Trying to make sense of things (aqua/libra)

So I had met this libra man online back in January (I am an aqua woman.) From the moment we first started messaging, it was instant chemistry. The jokes we were able to tell, and the level of comfort was incredible. We had talked online for maybe a week to two weeks, before I had suggested he get my number.
Well from that moment on, we talked all day every day. From sun up until sun down. There wasn't a moment that we didn't get each other's jokes. Something still felt off to me though. I had calmly explained to him about one of my past prior relationships, how it affected me, how I felt about what was going on, and asked for clarification.
Basically he would disappear for hours on end after a while of talking. And I felt that he was "hiding" me.
Well we calmly discussed things, and he clarified that he wasn't bringing me around his friends because he used to be a prostitute, and a lot of them still viewed him as such. I explained that as long as that was no longer apart of his life, that I wouldn't mind talking to him.
So we continued talking and hanging out. It literally was amazing to be around him. But something still bothered me. So I looked at his phone. Every one of his friends is female, and every one either propositioned him for sex, or he did it with them. I confronted him, and he said he was all jokes.
In an effort to believe him, I stayed. The next couple of weeks after that we spent all our time together. He spoiled me, showed me tremendous amounts of affection, and even let me talk to one of his friends on the phone.
Well this past weekend we went out. He admitted that he "caught feelings for me" and when I asked if he was falling in love, he smiled, blushed, and casually said no. When I smiled and looked at him, he turned even more red and changed the subject. Later he stated that in his mind, we had been dating. I asked for clarification because I wasn't aware and was curious if it was "dating" or boyfriend/girlfriend. He stated that in his mind it was boyfriend/girlfriend.
Well something still wasn't right. My insecurities got the best of me and I looked at his phone again. To my horror I found that he had been getting half naked photos from these girls, and was still discussing having sex with them.
So I casually told him, unless things change I don't think this will work out. He asked me what it would take, and I told him the way he "jokes" with them would have to change, and I would have to meet them.

He admitted to caring, but said that he was afraid his friends would judge me. Not for any bad reason, but that they would think I changed him, and according to him "it's not a bad thing" but he felt that either way I would be mad at him or they would be.
Eventually he said it would be best to separate. What I don't understand, I'm not asking them to not talk. Just change the severity of the jokes. When he talks about his friends he calls them dumb, losers, not going anywhere in life, and that he isn't interested in them. He said he could live without their attention. But yet I feel that he is placing their sexual attention above all else.
So my question is... What to do? We literally got along like peanut butter and jelly, except for his need to be constantly sexual with his friends. Even then, since January, it's been brought up 3 times. This weekend he went as far to say that he felt that his past made me view him as a bad person, to which I explained that I didn't judge him off of his past, just his current actions.
I don't want to leave it be. I feel that he is afraid of losing his friends, but won't give me a chance to meet them and show him I don't want them gone either. I don't understand how he can go from trash talking his friends, upset about how they use him, went as far to tell me that it's nice that I don't expect money from him like his friends do, to placing them on a pedestal.

So please help. I want him back. I know he cares for me, I can tell by how we interact. All of my friends that he has been around has commented about how we act like we've been together forever. He even recently started making jokes about us living together and having children. Would it be best to lie in wait? Should I attempt to reach out to him? Please help! 😢

The only thing he's afraid of is losing his fun happy side activities with these bitches.


...and why the hell are you so worried about keeping THIS loser around. I mean really, red flag city up in here, and you're worried about KEEPING this guy?

Fucking wake up, chica. Why are you NOT turned off that he continued to fuck around with his harem behind your back while feeding you bs to keep you around?

The guy's full of shit. Consider it a lesson learned.

He admitted to caring, but said that he was afraid his friends would judge me. Not for any bad reason, but that they would think I changed him, and according to him "it's not a bad thing" but he felt that either way I would be mad at him or they would be.

This makes no sense. He's more worried about what his friends will think of him if he introduces a girl he's seeing?

yet,

So please help. I want him back. I know he cares for me, I can tell by how we interact.

Then,

When he talks about his friends he calls them dumb, losers, not going anywhere in life, and that he isn't interested in them.

...sooo, this is how he views his "friends?" Are you really surprised he's treating a potential romantic partner like he has treated you? He doesn't seem to respect anyone around him.

BUT

So please help. I want him back. I know he cares for me, I can tell by how we interact.

his need to be constantly sexual with his friends. Even then, since January, it's been brought up 3 times.

THREE TIMES?? REALLY? How many times do you need to clarify that you are not cool with this shit? And you still want to keep him?

Still

So please help. I want him back. I know he cares for me, I can tell by how we interact.

