court99
@court99
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 3 · Topics: 3
guy friend- hooking up- he doesnt want more. Ugh
You only did this to play for his feelings. Certainly, you are hurt because you love a man who isn't loving you back the same way ... but, that doesn't mean you get to push him away with intentions of trying to get him run back to you.
Real life isnt' a fairy tale .. why women have a hard time with that realization is beyond me.
He might never want you in the end .... and you being rejected will be poetic justice for trying to play his feelings.
Real life isnt' a fairy tale .. why women have a hard time with that realization is beyond me.
He might never want you in the end .... and you being rejected will be poetic justice for trying to play his feelings.
You try and catch him by sexing him up ... he takes the pussy and runs.
Any questions?
Any questions?
1. You did the right thing. This is the moment when most women mess up, only to regret it 6+ months later when they realize that yep, still NO committment. I know it's hard but stick to your guns.
2. Keep in mind that the ONE thing this guy did NOT claim to have mistakenly said was that he did NOT want to be with you. In other words, that's the 1 thing he meant & won't take back. All that other in-between talk may be up for the miscommunication award, but all that matters is that the main thing keeping you 2 apart is that sentence (I'm NOT ready) that he's obviously not kindling or taking back. There's nothing else to talk about until there's no longer a "not" in front of ready.
3. Feelings don't cut on/off like a light switch. So if that's where you're headed, stop now & spare yourself.
4. Walking away doesn't mean that you love him any less. No, but it means that you'd rather stay away & spare/save those feelings for someone whom will allow things to go further if need be.
5. How do you ween yourself off of someone? Simple. STOP everything that you're doing/saying that's contributing to you having feelings for him. If that means, hanging out, kissing, having sex, talking alot, or whatever, STOP.
6. Imagine if this guy had hit you & F'd your Bff. All of the things you'd STOP doing with him in that specific situation are all of the things that you oughta stop doing now. It takes practice & constant reminders to self that you deserve better, but it IS possible.
7. No. Quit trying to defy the rules. There's no such a thing in most cases of 2 people who care deeply about eachother to just remain "friends." You're either completely IN or completely OUT. Naturally comes boundaries when there are feelings. Welp, you can't have high expectations or expect certain things from him unless you're more than friends. And since "more than friends" is something he's not willing to be, things will go downhill if you try to be just his friend, but yet still expect certain things from him since you still love him.
8. Don't confuse what the word "friend," means. You guys were past the friend-stage a long time ago. If he's not ready to go to the next step, take it as a loss & keep it moving. Whatever you do, don't harp. Don't try to tweak/fix something that is non-negotiable. And yes, when a man says he's not ready, he's 99% of the time DEAD SERIOUS & his decision is non-negotiable.
9. Move on. Over time, your feelings for him will decrease
2. Keep in mind that the ONE thing this guy did NOT claim to have mistakenly said was that he did NOT want to be with you. In other words, that's the 1 thing he meant & won't take back. All that other in-between talk may be up for the miscommunication award, but all that matters is that the main thing keeping you 2 apart is that sentence (I'm NOT ready) that he's obviously not kindling or taking back. There's nothing else to talk about until there's no longer a "not" in front of ready.
3. Feelings don't cut on/off like a light switch. So if that's where you're headed, stop now & spare yourself.
4. Walking away doesn't mean that you love him any less. No, but it means that you'd rather stay away & spare/save those feelings for someone whom will allow things to go further if need be.
5. How do you ween yourself off of someone? Simple. STOP everything that you're doing/saying that's contributing to you having feelings for him. If that means, hanging out, kissing, having sex, talking alot, or whatever, STOP.
6. Imagine if this guy had hit you & F'd your Bff. All of the things you'd STOP doing with him in that specific situation are all of the things that you oughta stop doing now. It takes practice & constant reminders to self that you deserve better, but it IS possible.
7. No. Quit trying to defy the rules. There's no such a thing in most cases of 2 people who care deeply about eachother to just remain "friends." You're either completely IN or completely OUT. Naturally comes boundaries when there are feelings. Welp, you can't have high expectations or expect certain things from him unless you're more than friends. And since "more than friends" is something he's not willing to be, things will go downhill if you try to be just his friend, but yet still expect certain things from him since you still love him.
