@krysrenee7
18 Years5,000+ Posts
What's the point of marriage?
Btw, I'm all for marriage. Part of this is b/c I was raised to believe that "tradition" & "marriage" are interchangeable. I like following tradition even if I technically wouldn't die without it. The other part is that I feel there are more advantages than disadvantages if you marry the RIGHT person, at the RIGHT time & for all the RIGHT reasons.
I'm just curious to see if some of you can honestly give me your OWN version (not your parent's, families or society's thoughts) of why marriage is so important to you, if it even is at all.
This same logic/questions can be applied to other "traditional" things too:
1. A friend of mine just realized that part of the reason he'd never dated outside of his race was b/c his family told him how untraditional it was. He'd ignore a white, asian or latino girl all b/c some long lost relative told him to "stay true to his roots." Well, eventually he realized that he was living his life according to everyone else's standards & beliefs. Yes, he wanted to follow certain traditions, BUT he also realized that if he didn't, he'd still be a good guy, a family man & someone who respects traditions. When asked why he wouldn't date outside of his race, he really didn't even have a real answer. His answer was rehearsed & was from someone else's point of view. He'd never just sat down & thought about it.
2. 1 friend of mine decided not to wear white on her wedding day. Her family was furious with her over this b/c they accused her of not following "tradition." But hey, her favorite color was red & she felt that wearing another color other than white didn't mean that her marriage was any less valid or any less relevant. She couldn't find a good solid reason for why wearing red was necessarily a "bad thing" so she choose to wear red.
3. My ex truly wanted a wife who'd be his equal in that she TOO works. But his parents had taught him all his life that he oughta be the primary & only provider financially, thus he literally looked for certain types of women even though he didn't know why. He did it only b/c that's what he was told. Society ran his life, not him. As much as he hated to break "tradition" he said F it, & decided to go look for a woman that would be willing to work too. He didn't want a susie home-maker.
Posted by DOUBLEG
@Dazed have u ever dated a Gemini?I'd rather cut my cock off
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so would I!!!!!
(and I don't even have a cock)
Reasons to get married:
sex
someone to love - someone who loves you, they have got your back whatever happens and you have theirs
cuddles
someone to try my new recipes out on
sex
a back I can rub when he has had a shitty day
did I mention sex?
is it that obvious?😉
Point of marriage:
To make a commitment; a promise to one person, a real one. This is my choice above all others. Body, soul and craziness included.
To have someone at your side because you cannot imagine them not there.
To be proud of both the man at your side and his name. 'Why YES, I am Mrs. _____ spanks for noticing.' Sign that with a FLOURISH.
To have someone you honestly enjoy talking too deep in the night, giggling with like naughty school children and smiling at over coffee in the morning.
To see someone at base level, good..bad..indifferent, and care still.
Someone to fight the good fight with you, share your problems with, be a couple.
To raise children with both a mother and a father.
Companionship.
Sex wherever and whenever you both are feeling it. ( Yep, that one, better believe it ).
Someone who gets you, eyes light when they see you. Or flash in ire. At the end of the day, still there.
Someone to argue with, yeh, you heard me. It's part of it too. Call it debate if you must.
And *drum roll please* ..to look at someone with no fear, not a shred of it and say "I love you", and mean it.
I see marriage as an ultimate in commitment. It's just like when you get your degree or phd. You work towards it. The steps taken and the journey to that destination is worth it. It is definitely not just a piece of paper.
I concur with vb. Marriage does make all the difference than just living together. The atmosphere and mentality is different. Marriage also gives security to both parties and is a good grounding base.
Agreed.
^ Was for 13 years. Didn't sway my belief in the institution. It certainly taught me what I do and do NOT want in my life though. I can thank him for that. Taught me quite a bit in that regard. Would I marry again? Certainly. Will I? May as well predict the shifting of the winds. You never know what tomorrow may bring. All I can do is focus on today, the day after that, and the day after that. 🙂
Posted by DOUBLEG
^ What was his sign? I was married 13 years also..To a Taurus
Virgo.
