Ex agreed to talk and cancelled

So last weekend, after 5 months of being broken up and lots of mixed signals on his end, I finally grew the balls to ask my ex that I work with to meet me and talk. I let him know initially this talk wasn't intended to pressure him, just clear the air between us. He responded to me promptly and we planned to meet a week after. The day finally came and he cancelled on me because he was out of town for a funeral(know it's true thru sources). I was understanding, paid my condolences but also a little disappointed he hadn't told me sooner and hadn't bothered trying to reschedule a day. I see him at work 2 days later and he looks physically uncomfortable and nervous. I was going to let it go because I realize it's a bad time, and if he wanted to talk he would let me know. To my surprise he approached me first and asks me to meet him after work at the local bar. Later that night, I text him to follow up and he informs me that he'll be going to another party instead. I reply "oh okay" but of course was extremely upset and felt confused and toyed with. I cried so much and I feel worse than when we first broke up. All I want is some clarity and closure because the mixed signals are killing me. I was never the crazy ex, super amicable after he dumped me, didn't beg or even ask for him back and did 2 months of NC despite work and mutual friends. So I took it upon myself to delete him off social media, which he has also been using to send mixed signals and keep up with me. I desperately wanted closure so we could be friends with a clean slate. Why would he do this to me? Am I doing the right thing by cutting ties? Or am I wrong for being upset?

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

Posted by Koniuchaa
You are doing right. It's ok to be upset, but you need to move on and get closure yourself. He clearly will not provide that for you.

I appreciate this. I want to move on so desperately. I figured since he took it upon himself to reopen the doors to friendship that he was ready to lay things on the table and put the relationship behind us. But now I see that he can't and therefore we can't move past it together and be friends. I have to deal with this on my own

Posted by Raakac

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

Just because someone regrets something doesn't mean they are going to jump back in relationship.....

You did the best you could, now go and work on yourself. 😉

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I understand, I never expected him to, but keeping me just close enough and stringing me along isn't fair to me. It was his close friend who told me these things as well so I know he probably wanted me to know he said that. It's just kind of manipulative and I don't see why he does these things. I don't know why he can't give me the respect I've given him.

CLOSURE IS BULLSHIT

It is extremely possible to get over someone without it. You just need to decide that it’s over.

Since you guys have already broken up, imo he's not the one with the issue or hard on.

I feel like you still have relationship expectations of him.

What is stopping you from moving on?

What do you need to hear from him?

What do you need to say to him?

You say the mixed signals are coming from him?

I wouldn't deal in mixed signals. Deal with only the concrete.

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sigh

click to expand

Is he?

I would offer him to talk things over by texting, so that he can get back in his comfort zone anytime. I would even say he doesnt even have to reply right away. Avoid a confrontational tone, open up about how his behavior makes you feel. I would be validating, and nonconfrontational.

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

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I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

I'm confused...you say you want closure but I read you want him to tell you he wants to try again. So which is it?

You're the Libra that is indecisive, he's not. If he wanted to try again, I'm sure it would have happened before 5 months. Stop over thinking and looking for hope and move on, after 5 months you should be able to without looking back...then again you are Libra and we do think that we leave a burning impression that makes us unforgettable ...well we can live in fairy land, that's our prerogative!

Posted by DMV
Since you guys have already broken up, imo he's not the one with the issue or hard on.

I feel like you still have relationship expectations of him.

What is stopping you from moving on?

What do you need to hear from him?

What do you need to say to him?

You say the mixed signals are coming from him?

I wouldn't deal in mixed signals. Deal with only the concrete.

