Dazed
@_Dazed
6 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 9549 · Posts: 12626 · Topics: 250
Abuse..
The same. 2 sides of one coin
Posted by _Dazed
Emotional/psychological vs physical/sexual..
Which is worse? Or are the the same?
If one is more damaging than the other.. please explain.
Emotional. Mostly because because it leaves no bruising or scars. And as the victim you won't actually know its emotional abuse until years down the road.
I've experienced it all,including sexual child abuse, so my view is based on that. For me it's all the same.
Unfortunately when people go through this, you become susceptible to experiencing it again. When you are broken you don't recognize abuse or signs of possible abusive types, it seems normal. It's usually after or down the road that you start to see the red flags If you will. As I've gotten older and gone through tons of counciling, I can now pay attention to my body and emotional triggers, there are always reasons why you get that feeling.
Unfortunately when people go through this, you become susceptible to experiencing it again. When you are broken you don't recognize abuse or signs of possible abusive types, it seems normal. It's usually after or down the road that you start to see the red flags If you will. As I've gotten older and gone through tons of counciling, I can now pay attention to my body and emotional triggers, there are always reasons why you get that feeling.
I will add that abusive types seem to have this way of finding broken or damaged types, it's like a magnet for them. I used to question why me because I never understood why it happened more than once, then I learned the above- pretty sure there are studies on it someplace.
My dad was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive with all of us and my mom- he learned it from his parents, it's a cycle that has to be consciously changed.
The sexual abuse I've spoke about on here before and am not going into detail again. I tried to kill myself when I was 12 because I didn't want it to happen again. Again ties up to what I said above, I was too young to understand and I should not of had to understand.
My dad was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive with all of us and my mom- he learned it from his parents, it's a cycle that has to be consciously changed.
The sexual abuse I've spoke about on here before and am not going into detail again. I tried to kill myself when I was 12 because I didn't want it to happen again. Again ties up to what I said above, I was too young to understand and I should not of had to understand.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by generation_xy
I also understand that there is a cause behind people who abuse. Some people are born in the cycle, might be mental health issue or a trigger. I think one of the things people fear most is trying to understand this kind of people because it's a side of human nature that we don't touch. We see the effects but not the cause.
This is why I can't even hate the Scorpio. The only thing is, he doesn't recognize that I also need his sympathy. But he isn't the only one. I mask myself by playing so much distraction, playing like a dead fish with no feelings or a concrete wall so nobody bothers my inner peace. All the shit stays outside from my inner circle. I'm a gemini who has trouble with personal communication and that's frustrating. I don't make sense unless I detach.
yet you made threads about the pain you felt him marrying someone else
what's going on with you women
click to expand
A form of Stockholm syndrome maybe.
This is what I have to add to this discussion. People can visually see bruises, and can watch them heal in a matter of days. However, you can't see mental abuse. You don't see the damage, but it often times creates long lasting affects. It changes a person on a core level. Who they are, who they become, how they react.
Often times, someone who experiences both physical and mental abuse, suffer the mental part for longer then those of the physical. The physical abuse is also a form of mental abuse. It is often times, used to blame the victim for "making them do it."
Abusers will start in a subtle way. They will essentially "groom" someone into a scarcity mentality. Use it to create a false sense of fear that they will leave the victim. That the victim needs the abuser. That the abuser is the one that "saved" them when no one else wants them or cares. You don't know its happening, and then suddenly you wake up one day, always anxious about being left alone that you will put up with anything and everything they give you, because you don't think you are worth more.
When you have your self worth, esteem, and confidence stripped away slowly to the point you hate yourself without them. You allow the worst of treatment, and make excuses for it, that they were right.
And it is so easy for people to say, "You should have left"; "You should leave."; "You should be stronger." when they are on the outside looking in. But it is much harder, for the person in the cycle to do that, because of the anxious scarcity mentality they live in everyday. Fear is a funny thing, it can be used to control someone else so heavily.
And people wonder why someone would go back to their abuser.
Often times, someone who experiences both physical and mental abuse, suffer the mental part for longer then those of the physical. The physical abuse is also a form of mental abuse. It is often times, used to blame the victim for "making them do it."
