Differences

I was reading an agony column in a magazine, and every week, a guy answers one of the questions. Basically, this week, the answer consisted of "what you call drawing a line in the sand regarding his behaviour, we men call neediness".

So does this basically mean that whenever us women say anything negative about our partner's behaviour, he's just thinking, "shut up, you nagging f***ing cow"?

This has created dilemmas for me in the past. Oftentimes, I have wondered when exactly to keep my mouth shut about things that are niggling me as opposed to when I have a legitimate reason to be angry (and I'm talking about little things here, not huge issues). I think this is linked to the fact that I am far too logical in my relationships and am always trying to rationalise things.

So on one hand, as women we are told to air our grievances, but if we do, another school of thought is that we are nags.

What do you think?

um, oh well! let 'em think what they want. besides, both sexes are faced with double standards. not all men think like that. it will come across as legitimate, well, if ur not being a nag! i am usually taken seriously if there's anything negative i have to say because i am often speaking so positively. i've only been called a nag twice by my ex because i really was being one.

this has become an issue between men and women because of our different ways of approaching a relationship. women often approach a relationship with a man wanting to change him or fix him. thinking that they will be the ones to save him from himself and make him a better person. i do think that a woman's influence on a man can make him want to be a better one but he has to want it for himself. a man is usually the opposite. he goes into the relationship hoping that she'll never change. now i'm not saying we all fit so neatly into these categories but i see this quite often. so what ends up happening is that she gets mad because she can't change his behavior and he is frustrated because he doesn't understand why this is an issue now when he's always been like that.

bottom line... we all need to accept each other as is and be understanding. remain empathetic and live with compassion.

Posted by ninjamu
... i do think that a woman's influence on a man can make him want to be a better one but he has to want it for himself. a man is usually the opposite. he goes into the relationship hoping that she'll never change...
bottom line... we all need to accept each other as is and be understanding. remain empathetic and live with compassion.

I have to agree to a degree that women can be nags. I look at a large majority of my female friends in their relationships and I friggin think to myself, "Thank goodness I am a woman, because if I were a man, I would most definitely be gay!"

There is a difference between asking for something and speaking your mind; and a whole other thing to turn into a shrieking shrew (as a few of my friends have become). In my past relationships, if I wanted something or needed him to do something, I asked for it twice - if he didn't listen (his actions would show if he did or not), then I had to make a decision whether or not I wanted to be with someone who didn't listen to me, or even give me the courtesy of seeing things from my point of view. I DON'T try to change people, and I expect the same in turn. The highest compliment a woman can get is when a man says (stealing/paraphrasing from the movie "As Good As It Gets" with Jack Nicholson), when he said, "You make me WANT to be a better man." He didn't say, "Your nagging makes me want to be a better man." He said "YOU." I think that if a man meets a woman he wants to be with, and she leads sort of by example and doesn't take any of his crap, some (not all) may think to themselves that they WANT to be that man that she will want to be with...
We'll see what men have to chime in and say about this, since I'm not a guy.

Posted by Jason2213
I usually think I deserve whatever nagging I receive and feel depressed about it for a while because it hurts to hear about another thing I'm not perfect at.

LOL! Oh Jason, I think in a greater sense, you may be the exception and not the rule...but, I could be wrong, I've been wrong before (on a daily basis!)