He can't forget his ex ?

Hi so I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. We're friends but recently I have told him that I love him. He has been hurt by his ex about a year ago and he can't stop thinking about her. We talked a lot and gotten very close to each other.

We met at where he works. At first it was all stares and no talking. He is a Scorpio guy. We started talking on messenger and we were really close. In person he was quiet but on messenger he was very talkative. Anyway he always compliments me and is protective of me but recently when I told him I have fallen in love with him, he said "sorry my heart belongs to the ones who hurt me and I can't give you what you want" I told him it was fine and that we could remain as friends but he also rejected to the idea. I told him I would never do what his ex did to him he said he knows but he just couldn't forget her. I know he loves her so much. Wanted to stay as friends he said we'll pick up from where we were one day. I said what do you mean and he said it means goodbye. I told him then I wished that you didn't flirt with me or even talked to me when you know I liked you and made me feel like I had a chance and he felt guilty about it. I told him then I wished for him happiness in the future and he said please don't say tha it isn't fair for me (not him), and I told him then please at least block me so that I wouldn't message you anymore if you are serious with your decision and he said is it that hard? I told him yea.

He told me when you find love please don't reject it and I said for sure. I told him that I would wait for him when he was ready and we said our last goodbyes and he left.

We have gotten very close and I know he has the same feelings for me as I have for him but he just can't let go of his ex at all. He is scared of getting hurt again. But he just won't be straight forward about it. If he didn't like me the same way for sure he wouldn't be flirty and touchy and personal.

Do you think he will come back? After a few weeks or months will he come back? He won't forget me?

Posted by blackphase
Honestly though.. It's really nice that he was the type of guy to be honest with you about all of this and not keep stringing you along like many will. The fact that he came forward and shared this with you I think is a good sign. He wants to leave this on good terms and have you understand what he is going through in hopes that maybe one day he can return once he comes to terms with the end of his previous relationship.

I told him that I will wait for him and he said we'll pick up from where we left one day. We'd probably see each other again but he also said it's ok, you'd probably find someone better than me and I told him not to think of himself so low and that he is a good, kind, funny and understating person and he really is. I will wait for him and I hope one day we'll cross paths again

Posted by Ellygant
I'm sorry you're going through it. That sucks. Do not sit longing for someone who doesn't do the same for you. Loving someone who has admitted they cannot return that love is a senseless and avoidable tragedy, to piggyback on tiziani's words.

He might come back. He might not. The best way to love someone fully is to love yourself deeply, step away and let them go. It sounds contradictory yes. But its truly what's best for an aching heart. And in this scenario is sounds like there are two.

Asking him to block you is a no go too. It shows that you cannot control your feelings for the sake of strength and self-respect. I've felt the same a lot. Just this morning actually lol. I know it's hard. Especially when you're chasing that spark, and us Scorpios love to chase that spark. It's probably what made him want to try and get over his ex. But he realized the spark wasn't enough to surmount his issues.

He told me to block him since he couldn't do it himself and I told him I can't he has to do it. He said he hopes we can cross paths again in the future but right now he said he can't be with me since he still loves his ex. So I said don't forget me I'll wait for you when you're ready, he replied I won't ever forget you so don't forget me. We really understand each other and it's just too hard. I've never met a guy like him in my life

Posted by blackphase

Posted by _kirinni_

Posted by blackphase
Honestly though.. It's really nice that he was the type of guy to be honest with you about all of this and not keep stringing you along like many will. The fact that he came forward and shared this with you I think is a good sign. He wants to leave this on good terms and have you understand what he is going through in hopes that maybe one day he can return once he comes to terms with the end of his previous relationship.

I told him that I will wait for him and he said we'll pick up from where we left one day. We'd probably see each other again but he also said it's ok, you'd probably find someone better than me and I told him not to think of himself so low and that he is a good, kind, funny and understating person and he really is. I will wait for him and I hope one day we'll cross paths again

To me it sounds like he just wants to be fair to you at this point. He genuinely wants you to find happiness even if it is not with him. I am sure he is hanging on to the hope that you two can rekindle eventually, but he doesn't want to selfishly make you wait. That's the worst part.. those are the ones you always wanna wait for right? Dang! 😢

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Exactly! I side of me says it's time to let go and other side of me says wait for him, because when I fall in love I fall really hard. It's hard for me to come to trust people because of past experience but he was able to unlock it within a month that's how good of a person he is. That's why I just don't wanna let go of him and hoping that we will cross paths again when he is ready

Posted by _kirinni_
He told me when you find love please don't reject it and I said for sure. I told him that I would wait for him when he was ready and we said our last goodbyes and he left.

