Getting the love of your life back

Is it possible to get someone back who you know deep down still loves you, but you acted really clingy and nuts with and it pushed them away? If so how?

Yep definitely the No contact...if there's something there he'll miss you and make a move, but its also time for you to work on improving yourself, doing things that make you happy and be the wonderful woman you were when he met you, if not better 🙂

If it doesnt work and he doesnt miss you enough? at least you're on the road to recovery and feeling better about yourself.

Thank you, I just want to try because I know we are meant to be together, I just have that gut feeling that I've never had with anyone before or after him. I think he's just scared as to what people think because its been going on so long, but he says it's over for good, but always comes back. Thank you again, appreciate it x

It's possible, but you can only control 50% of the chance. Even if you stop being clingy and do everything right - he still has to meet you halfway as well and be willing to try, and he also has to be available to give it a shot in the first place.

Posted by Metoo
Sometimes dearest, the damage is done.
I think sometimes you have to forgive your own mistakes and chalk it up as a learning experience so you wont repeat that behavior with anyone else.
I would allow a significant period of time with NO CONTACT of any sort toward him (in fact google no contact)
Then only after MUCH time has passed, call him and tell him you have had time to think and you have made some changes and that you were hoping to start fresh, and even as friends at first, and take things slow.
If he agrees, act like a lady, let him initiate all contact, dont live for texts, emails and calls just live to learn, experience, still keep your own life and friends and show him he has a bright, wonderful, classy girl.

If this doesnt work, again, you learned from it and you can go forward and find love again and be different.
Good luck!

good advice

Posted by scorpiokirst

Is it possible to get someone back who you know deep down still loves you, but you acted really clingy and nuts with and it pushed them away? If so how?

First of all, you don't know shit about how anyone besides yourself feels deep down. So, right from the beginning of this post, it's obvious you decieve.

Posted by scorpiokirst

I just want to try because I know we are meant to be together, I just have that gut feeling that I've never had with anyone before or after him. I think he's just scared as to what people think because its been going on so long, but he says it's over for good, but always comes back.

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And you don't even think in terms of repairing yourself, you just want .. and you are running on nothing except (want). I don't see anywhere where you've described yourself as being a mature adult seeking a respectful partner ... alls I see is that you want something, and you'll do anything to get it without any looking at real relatinship issues.

with me and the guy in question, we've known each other half our lives. We were each others first loves, true loves. We were ourselves and he even said out of all the other couples we know that we are stronger than all of them because we are completely honest with each other, he said that when we weren't even together.

I feel like in life you meet people and you know that there's are reason as to why they are and should be in your life. I have some very bad traits, and with the wrong person, I will completely take advantage of them and they become weak and just try and please me. With this guy, he know's me like the back of his hand, he see's straight through me and tells me the truth when I'm being an idiot and puts me in my place.

He's always been the type of guy who's mind gets the better of him. He thinks too much, so do I. He cares a lot what people think of him, where I never have.

Alot of people have got involved in us, as we hung out with a big group of friends, and in a way that pushed us apart, because when we went away on holiday just the two of us we were perfect.

You know when you meet married couples and u say how did u no they were the one? and they say that just knew. I have that, I know he has that, when we first started dating he always said how he knew we'd be married one day. He still says now that I never know, we might bump into each other in a few years and boom that loves still as strong as ever.

I feel, actually I know, he's trying to keep his friends and family sweet, and I know they are getting into his head and telling him not to go back, but I know we are meant to be together

Posted by scorpiokirst

... he see's straight through me and tells me the truth when I'm being an idiot and puts me in my place.

.... and I know they are getting into his head and telling him not to go back, but I know we are meant to be together

You are just going to maintain zero accountibility, aren't you?

Instead of putting yourself in your place, which is what adults do when they know they are idiots ... you do nothing and leave it to his responsibility to fix your own fucked up traits, and then blame it on his family and friends as to the reason why you are unhandleable.

by that i meant if I'm not put in my place then i'll walk all over them in the fact i'll get them to make me cups of tea and stuff, nothing sinister! geez!! Why are you attacking me, I was actually an amazing girlfriend to him, loyal and pushed him higher to achieve the best he could. I'm a good person and at the end of the day he's the one loosing out so stop coming at me and saying all this 'adult stuff' I'm a mature person, much more than other girls I know who are my age. I don't go out sleeping around and flirting with other people. So stop.