^ Sharp tongued I can deal with fine. I can be myself. It was severe lack of communication ( and why I feel it it so very important now, fool me once... ) for one, and his subsequent going outside of the marriage was the final nail in the coffin.
What's the point of marriage?
Tax Incentives.
Honoring the Christian sacrament.
Love... and such as that.
Agreed. Especially number 2.
Posted by venusianbull
Point of marriage:To make a commitment; a promise to one person, a real one. This is my choice above all others. Body, soul and craziness included.
To have someone at your side because you cannot imagine them not there.
To be proud of both the man at your side and his name. 'Why YES, I am Mrs. _____ spanks for noticing.' Sign that with a FLOURISH.
To have someone you honestly enjoy talking too deep in the night, giggling with like naughty school children and smiling at over coffee in the morning.
To see someone at base level, good..bad..indifferent, and care still.
Someone to fight the good fight with you, share your problems with, be a couple.
To raise children with both a mother and a father.
Companionship.
Sex wherever and whenever you both are feeling it. ( Yep, that one, better believe it ).
So a person can't do/have all that UNLESS they're married? That's not true. Love is love, whether there's wedding rings involved or not. Granted, having that ring on your finger may make you FEEL or think that your "love" is more valid than before, but technically it's not. If that were the case, there'd be no such a thing as divorce =)
I agree that marriage definetely has it perks, BUT technically-speaking, there's nothing you can get out of a marriage that you ALSO can't get out of a regular relationship, or even in some cases, friendship!
You can get love, sex, understanding, companionship, & all those wonderful things from someone with OR without the marriage. Seems like the only difference is that you'd have to pay your way out of a marriage vs. walking away free in a regular relationship. Being married costs money! And leaving that person costs even MORE money!
The government should start making people PAY TO BE MARRIED! They should pay a monthly fee! I bet the # of divorces would dramatically decrease! Hell, anytime you're paying for something monthly, you're twice as likely to take extra special care of it! =)
Someone to love who loves you and understands you.
Someone to have fun with.
Sex.
Affection.
Kids.
More than one person contributing to common goals / an ally in life / someone who's there when you need support.
Someone you can share the world with.
Those are my reasons.
VB, I love you. Wanna get married? Or.. um.. can you get a sex change first? 😛 Damn I need a Taurus.
if you are looking at marriage as a piece of paper or a "glorified social institution" then you are looking at it all wrong
marriage is about a union between 2 people who love each other
Posted by venusianbull
Point of marriage:To make a commitment; a promise to one person, a real one. This is my choice above all others. Body, soul and craziness included.
To have someone at your side because you cannot imagine them not there.
To be proud of both the man at your side and his name. 'Why YES, I am Mrs. _____ spanks for noticing.' Sign that with a FLOURISH.
To have someone you honestly enjoy talking too deep in the night, giggling with like naughty school children and smiling at over coffee in the morning.
To see someone at base level, good..bad..indifferent, and care still.
Someone to fight the good fight with you, share your problems with, be a couple.
To raise children with both a mother and a father.
Companionship.
Sex wherever and whenever you both are feeling it. ( Yep, that one, better believe it ).
So a person can't do/have all that UNLESS they're married? That's not true. Love is love, whether there's wedding rings involved or not. Granted, having that ring on your finger may make you FEEL or think that your "love" is more valid than before, but technically it's not. If that were the case, there'd be no such a thing as divorce =)
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I see your point, I do. I don't find a piece of jewelry makes my feelings any more valid. My feelings are my feelings no matter if I've got a sparkler on my hand or not. It is, the final step in the journey. That the choice made means enough to take a mans last name as your own and have it with pride. That he loves you enough to give that to you. To walk by your side, sleep at it and take care of you. And you of him. To strive for him, have his back, round him out, make him a better man. NOT a different man, but to augment him as a woman. To cherish and love him above all other men. And back on me as a female. To protect the children, honor the commitment made. Take care of things to ensure they run smoothly. Listen to his day, his problems, his worries, take into your hands all that he is, and he with you. It's more of a permanent state of mind, the roots you put down. With each other.