8. Don't confuse what the word "friend," means. You guys were past the friend-stage a long time ago. If he's not ready to go to the next step, take it as a loss & keep it moving. Whatever you do, don't harp. Don't try to tweak/fix something that is non-negotiable. And yes, when a man says he's not ready, he's 99% of the time DEAD SERIOUS & his decision is non-negotiable.
9. Move on. Over time, your feelings for him will decrease
10. I don't care if this guy runs back, kisses you for 2 hours or tells you he loves you 30 times. It won't matter UNTIL he's READY. All of that extra sweet talk is irrelevant UNTIL/UNLESS the main barrier (which is his resistance to commit to you) goes away.
11. In other words, don't pay so much attention what he IS saying, but instead pay more attention to what he's NOT saying/doing. And what he's NOT saying is that he's ready. He's NOT willing to commit. He's NOT willing to let you go completely EVEN THOUGH he knows that him staying around has the potential to confuse you and/or cause you pain.
12. There's no telling WHY this guy likes you. Regardless, he doesn't like you ENOUGH though. If this guy likes you b/c you're good in bed or b/c you're fun to hang out with, understand that he may not be ready to let go of all the "benefits" that come with you just yet. He'll try to drain you for all you got simply b/c you'll allow him to. Again, him staying around doesn't mean shxt unless he takes the "NOT" away that sits in front of the word "ready."
13. Stop playing mind games with him & with yourself. You'll never win. Look at the situation for what it is & NOT for what your "fantasy world" WISHES it was. The more in tune you are with REALITY, the more likely you are to make logical decision that won't result in you getting hurt, taken advantage of or played for a fool in the long run.
14. You teach people how to treat you. If commitment is what you want (you're NOT wrong for wanting OR expecting that) then stick to your guns. He's NO good if you have to shy away from your own desires just to keep the "peace" with someone else.
15. He may like you, but not ENOUGH to trick himself & shrug off his own desires. And his desire is NOT to be committed. So don't do the same for him. Liking him is fine, but don't allow yourself to EVER like someone SO much so that you end up losing who you are or letting your standards down for someone else. Each time this guy sees that you're willing to do this, he loses a little bit of respect for you. Remember that
11. In other words, don't pay so much attention what he IS saying, but instead pay more attention to what he's NOT saying/doing. And what he's NOT saying is that he's ready. He's NOT willing to commit. He's NOT willing to let you go completely EVEN THOUGH he knows that him staying around has the potential to confuse you and/or cause you pain.
12. There's no telling WHY this guy likes you. Regardless, he doesn't like you ENOUGH though. If this guy likes you b/c you're good in bed or b/c you're fun to hang out with, understand that he may not be ready to let go of all the "benefits" that come with you just yet. He'll try to drain you for all you got simply b/c you'll allow him to. Again, him staying around doesn't mean shxt unless he takes the "NOT" away that sits in front of the word "ready."
13. Stop playing mind games with him & with yourself. You'll never win. Look at the situation for what it is & NOT for what your "fantasy world" WISHES it was. The more in tune you are with REALITY, the more likely you are to make logical decision that won't result in you getting hurt, taken advantage of or played for a fool in the long run.
14. You teach people how to treat you. If commitment is what you want (you're NOT wrong for wanting OR expecting that) then stick to your guns. He's NO good if you have to shy away from your own desires just to keep the "peace" with someone else.
15. He may like you, but not ENOUGH to trick himself & shrug off his own desires. And his desire is NOT to be committed. So don't do the same for him. Liking him is fine, but don't allow yourself to EVER like someone SO much so that you end up losing who you are or letting your standards down for someone else. Each time this guy sees that you're willing to do this, he loses a little bit of respect for you. Remember that
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I did pull a complete romantic comedy move and when he left after ten minutes I got so upset. I texted him to turn around. He came running back into the house and hugged and kissed me, but then said he had to go home to sleep in his own bed. (Not the traditional romantic comedy ending).
Two days later he posts this on facebook. My spidey senses were tingling. I think it has to do with me, because if not why would he ever post such a thing in the situation we are in?
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.??
I am only five days into the break. I am trying to do a detox of him, but part of me wants him to realize he loves me and come and get me. Silly I know. How do we detox someone so we are no longer in love with them? Should I have ridden out the wave of what was happening or did I do the right thing by putting boundaries around it? And if he doesnt want a relationship it truly means he is just not in love with me. period. Move on.