Does absence make the heart grow fonder or wander?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by virgojewel on Saturday, October 20, 2007 and has 16 replies.

Profile picture of virgojewel
@virgojewel
19 Years

Even before the relationship phase...the pre-dating phase when both parties are clear they are interested in eachother but are not around eachother enough to consume the fatal attraction that's been going on for over a year...for me as a woman I feel that it has made my heart grow fonder...but what is it like for men? I haven't heard or seen my heart throb for more than a month 😢.

Profile picture of Cancer Lady
@Cancer Lady
18 Years1,000+ Posts

I agree. If I was around my man alot when we first started dating I probably would have gotton bored but the fact that we didn't see each other alot made me always miss him and want to be with and when we would see each other I could always tell that he missed me just as much as I missed him. So yes I think absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Profile picture of Angel1177
@Angel1177
19 YearsPisces

Merc...why would you say that is? I am extremely busy and so is my boyfriend...and you are right...sometimes I feel like he is ok with not being able to see me all the time, while inside I am missing him like crazy...

Profile picture of leo/virgo75
@leo/virgo75
20 Years

I might be weird(especially for a woman) but I *hate* missing someone unnecessarily.
Some reasonable space is GOOD for a relationship - time to have your own life and interests so you have enough balance in your life to not have them be your only interest.
Sometimes there's nothing you can do about time constraints with work/family/social obligations, but that's life. I don't worry about that.

However, if there's too much space, I get fed up and move on.
I get used to them not being around and find I don't want them back.
Often, I wonder what I wanted them around for in the first place. lol

But that's just me.

Profile picture of Angel1177
@Angel1177
19 YearsPisces

I guess it's the hopeless romantic in me...

I have a full time career, go to school at night for my masters and just purchased my own condo...

yet I still miss him...I know it's healthy...but I want to feel missed...I know he does...he shows it...it's the baby in me wanting to hear it...

lol...

Profile picture of Cancer Lady
@Cancer Lady
18 Years1,000+ Posts

Ummmm I know there are! Your relationships with whoever is only a fraction of who you are its not completly who you are, and ummmmm yes I would say you are being an ass! I think you might want to do those negative energy concepts that were mention in your "Can you be drained" post because the negative energy is on you and you need to handle that a.s.a.p.!!

Profile picture of Cancer Lady
@Cancer Lady
18 Years1,000+ Posts

You knew the comment was out of line in the first place thats why you said "to be fair(or an ass)" so don't turn this around as a girl/boy issue. Of course someone who chats with you on a message board occasionally is not going to know very much about you so what was the point in even making that statement??

Profile picture of P-Angel
@P-Angel
21 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

"are not around eachother enough to consume the fatal attraction"

Sounds like a smart guy who would avoid this .. keep a woman at arms length, so this doesn't become an issue.

It appears to me that much focus is put into "why" he remains distant without ever really pondering the REAL reason "why".

Your definition of "fondness" is ambiguous .. most people would process this as caring a great deal, whereas your description of the word suggests = fatal attraction.