Actually he is the one with the issue, because his behavior has been so strange lately to the point where it makes me and my friends feel uncomfortable. He almost makes it impossible for me to ignore him because he physically puts himself in my vicinity and it's been happening at least twice a week where he shows up somewhere knowing I'm there or going to be there, he'll even ASK me if I'm going, and then follow me around and try to make conversation with me and my friends. Last weekend he literally left his friends for most of the night to be up under me, then as soon as he saw me get my tab (I was annoyed and leaving) he immediately did the same and left as well... I only don't ice him out because I already did that and felt bad about it as I thought he wanted to be friends. But he's making it painfully obvious that he wants to be too close for comfort. I needed to tell him that until I sort through my own feelings we need more distance. Most of the reason we broke up was bc he didn't have "time" for me and I wouldn't see him for 2/3 weeks at a time. Now I realize he most likely was having depressive episodes at the time being a victim of depression myself. But the past 3 months I've been seeing him up to twice a week and I know it's on purpose. Just wanted to hear him admit whatever he's doing this for, whether out of guilt or otherwise. Trust me I am not the one feeding into this I've been very careful to give him space and keep things brief. He just doesn't want it to be that way for whatever reason.

Posted by Caramel_Princess
Some times closure will never be found, at least not through him or in him, he’s probably just as lost, he should also find it himself, why would you help him find that?

Cut ties, he probably got all scared and needed his binky to suck on cause he doesn’t want to deal with the confrontation. Even if the breakup was peaceful, negative feelings related to it lingers especially since he probably sees it from HIS point of view which is probably so different than yours.

Again, cut ties, find the answers in you... stay strong.

Thank you, you're right. I was talking to a close friend who also witnessed everything between us and she told me perhaps at work that night, he was emotional because of the grief and his friends probably told him the talk was a bad idea and thought he should be in a safe space (party was at his friend/coworkers house). She also knows his friends well as they've all worked for the company for awhile and I realized that makes sense too. Especially since when he came up to me to try to plan a talk, he looked visibly sad and hurt. I guess maybe it's just terrible timing and I have to find the answers in myself for now as you said.

Posted by Parkourler

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sigh

Is he?

I would offer him to talk things over by texting, so that he can get back in his comfort zone anytime. I would even say he doesnt even have to reply right away. Avoid a confrontational tone, open up about how his behavior makes you feel. I would be validating, and nonconfrontational.

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We broke up over the phone originally and I always have had bad luck in the past with having these kinds of conversations through text. It almost feels half assed bc I don't see the body language and I have to confine everything I have to say into a few messages. I know he would reply to me but if he's not ready to talk in person I don't wanna push him. Guess I'm just bummed because he made it seem like he wanted to talk too, especially when he approached me about it on his own, I worked up all this anticipation just for it to not happen.

Posted by sweethearts
I'm confused...you say you want closure but I read you want him to tell you he wants to try again. So which is it?

You're the Libra that is indecisive, he's not. If he wanted to try again, I'm sure it would have happened before 5 months. Stop over thinking and looking for hope and move on, after 5 months you should be able to without looking back...then again you are Libra and we do think that we leave a burning impression that makes us unforgettable ...well we can live in fairy land, that's our prerogative!

I'm not sure where you read I want to try again because I never said that anywhere here. I did admit to still having feelings for him, which is true. That doesn't mean I want to try again. I was unhappy with him. I just want him to realize we can't be friends at the level that he wants until he takes more accountability and there's more closure. It takes me longer than most to get over relationships because my emotions run deep. I want him to stop sending mixed signals. Simple. I'm not living in "fairy land" my feelings are valid, I don't care about being "unforgettable". This is a situation that has been observed from everyone around us and people that I don't even speak to about it have literally approached me to ask me what his deal is. I haven't listed everything he's done but he's been very blatantly sending me mixed signals and no it's not my "wishful" thinking. In fact I almost WISH he would ice me out so that I wouldn't have to deal with this. Nothing to do with the whole "indecisive libra" thing lol. More to do with the fact that I've kept it distant and it seems the more I move away the closer he follows.

Posted by Caramel_Princess

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Caramel_Princess
Some times closure will never be found, at least not through him or in him, he’s probably just as lost, he should also find it himself, why would you help him find that?

Cut ties, he probably got all scared and needed his binky to suck on cause he doesn’t want to deal with the confrontation. Even if the breakup was peaceful, negative feelings related to it lingers especially since he probably sees it from HIS point of view which is probably so different than yours.

Again, cut ties, find the answers in you... stay strong.