I don't understand how he can go from trash talking his friends, upset about how they use him, went as far to tell me that it's nice that I don't expect money from him like his friends do, to placing them on a pedestal.

Yet here you are,

So please help. I want him back. I know he cares for me, I can tell by how we interact.

click to expand

I'm pointing this out because you are making no sense and not being logical at all. Because he makes your panties tingle, you want to keep him around. The dude does not care or you wouldn't have had to brought up his sexting escapades 3 times.

If he cared, he wouldn't drop you when you insisted he quit being (continuing?) a man whore.

But you want him back? Honey, no. Do better for yourself than this.

Are you under the age of 25?

Remember, when guys are all talk, no action- much like this guy, they are not worth keeping around, tbh.

Honestly the whole "used to be a male prostitute" thing would be enough to drop it. Why are you so desperate for this loser to keep you? You'll survive without a man.

Are these friends all female? IDK but I feel like he is manipulating you into accepting his bad behaviour by trying to guilt trip you, him saying you're judging him by his past. It seems to be working because you already seem willing to compromise & are doubtful.

These people ask him for sex for goodness sake! If he was mindful of your feelings, he wouldnt be intertaining these "jokes" since you've already stated that they make you uncomfortable. Plus, it's already been a few months, yet you're already experiencing enxiety & insecurity. Not good. Get rid of him! The whole situation will do damage to your self esteem & I believe it already has because you accept that he still talks to these women. Move your magic wand & make this one go POOF. Plus he was a prostitute! Eww. You deserve so much better than someone with no self-respect. Good luck, love, but please, don't go back to this disgusting piece of filth.

Thanks for the insight. 🙂

Rocky- it makes no sense to me either. I'm normally not the type to do this sort of thing, but something about him has me captivated. Libra charm? Maybe it is my own self doubt and I know I need to explore my own self worth. But I can't explain it.

As for the friend thing, I don't get it either. The only logical explanation I have is that they have been his friends for life. But it does seem like a cop out to blame what his friends would think about me as for his reasoning.

To be fair, the three times hasn't been clarified. The first time was when I went through his phone and that's when we discussed the nature of their relationships, but I never really said "stop." The second time was this weekend where I expressed concern given his past, and the third time was earlier today when I did say stop.

Rocky- I don't know why I'm desperate. Normally I'm not this type. I honestly wish I had better logic/reasoning than what I can offer.

Watercup- thanks for the advice! 99% of his friends are female. And they have admitted to liking him. Which has made me more insecure about their interactions than I cared to admit. Do you maybe have any advice to move on? Because I really feel stuck in mud so to speak.

Posted by Waterpistol
Thanks for the insight. 🙂

Rocky- it makes no sense to me either. I'm normally not the type to do this sort of thing, but something about him has me captivated. Libra charm? Maybe it is my own self doubt and I know I need to explore my own self worth. But I can't explain it.

As for the friend thing, I don't get it either. The only logical explanation I have is that they have been his friends for life. But it does seem like a cop out to blame what his friends would think about me as for his reasoning.

To be fair, the three times hasn't been clarified. The first time was when I went through his phone and that's when we discussed the nature of their relationships, but I never really said "stop." The second time was this weekend where I expressed concern given his past, and the third time was earlier today when I did say stop.

Listen, unless he is retarded, everybody with more than two functioning brain cells in their head KNOWS that no partner will okay with their partner having/talking about having sexual intercourse with other people while still IN a relationship. So, you didn't need to tell him to stop, he should know it already! Unwritten rule of being in a relationship unless its an fwb situation or other casual situations similar to it. He needs to go! Don't tolerate disrespect.

Tiz- maybe you're right but I'm still having difficultly understanding. Could you possibly elaborate? I just want to ensure that I'm understanding you properly. Are you saying he is only wanting to acquire more friends?

Watercup- Thank you. Is it possible to keep you in my ear when I have moments of weakness? 😉

Posted by Waterpistol
Rocky- I don't know why I'm desperate. Normally I'm not this type. I honestly wish I had better logic/reasoning than what I can offer.

Watercup- thanks for the advice! 99% of his friends are female. And they have admitted to liking him. Which has made me more insecure about their interactions than I cared to admit. Do you maybe have any advice to move on? Because I really feel stuck in mud so to speak.

No secret method to moving on emotionally, but the 1st step is to move on physically. Cut all contact with him, it does wonders when trying to forget a nightmare. Stand your ground, don't make compromises...it gains you respect from men. Basically, be allergic to shit.

