit.

Are you a libra, btw? I am feeling desperate, lol! I was just thinking that maybe he was waiting for me. Probably not, but my head is playing tricks with me right now!

Hi HP! I read all of your libra drama, so your response is really appreciated!

The date was last Thursday night. He texted me on Friday night. I responded, and we went back and forth for a bit.

He was going to be away for the Saturday and part of Sunday, so I didn't really think I'd hear from him until Sunday night. Then it didn't happen.

Usually I'd hear from him within 2-3 days at most. I'm so sad! I'm afraid I might seem desperate if I contact him, like Tiki said....

He's not angry now or anything like that, just confused and almost certainly embarassed. Be the grown-up here (e.g. get in touch) and all will reveal itself.

I always think 'If he wanted me he'd get in touch...'

Oh, and you can really never fuck up with a libra. There are no grudges.

I'm just really concerned that he's not really that into me (hence the withdraw). Then I'd feel like a bigger idiot than I do now.

I guess it couldn't hurt to send a text asking how he is, or something casual. Well, it could hurt, if I don't get a reply! lol.

AQ, would you be doing anything out of the ordinary by calling him? If you don't call him and you had no problem prior to this incident, then he might read that as you're awkward about what happened, thus likely make him leery about contacting you.

You never know, he might need some assurance from you that everythign really is good between the two of you despite that incident.

If you like him, he needs to know it. I've heard from many Libras and QS that these guys need assurance of things. Don't be afraid to contact him. I personally don't think it would appear that you're desperate...desperate to me is someone who calls each and every day and doesn't take the hint that their calls aren't being answered for a reason.

Also something else to think about....maybe this trip he took had some unforeseen circumstances that has taken away from his focus of other people. My Libra can be scatterbrain sometimes and I know he doesn't do it on purpose. He has so many things going on that sometimes I have to remind him of things and he's perfectly ok with it...he actually appreciates it.

Something tells me his withdraw has nothing to do with you. And I don't really think it's a withdraw...He may be looking for that reassurance from you that everything really is OK.

Text is safe. Make sure he can read it as a happy (confident) note rather than confused etc...

Then complain and bark later when all is good again. He will come back to it...

Earlier I had written "Oh, and you can really never **** up with a libra. There are no grudges."

DXP took it out

"Oh, and you can really never fuck up with a libra. There are no grudges."

No, it's still there. 🙂

I doubt it. Give me an example?

Huh? I guess I misunderstood you. Thought you were saying that DXP omitted your comment. I was just showing you that I could still see it.

HP, I've never called him, except to return his calls. So, that would be out of the ordinary. He has a crazy schedule, and I don't want to call during a meeting or something.

I do text him occasionally though. This is the longest it's been without contact though.

I will try to send an upbeat text message. Do you think I should tell him that I'd like to see him, or would that be too pushy? I really want to make this "okay"....

I figured out the f*** up, lol!

"Hey stranger. How goes it?"

that should do it.

Okay thanks guys! I did it! Just a Hey, how are you, how was your weekend thing. Ack, the waiting....

Ahhh, I was going to comment but I see theres no need now. Cool..good luck!

LibraP, please comment!!

I'm going to tell you right now and some of you might not agree with me but I'm looking at it from a mans perspective which women tend not to do...please do yourself a favor and don't contact him...you will come off as clingy and needy...men distance themselves, alot of it has to do with head games, mind control, it makes the women doubt themselves, be STRONG, show him that you don't need validation from him irregardless of what happened...he will see you in high status and respect you.

I have studied up on men and the way the communicate...trust me if you see if from your point of view, you will have made a mistake, don't let him see you sweat.

He will be back, give it time and if doesn't come back, flip it off and keep stepping.

*wink*

ssage posted by: ariesquestion on 4/25/2007 11:14:00 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.11
Okay thanks guys! I did it! Just a Hey, how are you, how was your weekend thing. Ack, the waiting....

Aaaaaaah commented too late...I hope it works out but I doubt it lol!!

You made the proverbial mistake most of us do but hey its your relationship (:

aq, don't sweat it. the message wasn't heavy or emotional if all you texted was "hey. how are you how was your weekend."

tiki is looking at it from most men's POV. don't let that get you down. you really don't know what's going on with this guy. if he doesn't respond, then get on with your life and don't ponder.

Ack Tiki....now you tell me, lol! I don't play games though. I'm a little too old for that 😢

I definitely hear you though!! However, I am a strong woman. I don't need him to tell me that.

HP, I got a reply (with only the standard hour wait, lol).

