lisabeth
@lisabethur8
13 Years50,000+ Posts
Comments: 4373 · Posts: 50653 · Topics: 564
Dating People with Kids (Page 2)
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Posted by b1tchcrafts
People with kids should hookup with people with kids
They will take things at the pace given to them and eventually be united or not.
lol if only life were so simple.
maybe they should start a dating site for single men/women with children. 😛
Posted by DMV
by priority I mean, if he asks me to go on a date, im saying yes. No games. I wanna hang out. I make the time.
I am a spontaneous person and when I get told, to wait or hold on, I get all WHY.—
spontaneous at YOUR convenience though, so long as YOU aren't busy you want spontaneity because let's be real, here, dmv ... if you were at work, or you were busy in your life with one of your (other) duties then you would be the person having to take a rain-check.
You want a one-sided relationship, it appears.
Wow. He must be a mind reader. He actually brought it up while I was just on the phone with him. Maybe he sensed my frustrations. That is something I like about him. He likes to fix things.
I also like how he didnt make me feel bad for feeling how I feel. 2nd time hes understood where im coming from.
I cant tell you how many times ive been called crazy.
I also like how he didnt make me feel bad for feeling how I feel. 2nd time hes understood where im coming from.
I cant tell you how many times ive been called crazy.
Posted by Impulsv
Well I'm 40 n all I've dated is childlessmen. So that the pool lessens yes, but single childless men still around. No I won't date men with children as I'm not about to have a life of soccer saturday n Sunday's.
lmao
Sag, I have no POV. Your feelings is your feelings. I hope you feel better somehow.
I agree w/Tiz, play through the pain...LOL.
Men with children, animals, strong family obligations turn me on. I like people with a life. I'm extra special when he adds yet another person to all that... me!
I agree w/Tiz, play through the pain...LOL.
Men with children, animals, strong family obligations turn me on. I like people with a life. I'm extra special when he adds yet another person to all that... me!
Posted by Damnata
DMV..
This is the guy you mentioned on the Sag board right? The gentleman? That entire topic made me feel like you have some kind of insecurity..either not measuring up to him or not having dealt with a gentleman before. There seemed to be a lot of..intimidation there. Almost caution, despite the admiration and the excitement you had going on.
You might want to consider if this topic has no place at all and it has nothing to do with children or anything but everything to do with you self-sabotaging for fear of not handling right something good that finally comes your way. Lacking experience in a way. So your way is to pre-emptive strike to get the hell out of a situation that you feel you lack experience in.
Maybe. When I found out he had a kid. I initially cringed inside, but I wanted to give him a chance. Dating like this is unchartered territory for me. Its new and challenging.
But I want to make sure that im not sticking around because this new and challenging. Then he just becomes a sport and I proved that I can handle a man with a kid at the end of the day.
He is indeed good for me as compared to other guys, but what good is that if I dont feel emotionally secure and confident with him. I wont be any good to him.
I want to stick around because we enjoy each other
Posted by seraphPosted by VenusAquarius
Men with children, animals, strong family obligations turn me on.
Lol
"I need to help my cousin move a cabinet on Sunday".....
...
..
.
click to expand
You see right through me...LOL!!!#
Posted by VenusAquarius
Sag, I have no POV. Your feelings is your feelings. I hope you feel better somehow.
I agree w/Tiz, play through the pain...LOL.
Men with children, animals, strong family obligations turn me on. I like people with a life. I'm extra special when he adds yet another person to all that... me!
yeah men with kids dont turn me on. Quite the opposite. Theyre alright for a game of horizontal poker, but thats bout it.
We havent played horizontal poker yet so, this also adds dramatic outburts as well.
He is a cap moon. Work, family, and responsibility emotionally fulfills him.
I am a scorp moon, I live for emotional intensity. Since I cant have sex with him, I have to get the emotions out in other ways. If I dont see him often, how can I get the release I need? Scorpio energy can be demanding on everyone involved.
he uses his cap moon to talk me off the ledge. I am the more emotional of us.
Grown man shit SAG24/7. You don't like to long, huh?
Girl, I redirect the jacuzzi jets and get off.
