Why is the divorce rate so high

if "people don't leave" their husbands/wives/partners?

we are told people don't leave, so who exactly is doing all the divorcing—??

Huh?

We aren't told that ..... looks like you are told that

The divorce rate is so high because Disney has brainwashed us into thinking that happily ever after means problem free. We see the princess get swept off her feet (quite literally) and wisked away to some castle were "they live happily together for the rest of their days" and that's BS. Now people have a bad day and think that "this must not be it" and bail.

People divorce because they are lazy. Couples are either too lazy to pick a good match to start with or too lazy to keep working at it and one of them gives up.

lol

Actually, the divorce rate is high because people react instead of think.

If he looks good, and he barks good ... he's good .. marry him quick.

If she looks good, and she fucks good ... she's good .. marry her quick.

If you dont' do it quick ... you might have to think about it .. and heaven forbide that people might have to use their brains to tell them somehting.

I read an article in Psychology (jus' this magazine) and it was talking about how our perception on love has changed. I think a lot of people are grown up thinking the person your married to needs to be your...

1. lover
2. best friend
3. soul mate
4. the one you'll never have problems with
and that they need to be your "perfect" but when you look at the older generations, haha my grandparents, they loved each other but they would fight all the time. I don't think there is enough emphasis on communication in relationships, and when there IS, its tied into the idea that you shouldn't fight with your loved one.

A lot of people expect too much, and run too quickly in today's world.

I ran across one discussion about this the I found very interesting. The point was that for the majority of the human experience being with the same marriage partner for 20+ years simply didn't happen that much. The reason for this was that in that length of time, one, or both partners died. Most likely it was her, dying in child birth.

It was further argued that what we call a "blended" family was actually the norm for most of the human experience, because of the previously stated reason. Step children, step brothers and sisters were in fact the most common configuration of the family, and it is our nuclear family that is the deviation from the norm.

So, we are simply not programmed to be with one person for all the decades that our current ideal would say. It is that expectation that is out of step with human experience, and we are the weirdos.

Posted by LibraSid
The divorce rate is so high because Disney has brainwashed us into thinking that happily ever after means problem free. We see the princess get swept off her feet (quite literally) and wisked away to some castle were "they live happily together for the rest of their days" and that's BS. Now people have a bad day and think that "this must not be it" and bail.

People divorce because they are lazy. Couples are either too lazy to pick a good match to start with or too lazy to keep working at it and one of them gives up.

Yes.

"I wonder, too, why it's necessary for all of us that feel so intensely to hurt so deeply. Yin and yang I suppose. What makes one think one moment that the world is at their feet and with one sentence it's all gone horribly awry? Who am I and what do I seek? Is there one single person in the world that can go toe to toe with me and just accept me for what I am? Who I am? I'm not talking about castles and moonbeams, and quite frankly Cinderella and the rest of the Disney princesses can take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. What I'm talking about is someone to hold me when I cry, lift me when I'm down. To take my crap, to allow me to take their crap. To just know that they're mine. No questions asked. Someone with the guts to know right down to the ground that I'm theirs as well. That I don't have to say "I love you" all the time. That I express it in so many other ways. That I'll hold you when you're weak and hold you when you're strong. That I'll pump my fist to the skies and call down the thunder because I'm so proud you're MINE. No time, no distance, no space. Someone to get raucous with, to dance with, to laugh with until I can't breath. Someone to kiss and make love with. Someone to bounce ideas off of and know your opinions and thoughts actually matter. Someone to argue with, shout at, but know at the end of the day they're still hanging tough with and FOR you."

Excerpt from something I wrote in January of '09.

Weirdos? That. But also really complex.

I think what you say is very true, especially since perspectives on marriage only recently changed (I mean in the past like 60 years)

I'm sure there are many theories...but I think the whole instant gratification aspect of modern society has turned us all into impulsive, self-centered, spoiled little jerkoffs.

We want what we want when we want it, and we're not very tolerant of anything other than our set ideas.

People get married for the wrong reasons, then when things get a little rough (as every relationship does!) we want to bail out because we're not getting our way at that moment, or a resolve is not coming quickly enough.

:/ lame

Posted by Decemberist13
Weirdos? That. But also really complex.

I think what you say is very true, especially since perspectives on marriage only recently changed (I mean in the past like 60 years)

Another discussion I have seen is that it has been since WWII that our entire society has undergone huge changes. A lot of these changes have been driven by women now have financial independence. They no longer have to depend on a man for their daily bread. This makes a lot of sense, and ties into Decemberist13's comment quite well. Our society as a whole has allowed women to become more complete human beings, and part of that role expansion is that you ladies can and do dump Mr. I Been Screwing Around On You lickety split. Good for you ladies (looking at you, VB).

We are also a much more fluid and dynamic society than we were 60 years ago. I can easily argue that there have been 4 complete versions of dofacc, and I am hard at work creating the 5th. Why would my personal life be any less flexible? I have altered myself to meet the demands of my society. If you don't bob and weave, you get run down in the traffic. Road kill isn't a good way to spend your life.

sorry - I didn't do a good job of introducing this:

Lady at work (we will call her Wifey) has cheating husband, she is reading a book called something like "Beat the Bitch" (will check on actual title - it's about how to stop someone stealing your husband)

RNAP: what are you reading now?
Wifey: this book - telling me how to stop him from leaving
RNAP: You WANT him to leave - he is a cheating low life scumbag etc
Friend at Next Table: They never leave their wives, just ride it out
RNAP: Have you seen the divorce rate? - someone must be leaving
Friend and Wifey both suddenly quiet

so I thought it would make an interesting dxp topic...if no one leaves, who are all these people getting divorces?

In the context of that conversation, wifey does the divorcing. FaNT is correct, the cheater will "have his cake and eat it too" as long as wifey allows it. She may still be trying to work it out now but at some point she'll realize that she can't trust him anymore. She may not want him to leave but his choices and decisions took it out of her hands.

lol

SHE doesn't want to leave - the book also tells here there are no good guys left out there, so you need to keep the husband!

I think I might set fire to the book when she is not looking and leave her the yellow pages open at "Lawyers"🙂

Posted by dreamer23
Sometimes it simply wont work. You can love someone with your heart and soul and cannot LIVE with them. And you get ONE life. No one can really judge until they have been in the same place. Easy to call it laziness. But its a helluva lot more complicated than that.

Some doggone good insight here. My marriage ended after all those years not because either of us took up cheating, but because we and the world changed. We reached the point where we are more siblings that husband and wife. I truly still love my ex, but as a sibling, not as a wife. I want that particular warmth and expression of the human experience in my life. People are not stagnant beings, we need to accept that and make accommodations for our humanness.

Posted by LibraSid
In the context of that conversation, wifey does the divorcing. FaNT is correct, the cheater will "have his cake and eat it too" as long as wifey allows it. She may still be trying to work it out now but at some point she'll realize that she can't trust him anymore. She may not want him to leave but his choices and decisions took it out of her hands.

OMG, how True, LS.

Posted by dreamer23
Sometimes it simply wont work. You can love someone with your heart and soul and cannot LIVE with them. And you get ONE life. No one can really judge until they have been in the same place. Easy to call it laziness. But its a helluva lot more complicated than that.

I concur.