Not quite sure what to make of it though..... He has a funeral to go to tonight (friend's wife). Weekend was good, had a good time. He asked how mine was.

I always text back, but I'm not sure what to say. I want to see this guy again!

So he wants to hear from you again e.g. how was your weekend? If we REALLY don't want anything AT ALL we don't write that.

Don't make reference to the gone-wrong bit, just be upbeat and then you've created the open door for him to contact you again.

well AG the games play when you play into them...when you texted you started the game, if you had not texted he would have had to break down and come to you but women are so dayum impatient, we let our fear and anxiety dictate our actions, I suggest keeping your cool, stop texting, let him come to you, chase you, men like the chase, they don't want there prey jumping into there arms...stop it and trust yourself.

BE PATIENT...do you know how anxious you sound right now, if I sense it guess what, he sense's it too...stop and back away from the phone (:

no seriously

Not doing anything is a game just the same. Or should we say strategy?

Hey Libra, I was thinking that he was just trying to be a nice guy. But you're probably right. I wouldn't ask him if I didn't care. My confidence is pretty low right now!

All I really want to do is see him in person again. I hate texts, etc. Even the phone. I need to see someone's face! I'm probably one of the most impatient people alive.

men are strategic, thats how they communicate, she needs to play him at his own game, leave the emotions at the door, theres plenty of time for that.

Let him put in work...they love it and if he doesn't want it, he won't pursue it and she can move on...thats part of the game

simple as that

I agree, not doing anything is a game/strategy. I don't wanna play! AND I don't have any "cool", lol.

AQ, he is taking an interest in knowing how you are.

If he didn't expect or want a reply, he wouldn't have asked how your weekend was.

Keep the reply and off of you. Offer condolences.

"I'm sorry to hear about your friend's wife. My weekend was good. I'll ttyl. Take care."

This way, you aren't avoiding his question and you show some sympathy for the loss of his friend's wife.

THEN, leave the ball in his court to pick up and toss back...

well you can contact him and come off as impatient and clingy like your coming off on the boards...he will feed off of it and play games with you, your being predictable...stop it...he already has you jumping thru hoops now, what do you think he will do if he senses you being weak...he will use it to his advantage, he already is...

its a game whether you wanna play or not...get used to it, if you can't handle the mind games men play then sit on the sidelines b/c all men play them at different levels.

Creating an open door for him to utilise when he's got his head around his own strange behaviour that night is not a bad place to be in, for Him as well as for Her.

I doubt it had anything to do with Her.

It makes no sense to put an Aqua spin on a Aries girl that fancies a Libra boy. If he wants her, if wants her today as well and it won't make any difference. It's just a matter of time.

Yes, we want that, which we have to fight for, but having that door ajar after making such a idiot of yourself is a good thing.

nah, she needs to keep her cool, he will come to her, who said the door was closed, no one closed the door, so why does she feel the need to push, let him do his thing and eventually he will contact her, I'm saying she needs to back off and let him persue her, he pulled back (his issue) and he needs to figure out what he wants, she texted, thats enough.

Thanks HP, I replied. I'm not really expecting anything further with what he wrote, but at least there aren't any hard feelings.

I really appreciate your thoughtful replies! Thanks :-)

Libra, I feel better creating a door as you say. I've done some really stupid things in past relationships, and I just wish someone would have created one for me.

Thanks too for the Libra input :-)

Tiki,

You are definitely describing an Aquarius male. I've had my share in the past. Needless to say I don't have enough cool, patience, strategy or game to play with your type!

I can't (read won't) change, so I hope libras are different!!!! Time for a change.

actually I'm a female

I its not about signs, its about understanding how men communicate, understanding their psyche, its about putting yourself in his shoes and understanding that women emotions create alot of unnecessary drama..you show men your weaknesses too early on in the relationship and instead of the relationship being balanced, the men tend to take full reign.

Good luck!!

Thanks Tiki :-)

I didn't think you were a guy, but you definitely seem to know where they're coming from. (in a good way)

I haven't given up control yet 😉 Only you guys have seen me sweat!

"I its not about signs, its about understanding how men communicate, understanding their psyche, its about putting yourself in his shoes and understanding that women emotions create alot of unnecessary drama..you show men your weaknesses too early on in the relationship and instead of the relationship being balanced, the men tend to take full reign."

I am sorry, but I ted to agree with HP. If she wants to contact him, then contact him. Personally, I think games are when a person starts playing the if I do this, then he will do / think this scenario and tries to "strategize" something that should just be simple. Don't over complicate it, just be yourself.