Abusers will start in a subtle way. They will essentially "groom" someone into a scarcity mentality. Use it to create a false sense of fear that they will leave the victim. That the victim needs the abuser. That the abuser is the one that "saved" them when no one else wants them or cares. You don't know its happening, and then suddenly you wake up one day, always anxious about being left alone that you will put up with anything and everything they give you, because you don't think you are worth more.
When you have your self worth, esteem, and confidence stripped away slowly to the point you hate yourself without them. You allow the worst of treatment, and make excuses for it, that they were right.
And it is so easy for people to say, "You should have left"; "You should leave."; "You should be stronger." when they are on the outside looking in. But it is much harder, for the person in the cycle to do that, because of the anxious scarcity mentality they live in everyday. Fear is a funny thing, it can be used to control someone else so heavily.
And people wonder why someone would go back to their abuser.
Posted by Ram416Posted by _Dazed
Emotional/psychological vs physical/sexual..
Which is worse? Or are the the same?
If one is more damaging than the other.. please explain.
Emotional. Mostly because because it leaves no bruising or scars. And as the victim you won't actually know its emotional abuse until years down the road.click to expand
This is what I am trying to get at..
No visible scars.
May not even know it's happening.
VERY difficult to prove...
Which can lead to victim shaming and outright denial that abuse is taking place... such as we saw yesterday on the boards.
Also.. thank you to anyone sharing their stories.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by nikkistar
This is what I have to add to this discussion. People can visually see bruises, and can watch them heal in a matter of days. However, you can't see mental abuse. You don't see the damage, but it often times creates long lasting affects. It changes a person on a core level. Who they are, who they become, how they react.
Often times, someone who experiences both physical and mental abuse, suffer the mental part for longer then those of the physical. The physical abuse is also a form of mental abuse. It is often times, used to blame the victim for "making them do it."
Abusers will start in a subtle way. They will essentially "groom" someone into a scarcity mentality. Use it to create a false sense of fear that they will leave the victim. That the victim needs the abuser. That the abuser is the one that "saved" them when no one else wants them or cares. You don't know its happening, and then suddenly you wake up one day, always anxious about being left alone that you will put up with anything and everything they give you, because you don't think you are worth more.
When you have your self worth, esteem, and confidence stripped away slowly to the point you hate yourself without them. You allow the worst of treatment, and make excuses for it, that they were right.
And it is so easy for people to say, "You should have left"; "You should leave."; "You should be stronger." when they are on the outside looking in. But it is much harder, for the person in the cycle to do that, because of the anxious scarcity mentality they live in everyday. Fear is a funny thing, it can be used to control someone else so heavily.
And people wonder why someone would go back to their abuser.
Ahhh interesting, i think i was in this situation, except that I gave way more (which may seem like a form of control, if i do this and this they will stick with me) - but I knew when i started getting panic attacks that something was very unhealthy
the thing is when it was over i listed everything wrong with the relationship and I was very okay with the ending of it. I never mourned it. I was actually very angry at self for participating in the tearing of my own self esteem, my self worth, my time, etc etc
I never felt i missed out or i needed to interact with that individual again
So its hard for me to see women still engaged with people who supposedly abused themclick to expand
I did the same. I woke up one day, and I stopped caring. But for 2 years, I allowed things that I would NEVER have allowed for now, or prior to him.
And I will be honest, I haven't blocked him. He is the ex that, still 15+ years later, messages me once a year. Want to know why I don't block him? To remind myself of what I allowed to happen. Yes, I allowed it. But that doesn't mean he didn't abuse me.
I like watching him, remain the same shitbag guy, complaining about his life, 15 years later. He hasn't changed. He will never change. And I am petty enough to show him, my life is nothing but beautiful and amazing. Watch as he tailspins, and I can keep throwing my happiness in his face.
That is my revenge. To prove to him, that what he made me feel, was him being a weak man. Trying to weaken me, because he knew I was too good for him. And that he had to bring me down to his level, to keep me. Cause he knew I would outgrow him.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by nikkistarPosted by Black-MambaPosted by nikkistar
This is what I have to add to this discussion. People can visually see bruises, and can watch them heal in a matter of days. However, you can't see mental abuse. You don't see the damage, but it often times creates long lasting affects. It changes a person on a core level. Who they are, who they become, how they react.