Girl, I redirect the jacuzzi jets and get off.
Posted by b1tchcrafts
People with kids should hookup with people with kids
They will take things at the pace given to them and eventually be united or not.
I have girl friends with kids who refuse to date men with kids.
Posted by VenusAquarius
Grown man shit SAG24/7. You don't like to long, huh?
Girl, I redirect the jacuzzi jets and get off.
Rather, I prefer to quickly know the, cards, penis, etc so I can make an informed decision and not waste anyones times. More importantly mine.
your attention span is longer than mine.
I don't know if you remember the Sag I dated. Gang of friends and family. Went family trip. My daughter (Pisces), his little sister (Cap) were the same age. Me and his momma (Cancer) chilled. We stayed at his sister's (Cap)and her husband (Gemini). They was arguing in the kitchen.
You ain't been lonely? Not time for a family? Family is family?
You ain't been lonely? Not time for a family? Family is family?
Posted by DMVPosted by VenusAquarius
Grown man shit SAG24/7. You don't like to long, huh?
Girl, I redirect the jacuzzi jets and get off.
Rather, I prefer to quickly know the, cards, penis, etc so I can make an informed decision and not waste anyones times. More importantly mine.
your attention span is longer than mine.click to expand
No, can't say that mine is longer than yours. Yours is way longer than mine.
Yes, you gotta get to know the D. So, let's just see.
I have me. I have spent more time alone than in a relationship. Im alone but not lonely. I live a great life. I can continue this life without a partner or kids. A relationship or family and kids doesnt define me. I have friends who move from one relationship to the next. Theyve never spent some good time alone.
However, if a nice man comes along and wants to get to know me. Thats cool. I look for things that compliment my life and not frustrate me. I can frustrate my own self.
However, if a nice man comes along and wants to get to know me. Thats cool. I look for things that compliment my life and not frustrate me. I can frustrate my own self.
I imagine that it gets worse with age. We can only imagine.
We know that we are different.
I'm just a multi-tasking extrovert. Something's got to be in every box.
When I read your feelings, here and there. I just get a different sense of things... especially the relationship/dating ones.
We know that we are different.
I'm just a multi-tasking extrovert. Something's got to be in every box.
When I read your feelings, here and there. I just get a different sense of things... especially the relationship/dating ones.
Posted by VenusAquarius
Grown man shit SAG24/7. You don't like to long, huh?
Girl, I redirect the jacuzzi jets and get off.
lol@ jacuzzi jets.
Posted by DMV
I thought I could do this but I dont know if I can.
This is a new experience for me and im kinda uncomfortable about the situation. It honestly makes me mad and insecure and dramatic when the kid is rightfully chosen over me. Yes, I know this isnt logical. His child should come first but its hard concept for me to honestly sympathize because I dont have any.
I just feel like I wanna go out and do all these things and have fun, get to know more and more about him but I have to wait for him becasue he wants to spend time with his daughter. Honestly it gives me blue balls and turns me off.
Its really messing up with my need for complete devotion from my interest.
what do I do?
I don't know.
I can selflessly append myself to a family. It's because of my birthday. But also my mother loved children. My Virgo sister is also a children magnet but she is domineering and always educating them. I'm a child's servant.
Children eaten really oher people's lives. If you are not ready to give up on parts of your life, you shoud not start it at all.
On the other side you get a lot from children. the merge : perpetuum mobile.
Is the child a daughter? some men marries their daughters.
Last summer we went to a trip with a family. The man has the two children most of the time.
He was sooooooooooo fixated on his daughter. Crazy actually.
Last summer we went to a trip with a family. The man has the two children most of the time.
He was sooooooooooo fixated on his daughter. Crazy actually.
Yuppers 🙂
Posted by DMV
I hope im not coming across as a douchebag.
Its wierd like, if he didnt see his kid or spent so much time with her as he did, I would give him the major side eye. He IS a responsible guy because his energy is into his kid and I would think he is irresponsible if he did any less.
I just dont like the feeling I get when I am on the backburner.
im jealous of his daughter. Im jealous of a 7 year old.
