"Friends?" Theres no such thing for me, apparently.

For the last year I've had problems with one friend after another. To the point where I don't know if I even have any left, as I've had to walk away from a couple of them. Maybe it's an age thing (all were easily 15 plus years older than me.) Maybe it's a gender thing (all single men.)

And no, there's been no romantic feelings whatsoever, so that isn't an issue.

And all of these friendships weren't exactly new. I'm not exactly a people person, but I made efforts to get to know these guys and help them out as much as I could, spend time with them so they wouldn't feel so lonely. Help them during their hospital stays and illnesses. Of course, they didn't always have problems so we still hung out when everything in their life was fine.

They're in bad moods and overreact; it's my fault. They don't agree with me and want me to believe what they do; that's my fault. They get aggravated and start yelling at me, complete with F bombs; that's my fault too. My tastes and likes are juvenile, bland, etc., and they need to criticize; my fault. They yell at me while drunk; my fault. I'm closed minded, brain washed, etc., because I don't share their beliefs; my fault.

Everything's my fault and something is wrong with me, according to them.

None of these people know the other, so it's not like they're in cahoots or something. And it probably doesn't help that they're mostly earth signs.

Anyway, I'm left sad because I miss these people. Despite what I seem like on here, I am really big hearted and funny and kind. I have my moments like everyone else, but I am respectful, and I apologize. Perhaps a bit too often. I'm just so sick of it all and the fact that I'm going to see a couple of these guys at work soon (I am the "boss" of one) makes me nervous and even sicker!

Sometimes friendships die even with trying to maintain them and all the effort you put it, it sometimes doesn't mean as much to the others involved. Sometimes you just have to let go. Not for them but for you.

I deal with others not seeing me for me, even thou I am pretty transparent. I do place a ton of value on those I call friends and maybe they see that as expectations. I can't speak for them only go based upon what has happened. I don't demand much of their time as I understand people have lives and get busy n shit, but I do want it to be a give and take and if someone is always taking it creates an unbalance.

My suggestion is to re-evaluate those that you are speaking of and sort out what if any value they add and if they don't, find those that do.