Thank you, you're right. I was talking to a close friend who also witnessed everything between us and she told me perhaps at work that night, he was emotional because of the grief and his friends probably told him the talk was a bad idea and thought he should be in a safe space (party was at his friend/coworkers house). She also knows his friends well as they've all worked for the company for awhile and I realized that makes sense too. Especially since when he came up to me to try to plan a talk, he looked visibly sad and hurt. I guess maybe it's just terrible timing and I have to find the answers in myself for now as you said.

Men are weak in that area since they don’t have that emotional support women do, we have 20 gfs we can call to cry over the douche with, heck we’d tell the story to anyone, even the cab driver! Men don’t have that, and if they do, they get to talk about it for a few minutes then that’s it, their men friend won’t let them to go on because that’s unmanly. You don’t want to be the man who cries over his gf from months ago. You were probably his only emotional outlet.

I think over time you’ll put the puzzle pieces together and you’ll see the big picture. You’ll get your closure when you’re ready for it. It’s not in him though, trust me, it’s in you.

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Through knowing him and his friends he's actually a person that is open with friends about emotional struggles, at least physically he's not a guy that's able to hide it. Initially the day after he broke up with me, at work he chased our mutual friend down freaking out and upset telling him he "fucked up" and doesn't know why he did what he did. His friend literally gave me a whole speech about how I shouldn't give up on him, I told him if he's upset bc of guilt that I'm fine and he doesn't have to be upset. His friend told me "it's not about you being okay, he's not okay" so he's definitely open with his friends about his emotions. He expressed the same regret to this friend for months after the break up.

You're right about the closure bit. Want things to be okay so badly. Want things to make sense but I guess that is a lot to ask. I will find it in myself

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

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Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

Posted by Libranebulagirl
So last weekend, after 5 months of being broken up and lots of mixed signals on his end, I finally grew the balls to ask my ex that I work with to meet me and talk.

The problem with this is that he broke up with you and you are the one reaching out. If you want resolution its better if HE is the one to reach out first. Otherwise you are just playing yourself.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

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You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl
So last weekend, after 5 months of being broken up and lots of mixed signals on his end, I finally grew the balls to ask my ex that I work with to meet me and talk.

The problem with this is that he broke up with you and you are the one reaching out. If you want resolution its better if HE is the one to reach out first. Otherwise you are just playing yourself.

click to expand

I'm reaching out because he isn't giving me enough space. He's suffocating me with his presence and I'm sick of pretending like his actions aren't affecting me because they are. And I'm totally willing to admit that to him if it means he is more sensitive about his actions. I'm good at seeming unphased so I wanted to be clear that he's doing things that make me feel uncomfortable and are triggering me before I get angry and blow up on him.

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

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But why would he owe you priority over his friends? He doesn't, your the ex. I feel like when you pressure him face to face he set up this meeting and then bailed cause he's not looking to discuss shit with you.

Honestly leave him tf alone.

If his social media stuff is giving you mixed signals, block. Or grow thicker skin.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

But why would he owe you priority over his friends? He doesn't, your the ex. I feel like when you pressure him face to face he set up this meeting and then bailed cause he's not looking to discuss shit with you.

Honestly leave him tf alone.

If his social media stuff is giving you mixed signals, block. Or grow thicker skin.

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Seriously? It's not about expecting him to prioritize me. If one of my friends even did this to me I would be upset. After he informed me on the situation, I was understanding, when I saw him at work, I was neutral, he APPROACHED ME, and arranged for us to talk after work. He did that on his own! I was going to say hello when he greeted me and leave it at that. He's the one that made me think the talk was something we both wanted by trying to reschedule. I've been doing everything except pressuring him. I'm rightfully upset because he has been very inconsistent with these meetings that he is literally setting up with me on his terms and I've been very flexible and patient with him. Also it's not just the social media, we work together and have mutual friends. He physically stays in my presence and it's annoying. I've already deleted him off social media after last night. He needs to LEAVE ME ALONE

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

But why would he owe you priority over his friends? He doesn't, your the ex. I feel like when you pressure him face to face he set up this meeting and then bailed cause he's not looking to discuss shit with you.

Honestly leave him tf alone.

If his social media stuff is giving you mixed signals, block. Or grow thicker skin.