He means love with someone else, not with him.

Don't wait for someone who doesn't want you. Never tell a dude you love him first...especially if its not even a relationship.

Posted by Ellygant
There's active hope and passive hope. Sounds like you're actively hoping now. Believing any day he'll have his aha moment and come for you. That will only cause heartache and make the days seem longer.

Passive hope is ok. It means you still respect and wish good things for him, but you're letting go of fixating on him as the only option. Passive hope can exist while you go on about life. Passive hope doesn't shut your heart out from the wonderful people you might meet.

In actively hoping for him to come around you very well could block out someone who could be an even better match for you.

It would have been easy to let go if I had an everyday life but when I met him it was a miracle. My previous relationship was long distant and online too. We were together for 9 moths before he suddenly left with no words no nothing.

For me everyday is at home. I don't go outside since I can't. I'm not allowed. That time when I met him is because my brothers learn music at where he works. We clicked immidietly. It took me so long to get over my ex like you have no idea how long since I'm only at home doing nothing but smoke. But meeting him change everything and I even was able to cut down. He really cared about me.. the fact that he said to not forget him and him hoping that we will meet in the future again doesn't it mean that he likes me the same way I like him?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by _kirinni_
He told me when you find love please don't reject it and I said for sure. I told him that I would wait for him when he was ready and we said our last goodbyes and he left.

He means love with someone else, not with him.

Don't wait for someone who doesn't want you. Never tell a dude you love him first...especially if its not even a relationship.

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I never told him that I love him. He guessed j did and got it out of me so in the end I said yea I do love you. I asked how he felt about me he said I like you but I just be with you because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by _kirinni_

Posted by Ellygant
There's active hope and passive hope. Sounds like you're actively hoping now. Believing any day he'll have his aha moment and come for you. That will only cause heartache and make the days seem longer.

Passive hope is ok. It means you still respect and wish good things for him, but you're letting go of fixating on him as the only option. Passive hope can exist while you go on about life. Passive hope doesn't shut your heart out from the wonderful people you might meet.

In actively hoping for him to come around you very well could block out someone who could be an even better match for you.

It would have been easy to let go if I had an everyday life but when I met him it was a miracle. My previous relationship was long distant and online too. We were together for 9 moths before he suddenly left with no words no nothing.

For me everyday is at home. I don't go outside since I can't. I'm not allowed. That time when I met him is because my brothers learn music at where he works. We clicked immidietly. It took me so long to get over my ex like you have no idea how long since I'm only at home doing nothing but smoke. But meeting him change everything and I even was able to cut down. He really cared about me.. the fact that he said to not forget him and him hoping that we will meet in the future again doesn't it mean that he likes me the same way I like him?

You're pinning your entire world on a man who isn't even able to fully cope with his own emotions. There is absolutely no way he'd ever be able to sustain yours as well. Any relationship is guaranteed to fail in such conditions.

Take him changing your life for the goodness that it was and let it help change you for the better. Don't ruin the good memory and potential growth by trying to hold onto something that is already gone.

Is there any way to work towards changing your situation? Anything you can do to even take baby steps? Perhaps this connection was a wake up call to make a plan of action. Heal yourself first. Then love others.

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How do I heal my self?

Posted by _kirinni_
because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

I'd be done based off this sentence alone.

As much as timing in life is an issue and circumstances don't click like puzzle pieces and messes happen...that up there tells me that he is either:

a) A masochist

b) Very dramatic

For a)...I have no interest in playing sadist to anyone's masochist and for b)...I really don't need drama. Life is exhausting and hard as it is, even when both parties try their best to make it work. There really is no beauty in fighting battles by yourself and no one to pat your back for climbing a mountain when you could just take a path.