Posted by scorpiokirst

by that i meant if I'm not put in my place then i'll walk all over them in the fact i'll get them to make me cups of tea and stuff ....

It is known what you meant when you said ....

Posted by scorpiokirst

... he see's straight through me and tells me the truth when I'm being an idiot and puts me in my place.

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You say that as if you have no awareness of the consequences of this bad trait, only in the words as they left your mouth, but, no conscience awareness of it.

In fact, you say this, "if I'm not put in my place then i'll walk all over them" ... and state you're a good person, and have no clue, whatsoever, that it makes you a bad person.


again .... you need to check yourself. You aren't holding yourself accountible for your own actions and laying all responsibility on other people to cope with you, and then blaming other people for him beginning to realize that you have no self awareness.


And if you would use some sound judgement on yourself, then other people wouldn't have to .... that is what seperates the children from the adults ... not age

Posted by scorpiokirst

... and at the end of the day he's the one loosing out ....

How is he losing out exactly, if he doesnt' want you?

You're the one wanting to know what to do to get him back .... so that means you are the one experiencing a loss.


Reality escapes you all the way around, doesn't it?

Right I can see what you saying. I just need to see what your saying and apply it to things I've done over the past week and see what I've done. Sorry for not thinking deeper into it, I'm just trying to her my head round what your saying

get back
get back
get back
to where you once belonged
get back
Jo JO

[beatles]


HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY

I can see how with my negative traits I.e: over thinking, not trusting, planned ahead too much, ringing a lot and getting angry when I don't get my own way. I blame it on him but its not him, it's me. And if I want him back, when I shouldn't as he did cheat and break up with me a lot - probably because of how I acted. And too much has happened now. I should just work on my bad traits and get more self esteem so I don't want anyone who doesn't want me and am a better person for my next relationship. Thank u, I guess the truth hurts!

Thank you, your all right. It's dead and I have to move on, u only live once and I'm wasting my time x

Reading over your comment again and again metoo, your so right

Of course he will come back around... I am not so sure what it will mean when he does... but you will see him again... you know this already. Will YOU be ready when he does ?

What Metoo has been saying to you is very sound. I suggested on another thread that you should really be alone for awhile... you are spent... you are worn out... juggling the Cancer-boy with thoughts of Gemini-boy. Right now you are exhausted from the whole ordeal, no ? And when you are exhausted... you have no strength to give anything even a half-assed attempt. Rest now... take a month... two months... six months... this guy will still be where he is until it has run its course with the other girl... and when it has... or he thinks he can come and get something from you for free... he will be back.

Now again... will you be ready ? You know he is smooth with his words in getting what he wants from you. You know that he is probably incapable of being faithful... he cheated on you... and he cheated on his girlfriend WITH you just a few days ago. Is he really worthy of your affections ? You energies ? Your love ? Do you really deserve all of the pain that he inflicts ?

Will you be ready to only accept from him without complaint, the little pieces that he can give you ?
Or will you be ready to finally tell him to go fuck himself ?

Don't be afraid to be alone for while scorpiokirst... this time is for you ! When you have gained your strength again... you will be at the most crucial of crossroads in determining the course of your life for many years to come.

Posted by scorpiokirst
I can see how with my negative traits I.e: over thinking, not trusting, planned ahead too much, ringing a lot and getting angry when I don't get my own way. I blame it on him but its not him, it's me. And if I want him back, when I shouldn't as he did cheat and break up with me a lot - probably because of how I acted. And too much has happened now. I should just work on my bad traits and get more self esteem so I don't want anyone who doesn't want me and am a better person for my next relationship. Thank u, I guess the truth hurts!

He comes back to you because you're behaving like a doormat. He knows he can treat you like shit & get away with it.

I know he'll be back, your right David. He goes out, has his bit of fun, then when he gets lonely he strolls back to old faithful.

I've been doing alot of thinking over the past few days since it happened. The last contact we had was me writing an email saying how I do take full account of my actions and that I was moving on, he wrote back saying it was for the best. I'm not mad at him for sleeping with me. I'm mad at me for allowing him to, and not being strong enough to see through his cr*p. I also realised alot in the sense as with the cancer, I just don't get that 'feeling'. I.e, he wants to be with me, but I don't want to be with him. I know he's lovely, I know he'd make me happy, but I just don't get that gut feeling of 'yeah your it'. I've told him this and been very straight with him. I can now put myself in the gemini's shoes though of how he feels.