Seriously? It's not about expecting him to prioritize me. If one of my friends even did this to me I would be upset. After he informed me on the situation, I was understanding, when I saw him at work, I was neutral, he APPROACHED ME, and arranged for us to talk after work. He did that on his own! I was going to say hello when he greeted me and leave it at that. He's the one that made me think the talk was something we both wanted by trying to reschedule. I've been doing everything except pressuring him. I'm rightfully upset because he has been very inconsistent with these meetings that he is literally setting up with me on his terms and I've been very flexible and patient with him. Also it's not just the social media, we work together and have mutual friends. He physically stays in my presence and it's annoying. I've already deleted him off social media after last night. He needs to LEAVE ME ALONE

click to expand

If you really feel that way then why reach out to him to begin with? Why haven't you blocked his number, deleted him from your social media. Going NC was a good start, get back to that.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

But why would he owe you priority over his friends? He doesn't, your the ex. I feel like when you pressure him face to face he set up this meeting and then bailed cause he's not looking to discuss shit with you.

Honestly leave him tf alone.

If his social media stuff is giving you mixed signals, block. Or grow thicker skin.

Seriously? It's not about expecting him to prioritize me. If one of my friends even did this to me I would be upset. After he informed me on the situation, I was understanding, when I saw him at work, I was neutral, he APPROACHED ME, and arranged for us to talk after work. He did that on his own! I was going to say hello when he greeted me and leave it at that. He's the one that made me think the talk was something we both wanted by trying to reschedule. I've been doing everything except pressuring him. I'm rightfully upset because he has been very inconsistent with these meetings that he is literally setting up with me on his terms and I've been very flexible and patient with him. Also it's not just the social media, we work together and have mutual friends. He physically stays in my presence and it's annoying. I've already deleted him off social media after last night. He needs to LEAVE ME ALONE

If you really feel that way then why reach out to him to begin with? Why haven't you blocked his number, deleted him from your social media. Going NC was a good start, get back to that.

click to expand

Not sure if you read everything because clearly you don't understand. NC is quite difficult and I'm sure that makes sense as I already mentioned, we work together and have mutual friends. You are not understanding. I tried to be open to friendship as he is the initiator of that. I have a right to be frustrated by his confusing signals and I feel like you're trying to invalidate that for some reason.

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

But why would he owe you priority over his friends? He doesn't, your the ex. I feel like when you pressure him face to face he set up this meeting and then bailed cause he's not looking to discuss shit with you.

Honestly leave him tf alone.

If his social media stuff is giving you mixed signals, block. Or grow thicker skin.

Seriously? It's not about expecting him to prioritize me. If one of my friends even did this to me I would be upset. After he informed me on the situation, I was understanding, when I saw him at work, I was neutral, he APPROACHED ME, and arranged for us to talk after work. He did that on his own! I was going to say hello when he greeted me and leave it at that. He's the one that made me think the talk was something we both wanted by trying to reschedule. I've been doing everything except pressuring him. I'm rightfully upset because he has been very inconsistent with these meetings that he is literally setting up with me on his terms and I've been very flexible and patient with him. Also it's not just the social media, we work together and have mutual friends. He physically stays in my presence and it's annoying. I've already deleted him off social media after last night. He needs to LEAVE ME ALONE

If you really feel that way then why reach out to him to begin with? Why haven't you blocked his number, deleted him from your social media. Going NC was a good start, get back to that.

Not sure if you read everything because clearly you don't understand. NC is quite difficult and I'm sure that makes sense as I already mentioned, we work together and have mutual friends. You are not understanding. I tried to be open to friendship as he is the initiator of that. I have a right to be frustrated by his confusing signals and I feel like you're trying to invalidate that for some reason.

click to expand

You have a right to whatever emotions your feeling.

But you don't have the right to demand he change his behavior. He's not your bf anymore.

Time to work out friend custody so your not seeing him with the group. Ask your supervisor to not work the same shift as him or get transferred to another branch. Or shit, start looking for another job. Your not as helpless in this situation as you are making out.

This is the shitty part about dating within your friends circle AND a coworker. The fallout is ever imploding.