A douch?? No, but A bit unrealistic as it relates to him. His daughter is a priority as she should be because he is responsible for her. She didn't ask to be here, so it is his job to take care of her and tend to her needs until it's time for her to branch out on her own. You on the other hand are a choice. A choice wil never be a priority. Sorry to be blunt, but it is what it is.
This will not change any time soon, so you have the option of 1) talking to him to see if he can make both of you feel important, 2) set more realistic goals as far a a single father is concerned or 3) simply move on.
Posted by seraph
Watch that "complete devotion" need.
You'll get the devotion that naturally accrues to you as someone's romantic partner. But a lot of folks have family that they also need to consider - children, parents, extended family, and so on. This all comes with the territory. Even younger, single folks will have some natural family commitments that will sometimes have to take precedence over everything else. You'll need to be understanding, and if you've made a commitment, then you'll need to be supportive and involved. This is normal, and just an accepted reality of partnerships.
When you're with someone, you'll get everything they come with, including children and family. And when you've made a long-term commitment, you'll be integrated into that family, and share in the responsibility.
I'll translate into Sag: Most people come with accessories. And you can't just take all that out of the box and buy just what you want from it.
The thing is, why is this idea so inimical to you? Is it because you understand that you aren't up for the responsibility of (should you forge a lasting commitment with him) caring for his children as if they are your own? This is understandable. It can be a big job, especially when you're new to it. Or is it because you feel that you should get the lion's share of the attention at all times, no matter what? This last point isn't a healthy quality. And if you're looking for honest answers here, it's worth considering that entering relationships with a sense of entitlement like that doesn't make for long-term satisfaction.
^^^my damn finger hit post message before I could add: +1
Posted by Sugarfoot
Agreed with Seraph too and I also had that same thought when I read the OP. Even if he was childless, it's still unrealistic to expect complete devotion this early in the game.
It's unrealistic to expect complete devotion period. To expect this ignores the fact that you (general you) are not the only thing that may be important to someone. People don't come to us as empty vessels lacking dreams, desires, goals, ambitions or in most cases family. To expect that someone be "completley devoted" suggest that they do lack these things. Any person that starts off a relationship with that type of thinking is setting the stage for a very difficult relationship that will not last because you will always be disappointed.
^^^with this stated, I'm guessing it may just be how DMV phrased the part of the OP. I'm getting the sense this is more about not been able to enjoy the dating stage of this relationship vs expecting this man be hitched under her a** every second of the day?
Or...😈 😛
Or...😈 😛
My threads are had to understand, im a merc in scorpio. Telepathy is the preferred method of communication.
My threads are had to understand, im a merc in scorpio. Telepathy is the preferred method of communication.
Posted by PVandJellayPosted by DMV
Yuppers 🙂
Then the desire for complete devotion is understandable. no need to explain lol.click to expand
🙂 I hope I dont have to join Leo Mooners Anonymous.
Posted by DwellingOnMove
Is the child a daughter? some men marries their daughters.
Last summer we went to a trip with a family. The man has the two children most of the time.
He was sooooooooooo fixated on his daughter. Crazy actually.
yup shes a lil young lady
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMV
I hope im not coming across as a douchebag.
Its wierd like, if he didnt see his kid or spent so much time with her as he did, I would give him the major side eye. He IS a responsible guy because his energy is into his kid and I would think he is irresponsible if he did any less.
I just dont like the feeling I get when I am on the backburner.
im jealous of his daughter. Im jealous of a 7 year old.
A douch?? No, but A bit unrealistic as it relates to him. His daughter is a priority as she should be because he is responsible for her. She didn't ask to be here, so it is his job to take care of her and tend to her needs until it's time for her to branch out on her own. You on the other hand are a choice. A choice wil never be a priority. Sorry to be blunt, but it is what it is.
This will not change any time soon, so you have the option of 1) talking to him to see if he can make both of you feel important, 2) set more realistic goals as far a a single father is concerned or 3) simply move on.click to expand
I dont think thats fair of you to call me a choice.. He doesnt make me feel like a choice. Im a priority, im just not at all used to
a kid taking priority over me. Sharing for me can be difficult, but not impossible. I just started lettin my friends have other friends.