The reasons why I couldn't be with the cancer and some do sound very shallow but, He's 25 - still doesn't have a car. He smokes alot of weed, he drinks past his limits and I have to clean up his sick, when he's drunk he turns into an idiot. He doesn't look after himself. And he looks 17 (that's the shallow one) I just feel like I want someone who I know could protect me. I also felt in the back of my mind that if I carried on with him the gem would never come back, now I realise that's a good thing though! But I just don't get that feeling, I'd always be looking for better and he'd always be second best. And now I know that's EXACTLY how the gem feels. He knows he's got it good, a good girl who's safe. But he just doesn't get that feeling and he's always looking for better. I'm always second best, and when he feels he's loosing me he panics as I'm a comfort to him, but I'm not right for him. And he's too worried about what people think which probably also dampens his feelings and that his mates all want to go out on the pull. I've realised that now from how I feel about the cancer and that is why I HAVE to let him go and say no when he comes back. If I don't it will happen again and again like it already has done for years, I need to put my foot down and be like No. hopefully I'll gain an ounce of respect back. But I'M in control of MY life, and that's VERY liberating :-) I'm not being second best to anyone. If he really loved me then he'd be here. If a man really loves you then he'd move mountains to be with you. I also find that round the cancer I'm myself, I'm not even thinking of what I'm do

- doing, it just flows like it does with my friends, round the gem though I'm always on edge, my voice even goes higher and sweeter without me at the time realising - so weird. And I just try and say and do everything to please him. I'm not myself, and I try and be myself but he's such a strong character that I can't because he'll tell me I'm stupid or something and instead of telling him to f off I just go quiet, like a little muggish mouse. So embarrassing. Urgh I've had enough!! I feel like I've wasted so much time and energy and the worst part is its my fault for not turning around to myself and saying 'Kirsty your an amazing girl with alot of love and loyalty to give to someone, he's the one who will realise he's lost a good girl'

And thank you again everyone!! I really do appreciate you guys taking the time out to help a random stranger! xx

Posted by scorpiokirst
Thank you, I just want to try because I know we are meant to be together, I just have that gut feeling that I've never had with anyone before or after him. I think he's just scared as to what people think because its been going on so long, but he says it's over for good, but always comes back. Thank you again, appreciate it x

What exactly do you think he is scared of? You look pretty harmless to me.

Guys drive space shuttles and nuclear subs and those wayward Amtrak trains. It takes quite a bit to actually scare a guy.

Change your locks and buy a rottweiler. That should take care of any further visitations. Or at least prove how scared or not he really is.

Make room in your life for someone that has a pair.

He cares one hell of alot of what people think about him, and as we have been together, then broken up, then been together, then broken up, and our families and friends have had enough and would just moan at him if he came back. And he said 'having pride never hurt anyone. I just think if you love someone then its between two people, but your right, he has no balls.


Metoo that websites great, here's just one thing I love: You deserve better than being with someone who thinks they??re so special while treating you in a less than manner. Stop blowing smoke up their bum and inflating their value — it's like worshipping a false idol! That's not a relationship — it's being a groupie, fanatic or even worshipper. Are they changing the world? Have they come up with a cure for cancer? Did they create the world?

Never position someone anywhere in your mind or even your life, where they can look down on you. Be equal, or bounce.

And David you're right, I'm exhausted, typical Scorpio - over analyse EVERYTHING, I'm giving myself a headache!

You call him the love of your life, and that you two were meant to be ........


...... then refer to it in past tense.





The love of two lives that are meant to be stay current, and never have a past tense until it's over .... there is no such thing, while being at odds over whether the love is enough to sustain.

When you have enough life experiences, you will get that .... and by then, you will likely have considered yourself to have several loves of your life, and then hopefully, you will be able to look at the actuality of the irony to realize what I said = there is no such thing as being at odds over whether the love is enough to sustain.


I would suggest that instead of obssessing .... step away from the romance your feelings have conjured up to satisfy your obssessive longing to be loved, to you can raise your mind to a higher level of observing the people involved, rather than just what your feelings want it to be.

