MEN why is it so hard to tell a girl you're NOT in (Page 2)

"Your motive behind that being that you did not want to get emotionally hurt, from what i have read. You might have other motivations, in which case i stand corrected. its a base motive in my opinion. (not meant as an insult....just being real).
He might have built you up on that aspect and his version is more pure and angelic almost. You might not match up with his expectations.
So, either ways be real and dont drag it out ....
you need not be ashamed of who you are or what your motivations are....but then be real....and then leave the rest to fate. You could never control the outcome anyways...."

You lost me just a little bit here. My motivation is that I met a pretty cool guy, I want to get to know him in a real sense and find out if there is a potential for a relationship. I don't have CASUAL sex because I know that I am worth more than that and I also know good and well that I can't handle the emotional aspects of "no strings" attached. And that's BEING REAL with myself. (not judging others who do that) I told him that I liked him and wanted to get to know him. I don't know how to be any more upfront than that. I finally put that on the table a week ago. When you say other motivations, what do you mean? Because it might be something that I don't even see myself.

"Just do what you are doing here. You are showing frustration and anger to an extent. Who says anger is off the top -"

well, if that's the case, then i've already done that through messaging him on the computer recently. I've been calling him out on things for the past two weeks. And that's when I got the "I think we will talk" response from him.

I guess I already answered your question, but just in case....I'm not having casual sex with a man period based on me knowing that I'm worth more than that and respect my body way too much for that and religious aspects also come into play with me as well. I've been celibate for a long time now. (so it's not just about me not wanting to get hurt, it goes way beyond that)

ST,honestly you've got to let this go as you are really becoming obsessed with him. Sure it sucks when things don't go the way we want to and it hurts when relationship ends/marriage breakup that sometimes we have no control of..the only thing you can control is you and how you want to deal with it. Cut off all contacts and don't answer any of his calls/texts for six months and I can guarantee you will feel differently than you do now!

"Try to be in the proactive act mode.
If you dont know what that means then - it is when something happened because of a thought in your head and how you managed to express it. "The thought started in your head" - being the key."

Please expand on this and how it apply's to my situation. I understand the concept perfectly, but I don't understand how it apply's to my situation.

"You mean how you can apply it to get him to understand you?? or how do you apply it to get yourself out??"

To get him to understand me.

"We've known eachother 1yr1/2 now & I really like you and I want to be more than friends. What do you think?"


Unless someone is mentally challenged .. then the above question is understandable.

He doesn't have a problem understanding you .. he knows exactly what this meant .. that's why he pulled away and ignored you.

"Hence, this seems like fear more than love. This is fear(of loosing ...of rejection....of not wanting the burden to think that you are not good enough for him). You should really tacke that."
"You are trying to control the outcome of this emotional game using your mind. It will not be won that way."



I don't know him well enough to say that I love him. Yes this is, for the most part, about fear of loosing and rejection. I delt with it my whole life by mother, friends, and men. And the older I get, the harder it gets and the more it hurts. I want to know that I am normal and that I deserve love just like everybody else. I take rejection very hard. And I may not be handeling it in the best way but on the same note, some people play mind games out of fear of rejection as well. I want to feel that I am worthy of love and I want someone to reciprocate that for once in my life. (somebody that I am mutually interested in as well.)

"Cannt you just step back and try to cut off this obsession as a first step??"

Yes, I can do that. I'm trying my hardest right now to make that transition. (Weather everybody on this board can see it or not) I'm trying. It hurts and I can't even begin to describe how bad it hurts. It's not just THIS particular situation, it's everything that I've gone through in my life that made this rejection even harder for me to accept. I just wanted this man to give me a chance. I wanted him to see me as somebody special. I did not want to be seen as somebody to toy with and play games with. (I understand that I can not FORCE him to do that)

And as a side note SimplyMe, I want to truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the patience to and talking this out with me and allowing me to talk it out. It means more to me than you will ever know. Thank you.

"Also, you probably feel that you have soo much love to show him inside of you and why is it that he is not giving you a chance for you to show him? He does not know who you really are and he is already rejecting you........"

Yes, you are correct. And I've been crying my eyes out for the past couple of days. I truly liked this guy.

Thank you, and I really think I'm going to take your advice and start keeping a diary. I think it will help me a ton to get my thoughts out in writing. Funny thing, I'm better expressing myself through writing than through talking. mmmm....

"You can't control people P-Angel and force them to "SEE" anything. Just like I can't FORCE. the Scorpio to SEE me for who I am."

I didn't read through this whole post so I don't know if someone has already made this point.

The Scorpio man isn't forcing you to "SEE" anything. He is playing you because he knows you will CHOOSE to see what you want and not WHAT IS. He is using this weakness in you (I know you'll argue otherwise) to his advantage. The only person keeping himself in the dark IS YOU. I don't know where P-Angel gets the patience to deal with this because fankly, I'd say "fuck it, wallow in your misery." P-Angel acts this way because she cares. Not because she wants you to feel like shit. She knows you probably do already that's why you're in here baring your soul to TOTAL STRANGERS. If you don't like what people have to say, then, don't post in an OPEN FORUM...jeeeeeeeeeezzzzzus.