Often times, someone who experiences both physical and mental abuse, suffer the mental part for longer then those of the physical. The physical abuse is also a form of mental abuse. It is often times, used to blame the victim for "making them do it."
Abusers will start in a subtle way. They will essentially "groom" someone into a scarcity mentality. Use it to create a false sense of fear that they will leave the victim. That the victim needs the abuser. That the abuser is the one that "saved" them when no one else wants them or cares. You don't know its happening, and then suddenly you wake up one day, always anxious about being left alone that you will put up with anything and everything they give you, because you don't think you are worth more.
When you have your self worth, esteem, and confidence stripped away slowly to the point you hate yourself without them. You allow the worst of treatment, and make excuses for it, that they were right.
And it is so easy for people to say, "You should have left"; "You should leave."; "You should be stronger." when they are on the outside looking in. But it is much harder, for the person in the cycle to do that, because of the anxious scarcity mentality they live in everyday. Fear is a funny thing, it can be used to control someone else so heavily.
And people wonder why someone would go back to their abuser.
Ahhh interesting, i think i was in this situation, except that I gave way more (which may seem like a form of control, if i do this and this they will stick with me) - but I knew when i started getting panic attacks that something was very unhealthy
the thing is when it was over i listed everything wrong with the relationship and I was very okay with the ending of it. I never mourned it. I was actually very angry at self for participating in the tearing of my own self esteem, my self worth, my time, etc etc
I never felt i missed out or i needed to interact with that individual again
So its hard for me to see women still engaged with people who supposedly abused them
I did the same. I woke up one day, and I stopped caring. But for 2 years, I allowed things that I would NEVER have allowed for now, or prior to him.
And I will be honest, I haven't blocked him. He is the ex that, still 15+ years later, messages me once a year. Want to know why I don't block him? To remind myself of what I allowed to happen. Yes, I allowed it. But that doesn't mean he didn't abuse me.
I like watching him, remain the same shitbag guy, complaining about his life, 15 years later. He hasn't changed. He will never change. And I am petty enough to show him, my life is nothing but beautiful and amazing. Watch as he tailspins, and I can keep throwing my happiness in his face.
That is my revenge. To prove to him, that what he made me feel, was him being a weak man. Trying to weaken me, because he knew I was too good for him. And that he had to bring me down to his level, to keep me. Cause he knew I would outgrow him.
The petty exists...click to expand
Never denied it. 😆
I can tell you some fucked up shit with my brothers. One is dead the other just got out of prison. Ones a leo sun who's the died from brain cancer.Use to physical abuse me a lot smashing my head into things,shooting me with bb guns.i kicked his ass one day really fucking bad he had to go to the hospital when we were teenagers. He started buying guns when he was old enough because he feared me ever since that day. he would point them at me and say cruel shit to me "try to kick my ass now" just saying really fucked up shit.
My oldest brother who's a pisces is a druggie, thief and a big ass liar who's been in prison his whole life constantly stealing from me my mom ,anyone. Well apparently he was seeing a therapist in prison and he lied to them about how he forced me to have sex with him, which never happened that they literally contacted me and tried to make me go into therapy as well and it never actually happened. That I literally had to take several lie detector test to prove to them it never happened and that hes just one fucked up individual from all the drugs hes done from pills crack heroin meth one delusional guy.That was the biggest shock of my life really. Hes trys to contact me but I want nothing to do with him at all. I almost got arrested because of him because of that lie, I was smoking weed with my girlfriend at the time and heres a sheriff's deputy knocking on my door like what the fuck.
My oldest brother who's a pisces is a druggie, thief and a big ass liar who's been in prison his whole life constantly stealing from me my mom ,anyone. Well apparently he was seeing a therapist in prison and he lied to them about how he forced me to have sex with him, which never happened that they literally contacted me and tried to make me go into therapy as well and it never actually happened. That I literally had to take several lie detector test to prove to them it never happened and that hes just one fucked up individual from all the drugs hes done from pills crack heroin meth one delusional guy.That was the biggest shock of my life really. Hes trys to contact me but I want nothing to do with him at all. I almost got arrested because of him because of that lie, I was smoking weed with my girlfriend at the time and heres a sheriff's deputy knocking on my door like what the fuck.