So many times I've heard women say things like .....

"I believe in soulmates. Mine was a (sun sign), but, it didn't work out."


do people only acknowledge what is on the surface?

If this person was your soulmate .. then you two never break up, you can't break up because your souls are attached to each other. It's impossible for it to NOT work out.


Same concept here with you. If this man is the love of your life, and it was meant to be .. then there wouldn't be any doubt, there wouldn't be a struggle to get him to take your feelings as you want him to.

You feel for this man, and so now are having a romantic relatinship with your own feelings, and hoping like hell he will play the male role.

If the two of you are meant to be ... then you will be.

If you two aren't able to be ... then it's not fate, only your own feelings of want

@ P-Angel

Your wisdom is truly divine when you present it gently in this way to the already kneeling. Beautifully said.

P-angel that was a brilliant way to put it on how if we were soul mates then he wouldn't of left. I also realise that the 'butterfly' feelings I experience when I see or think or hear of him, are actually feeling of fear and drama thus causes 'excitement' which I confuse as 'love'. When I look at him as an actual person, well there's really nothing I actually like about him... I'm quite a weird person where I'll make animal noises or poke people or just try and have a laugh and he'll look at me like I'm nuts. It's a case of me growing up now and realising that love is meant to be secure, I should feel loved, and safe, not like I'm walking on egg shells. And to remember that if I see him again and get that feeling that its not 'love'. And to tell him where to stick it, because we aren't right for one another and we won't ever be.

BikerCh1ck I've been reading so many posts on that website you said to look at, and it's helping me so much.

As a child I always had a good relationship with my dad so I don't think my relationship or self esteem issues stemmed from that.

When I went to secondary school, a lot of girls just hated me straight off the bat. They had never met me and I found it really hard to understand why these people I'd never spoken to before were suddenly shouting insults at me, specially as I wasn't loud, I kept myself to myself and just did my own thing. My self esteem took a bashing so I wore more make up and dyed my hair even blonder to try and get compliments from the guys. I never slept around or anything, I just got obsessive with certain guys. I'll never ever take back the bullying as it gave me empathy and made me a lot stronger. But when I left school, that's when I started dating him, my self esteem was at rock bottom.

My parents are still together and my mum met my dad when she was 18. Engaged at 20, and married at 22. As a child I always wanted that. I wanted that love and security and just to have that person who would always be by my side, I lived in a fairy tale land of how my life would follow suit and I expected him to be that man who I'd have that life with, scared that because I'd been with him so long, it had to be him as I'd put so much time and effort in. From being with the cancer I can see what it's meant to be like. I'd been with two other guys when in-between the gem and they were crazy about me, so is the cancer, and that's from me just being me, not going over board to please them, not being desperate t

to see them, just being normal. The gem made me feel like there was something wrong with me. He rejected me like those people did and I guess my ego went into over drive to try to get him to want me, that's why when he did come back, my ego was soothed and I was like 'look he's come back, he does want me' but in reality he just knew he could come and go as he pleased because I would always be open to him, waiting for him. He could use me because I was that desperate for his approval that I'd let him. In my mind he was this amazing man who I needed for self approval when in reality he's a narcissistic, drug taking, tree surgeon who's got no sense of humour and is incapable of loving anything but himself. man it feels good to be free. I need to focus on loving myself, releasing in a loving way that I am worth it, loving yourself arrogantly is out of fear, but truly loving yourself where you want the best for yourself is stemmed from love. I need to do that. And when the day arrives that he does 'miss me' because I went into over drive to please him, then I'll turn around and say NO.

Yeah I suffered from bulimia for 5 years, stopped last year, I guess that stemmed from wanting to be perfect but never could be and also when I was being sick it was like I was bringing the feelings up (sorry about how gross that sounds). It was awful as I was dealing with him and then that, I'd be alone a lot and it kept me busy and my mind off things. It was a silly thing to do as I've always been a healthy weight and then I was only 5 pounds lighter than I am now, so was just silly! I felt round him like I would If a girl that hated me was near me like if she was talking to my friend, that anxious feeling and I'd act different, where as when I'm around people who are my friends and I'm relaxed around I'm happy and my self and not a people pleaser, but around those people I would be, and stand there smiling or I'd talk different and in a 'happier' voice, where as around my friends I just don't give a cr*p as they love and except me for me.