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by sweethearts
I'm confused...you say you want closure but I read you want him to tell you he wants to try again. So which is it?

You're the Libra that is indecisive, he's not. If he wanted to try again, I'm sure it would have happened before 5 months. Stop over thinking and looking for hope and move on, after 5 months you should be able to without looking back...then again you are Libra and we do think that we leave a burning impression that makes us unforgettable ...well we can live in fairy land, that's our prerogative!

I'm not sure where you read I want to try again because I never said that anywhere here. I did admit to still having feelings for him, which is true. That doesn't mean I want to try again. I was unhappy with him. I just want him to realize we can't be friends at the level that he wants until he takes more accountability and there's more closure. It takes me longer than most to get over relationships because my emotions run deep. I want him to stop sending mixed signals. Simple. I'm not living in "fairy land" my feelings are valid, I don't care about being "unforgettable". This is a situation that has been observed from everyone around us and people that I don't even speak to about it have literally approached me to ask me what his deal is. I haven't listed everything he's done but he's been very blatantly sending me mixed signals and no it's not my "wishful" thinking. In fact I almost WISH he would ice me out so that I wouldn't have to deal with this. Nothing to do with the whole "indecisive libra" thing lol. More to do with the fact that I've kept it distant and it seems the more I move away the closer he follows.

click to expand

reading between the lines....

or why are you really bothered at all about what he is doing or thinking. What are you holding out for? Simply move on...ask yourself and be true to yourself as to why you need his permission to move on. You don't, unless you want more. You also can't be responsible for making him understand anything, that's not your place. Your responsibility remains only in "you" moving on and forward.

Posted by nano
I know that you are hurt, but it is plain to see that you and your expectations are what is inflicting this pain onto yourself.

After 5 months, significant amount of healing would have taken place. Why did you want to re open that wound. Because I don't necessarily believe that you just wanted to meet up for closure... I think that you wanted to see if there was a chance of reconciliation, and now you know there is not and it hurts.

I agree that I expected more of him and that's what really hurts. As I said originally, I'm not even sure what I want. I just want to not pretend like nothing ever happened between us & like we can be close without getting stuff out in the open. It's unhealthy and I can't do it. Not sure why me saying I still have feelings automatically means I want to pressure him into reconciliation. It hurts that he makes it seem like he wants a healthy connection but doesn't want to communicate. Communication was our main issue throughout the relationship so obviously it hurts when I see we can't even have that in a friendship.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

But why would he owe you priority over his friends? He doesn't, your the ex. I feel like when you pressure him face to face he set up this meeting and then bailed cause he's not looking to discuss shit with you.

Honestly leave him tf alone.

If his social media stuff is giving you mixed signals, block. Or grow thicker skin.

Seriously? It's not about expecting him to prioritize me. If one of my friends even did this to me I would be upset. After he informed me on the situation, I was understanding, when I saw him at work, I was neutral, he APPROACHED ME, and arranged for us to talk after work. He did that on his own! I was going to say hello when he greeted me and leave it at that. He's the one that made me think the talk was something we both wanted by trying to reschedule. I've been doing everything except pressuring him. I'm rightfully upset because he has been very inconsistent with these meetings that he is literally setting up with me on his terms and I've been very flexible and patient with him. Also it's not just the social media, we work together and have mutual friends. He physically stays in my presence and it's annoying. I've already deleted him off social media after last night. He needs to LEAVE ME ALONE

If you really feel that way then why reach out to him to begin with? Why haven't you blocked his number, deleted him from your social media. Going NC was a good start, get back to that.

Not sure if you read everything because clearly you don't understand. NC is quite difficult and I'm sure that makes sense as I already mentioned, we work together and have mutual friends. You are not understanding. I tried to be open to friendship as he is the initiator of that. I have a right to be frustrated by his confusing signals and I feel like you're trying to invalidate that for some reason.

You have a right to whatever emotions your feeling.

But you don't have the right to demand he change his behavior. He's not your bf anymore.

Time to work out friend custody so your not seeing him with the group. Ask your supervisor to not work the same shift as him or get transferred to another branch. Or shit, start looking for another job. Your not as helpless in this situation as you are making out.