He actually did bring it up yesterday. He sensed my frustration over the amount of time we spend together. If he had water in his chart, I wouldnt need so much face to face, but I do.
he explained to me that his childs mother was giving him grief about $ $ because she knows its tax time. So when he calls to get his daughter, she always changes the subject back to $ $ . This has been going on for a few weeks. Same weeks, he met me.
he explained to me that his childs mother was giving him grief about $ $ because she knows its tax time. So when he calls to get his daughter, she always changes the subject back to $ $ . This has been going on for a few weeks. Same weeks, he met me.
Posted by PhoenixRising
^^^with this stated, I'm guessing it may just be how DMV phrased the part of the OP. I'm getting the sense this is more about not been able to enjoy the dating stage of this relationship vs expecting this man be hitched under her a** every second of the day?
Or...😈 😛
I will admit I am new to this whole traditional dating thing, but I still know what I need to feel emotionally secure. Yes, this is about trying to enjoy the initial stages of courtship. How can I keep building a connection if im not seeing you regularly? Im just not used to a child.jn the equation. So this is a tricky subject for me to bring up to him and others. Like I said, rightfully she is chosen over me.
Trust as a sag, I dont need nor want you around every second of the day. But you DO have to grab and keep my attention, if thats what you want.
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by DMV
I thought I could do this but I dont know if I can.
This is a new experience for me and im kinda uncomfortable about the situation. It honestly makes me mad and insecure and dramatic when the kid is rightfully chosen over me. Yes, I know this isnt logical. His child should come first but its hard concept for me to honestly sympathize because I dont have any.
I just feel like I wanna go out and do all these things and have fun, get to know more and more about him but I have to wait for him becasue he wants to spend time with his daughter. Honestly it gives me blue balls and turns me off.
Its really messing up with my need for complete devotion from my interest.
what do I do?
Are you sure you aren't just trying to justify galloping off? I'm not trying to be sarcastic at all, but Sag can find just about any reason to gallop off into the sunset--its a knee jerk reaction especially when feelings start to get involved. Any just a thought.
If that's not the case, You know, when you are with someone with kids you have to learn to be free and easy in the relationship. You need to roll with the wind for quite some time. A parent is trying their best to raise good kids and if the child has also gone through a break up of the family, I am sure the parent wants nothing more than to make the child feel secure. If you can help in that area, your man would be so grateful I am sure. Good luck.
click to expand
I totally get that I need to meet him half way, but so does he.
He feels pulled in a few directions, I get that now after our talk. So I chill on being so demanding.
also, I like to add that im not that unrealistic as a 33 yo. Not everyone has sex with the intention to pro create.
also, I like to add that im not that unrealistic as a 33 yo. Not everyone has sex with the intention to pro create.
Posted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMV
I hope im not coming across as a douchebag.
Its wierd like, if he didnt see his kid or spent so much time with her as he did, I would give him the major side eye. He IS a responsible guy because his energy is into his kid and I would think he is irresponsible if he did any less.
I just dont like the feeling I get when I am on the backburner.
im jealous of his daughter. Im jealous of a 7 year old.
A douch?? No, but A bit unrealistic as it relates to him. His daughter is a priority as she should be because he is responsible for her. She didn't ask to be here, so it is his job to take care of her and tend to her needs until it's time for her to branch out on her own. You on the other hand are a choice. A choice wil never be a priority. Sorry to be blunt, but it is what it is.
This will not change any time soon, so you have the option of 1) talking to him to see if he can make both of you feel important, 2) set more realistic goals as far a a single father is concerned or 3) simply move on.
I dont think thats fair of you to call me a choice.. He doesnt make me feel like a choice. Im a priority, im just not at all used to
a kid taking priority over me. Sharing for me can be difficult, but not impossible. I just started lettin my friends have other friends.click to expand
Sorry no offense was meant. Choice simply meaning he doesn't really have the option to not be there for his child without being seen in a negative light, while romance (not you exactly) can wait and there truly will not be any negative backlash. Romance will be there. If he decided today "I will not be in a relationship until my daughter goes off to college" (which I have seen) he can do that. He does not have the ability to say the same thing about his daughter.