Posted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xy
@thinktankPisces
I liked and quoted you on your posts. They're also accessible in my post history as well.
"Next time be smart when chosing a man.", Well its not wrong is it ? if you smart in choosing a man you wont got a cheater.
"Some people say "its gonna be hard to fool people twice".
Seems like you're about to prove them wrong."
Its sarcasm advice. Or indirect advice.
Direct advice :
"Dont go that way ! theres a hole in there you might fall".
Indirect advice/sarcasm advice :
"Please go there ^^ and surely you would fall to that hole ^^".
"Sarcasm advice"
You said it.
Test me. You had all the time to follow me around. Now that you have my attention, you're being shy about it.
You know me right? It's not what i've posted i'm worried about, it's your actions and seemingly harassing/stalkery behavior. It makes me wonder what information you have collected because your comments are quite insensitive and top it off with, testing me to make sure who I was. I want to know if my personal information has been past around.
As I said. You got my attention.
Many people stalk someone they interested in whether they admit it or not, seeing their post, relationship, status etc, people did it all along, man and woman.
I told you stop with the BS saying it as harrasing. All i did are just giving an advice. I did it to other people to so please dont be annoyingly dramatic.
You start to pissed me off.
It is stalking. Didn't you say you've been testing me?
So for a few days now, you've been doing that.
So now I annoy you because you have my attention? Way to switch real quick.
How much time did you check your boy friend, friend, husband FB status, whatsapp etc ? oh miss so innocence and NOT STALKING ?
You mean my exes who I knew.
Who said I was ever married?
And so the drama continue to never married.
Bc i was never married and I haven't had a bf or been with an ex for more than 3 to 4 years.
Can you please quote me on where I said I was married or in a relationship complaining about my bf?
Which is even more disgusting dont you think ? since you said you have a child from him. And you dare act innocence and call out god name without even feel ashmed of yourself.
I myself never did such a disgusting thing and yet rarely act innocence or bring god like im some of a very religious person.
I never claimed innocence.
Hm. Don't bring my child into the discussion because you're getting annoyed.
You sound pretty vile. You come to attack me, got my attention, now feel annoyed because I reply to your post and now you bring up my child in the convo.
So interesting.
As for god, children are a blessing in god's eyes. It's not disgusting to not be married and have a child. What's disgusting are people with ill will, just like you.
Look at this trash. Accusing me of insulting harrasing while im just giving advice which make me angry. And now the trash question "why did i look so vile".
You throw a rock at someone and you ask why that someone angry ?
Trash, please look at the mirror.click to expand
You have been out of line from your first comment. You are harassing her and it wasn't just a harsh advise. You are trash for victim blaming her for what happened with her ex.
Go crawl back under your rock.
Posted by thinktankPiscesPosted by justagirlPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xyPosted by thinktankPiscesPosted by generation_xy
@thinktankPisces
I liked and quoted you on your posts. They're also accessible in my post history as well.
"Next time be smart when chosing a man.", Well its not wrong is it ? if you smart in choosing a man you wont got a cheater.
"Some people say "its gonna be hard to fool people twice".
Seems like you're about to prove them wrong."
Its sarcasm advice. Or indirect advice.
Direct advice :
"Dont go that way ! theres a hole in there you might fall".
Indirect advice/sarcasm advice :
"Please go there ^^ and surely you would fall to that hole ^^".
"Sarcasm advice"
You said it.
Test me. You had all the time to follow me around. Now that you have my attention, you're being shy about it.
You know me right? It's not what i've posted i'm worried about, it's your actions and seemingly harassing/stalkery behavior. It makes me wonder what information you have collected because your comments are quite insensitive and top it off with, testing me to make sure who I was. I want to know if my personal information has been past around.
As I said. You got my attention.
Many people stalk someone they interested in whether they admit it or not, seeing their post, relationship, status etc, people did it all along, man and woman.