This is the shitty part about dating within your friends circle AND a coworker. The fallout is ever imploding.

click to expand

Did I demand he has to change his behavior? Not a single time. You're reading things that are literally not there. Was hoping I wouldn't have to ice him out to this extreme especially as I feel bad as he is grieving but I guess.

Posted by sweethearts

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by sweethearts
I'm confused...you say you want closure but I read you want him to tell you he wants to try again. So which is it?

You're the Libra that is indecisive, he's not. If he wanted to try again, I'm sure it would have happened before 5 months. Stop over thinking and looking for hope and move on, after 5 months you should be able to without looking back...then again you are Libra and we do think that we leave a burning impression that makes us unforgettable ...well we can live in fairy land, that's our prerogative!

I'm not sure where you read I want to try again because I never said that anywhere here. I did admit to still having feelings for him, which is true. That doesn't mean I want to try again. I was unhappy with him. I just want him to realize we can't be friends at the level that he wants until he takes more accountability and there's more closure. It takes me longer than most to get over relationships because my emotions run deep. I want him to stop sending mixed signals. Simple. I'm not living in "fairy land" my feelings are valid, I don't care about being "unforgettable". This is a situation that has been observed from everyone around us and people that I don't even speak to about it have literally approached me to ask me what his deal is. I haven't listed everything he's done but he's been very blatantly sending me mixed signals and no it's not my "wishful" thinking. In fact I almost WISH he would ice me out so that I wouldn't have to deal with this. Nothing to do with the whole "indecisive libra" thing lol. More to do with the fact that I've kept it distant and it seems the more I move away the closer he follows.

reading between the lines....

or why are you really bothered at all about what he is doing or thinking. What are you holding out for? Simply move on...ask yourself and be true to yourself as to why you need his permission to move on. You don't, unless you want more. You also can't be responsible for making him understand anything, that's not your place. Your responsibility remains only in "you" moving on and forward.

click to expand

I'm bothered because I still care which I already admitted to. I'm human and it's unrealistic to pretend like I don't.

Posted by Ravishing
I feel like you're not being honest with yourself. You still have feelings for him and want more than just closure.

I still have feelings for him. Yes. I want closure. Yes. Me having feelings for him doesn't equal me not just wanting closure why is this hard to understand

Posted by nano

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by nano
I know that you are hurt, but it is plain to see that you and your expectations are what is inflicting this pain onto yourself.

After 5 months, significant amount of healing would have taken place. Why did you want to re open that wound. Because I don't necessarily believe that you just wanted to meet up for closure... I think that you wanted to see if there was a chance of reconciliation, and now you know there is not and it hurts.

I agree that I expected more of him and that's what really hurts. As I said originally, I'm not even sure what I want. I just want to not pretend like nothing ever happened between us & like we can be close without getting stuff out in the open. It's unhealthy and I can't do it. Not sure why me saying I still have feelings automatically means I want to pressure him into reconciliation. It hurts that he makes it seem like he wants a healthy connection but doesn't want to communicate. Communication was our main issue throughout the relationship so obviously it hurts when I see we can't even have that in a friendship.

I think that once a relationship dies from miscommunication, that's insanely difficult to "fix", even for friendship down the road. Often times, both parties don't mutually want to anyway.

I know what you're going through... trust me. Several years ago, my ex broke my heart. Months passed NC... Then on what would have been our anniversary, he messages me that he wants to meet! I remember my heart was pounding and I was so excited, I didn't know why. It was irrational. Night comes and he texts me "nevermind"

I fucking died, dude.

Trust me when I say that the best thing you can do for yourself is to move on, because he will never stop disappointing you. Mostly because you can't have expectations of him anymore, but you can't help doing so. I get it. But don't allow him to make you feel that grief again 5 months post break up though.

click to expand

I'm sorry that happened to you and thank you for sharing that with me. That sinking feeling I got in my stomach when I realized we weren't going to get this talk over with was awful. You're totally right, I need to realize that if he couldn't communicate then that he definitely won't now and just take things with a grain of salt when it comes to him. Going to try my best to avoid him and get on with my life. Definitely felt the same grief all over again after last night and maybe that's the push I needed to really leave him, friendship and all, in the past.