If she wants to contact him, then contact him. If she wants to be gushy, then be gushy. If she wants to be fun, then be fun. The main thing is to just do what YOU want and be who YOU are. If he ends up thinking she is needy, well then obviously WHO she is would be incompatible with who he is, and the relationship would more than likely not last anyway.

Again, don't over complicate it, just be yourself...

again I'm telling her from a mans perspective,

women tend to forget men think NOTHING like us, there are strategies that can improve a womans love life dramatically but I'm not here to preach, I know alot of women won't get it, they will continue to do what they do and get hit and misses...bottom line, she should have kept her cool and not texted. Let him do the work to get her and therefore that gives her an advantage but it is what it is.

it only becomes complicated when women are being impatient and emotional and for the record, men are ALWAYS playing the game and thats why alot of women get played, hurt and disappointed from not realizing it.

"again I'm telling her from a mans perspective, "

No, you are telling her what you think a man's perspective is. And, men, just like women vary from man to man.

"women tend to forget men think NOTHING like us"

I am merely saying, who freaking cares how a man thinks... To me, attempting to strategize things like this by attempting to guess what a man is thinking is playing games. Who cares what he is thinking. Just be yourself... Just do what YOU want to do, and not what you think HE wants you to do (or not do)...

"will continue to do what they do and get hit and misses..."

For the records, I get far more hits than misses... 😉

But, should a man want to not be with me because I called or texted too much, well that is okay. I would much rather lose a potential by being myself than continue a relationship with someone pretending to be someone I am not because he would have that large of a problem with who I choose to be.

"But, should a man want to not be with me because I called or texted too much, well that is okay. I would much rather lose a potential by being myself than continue a relationship with someone pretending to be someone I am not because he would have that large of a problem with who I choose to be."

I totally agree. I don't want to be someone else, nor do I want a guy to think I'm someone that I'm not. I always say I'm too honest for my own good :-)

So, what would you do in my situation?

From what I have seen ... men get into big huge fights then they get drunk together and everyone is happy. That is male bonding.

As a girl who is one cigar and a poker game short of being one, and goes through this ritual once or twice a week, men respect the truth as long as it isn't buried under a lot of emotion. They have no problem with you telling them they are full of shit, when they are full of shit. If you can tell them that in a quick-witted sassy comment, even better. They are pretty simple creatures.

She isn't saying don't be yourself, she is saying don't act from a place of insecurity and fear.

AQ this probably won't be the last time he steps back. Some of these guys do that, just to take it all in and weight things in their minds, most times it isn't negative. You should contact him. I find it best to be honest with these guys... Not too emotional too soon just light and straight to the point.

again I'm telling her from a mans perspective, "

No, you are telling her what you think a man's perspective is. And, men, just like women vary from man to man.

Nope sorry, I have done the butting head thing with men, I took action and did my own research, I now KNOW and its tried and proven...Men speak a totally different language and women consistently speak to them in there language...causes too much confusion, if women took more time to know how men think they wouldn't ask so many dayum questions lol!! Sorry I couldn't help it but it really would alleviate the why's and what for's.

"women tend to forget men think NOTHING like us"

I am merely saying, who freaking cares how a man thinks...

Women should freaking care, it will give you 2 sides of the coin and emotions won't be so deeply involved with the process, once you take out all the gibber gabber things become clear, women will find its not what we thought it was, its not that serious and we can all relax, when a man behaves a certain a women won't have to run to the board trying to figure it out...she will already know the answer and can relax and do her thang.

To me, attempting to strategize things like this by attempting to guess what a man is thinking is playing games. Who cares what he is thinking. Just be yourself... Just do what YOU want to do, and not what you think HE wants you to do (or not do)...

Women don't like strategizing, its tedious to them but it works!!! Your not guessing what he thinks, your arming yourself with information to counteract and draw him in instead of pushing him away, when he behaves a certain way women will already understand whats going on...

the women come to the boards b/c they are GUESSING AND TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT (I was one of them)...if women knew the mindset of men and really understood it, things wouldn't be so confusing, should I call or shouldn't I call, does he love me, what does this mean or that mean, alot of this stems from women not knowing the communication and language of the male psyche.

Men love chess games, why b/c its all about strategy, men have their own strategy mechanisms and alot of it gear towards a womans fears, if women understood this they wouldn't be so ready to put themselves out their, they would be more selective in choosing the idea men for themselves.

Your right do what you want....

I'm not here to debate...