Posted by Waterpistol
Tiz- maybe you're right but I'm still having difficultly understanding. Could you possibly elaborate? I just want to ensure that I'm understanding you properly. Are you saying he is only wanting to acquire more friends?

Watercup- Thank you. Is it possible to keep you in my ear when I have moments of weakness? 😉

Yeah sure, but I've dealt with a shitty libra myself. I'm not over it yet but the worst parts are over & I'm moving forward.

but should be PLUS lol

I just don't know if I can do it on my own. It's absolutely sad, I get it. I've never been in this situation before. Normally I can cut ties pretty well lol. So I feel very vulnerable and confused as to what is going on.

Posted by Waterpistol
I just don't know if I can do it on my own. It's absolutely sad, I get it. I've never been in this situation before. Normally I can cut ties pretty well lol. So I feel very vulnerable and confused as to what is going on.

Yeah, I know, the connection is intense. But your happiness should come 1st. Count on me, I'll help you through it. You can private message me any time you feel like caving in to this disaster. Stay strong.

This guy must lay the rod down hard. He made her go Oooooooooooaooooohhhhhmmmmmmmmm now her brain don't work. I wonder how many discussions there will be next month when some chic sends him a masterbating video... or in two months when it's a video of him having sex. He'll say they were just kidding around. he wasn't serious when he stuck his tongue in her ass. oh, he'll just deny it "wasn't me".

Sidenote... I joke and say "man whore" but the idea that there really are still amazes me. What woman has to pay to get laid? I mean men use whores for a cheap nut, it'd be cheaper for a lady to hit a bar and just start rubbing some guy at the bar. Worst case he has a girl (that he actually cares about not like our thread here) and says thanks but I can't, please stop...soon.

Dammit, my moan in the last post got auto corrected and removed the capital O's sprinkled in there. It gave the sound a little more zest to the ear.

Just read this and I vibed so much bad energy. As an aquarius it is best you separate yourself from him emotionally before you get your feelings caught up in a knot that eats you alive causing you to make horrid decisions. Mind over matter you had the vibe when you went through his phone, people don't change they just work on improving their better selves. He hasn't took the initiative to improve or maybe he will upon you leaving.

Posted by LivingOnPorpoise
Just read this and I vibed so much bad energy. As an aquarius it is best you separate yourself from him emotionally before you get your feelings caught up in a knot that eats you alive causing you to make horrid decisions. Mind over matter you had the vibe when you went through his phone, people don't change they just work on improving their better selves. He hasn't took the initiative to improve or maybe he will upon you leaving.

Aquarians have feelings!?

Haha I kid, I kid...sort of.

I need to invest in some ninja smoke bombs so I can say stuff then toss some smoke and do the libra dissappearing act.

Lol well most of us, mines never seem to surface much or evolve at most...oh wait i can see them (maneuvers through cob webs) haha but seriously no not the smoke bombs again lol!

Posted by LibraSid


I need to invest in some ninja smoke bombs so I can say stuff then toss some smoke and do the libra dissappearing act.

Omg that'd be so amazingly epic!

Desperation will have you settling for less than you deserve.

This connection you have with him is quite common between libra male/Aquarius female pairing. I assure you that it's nothing unusual. Find yourself a next libra guy, who is not as big a douche as him.

Right now you are not that attached to him so save your heart. This prostitute will cause you a lottttttt of heartache. That I'll also assure you based on everything you've written.

Sweet talkers don't just sweet talk one woman. If he can make you melt, he can most likely make other women melt. Then again, he was/is a prostitute. I can't believe you wanna get with a prostitute. Have some standards please!

"This prostitute will cause you a lottttttt of heartache."

lol

Well thanks for all the responses...

I'm trying to cut him out, but damn. :/

Yeah it will suck but hey summer love is just around the corner, be on the prowl.

Thank you Back... I had done so, but he made his choice.

Apparently one of my friends had a discussion with him. He agreed that what he did was wrong, and that he cares still. But I'm so confused... if he knows it was wrong and still cares then why this drama?

Libra men man... 😉

Livingon- Doo tell... 🙂

It's silly to be so hung up on him. Logically I know it's dumb and silly. Emotionally I'm like "Noooooooooooooo"

Posted by backtokemet
ANOTHER VICTIM OF THE ZEBRA MAN !

HE HYPNOTIZED YOUR ASS WITH HIS BLACK & WHITE HYPNOTIC STRIPES
DON'T BE FOOLE😱 HE LOVES HIS HAREM AS MUCH AS HE (SUPPOSEDLY) LOVES YOU AND WOULD RATHER NOT HAVE TO LOSE EITHER

ONE WAY TO BREAK THE SPELL IS TO MAKE HIM CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND THEM .. ZEBRAS HATE TO MAKE DECISIONS !