"I reply "oh okay" but of course was extremely upset and felt confused and toyed with"



Look.........stop behaving like a two faced, weak, cowardly, no-one-remember-your-name, disgustingly accommodating and boring pushover.

That is most likely the reason he dumped you and wouldn't give a fuck now to hear your irrelevant whatever you may think he wants to hear stuff.

Grow a spine and go as hard as you want on this ex. Make him show you what he probably hasn't shown you yet, since he was worried that your weak personality would not be able to take it. Put yourself up there and spell your guts....your niceness is as useless as your daily shower!

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PayMeek_NoMind

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Raakac
You shouldn't ask why is he doing this, the real question is why are you leting him do this? You can't always get closure, sure you can try, but not everyone is going to give it to you and that's alright. Let him know what you want , in your case closure and leave it at that, don't expect anything and do your thing, move on, he might reach out and give you one or not, but at the end of the day you'll be going forwards, not waiting or staying stuck in the same place just beause you expect closure from someone who might not be able to give, also he's on hard times so also try to look from his point of view. 😉

He has anxiety issues that we haven't discussed but are very easy to notice and he's also sensitive so I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been telling mutual friends since the break up he regrets it, it was a mistake to dump me, has been staring me down/following me around at functions and events, trying to be close to all my friends including post break up friends and invited me to multiple of his house parties. Watches everything I do thru social media, always trying to hug or touch me, likes all my posts immediately. But won't come out and say he wants to get back or at LEAST be upfront about us being just friends. I've been super distant yet cordial through it all out of respect for him and I guess knowing he's confused. But you're right at this point it's super unfair to me. I feel as though he knew I wanted the closure, I'm surprised and sad he doesn't want to give that to me but it's true, I can't force him. I already extended myself and I think it'd be best if I go into NC once again. I know he's on hard times rn but I can't pretend like this isn't difficult for me. I wish he was as considerate of my feelings as I've been of his. Sigh

I didn't even read the entire thing I just read you start with "he has anxiety issues..." Sweetie draw the line where you simply don't care what his issue is. Who cares what he is telling anyone, think about how he made you feel if that shit hurt you shouldn't be worried about his problems f the closure he hurt you.

Exactly. And how does his 'anxiety issues' excuse the fact that he blew off the meeting he scheduled with you to party with friends. It doesn't.

You're right, that's why I'm so upset. But people do inconsiderate things when they're under extreme emotional stress and I know for a fact he is. But I'm definitely going to show him that although I understand he's going through a hard time, he has been kind of selfish. And I'm going to do that but not extending myself to him again and being even more distant until I'm over it.

But why would he owe you priority over his friends? He doesn't, your the ex. I feel like when you pressure him face to face he set up this meeting and then bailed cause he's not looking to discuss shit with you.

Honestly leave him tf alone.

If his social media stuff is giving you mixed signals, block. Or grow thicker skin.

Seriously? It's not about expecting him to prioritize me. If one of my friends even did this to me I would be upset. After he informed me on the situation, I was understanding, when I saw him at work, I was neutral, he APPROACHED ME, and arranged for us to talk after work. He did that on his own! I was going to say hello when he greeted me and leave it at that. He's the one that made me think the talk was something we both wanted by trying to reschedule. I've been doing everything except pressuring him. I'm rightfully upset because he has been very inconsistent with these meetings that he is literally setting up with me on his terms and I've been very flexible and patient with him. Also it's not just the social media, we work together and have mutual friends. He physically stays in my presence and it's annoying. I've already deleted him off social media after last night. He needs to LEAVE ME ALONE

If you really feel that way then why reach out to him to begin with? Why haven't you blocked his number, deleted him from your social media. Going NC was a good start, get back to that.

Not sure if you read everything because clearly you don't understand. NC is quite difficult and I'm sure that makes sense as I already mentioned, we work together and have mutual friends. You are not understanding. I tried to be open to friendship as he is the initiator of that. I have a right to be frustrated by his confusing signals and I feel like you're trying to invalidate that for some reason.

