NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND

I was a school teacher for a short time , Some of the notes I got from parents spelling been left intact.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today.
Please execute him.

Dear OJ - STILL ALIVE, KICKING AND AROUND - what a pleasure.
How are you by the way - when you?re not terrorizing the docs?
Haven?t myself been here for ages (now don?t you go telling the others what a blessing that is)
Love from Turtle

hehe

If I come to iceland will you keep me warm?

another I saved these

please exkuce Katisha from being ab cent she was sick and i had her shot.

Dear school

please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

OJ, those letters are really good and sooo bad. "please exkuce Katisha from being ab cent she was sick and i had her shot" ... LMAO ... too funny!

Kids today, just don't have a chance, do they? ...

"The eight-graders will be presenting Shakespeare?s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

OJ, the fur coat, russian fur hat and the insulated boots will be ready whenever you visit!

lmAO

oh man...

please, someone help these parents!

I lov this one

please excuse Gloria from jim today she is administrating.

I lov the Jim not Gym

Haha!! "please excuse Gloria from Jim today, she is administrating"... That is again funny and too cute! Where the heck do you find these?

please excuse Roland from P.E. today, yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced him hip

A mom was getting her 4 year old son ready to take a bath.
The little boy was checking out his testicles and asked his mom:
"Are these my brains?"
His mother replied:
"Not yet"

John was absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa?s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over his wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks puzzled. Finally the little girl asks:
"Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did, honey, a long time ago" replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, he did, and that wasn?t too long ago" answers her grandpa.
"Boy" said the little girl, "He?s sure doing a lot better job these days"

Now to the grown-ups:
A man approached a very beautiful woman in Wal-Mart and said:
"I?ve lost my wife here at Wal-Mart. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled, "Why talk to me?" she asked
"Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere..."

"please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

hahahaha .. poor kids.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Magen could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised she looks at him and asks how old he is. "I?m 90 years old" he says.
"90!" says the madam, "Don?t you realize you?ve had it?"
"Oh, sorry" says the old man. "How much do I owe you"

Bad very bad

A old man 90+ is to marry a 18 year ol gril his people try to talk him out of it they tell him it could lead to death he says if she dies she dies.

chris will not be in school today cus he has an acre in his side

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children and grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a catholic are you?
Man: I?m jewish
Priest: Then why are you telling me all this?
Man: Hey - I?m telling everybody!

Please excuse Rau Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

A priest and a minister are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground.
The sign reads: THE END IS NEAR! TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
A car speeds past them, the driver yelling "Leave us alone you religious nuts!"
Then there is the sound of screeching tires followed by a big splash.
The priest turns to the minister and asks:
"Do you think the sign should just say: BRIDGE OUT?"

Am off to Portugal.
Two short ones from the church?s bulletin board "for the road":

Ladies, don?t forget the rummage sale. It?s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

For those of you who have children and don?t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

have fun are you going to Lisbon?

Please excuse Lesli from being abcent yesterday she had the s--ts

please excuse tommy for being abcent yesterday he had diarrhea and his boots leak

Irving was abcent yesterday because him miss him bust.

Am in Algarve, sun,sand,see, beer! Nice but no jokes now because am running out of computer time
Love
turtle

please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Bellie home because she had to go xmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jenniefer from missing school yesterday we forgot to get the sunday paper off the pourch. we found it on monday , we thought it was sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from friday, we have to attend her funeral

"When I was writing a Psychological Assessment for one of my demented clients the headings said,"Psychological Ass."

TOO FUNNY, these are all hilarious!!! LOL! 😛

my daughter was abcent yesterday because she was tired. she spent a weekend with the marines.

Travelling can be fun:
A wealthy old lady goes on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he?s lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks Oh,No. Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chow on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclames loudly "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, terrified and slinks away into the trees, thinking: "Whew - that was close! The poodle nearly had me"

Meanwhile a monkey had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures that he can put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle notices him heading after the leopard and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard and spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made fool of and says: "Here monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!"

Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks what he can do. Instead of running, the dog sits down with is back to his attackers, pretending he hasn?t seen them yet and waits until they get just close enough to hear.

"Where is that damn monkey?" the poodle says loudly, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

I lov it. now tell me about your trip.

please excuse Jason forschool yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

this school had one hell of and lunch hour.

Dear OJ, my trip wasn?t as exciting as the poodle?s, but I loved it anyway, the portuguese are by custom (as you very well know!!) very british orientated - and gracious hosts.

I just love the church?s bulletin board:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals

Don?t let worry kill you off - let the Church help

please excuse mary for being abcent yesterday she was in bed with gramps.

I guess its like that great book I read about arkansas

My mother my aunt my father my uncel I is my own cusin

Irving and Jessie were married on June 20th in the Church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

More about doggies:
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

One day the dog died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked:
"Father, me dog is dead. Could ya?be sayin' a mass for the poor creture?"

Father Patrick replied "I?m afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane and there?s no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they?ll do something for the creature".

Muldoon said "I?ll go right away Father. Do ya' think $ 5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn?t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

please excuse Brenda she has been sick and under the doctor

Sean, Ian, and pat or going out on a saturday night as they go by church sean says to his mates I must go into confesion. In the confesional he says forgive me father for I have sined. THe priest ask what is your sin. Sean says father I had sex with a women last night and we are not marred.
The preist says was it margeret hullhan? sean father I cant tell you who it was Father it was that patty murphy girl wasn't it. No father I wont tell you. I* know says father Sarah McCaroy. no father says sean.
Very well says father put 20 punt in the plate and say 100 hail marrys.
Sean leaves the church his mates ask how did it go, saen says 100 hail marrys, 20 punt, and three good leads

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Key West, Florida. His wife was on a business trip and planned to fly directly from there to Key West and meet him there the next day.
When he arrived at his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the piece of paper on which he had written her company e-mail address, he did his best to type it from memory.
Unfortunately he didn?t get it exactly right and the message was routed instead to a preacher?s wife, whose husband had just passed away earlier that week.

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at her monitor, let out a blood curdling scream and passed out in a dead faint. The woman?s daughter having heard the scream and the loud thud, rushed into the room. There she saw her mother lying on the floor and the following message on the computer screen:

MY DARLING WIFE; JUST CHECKED IN,
EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
LOOKING FORWARD TO US BEING TOGETHER AGAIN.
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND.

P.S. IT SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE!

tomorrow I will make my last post on this thread forever.

May I do this for you, OJ?

Miss Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

The rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:
"Break Forth Into Joy" 🙂