Posted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRising
^^^with this stated, I'm guessing it may just be how DMV phrased the part of the OP. I'm getting the sense this is more about not been able to enjoy the dating stage of this relationship vs expecting this man be hitched under her a** every second of the day?
Or...😈 😛
I will admit I am new to this whole traditional dating thing, but I still know what I need to feel emotionally secure. Yes, this is about trying to enjoy the initial stages of courtship. How can I keep building a connection if im not seeing you regularly? Im just not used to a child.jn the equation. So this is a tricky subject for me to bring up to him and others. Like I said, rightfully she is chosen over me.
Trust as a sag, I dont need nor want you around every second of the day. But you DO have to grab and keep my attention, if thats what you want.click to expand
I wouldn't think so. As I stated I believe it's the way the OP was worded.
Well you had a talk with him about it and I'm not sure how vulnerable you allowed yourself to be regarding your concerns, but hopefully that will adjust some things.
Posted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRising
^^^
How can I keep building a connection if im not seeing you regularly?click to expand
Doesn't he have a routine with this daughter? Certain days a week, for a certain amount of time? I'd be very surprised if he doesn't. These days are out of reach for you now. However, the rest of his spare time isn't. Are you not meeting him every week? Once a week is plenty of time for building a connection and progressing with your relationship, however slowly. Unless you are in a hurry to have your own children.
Experience: been happily dating a father of two for the past 1.5 years.
Posted by UndinePosted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRising
^^^
How can I keep building a connection if im not seeing you regularly?
Doesn't he have a routine with this daughter? Certain days a week, for a certain amount of time? I'd be very surprised if he doesn't. These days are out of reach for you now. However, the rest of his spare time isn't. Are you not meeting him every week? Once a week is plenty of time for building a connection and progressing with your relationship, however slowly. Unless you are in a hurry to have your own children.
Experience: been happily dating a father of two for the past 1.5 years.
click to expand
routine, yes and no. I guess hes just beefing with his childs mother atm.
yeah its bout once a week, but as things continue to heat up, imma need more time and so will he. We talk OFTEN.
We did share our first kiss yesterday under a waterfall in a park yesterday. Imma fuck the shit outa this cap moon.
Posted by PVandJellayPosted by DMVPosted by PVandJellayPosted by DMV
Yuppers 🙂
Then the desire for complete devotion is understandable. no need to explain lol.
🙂 I hope I dont have to join Leo Mooners Anonymous.
LOL. Depending on website, my moon sometimes gets interpreted in fifth house. I'm also near the cusp of Leo moon at 1 degree Virgo. I understand where you're coming from.
Delusional, maybe, but I like an attentive partner as well. Quality time is what I need to feel emotionally fulfilled, plus words of affirmation. If I feel like I'm an after thought, I will be prancing off to greener pastures eventually. If that makes me immature, so be it.
He seems like a great guy though, see if you can find a happy medium first.click to expand
I really appreciate your honesty. I get called crazy alot and im far from it. Quality time builds bridges that can never be demolished. It is so nice to FEEL the transfer of energy face to face. Thats how you learn someones quirks.
Greener pastures. Truer words have never been spoken. I truly believe that if so meone isnt spending time with you, theyre not interested.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by DMVPosted by PhoenixRising
^^^with this stated, I'm guessing it may just be how DMV phrased the part of the OP. I'm getting the sense this is more about not been able to enjoy the dating stage of this relationship vs expecting this man be hitched under her a** every second of the day?
Or...😈 😛
I will admit I am new to this whole traditional dating thing, but I still know what I need to feel emotionally secure. Yes, this is about trying to enjoy the initial stages of courtship. How can I keep building a connection if im not seeing you regularly? Im just not used to a child.jn the equation. So this is a tricky subject for me to bring up to him and others. Like I said, rightfully she is chosen over me.
Trust as a sag, I dont need nor want you around every second of the day. But you DO have to grab and keep my attention, if thats what you want.
I wouldn't think so. As I stated I believe it's the way the OP was worded.