Posted by Skykomish
VB, I love you. Wanna get married? Or.. um.. can you get a sex change first? 😛 Damn I need a Taurus.
LOL Sorry Sky, no can do on the sex change. You'll have to look for the male of the species. 😄
vb: It was severe lack of communication...
Never a problem with my Bullette...
Oh! Wait! You meant talking - sorry!
LOL Yes, that one is understood, plainly.
You don't have to believe in god to get married! It's just a ceremony of union followed by a feast and celebration.
Posted by spica
I concur with vb. Marriage does make all the difference than just living together. The atmosphere and mentality is different. Marriage also gives security to both parties and is a good grounding base.
Hmph. Really,,,? Y'know, this calls for an experiment! I'm gonna tell my bf that we're getting married and see what happens.
Again, I'm all for marriage. I'm just rattling some of your chains a little.
I'm all for tradition too. But I'm only for it IF the people following certain traditions actually know what they mean AND WHY they're important, instead of just saying "b/c my parents told me to." As with anything, don't sign your name on that dotted line unless you know exactly what you're getting into & WHY. Doing something just for the sake of "following" isn't wise.
Perhaps that's why the divorce rate is sky high. Part of it is b/c people nowadays are wearing "Marry me now" signs on their forehead but yet they're going into these marriages NOT knowing what it's about OR why it was even so important to them. And w/o the proper tools, resources, logic/knowledge, your relationship as a whole is doomed.
To some "preparation" is about financially planning for the actual wedding. NOT to me! Preparation for marriage is moreso a mental/emotional/psychological thing. That's why I respect those who may have cold-feet before marriage moreso than I do those who jump into it w/o even reading the "job description." THINKING about it/slightly hesistating IS a good thing b/c atleast you're thinking!
Kind of like the child whose baptized as a Christian before he even knows what any of it means. He's a christian to his parents/family maybe, but NOT to the person he's supposed to be praising b/c faith without works is dead. And a child who is dipped under water & has no idea why can't logically make that kind of informed decision UNLESS/UNTIL they know WHY.
So again, all of the perks that marriage can offer you, are things you can technically get from a regular relationship, & some cases, even from friendships!
As for the people who say marriage isn't all about a piece of paper, I'm 50/50 with you on this. Maybe it's not ALL about that, BUT um signing that piece of paper & being legally obligated to someone is NOT something you oughta ignore or shrug off. That side of marriage absolutely DOES have alot to do with it. People don't wanna accept this until it's time for a divorce!
Posted by spica
I concur with vb. Marriage does make all the difference than just living together. The atmosphere and mentality is different. Marriage also gives security to both parties and is a good grounding base.Hmph. Really,,,? Y'know, this calls for an experiment! I'm gonna tell my bf that we're getting married and see what happens.
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better to let him bring it up, tho'. Have you asked?
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So many of you want marriage b/c you see that society has placed such a big importance on it. Many of you don't even know why you desire marriage so much. Some of you just want it b/c you see other women wanting it or entering into it.
And some of you want it b/c you feel it's the ultimate challenge (you know that this is the 1 thing most men run from/avoid, thus you feel better knowing that you were able to win this challenge by getting that ring on your finger).
And some of you only want it b/c you just want to be "had" & you naively fall for the images in the media when you see married couples. You think marriage=happiness, thus imagining yourself non-married in your life is the same as you never being happy with someone.
So many people want to get married but when asked why, their answers sound rehearsed. Almost as if women are wired to want it, even if they don't know why they want it or don't have a clue what true marriage is all about.
This brings me to my QUESTION: What's the point of marriage? Are there really more benefits than disadvantages to it? Is their more loss than gain? Can you honestly tell me that love isn't possible unless it eventually involves 2 wedding bands/rings?