You have a right to whatever emotions your feeling.

But you don't have the right to demand he change his behavior. He's not your bf anymore.

Time to work out friend custody so your not seeing him with the group. Ask your supervisor to not work the same shift as him or get transferred to another branch. Or shit, start looking for another job. Your not as helpless in this situation as you are making out.

This is the shitty part about dating within your friends circle AND a coworker. The fallout is ever imploding.

Did I demand he has to change his behavior? Not a single time. You're reading things that are literally not there. Was hoping I wouldn't have to ice him out to this extreme especially as I feel bad as he is grieving but I guess.

click to expand

Why are you feeling bad about something that is a non-factor to him??

You want to demand he changes his behavior, hence the whole 'LEAVE ME ALONE' thing. If you really want him to leave you alone then ghost. It's simple.

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by DMV
Since you guys have already broken up, imo he's not the one with the issue or hard on.

I feel like you still have relationship expectations of him.

What is stopping you from moving on?

What do you need to hear from him?

What do you need to say to him?

You say the mixed signals are coming from him?

I wouldn't deal in mixed signals. Deal with only the concrete.

Actually he is the one with the issue, because his behavior has been so strange lately to the point where it makes me and my friends feel uncomfortable. He almost makes it impossible for me to ignore him because he physically puts himself in my vicinity and it's been happening at least twice a week where he shows up somewhere knowing I'm there or going to be there, he'll even ASK me if I'm going, and then follow me around and try to make conversation with me and my friends. Last weekend he literally left his friends for most of the night to be up under me, then as soon as he saw me get my tab (I was annoyed and leaving) he immediately did the same and left as well... I only don't ice him out because I already did that and felt bad about it as I thought he wanted to be friends. But he's making it painfully obvious that he wants to be too close for comfort. I needed to tell him that until I sort through my own feelings we need more distance. Most of the reason we broke up was bc he didn't have "time" for me and I wouldn't see him for 2/3 weeks at a time. Now I realize he most likely was having depressive episodes at the time being a victim of depression myself. But the past 3 months I've been seeing him up to twice a week and I know it's on purpose. Just wanted to hear him admit whatever he's doing this for, whether out of guilt or otherwise. Trust me I am not the one feeding into this I've been very careful to give him space and keep things brief. He just doesn't want it to be that way for whatever reason.

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Ahh ok.

Make no more attempt.

He severed the connection.

He did that.

He should be making ALL the moves.

He's a circler. A shark if you will. A helicopter.

They hover and hover.

I had a Scorpio do that.

We shared the same circle.

I got sick of him blocking and hovering

Hovering and blocking

In no way did he get it. Even when I ignore him to his face. For months. Always up under me.

I ended up leaving the circle.

Billion more ppl to be friends with.

Posted by Libranebulagirl

Posted by Ravishing
I feel like you're not being honest with yourself. You still have feelings for him and want more than just closure.

I still have feelings for him. Yes. I want closure. Yes. Me having feelings for him doesn't equal me not just wanting closure why is this hard to understand

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What’s your definition of “closure”?

Posted by UnicornSag

Posted by Biboroon
CLOSURE IS BULLSHIT

It is extremely possible to get over someone without it. You just need to decide that it’s over.

Learned this lesson just recently and can only 100% agree with it!

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Yep, same. You really have to go through it to understand.

honestly girl, dont wait for closure! my capricorn boyfriend of one year and i ended our relationship 2 days ago and im taking it upon myself to move on or i know i'll be in the same situation you're in. usually after breakups im lost and distraught but i'm taking this as a learning experience to never rely on the opposite sex to have the same emotional thinking as i do. if the relationship ended its obviously due to your differences thus you both will have different ways of processing breakups. immediately after we ended i told my capricorn even though he was adament he wanted to stay friends with me for closure that i needed time away because that is the only way you'll heal. don't expect anything from your ex, he's an ex for a reason.

If you want to reconnect with him, suggest something fun. Men do not always feel comfortable talking about relationships especially bad things. It’s uncomfortable. Start rebuilding a relationship by keeping the conversation fun and light instead of scary and heavy which is what you’re doing right now