Posted by Damnata

Posted by _kirinni_
because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

I'd be done based off this sentence alone.

As much as timing in life is an issue and circumstances don't click like puzzle pieces and messes happen...that up there tells me that he is either:

a) A masochist

b) Very dramatic

For a)...I have no interest in playing sadist to anyone's masochist and for b)...I really don't need drama. Life is exhausting and hard as it is, even when both parties try their best to make it work. There really is no beauty in fighting battles by yourself and no one to pat your back for climbing a mountain when you could just take a path.

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You guys are much stronger than I am that's for sure ?

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio
lol op is this real?

Yep all real

Posted by _kirinni_

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by _kirinni_
He told me when you find love please don't reject it and I said for sure. I told him that I would wait for him when he was ready and we said our last goodbyes and he left.

He means love with someone else, not with him.

Don't wait for someone who doesn't want you. Never tell a dude you love him first...especially if its not even a relationship.

I never told him that I love him. He guessed j did and got it out of me so in the end I said yea I do love you. I asked how he felt about me he said I like you but I just be with you because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

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Saying to someone that you love him = telling them you love them. Jc.

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by _kirinni_

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio
lol op is this real?

Yep all real

lol okay ?

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I took your advices from yesterday and decided to message him one last time before ignoring him but he replied straight after telling me all this

Posted by _kirinni_

Posted by Damnata

Posted by _kirinni_
because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

I'd be done based off this sentence alone.

As much as timing in life is an issue and circumstances don't click like puzzle pieces and messes happen...that up there tells me that he is either:

a) A masochist

b) Very dramatic

For a)...I have no interest in playing sadist to anyone's masochist and for b)...I really don't need drama. Life is exhausting and hard as it is, even when both parties try their best to make it work. There really is no beauty in fighting battles by yourself and no one to pat your back for climbing a mountain when you could just take a path.

You guys are much stronger than I am that's for sure ?

click to expand

Nah, I am a ball of mush. I will fight to the other end of the world and back for what I feel but the other person has to be at least in the same book. Maybe not on the same page but in the same book.

Go with what you can manage. Maybe pining for him keeps you away from addressing things in your life that will break you right now so it's like a temporary valve until you can address those. Who knows? There is no basis for comparing decisions in life cuz once one is made...the curtain drops on the other and the ramifications that would go from there.

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Damnata

Posted by _kirinni_
because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

I'd be done based off this sentence alone.

As much as timing in life is an issue and circumstances don't click like puzzle pieces and messes happen...that up there tells me that he is either:

a) A masochist

b) Very dramatic

For a)...I have no interest in playing sadist to anyone's masochist and for b)...I really don't need drama. Life is exhausting and hard as it is, even when both parties try their best to make it work. There really is no beauty in fighting battles by yourself and no one to pat your back for climbing a mountain when you could just take a path.

You're a Virgo though. Some scorps like a pinch of mellowdrama and masochism mixed in with undying love. 😆

Joking aside, OP is flowery with her words as well so I can see why she was so attached to this guy. It's hard for scorps to feel comfortable expressing that level of tenderness. They probably bonded over that. I don't read his words as harmful or baiting. Sounds like he's mentally trapped. She is too.

That makes it a strong yet bad match. That breeds sentiment and attachment even though the situation is inherently unhealthy. You're premise is right though. The situation is clearly unfit for them both.

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Yeah I don't find him insincere. But there is a level of awareness missing here in how those words can impact a person. Total water venus bait...this whole situation I mean. Very foreign to me *looks away*.

Posted by _kirinni_
Hi so I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. We're friends but recently I have told him that I love him. He has been hurt by his ex about a year ago and he can't stop thinking about her. We talked a lot and gotten very close to each other.

