Please help

Tips on how to stop thinking about someone ?

It’s not exactly that it’s due me wanting to be with this person (who by the way never really cared for me and is in a relationship and most likely going to be engaged to be married soon ........ )

I think I have been having difficult time Not thinking about this person due to my severe depression . I think thoughts of this person in a positive light as well as envisioning a future with this person has been my brains only way of keeping me motivated to complete tasks / carry on with life .

Disconnect from their internet presence, social media, phone, snapchat, etc. Just turn it all off. Out of sight out of mind.

Powder-form Inositol and increase your B-vitamins ❤️

Did you have an admirer that was suffocating you with unwanted attention?

Think about what he did, but imagine your crush doing it instead!

Just keep thinking of this person if it keeps you going on. There's nothing wrong with thinking.

Just accept it's not reality

Posted by greylatern

What qualities did this person have that you are so stuck on?

Then out of the millions within your reach litteraly, why do you think you can't find that or even better?

Unless this is one of those once in a lifetime connections, you will be fine. Oh and it probably isn't because those connections are always mutual, otherwise they wouldn't be so strong.

I think that this person ...out of all of the people I've met .....just reminds me the most of myself....

my pattern is being drawn to women with similar upbringing (in terms of neglect and or abuse) and has similar mental health concerns

i think me being fixated on them and trying to love them has been my default method of trying to love myself

i know how flawed that is....but it's something I have learned about myself over the past decade and am learning how to deal with.

i once learned about this teaching in kabbalah that we will continue to attract repeat certain life experiences until we have learned to have finally mastered and transcend them.

if i can master self-love by turning inward and finally attending to my needs I think that I will be able to finally transcend this experience

Posted by Undine

Did you have an admirer that was suffocating you with unwanted attention?

Think about what he did, but imagine your crush doing it instead!

hmmm

in the past i would do this as an exercise but tbh it would make me really happy..and in the most positive sense ground me and reaffirm how this person isn't for me...because of the obvious disconnect /one sided nature of our connection...

and then i would try to be positive that i could possible find someone in which i would have a more equal balanced and healthy connection ( mutual effort in terms of attention as well as setting and maintaining boundaries..having good communication...trying to be sources of support for each other instead of causing additional harm)

things that i've lacked in the majority of my personal relationships..including the primary ones i have had with immediate relatives

as of now

i only imagine myself doing this to her which make me feel slightly worse

as again it's bringing up stuff from childhood i'm still trying to resolve.

i have learned and internalized that i should give a ton of space to women i care about

and again often feel guilty when i do reach out to them which is very rare and sporadic.

but i know how that's not how healthy relationships work... they are what i imagine what i listed above about the type of relationship(s) i would like to have in my future...if i'm ever in a place to be able to participate in them myself

which again i think i would be able to do after i work and heal from my own own stuff

Posted by hydorah

Just keep thinking of this person if it keeps you going on. There's nothing wrong with thinking.

Just accept it's not reality

that's the thing that gives me hope that i'm not a lost cause is that i know that it's not

i guess my hope is that i could get the same positive feelings from envisioning a future as a single person

which i did before i met this person...trying to get back to that place

because i think it's a healthy start

being okay with whatever life gives you and knowing that a romantic relationship isn't necessary to feel complete...finally be happy..blah blah blah

you know all the things we are lied to about lol

Posted by sweetpea2977

Powder-form Inositol and increase your B-vitamins ❤️

have you tried this personally?

Posted by but_didyoudie

Go out, meet another guy... if the feelings still remain... then you have a real problem. Right now, there is no problem. 😄... well other than your depression. Now that... you need to address, not by meeting other people but by going within... meditation... discovering where this depression is coming from.

thanks for the advice!

i know where it comes from.

having a difficult time changing my circumstances though which are causing them.

Posted by ClairDeLune

What kind of relationship did you have with this person? Were you just friends or were you dating?

it was a situationship...that turned into just being friends but didn't really last to do actions on my part.

she was just someone that ...i mean i knew from the beginning

it either had to be a romantic connection or no connection at all

compared to my past romantic encounters.

i had a hard time trying to express that to her though...and it manifests in weird ways...

but i'm not going to beat myself about it

I deleted my whole Facebook page to stop myself from looking at the Aqua that I used to be obsessed about.