"Zebras."

el oh freaking el.

Posted by Waterpistol
Thank you Back... I had done so, but he made his choice.

Apparently one of my friends had a discussion with him. He agreed that what he did was wrong, and that he cares still. But I'm so confused... if he knows it was wrong and still cares then why this drama?

Libra men man... 😉

click to expand

Because they're freaking masochists.

Libra men like drama lol. Plus I believe that they must have a secret fantasy of having girls fight over them.

Yesterday I bought a magazine because it had Senzo Meyiwa, a married South Africa who was involved in a very public affair with another woman. The woman has since given birth to their child & he is now back to wife. So they were interviewing them since the wife refused to talk about the embarrassing situation when it was still happening.

Anyway, Senzo says he lied to Kelly (the mistress. A scorpio.) about being married & kept pushing her to go out with him. She agreed & they dated for a couple of months. He was going overseas so asked her to meet him on the highway leading to the airport but to his surprise, his wife showed up as well. The two women got into a physical fight. Kelly believed that the wife was just another woman trying to steal "her man". But she found out that her lover had lied to her, he is married & has two kids. At this point Kelly was also pregnant by him. So messy. This story sounded so much like my mine with my libra ex & while looking at Senzo I saw a familiar look so I googled him. He is also a libra!!

He is with his wife now, claims to be in love with her but a reader cant help but doubt his sincerity. He still speak fondly of his ex, like it's not over. I think they are still seeing each other because he says it pains him that he have to testify in court about the highway fight between the women. He's playing both sides. In other words, when the ex reads the article, he wants her to know that he is on her side because he says things like "she's not the bad guy here. I put her in this mess. She's a wonderful person" & a lot of other things about how attracted he was to her, etc. On the other hand, the reason for the interview is to appease the wife as well. He is showing their love to the country by admitting everything, apologizing & calling her all these nice things. But he is being smart about it too by making sure that both sides will be happy once its printed.

*a married South African soccer player

Well thank you guys.

It does seem to be that they like drama. In the time frame that I knew my libra, he had gotten into two fights because of his friends, and had them beg him for money countless times. But he still wants to continue that life path. Which is so odd - he had told me prior he had cut a lot of people out of his life because they weren't even going to go anywhere in their life.

Are libra's just naturally liars? Not necessarily by choice, but because they are trying to always appease each side?

Posted by Waterpistol
Well thank you guys.

It does seem to be that they like drama. In the time frame that I knew my libra, he had gotten into two fights because of his friends, and had them beg him for money countless times. But he still wants to continue that life path. Which is so odd - he had told me prior he had cut a lot of people out of his life because they weren't even going to go anywhere in their life.

Are libra's just naturally liars? Not necessarily by choice, but because they are trying to always appease each side?

Im my experience, yes they are liars & never stop lying to get what they want. I just recently found out that my ex told his wife that *I* was the one that kept pestering him, wanting a relationship with him. It made me angry but I decided not to confront them & set the record straight he knows the truth and I know the truth. Everyone that knows us including my ex husband could testify to how this guy never left me alone. As a matter of fact, at the beginning of me & my exhusband's relationship, he used to call at all hours of the night acting jealous. Telling me that I should break up with my new boyfriend & better, I should do so infront of him. What a joke! So one day my exhusband, while we were still married, god fed up & called him to tell him to leave us alone. This guy kept his number! He still has it to this day. I saw it on his phone last year while me & him were close friends again. The lies he is telling now are pure fantasy & wishful thinking at best.

Okay, number one STOP calling those women his —friends?? they are NOT his damn friends okay? Lol. Stop saying that.
Two he is a flat out liar, the bottom line is he still wants to do him and have you too. There's no if ands or butts, that's all this is. Libra??s love attention so yes we flirt to no end, even if we have no romantic interest or plans for the situation to go pass flirting. HOWEVER, when we are in love with our partner, or even in a so-called relationship we will not do ANYTHING we so much as THINK will jeopardize our relationship.
I was with a Cancer he didn't like guys flirting with me, I did everything in my power to show him he's my one and only, I even put his name in hearts on my bio-with a kissy face to show that I'm off limits (still didn't work, but that's cancers for you) he was still mad because guys still flirted. I'm attractive guys will flirt all I can do is not respond, and that's what I did because I was all for my guy not them. Same thing goes for this jerk your swooning over, if he was in love or really liked you, or even RESPECTED you as his woman he wouldn't associate with women that don't respect his relationship.
Furthermore if it were my man that had female friends, I wouldn't ASK to meet his friends I??d DEMAND to meet them, or I??d walk. Period. What am i? A secrete? Yeah right. The only way that??ll fly is if he's cool with me having male friends, and if he is then I suggest we just kick it and not be in a relationship. Because when you are in a relationship it's not supposed to be you plus 1, 2 and 3. Its?? supposed to be YOU and the other person. That's it.