Well you had a talk with him about it and I'm not sure how vulnerable you allowed yourself to be regarding your concerns, but hopefully that will adjust some things.
click to expand
oh yeah. We have good moon and mercury aspects. He has moon and merc in cap and mine are both in scorp. He makes it easy to be vulnerable. I can have insecure moment and he doesnt judge me for them. Thats very attractive to a scorp moon.
Ohhhhhhh trust me, you'd never respect a man who puts you above his own seed.
It's fair if you want to be #1 in a man's life, BUT if that's what you want, own that & only entertain the men who can make that desire a possibility. A good father won't make that a possibility for you, so spare yourself the disappointment & stay away from men with kids.
If you cross paths with a good father, it won't matter how good of a catch you are, b/c his child will always come 1st. That's a battle you'll lose every time, as I'm sure you're seeing/realizing now.
It's that simple.
Keep in mind though that people with kids have wonderful relationships with their partners. Having kids does not = a starving relationship. Plenty of men have kids & yet also do everything they can to meet their girlfriend's or wive's needs.
If you're meeting men who don't fulfill you, the problem probably isn't that he has kids. It's that his work/life balance is unbalanced...and honey if that's the case, there's a chance you would've been 2nd or 3rd in priority whether he had kids or not.
It's fair if you want to be #1 in a man's life, BUT if that's what you want, own that & only entertain the men who can make that desire a possibility. A good father won't make that a possibility for you, so spare yourself the disappointment & stay away from men with kids.
If you cross paths with a good father, it won't matter how good of a catch you are, b/c his child will always come 1st. That's a battle you'll lose every time, as I'm sure you're seeing/realizing now.
It's that simple.
Keep in mind though that people with kids have wonderful relationships with their partners. Having kids does not = a starving relationship. Plenty of men have kids & yet also do everything they can to meet their girlfriend's or wive's needs.
If you're meeting men who don't fulfill you, the problem probably isn't that he has kids. It's that his work/life balance is unbalanced...and honey if that's the case, there's a chance you would've been 2nd or 3rd in priority whether he had kids or not.
Posted by exoskeleton
personally, i would avoid dating men with kids. like you, i want the devotion and focus to be on him and i alone.
besides, i don't need the babymama drama/reminder of the past.
seriously, its just easier. Sometimes I feel like people should have exercised more discretion in having kids. Especially with ppl who they have no future with. If you were married than divorced, I get that. I just wish more ppl were forward thinking.
Posted by lisabethur8Posted by happykitsunePosted by DMV
Not have plans continually cancelled or postponed and have my life put on hold while the guy faffed about sorting his stuff out. I got increasingly angry over the years when we couldn't go out or do something as planned yet he would always find the time to do stuff with his kid, even if it was go to the cinema and a pizza. What does that say about where I fell on his priority scale? It would never have changed or got better. I found myself becoming miserable and my confidence and self esteem took a knock. Perhaps if I had kids I'd have a different view point
----
This is how I feel. Im not even a month in and I feel my confidence in myself from this courtship is not where it should be.
I know you're not married, and maybe not even thinking about marriage, but here's how I see it in the long run.
Some people may not agree, but I feel that a spouse should be the top priority, and then kids second. This all seems to become far too muddled when you bring someone else's kid into it because at that point the father or mother feels like they need to make their kid a priority (at least until they grow up). At least when you are married with both of you having YOUR kids you don't have to feel like they will put the kids as a priority because you are all the same family.
when you have children, it IS top priority. I wouldn't want to be with a man who doesn't feel children are the first priority: their needs, nurturing, basic parental guidance, ect. in their growing years. that screams irresponsibility and a man who is not into families/tradition.
I'm sure there's plenty of men out there that love to have just a "coupledom" relationship...click to expand
I don't think a man should neglect his child, but your spouse's opinion should be the one that matters to you, not your childs. If you want your family to thrive and your child to thrive your spouse better be at the top of your priorities before your child in regards to who you are giving your attention to. Your child can get attention from either of you but once you decide to give more of that attenion to your child you neglect your spouse and then comes divorce. Obviously if you
Cut me off...
'Obviously if you are a single father/mother this does not apply. I only stated this situation because it is a reason why a lot of people will not date those with children already.