Now he's added me on Snapchat and I haven't messaged him at all. I think he just wants to leave the link open, just in case. And he's moved with a girlfriend and is all the way over in France. Typical Aqua move. I'm relieved I'm over him now, well at least as long as he's not moving back to the US.

I think talking to new people is the way to go. The feelings need to focus on someone else. Is there a reason you aren't talking to other people?

I've never understood the need to not be distracted when hindered by love or difficult times.

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Tips on how to stop thinking about someone ?

It’s not exactly that it’s due me wanting to be with this person (who by the way never really cared for me and is in a relationship and most likely going to be engaged to be married soon ........ )

I think I have been having difficult time Not thinking about this person due to my severe depression . I think thoughts of this person in a positive light as well as envisioning a future with this person has been my brains only way of keeping me motivated to complete tasks / carry on with life .

I was in a very one sided relationship for 3 years. I wasn't suffering from depression, just a Taurus who couldn't let go. There is really nothing you can do when someone is an emotional crutch for you. Just go on and let him keep you alive and engage with as much that interests you in life as you can. It's your fantasy after all and I firmly believe fantasies have a place in promoting wellness. Time really is a great healer. With the passage of time, I later saw the guy I adored for what he was and one day just fell out of love with him. Then got on with the rest of my happily. I don't think during this time any words from anyone could have changed my mind. It was a journey of self discovery. I hope your situation works out well.

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by sweetpea2977

Powder-form Inositol and increase your B-vitamins ❤️

have you tried this personally?

click to expand

Yes!

Posted by ClairDeLune

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by ClairDeLune

What kind of relationship did you have with this person? Were you just friends or were you dating?

it was a situationship...that turned into just being friends but didn't really last to do actions on my part.

she was just someone that ...i mean i knew from the beginning

it either had to be a romantic connection or no connection at all

compared to my past romantic encounters.

i had a hard time trying to express that to her though...and it manifests in weird ways...

but i'm not going to beat myself about it

I understand love, there was a sense of hope and I'm sure it hurts to feel it didnt happen. But you do need to remember how that person treated you and how it didnt happen for a reason. I'm sure there is someone out there that will love and care for you in the way you deserve❤

click to expand

thank you

i think so too : )

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by greylatern

What qualities did this person have that you are so stuck on?

Then out of the millions within your reach litteraly, why do you think you can't find that or even better?

Unless this is one of those once in a lifetime connections, you will be fine. Oh and it probably isn't because those connections are always mutual, otherwise they wouldn't be so strong.

I think that this person ...out of all of the people I've met .....just reminds me the most of myself....

my pattern is being drawn to women with similar upbringing (in terms of neglect and or abuse) and has similar mental health concerns

i think me being fixated on them and trying to love them has been my default method of trying to love myself

i know how flawed that is....but it's something I have learned about myself over the past decade and am learning how to deal with.

i once learned about this teaching in kabbalah that we will continue to attract repeat certain life experiences until we have learned to have finally mastered and transcend them.

if i can master self-love by turning inward and finally attending to my needs I think that I will be able to finally transcend this experience

Wow your very insightful good for you

Therapy helped me see trying to win over ex Taurus was attempting to get mothers love.

Needing his love was trying to heal that conditional mother’s. love. I think you are just a the cusp of a breakthrough

So yes practice self love

click to expand

was your mom also a Taurus?

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by greylatern

What qualities did this person have that you are so stuck on?

Then out of the millions within your reach litteraly, why do you think you can't find that or even better?

Unless this is one of those once in a lifetime connections, you will be fine. Oh and it probably isn't because those connections are always mutual, otherwise they wouldn't be so strong.

I think that this person ...out of all of the people I've met .....just reminds me the most of myself....

my pattern is being drawn to women with similar upbringing (in terms of neglect and or abuse) and has similar mental health concerns

i think me being fixated on them and trying to love them has been my default method of trying to love myself

i know how flawed that is....but it's something I have learned about myself over the past decade and am learning how to deal with.

i once learned about this teaching in kabbalah that we will continue to attract repeat certain life experiences until we have learned to have finally mastered and transcend them.

if i can master self-love by turning inward and finally attending to my needs I think that I will be able to finally transcend this experience

Wow your very insightful good for you

Therapy helped me see trying to win over ex Taurus was attempting to get mothers love.

Needing his love was trying to heal that conditional mother’s. love. I think you are just a the cusp of a breakthrough

So yes practice self love

was your mom also a Taurus?