Posted by WaterCup

Posted by Waterpistol
Well thank you guys.

It does seem to be that they like drama. In the time frame that I knew my libra, he had gotten into two fights because of his friends, and had them beg him for money countless times. But he still wants to continue that life path. Which is so odd - he had told me prior he had cut a lot of people out of his life because they weren't even going to go anywhere in their life.

Are libra's just naturally liars? Not necessarily by choice, but because they are trying to always appease each side?

Im my experience, yes they are liars & never stop lying to get what they want. I just recently found out that my ex told his wife that *I* was the one that kept pestering him, wanting a relationship with him.

click to expand

Interestingly enough, my ex did the same with the girl he cheated on me with. LOL. Told her how I'm chasing him meanwhile I was chasing a belonging of mine that he had. He wouldn't give it to me and loved making me hunt him down for it. Just wow!

pinklibra- The issue, is some of these women are his friends. Some are not, but some are. I understand that the lines are easy to blur in those areas, but a majority of the women were his friends before anything else.

I do appreciate your aspect though. What is strange... is he did do that when we got together. The reason I never demanded to see his friends, is that we are two different ethnicities. While he never hid me, and would go out of his way to show he was with me while walking around his town, I also understood that a lot of his friends disliked me because of my race. While I understand that didn't matter to him, and shouldn't matter at all, it unfortunately did matter. The way I was stared at while I was out with him was very haunting, and honestly made me hate going out with him around town during the day. At least at night I couldn't see their stares.

But you are correct in that he hasn't shown me the respect I needed to see. He did good in some areas, but I would've gladly traded all the money, door openings, yes ma'ams, and always being available to me to just have him show me respect by not bothering with those chicken heads.

Aquarius & Watercup- In my experience men do that because it seems easier to blame the woman. If you notice in today's society, if a man is caught cheating, no one (usually) says squat to the man. Nope. it's the girls fault. She pursued him, she weakened him, she lied to him, she seduced him. What a lot of these women don't realize, if the man had any feelings/respect at all, that woman couldn't have done anything to ruin a relationship.

I realize I'm doing the pot calling the kettle black here. It's just disappointing when you think of someone so highly like I did him, and then you realize... oh wait... you were wrong.

Posted by Waterpistol
Aquarius & Watercup- In my experience men do that because it seems easier to blame the woman. If you notice in today's society, if a man is caught cheating, no one (usually) says squat to the man. Nope. it's the girls fault. She pursued him, she weakened him, she lied to him, she seduced him. What a lot of these women don't realize, if the man had any feelings/respect at all, that woman couldn't have done anything to ruin a relationship.

I realize I'm doing the pot calling the kettle black here. It's just disappointing when you think of someone so highly like I did him, and then you realize... oh wait... you were wrong.

"that woman couldn't have done anything to ruin a relationship." wat..... lol

your a fool and your being played by a fool... you probably deserve it

Posted by Waterpistol
But he still wants to continue that life path. Which is so odd - he had told me prior he had cut a lot of people out of his life because they weren't even going to go anywhere in their life.

...Not necessarily by choice, but because they are trying to always appease each side?

YES.

That was something that baffled the shit out of me with one I dated. Claimed he wanted to make friends outside of school, felt that they were just overwhelming at times with their "family" bit, etc. He admitted that's why he liked being around me- it was a nice change of pace.

Then he proceeds to drop everything to hang out with them, despite his claims they don't think of him much outside of school, and goes on about how much he loves all these people in anything via social media.

And then he trashed our relationship/friendship because he was so obsessed with keeping friends with these people.

...which is fine, but it was so strange considering everything he'd admitted to me. Like yours contradicts himself with you.

I seriously wonder if some of these guys know what the hell they really want because they're too busy running around trying to please everyone and contradict themselves quite often in order to do so. :/

Rockyroad- I'm sorry you went through that too! It seems that we may be dealing with the same man lol!

I really don't get it. Maybe it's the aqua in me, but if I say something... I mean it. If I don't want someone in my life, they are gone. If I want someone in my life, I will bend over backwards to keep them. This "I hate them" then "let me kiss their ass" is so baffling and mind boggling.

Oh well. It sucks and still somewhat hurts. But I hope he feels that his decision was worth it.