We met at where he works. At first it was all stares and no talking. He is a Scorpio guy. We started talking on messenger and we were really close. In person he was quiet but on messenger he was very talkative. Anyway he always compliments me and is protective of me but recently when I told him I have fallen in love with him, he said "sorry my heart belongs to the ones who hurt me and I can't give you what you want" I told him it was fine and that we could remain as friends but he also rejected to the idea. I told him I would never do what his ex did to him he said he knows but he just couldn't forget her. I know he loves her so much. Wanted to stay as friends he said we'll pick up from where we were one day. I said what do you mean and he said it means goodbye. I told him then I wished that you didn't flirt with me or even talked to me when you know I liked you and made me feel like I had a chance and he felt guilty about it. I told him then I wished for him happiness in the future and he said please don't say tha it isn't fair for me (not him), and I told him then please at least block me so that I wouldn't message you anymore if you are serious with your decision and he said is it that hard? I told him yea.

He told me when you find love please don't reject it and I said for sure. I told him that I would wait for him when he was ready and we said our last goodbyes and he left.

We have gotten very close and I know he has the same feelings for me as I have for him but he just can't let go of his ex at all. He is scared of getting hurt again. But he just won't be straight forward about it. If he didn't like me the same way for sure he wouldn't be flirty and touchy and personal.

Do you think he will come back? After a few weeks or months will he come back? He won't forget me?

He's rude.....geez

See the situation for what it is.

He can't forget his ex and there is nothing you can do about it.

Dont wait around for him...find love elsewhere

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Damnata

Posted by _kirinni_
because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

I'd be done based off this sentence alone.

As much as timing in life is an issue and circumstances don't click like puzzle pieces and messes happen...that up there tells me that he is either:

a) A masochist

b) Very dramatic

For a)...I have no interest in playing sadist to anyone's masochist and for b)...I really don't need drama. Life is exhausting and hard as it is, even when both parties try their best to make it work. There really is no beauty in fighting battles by yourself and no one to pat your back for climbing a mountain when you could just take a path.

You're a Virgo though. Some scorps like a pinch of mellowdrama and masochism mixed in with undying love. 😆

Joking aside, OP is flowery with her words as well so I can see why she was so attached to this guy. It's hard for scorps to feel comfortable expressing that level of tenderness. They probably bonded over that. I don't read his words as harmful or baiting. Sounds like he's mentally trapped. She is too.

That makes it a strong yet bad match. That breeds sentiment and attachment even though the situation is inherently unhealthy. You're premise is right though. The situation is clearly unfit for them both.

click to expand

We bonded a lot hahaha we had many things in common, we understood each other so much. Like it's crazy. I know he likes me since he said so but just won't let go of his ex. I told him before saying our goodbyes, " being tied down to the past only blinds us from the future" and he says he knows but can't do it so I said it's fine.

Even though I said that to him, I'm doing the same thing as him ? I can't let him go either

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Damnata

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Damnata

Posted by _kirinni_
because my heart belongs to those who hurt me

I'd be done based off this sentence alone.

As much as timing in life is an issue and circumstances don't click like puzzle pieces and messes happen...that up there tells me that he is either:

a) A masochist

b) Very dramatic

For a)...I have no interest in playing sadist to anyone's masochist and for b)...I really don't need drama. Life is exhausting and hard as it is, even when both parties try their best to make it work. There really is no beauty in fighting battles by yourself and no one to pat your back for climbing a mountain when you could just take a path.

You're a Virgo though. Some scorps like a pinch of mellowdrama and masochism mixed in with undying love. 😆

Joking aside, OP is flowery with her words as well so I can see why she was so attached to this guy. It's hard for scorps to feel comfortable expressing that level of tenderness. They probably bonded over that. I don't read his words as harmful or baiting. Sounds like he's mentally trapped. She is too.

That makes it a strong yet bad match. That breeds sentiment and attachment even though the situation is inherently unhealthy. You're premise is right though. The situation is clearly unfit for them both.

Yeah I don't find him insincere. But there is a level of awareness missing here in how those words can impact a person. Total water venus bait...this whole situation I mean. Very foreign to me *looks away*.

LOL.

We have a hard time expressing directly where we are aware of our impact. I can only imagine how many deeply well intentioned messages I've sent out that were received as bait lol. And as controlling for that matter. Half the time I'm trying to control myself the other person thinks I'm trying to control them. That's caused a lot of frustration lol.

When you're caught in that wave of of emotion though it's hard to see the shore, let alone the ocean. My heart goes out to the OP.

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Thank you