LibraSid
@LibraSid
15 Years1,000+ PostsLibra
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4581 · Topics: 75
Guys: Is this normal?
Posted by fatal1234
I didn't mind our casual relationship until feelings started to show. More on his side.
The answer to your question is in those two sentences.
to reply a few times but just start rambling. Either what you told him is very different from the image I got, or you don't understand how:Posted by fatal1234
telling me how much he cared for me and and wanted to be the only man in my life.
is different from:Posted by fatal1234
But I do have feelings for him? I thought he was good with tge casual relationship as wellclick to expand
P-Angel said your answer was in your sentence because you are questioning why the guy got distant after professing his love but you're also saying that the feeling are just on his side.
Posted by fatal1234
If I am more open and vocal about how I feel that won't scare him off?
I don't think it would. Frankly, I think you need to do it to break his 'pulling away'. If I'm right and he distanced because of rejection then the ball is in your court. He said he wants to be the only man in your life. If you want that too you need to tell him.
Posted by fatal1234
I really do love and care about him. Honestly I haven't been interested in other dudes because I feel good with just him and when we are together.click to expand
Have you told him this? Just like that too, no wishy washy stuff.
I agree with LibraSid. Him saying, "You're talking to other guys" was a cop out line. He knows you're not. BUT he keeps trying to convince himself that you are b/c he's not yet ready to be honest with himself in that he's just being insecure & doesn't feel that your feelings for him are mutual. It's easier for him to avoid that grand feeling of rejection if he pushes this all off on you.
He's having an inward battle with himself that has nothing to do with you. He cares about you & likes embracing his feelings for you, but at the same time he's afraid of himself & his own feelings. He not only runs from you when he disappears, he also runs from his own emotions too.
Sounds like you were the main 1 doing all the chasing in the beginning, but yet when you saw it was getting you no where, you did what most women are advised to do, which is back up. Problem is, when you were backing up, he was inching more closely to you. Now that he's all ready to be open, you're still kind of on "sit here" mode. He picked up on that & is mistaking your aloofness to mean that you're not as interested. Once he tells himself that, he ends up doing what you probably did which is back up the min. you start smelling a hint of rejection.
Little does he know, most of his fears/insecurities are all in his OWN mind. Just give him some time. Now that you know he's into you, start giving a little bit more, if anything just for reassurance.
This guy is being very "normal" right now. He's doing what most people do when they're afraid to be vulnerable, don't have someone kissing their ass 24-7 & are insecure. People who are afraid of the power of their own feelings often will back up when their feelings are at the strongest point, even though you'd think the opposite would actually happen.
His hot/cold behavior should only be temporary. Eventually, he'll make the DECISION to either trust his emotions for you/be vulnerable or he won't. Time will tell
He's having an inward battle with himself that has nothing to do with you. He cares about you & likes embracing his feelings for you, but at the same time he's afraid of himself & his own feelings. He not only runs from you when he disappears, he also runs from his own emotions too.
Sounds like you were the main 1 doing all the chasing in the beginning, but yet when you saw it was getting you no where, you did what most women are advised to do, which is back up. Problem is, when you were backing up, he was inching more closely to you. Now that he's all ready to be open, you're still kind of on "sit here" mode. He picked up on that & is mistaking your aloofness to mean that you're not as interested. Once he tells himself that, he ends up doing what you probably did which is back up the min. you start smelling a hint of rejection.
Little does he know, most of his fears/insecurities are all in his OWN mind. Just give him some time. Now that you know he's into you, start giving a little bit more, if anything just for reassurance.
This guy is being very "normal" right now. He's doing what most people do when they're afraid to be vulnerable, don't have someone kissing their ass 24-7 & are insecure. People who are afraid of the power of their own feelings often will back up when their feelings are at the strongest point, even though you'd think the opposite would actually happen.
His hot/cold behavior should only be temporary. Eventually, he'll make the DECISION to either trust his emotions for you/be vulnerable or he won't. Time will tell
Crazy thing is, he's giving you the SAME feeling he'd hate for you to give him. He's NOT the only 1 who hates the feeling of rejection or who hates to get the feeling that things may not be mutual, but yet he's constantly giving you the exact same feelings that he, himself fears, avoids & runs away from. Perhaps, he needs to be more aware of how his actions affect or come off to others
Make him understand that you're BOTH in the same boat. NEITHER of you (not just him) want to feel rejected, waste time or invest in someone who doesn't mutually feel the same. But there comes a point when you both (especially him) have to say, ok look, I like him/her so I'm going to take the risk & be vulnerable & just HOPE that my intuition about her/him was right. Not half step it Mon-Wed & back out again Fri-Sun.
You guys need to have that "talk." If you 2 ever intend on having a long-term relationship in the future, basic communication 101 is a must, not an option. You guys shouldn't be "guessing" each other's feelings all the time; that takes MORE work than actually just coming right out & asking the other person for yourself!
If not, you both are gonna keep swearing that you "mean well" but yet your actions will continually reflect the opposite. What usually happens next is that 2 really good people who genuinely had good intentions turn eachother off & end up losing 1 another when all they both had to do the whole time was just accept & embrace their own emotions.
He needs to stop trying to avoid vulnerability. You can't avoid that if true love is what you really want. The situation you're in RIGHT NOW is a perfect example of why being vulnerable eventually is a MUST. He doesn't even understand his own emotions, so don't expect to understand them yet until he does 1st. Problem is, if he can't figure himself out, there's no chance in hell that you will.
Make him understand that you're BOTH in the same boat. NEITHER of you (not just him) want to feel rejected, waste time or invest in someone who doesn't mutually feel the same. But there comes a point when you both (especially him) have to say, ok look, I like him/her so I'm going to take the risk & be vulnerable & just HOPE that my intuition about her/him was right. Not half step it Mon-Wed & back out again Fri-Sun.
You guys need to have that "talk." If you 2 ever intend on having a long-term relationship in the future, basic communication 101 is a must, not an option. You guys shouldn't be "guessing" each other's feelings all the time; that takes MORE work than actually just coming right out & asking the other person for yourself!
If not, you both are gonna keep swearing that you "mean well" but yet your actions will continually reflect the opposite. What usually happens next is that 2 really good people who genuinely had good intentions turn eachother off & end up losing 1 another when all they both had to do the whole time was just accept & embrace their own emotions.
He needs to stop trying to avoid vulnerability. You can't avoid that if true love is what you really want. The situation you're in RIGHT NOW is a perfect example of why being vulnerable eventually is a MUST. He doesn't even understand his own emotions, so don't expect to understand them yet until he does 1st. Problem is, if he can't figure himself out, there's no chance in hell that you will.
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