I told you stop with the BS saying it as harrasing. All i did are just giving an advice. I did it to other people to so please dont be annoyingly dramatic.
You start to pissed me off.
It is stalking. Didn't you say you've been testing me?
So for a few days now, you've been doing that.
So now I annoy you because you have my attention? Way to switch real quick.
How much time did you check your boy friend, friend, husband FB status, whatsapp etc ? oh miss so innocence and NOT STALKING ?
You mean my exes who I knew.
Who said I was ever married?
And so the drama continue to never married.
Bc i was never married and I haven't had a bf or been with an ex for more than 3 to 4 years.
Can you please quote me on where I said I was married or in a relationship complaining about my bf?
Which is even more disgusting dont you think ? since you said you have a child from him. And you dare act innocence and call out god name without even feel ashmed of yourself.
I myself never did such a disgusting thing and yet rarely act innocence or bring god like im some of a very religious person.
I never claimed innocence.
Hm. Don't bring my child into the discussion because you're getting annoyed.
You sound pretty vile. You come to attack me, got my attention, now feel annoyed because I reply to your post and now you bring up my child in the convo.
So interesting.
As for god, children are a blessing in god's eyes. It's not disgusting to not be married and have a child. What's disgusting are people with ill will, just like you.
Look at this trash. Accusing me of insulting harrasing while im just giving advice which make me angry. And now the trash question "why did i look so vile".
You throw a rock at someone and you ask why that someone angry ?
Trash, please look at the mirror.
You have been out of line from your first comment. You are harassing her and it wasn't just a harsh advise. You are trash for victim blaming her for what happened with her ex.
Go crawl back under your rock.
Well because it is the truth.
Its true that the man is the biggest one to blame but it also true a little part of it is her fault too for chosing the wrong man.
The truth hurt, but the truth is the truth. Please throw away your blind one sided judgement and hate.click to expand
I'm not the one with hate, you are.
Go pick on someone else.
🙏🏻
I'm not gonna get into my personal accounts but I will say that I must be the odd one out...in my experience the physical was the worst...its something about being absolutely powerless in those situations. Honestly it's really hard to explain. There was just not a lot I could do until I got older and I fought back and I'll be damned if I ever have someone do that to me again...I WILL kill them.
The mental/psychological abuse for some reason it never really phased me.. did it hurt?...of course it did but I knew at a young age why they were doing what they were doing and I knew who I was and I was nothing like what was shoved down my throat on a daily basis and it was some fucked up shit that was said and done...just pure evil. I know I've said it here multiple times...you can say whatever the fuck you want to me but lay a hand on me...you better kill me when you do... ijs.
I forgave them tho...like legit forgave them none of the saying it but holding a grudge stuff. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't 💯 their fault...they were fucked in the head from their own tramas and I guess I just understood that.
If I've never dealt with any abuse...I would say sexual abuse would be the absolute worse...I can't even imagine and I don't think I would come back from that...I might still physically be here but mentally I'd be done for.
Edit: just want to clarify "holding a grudge" aspect...I don't mean it as in a way to minimize other people's experiences like it's just pettiness or something...I meant it more like holding hate for them for forever but telling everyone you forgive them.
The mental/psychological abuse for some reason it never really phased me.. did it hurt?...of course it did but I knew at a young age why they were doing what they were doing and I knew who I was and I was nothing like what was shoved down my throat on a daily basis and it was some fucked up shit that was said and done...just pure evil. I know I've said it here multiple times...you can say whatever the fuck you want to me but lay a hand on me...you better kill me when you do... ijs.
I forgave them tho...like legit forgave them none of the saying it but holding a grudge stuff. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't 💯 their fault...they were fucked in the head from their own tramas and I guess I just understood that.
If I've never dealt with any abuse...I would say sexual abuse would be the absolute worse...I can't even imagine and I don't think I would come back from that...I might still physically be here but mentally I'd be done for.
Edit: just want to clarify "holding a grudge" aspect...I don't mean it as in a way to minimize other people's experiences like it's just pettiness or something...I meant it more like holding hate for them for forever but telling everyone you forgive them.
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If one is more damaging than the other.. please explain.