No Pisces

click to expand

oh just like me 😢

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Tips on how to stop thinking about someone ?

It’s not exactly that it’s due me wanting to be with this person (who by the way never really cared for me and is in a relationship and most likely going to be engaged to be married soon ........ )

I think I have been having difficult time Not thinking about this person due to my severe depression . I think thoughts of this person in a positive light as well as envisioning a future with this person has been my brains only way of keeping me motivated to complete tasks / carry on with life .

I've been there, in that exact place (dude wasn't in another relationship though). It's easy to fantasize about something you never got to experience as some form of escape from real life troubles.. nice to imagine how things could be. But often times the reality doesn't match our dreams or fantasies. I found out the hard way and after years of clinging mentally, ended up having to let go anyways. In my case though, the person displayed who they were underneath it all and it didn't end up matching who I had them built up in my head to be, so it was easier for me to just let go, forget and mentally detach.. In your case, if he is with someone else, he's likely not showing you his shitty side to crush your dream and allow you to let go.. so that could be more difficult.

click to expand

we only briefly hung out a few times back home in CA but I was actually lucky in that i did get to see who she really was.

tbh by our third hang out i was questioning do i even like this person as a human being ( when drinking she'd make insensitive comments about her ex , or current friends or just in general about race) .....

which obviously didn't match up to the person i was envisioning during our moments apart.

but unfortunately, this is also how i learned that you could still want to have sex with someone even if you don't like them or rather especially if you don't like them.

it was as my dislike/anger deepened my sexual attraction to her as well catalyzed even more obsessive thoughts which were more about the "why" ( what was the purpose of our meeting? why is she the only person i wanted to have sex with? what is it about her that seems familiar? why did she treat me so poorly as well as others? why am i still thinking about her 3 years later...especially now that i know the answers to these questions/ have a good sense of who she is? etc)

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Tips on how to stop thinking about someone ?

It’s not exactly that it’s due me wanting to be with this person (who by the way never really cared for me and is in a relationship and most likely going to be engaged to be married soon ........ )

I think I have been having difficult time Not thinking about this person due to my severe depression . I think thoughts of this person in a positive light as well as envisioning a future with this person has been my brains only way of keeping me motivated to complete tasks / carry on with life .

I've been there, in that exact place (dude wasn't in another relationship though). It's easy to fantasize about something you never got to experience as some form of escape from real life troubles.. nice to imagine how things could be. But often times the reality doesn't match our dreams or fantasies. I found out the hard way and after years of clinging mentally, ended up having to let go anyways. In my case though, the person displayed who they were underneath it all and it didn't end up matching who I had them built up in my head to be, so it was easier for me to just let go, forget and mentally detach.. In your case, if he is with someone else, he's likely not showing you his shitty side to crush your dream and allow you to let go.. so that could be more difficult.

we only briefly hung out a few times back home in CA but I was actually lucky in that i did get to see who she really was.

tbh by our third hang out i was questioning do i even like this person as a human being ( when drinking she'd make insensitive comments about her ex , or current friends or just in general about race) .....

which obviously didn't match up to the person i was envisioning during our moments apart.

but unfortunately, this is also how i learned that you could still want to have sex with someone even if you don't like them or rather especially if you don't like them.

it was as my dislike/anger deepened my sexual attraction to her as well catalyzed even more obsessive thoughts which were more about the "why" ( what was the purpose of our meeting? why is she the only person i wanted to have sex with? what is it about her that seems familiar? why did she treat me so poorly as well as others? why am i still thinking about her 3 years later...especially now that i know the answers to these questions/ have a good sense of who she is? etc)

Okay, in hearing that, this is a bit different. You mentioned in your opening post that you had a hard time not thinking of her due to severe depression. I think your depression has you trapped in a place where you feel that you don't deserve to be treated properly, so you are clinging to someone that treated you poorly. You just want to gain / win her affection and the fact that you can't has you so caught up.. add depression to that and it's a recipe for disaster. I think if you try to focus on yourself and making yourself happy, doing things you love, spending time with good people in good energy, you'll start to feel better about yourself and relaize that you deserve so much more than this. Once you feel confident in yourself you won't want to settle for anyone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve! xo

click to expand

yeah agreed

that's pretty much what i outlined in some of my earlier posts.

i know self love is key to beating this thing.

i'm hopeful that i also will be able to expand my friend circle and develop close friendships again...as i don't have any at the moment.