'Obviously if you are a single father/mother this does not apply. I only stated this situation because it is a reason why a lot of people will not date those with children already.
^ or date a women who does have kids.
I think ppl are confused of where im coming from or just responding to the op. His daughter should come b4 me but I dont have to accept that.
I think ppl are confused of where im coming from or just responding to the op. His daughter should come b4 me but I dont have to accept that.
Posted by exoskeleton
if you two become more serious/official i'm sure his cap moon would make fair adjustments for time spent with you and his daughter. he's still feeling you out.
i absolutely believe you. I see some of that happening already.
Posted by exoskeleton
nope, you don't have to accept it.
question is, how much do you really like him?
can you see him in your future? sticking around for the next few weeks, months, years?
yeah i can definitely see a future with him. Its just going to have to be an adjustment thing for me.
sharing is caring.
Posted by DMV
I thought I could do this but I dont know if I can.
This is a new experience for me and im kinda uncomfortable about the situation. It honestly makes me mad and insecure and dramatic when the kid is rightfully chosen over me. Yes, I know this isnt logical. His child should come first but its hard concept for me to honestly sympathize because I dont have any.
I just feel like I wanna go out and do all these things and have fun, get to know more and more about him but I have to wait for him becasue he wants to spend time with his daughter. Honestly it gives me blue balls and turns me off.
Its really messing up with my need for complete devotion from my interest.
what do I do?
Do both him and and his daughter a favor and find someone else without kids. This won't change, his daughter will always be #1. If you can unselfishly accept that it works, but I understand many women cannot do this. It's hard, but if it's making you mad, resentful (that's what it sounds like), then you need to cut your losses and walk.
Posted by DMV
yeah i can definitely see a future with him. Its just going to have to be an adjustment thing for me.
sharing is caring.
That ^^^ sounds obligatory. If you cannot naturally become a parent to this girl, she's going to sense it and she's going to call you out on it. Don't think for one minute if you "act" the part he's going to suddenly be the man of your dreams that you wish you had if she didn't exist. It doesn't work that way. Blending a family is more than just "sharing"...
Posted by happykitsunePosted by lisabethur8Posted by happykitsunePosted by DMV
Not have plans continually cancelled or postponed and have my life put on hold while the guy faffed about sorting his stuff out. I got increasingly angry over the years when we couldn't go out or do something as planned yet he would always find the time to do stuff with his kid, even if it was go to the cinema and a pizza. What does that say about where I fell on his priority scale? It would never have changed or got better. I found myself becoming miserable and my confidence and self esteem took a knock. Perhaps if I had kids I'd have a different view point
----
This is how I feel. Im not even a month in and I feel my confidence in myself from this courtship is not where it should be.
I know you're not married, and maybe not even thinking about marriage, but here's how I see it in the long run.
Some people may not agree, but I feel that a spouse should be the top priority, and then kids second. This all seems to become far too muddled when you bring someone else's kid into it because at that point the father or mother feels like they need to make their kid a priority (at least until they grow up). At least when you are married with both of you having YOUR kids you don't have to feel like they will put the kids as a priority because you are all the same family.
when you have children, it IS top priority. I wouldn't want to be with a man who doesn't feel children are the first priority: their needs, nurturing, basic parental guidance, ect. in their growing years. that screams irresponsibility and a man who is not into families/tradition.
I'm sure there's plenty of men out there that love to have just a "coupledom" relationship...click to expand
I don't think a man should neglect his child, but your spouse's opinion should be the one that matters to you, not your childs. If you want your family to thrive and your child to thrive your spouse better be at the top of your priorities before your child in regards to who you are giving your attention to. Your child can get attention from either of you but once you decide to give
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i remember my sister and her husband Always went out with their first child (not hers, but his)but she calls his child, also her child/step-mother. My sister is also a fire sun like you and she Always went with them (the two of them) together to places, like films, zoos, and small events, and she'd Always buy him treats. My sister is a good woman, which is why his parents love her so much.
i'm not saying you aren't. just saying everyone's "threshold" or needs/wants/desires are different.
so you gotta question why the universe is throwing these men with children are coming your way and you're dating them.
something to chew on.