Aquariusgal80
@Aquariusgal80
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 21 · Topics: 3
My dilemma......
Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough. I still talk to my ex here and there hang out sometime but as friends and nothing more since I have been with my boyfriend. It's wrong just hanging out with him I know but like I said I can't shake him off.
Just curious, what are their signs? Your bf & ex.
My Boyfriend is sagittarius
My Ex is an Aries
My Ex is an Aries
No worries, they're very similar.
Posted by Aquariusgal80
My Boyfriend is sagittarius
My Ex is an Aries
Aries aren't bad 🙂 I was married to one, I'm an aqua too btw. IDK what to say on the topic at hand..follow your heart I guess *shrugs* The situation is not fair to either of you, he loves YOU but your heart is elsewhere. You're cheating him & yourself..not good & a waste of time.
I'm gona go out on a limb and choose c)neither.
If your love is not whole or enduring enough for your current squeeze, get out and let him find a girl who will love him enough.
Re the ex, you moved on for a reason and regardless of his change or not it would be a backward step in the greater scheme of your life story in my opinion.
You wont be single forever and there is more than one person out there for you... so don't look back and don't become stagnant! You will be fine!
If your love is not whole or enduring enough for your current squeeze, get out and let him find a girl who will love him enough.
Re the ex, you moved on for a reason and regardless of his change or not it would be a backward step in the greater scheme of your life story in my opinion.
You wont be single forever and there is more than one person out there for you... so don't look back and don't become stagnant! You will be fine!
I agree with wagtail. You broke up with him for a reason. He's still the guy who cheated on you with two different people. This isn't a case of 'I made one mistake and realized immediately after' etc. He consciously decided that you weren't good enough for him and that these two other girls were worth more than you at that moment. And if you don't have your heart in your current relationship, chances are it's not meant to be. What if your current guy proposed to you? What if you said yes in that moment and then realized that you put yourself up to spending the rest of your life with him? Would you be happy knowing that you don't feel as strongly as you could with him? You may not think it, but there maybe is someone better out there for you than either of them. Take some time to calm down and get over your ex. Try to realize some things. Decide what you mean to him and what he means to you, ie draw boundaries. Then when you know what everything means and where you stand, then you can properly put your feelings out there for someone else.
sounds like a case of cakey eaty
You are falling victim to the oldest trick in the book: The Grass may be greener on the other side
It's usually not, but the person will have to endure many a broken heart before they realize that maybe the grass would've been greener had they watered their OWN grass
I get that sometimes you don't realize that you still have feelings for your ex until they pop up. You can think you're over it until bam, they come back & suddenly (and without your permission), all those old feelings come back
But feelings are just feelings.
You said the magic words: You would NEVER trust him again. Even if he swore up & down that he'd change, did change or that he'd never do it again, something in you would always question that. A relationship with feelings but NO trust is like a car on the highway but NO gas. No matter how much you push the pedal to the medal, it won't move or go anywhere.
So here's the REAL battle...who do you pick? 1. The person you love AND trust now OR 2. The person you love but don't trust now or probably ever?
If the answer isn't clear to you, then you need to spare both of these men & let them both go. You're focusing way more on them & what they're not giving you (reassurance of trust or deep enough love) that you're forgetting to realize that you are really the one who doesn't know what you want.
Until you know what you want, you'll always be stuck in the middle like you are now.
Of course you don't love your current boyfriend enough. Why would you? You're still allowing another man to occupy that space in your heart either consciously or sub-consciously. You're so focused on trying to have your cake & eat it too, that it's no wonder your current boyfriend doesn't have a fair chance. It's no wonder you don't love him deep enough; it's b/c you're investing the energy that HE earned into a man who showed you a lonnnnng time ago that he didn't deserve that very energy.
The grass is very rarely greener on the other side. You know this. History has shown you this. Stop being ungrateful, trying to have your cake & eat it too & figure out what YOU want 1st before dragging these men along.
It's usually not, but the person will have to endure many a broken heart before they realize that maybe the grass would've been greener had they watered their OWN grass
I get that sometimes you don't realize that you still have feelings for your ex until they pop up. You can think you're over it until bam, they come back & suddenly (and without your permission), all those old feelings come back
But feelings are just feelings.
You said the magic words: You would NEVER trust him again. Even if he swore up & down that he'd change, did change or that he'd never do it again, something in you would always question that. A relationship with feelings but NO trust is like a car on the highway but NO gas. No matter how much you push the pedal to the medal, it won't move or go anywhere.
So here's the REAL battle...who do you pick? 1. The person you love AND trust now OR 2. The person you love but don't trust now or probably ever?
If the answer isn't clear to you, then you need to spare both of these men & let them both go. You're focusing way more on them & what they're not giving you (reassurance of trust or deep enough love) that you're forgetting to realize that you are really the one who doesn't know what you want.
Until you know what you want, you'll always be stuck in the middle like you are now.
Of course you don't love your current boyfriend enough. Why would you? You're still allowing another man to occupy that space in your heart either consciously or sub-consciously. You're so focused on trying to have your cake & eat it too, that it's no wonder your current boyfriend doesn't have a fair chance. It's no wonder you don't love him deep enough; it's b/c you're investing the energy that HE earned into a man who showed you a lonnnnng time ago that he didn't deserve that very energy.
The grass is very rarely greener on the other side. You know this. History has shown you this. Stop being ungrateful, trying to have your cake & eat it too & figure out what YOU want 1st before dragging these men along.
I disagree that you should let your current boyfriend go bc you don't love him "deeply" enough. Bull. You've only been together for a year!!
For most people, it takes a lot of time for that kind of strong love/bond to form. And again, no offense, but perhaps the reason it hasn't formed isn't b/c there's something wrong with him, but moreso b/c YOU are blocking a part of your own emotions from fully submitting yourself and your love to him b/c you're still renting half of that space to your ex
Everybody has a 1st love or that 1 ex that they'll never forget. Ok, so what! That's not code for go back to your ex as the 1st resort all b/c you can't seem to be grateful for what you've got now!
When you start realizing that you are emotionally taking someone for granted no matter how much they go out of their way to prove themselves to you, that's code for leave them & go be single!!! Go be single until 1. You've got your ex out of your system 2. Know what you want AND deserve 3. Are ready to fully give yourself to someone who has earned your trust/respect & 4. When you are mature enough to know that deep love in relationships take time.
If you were 5 years, a baby & a marriage later & yet you still didn't feel deeply about your man, I'd say ok, maybe it's time to leave; if it's not there, it's just not there. But a year & a half? Oh please!
You'll only know the full potential of your current boyfriend/relationship when you let all other outside factors go. You can't be na??ve in not understanding that outside factors unfairly influence your perception of your partner/the relationship.
For most people, it takes a lot of time for that kind of strong love/bond to form. And again, no offense, but perhaps the reason it hasn't formed isn't b/c there's something wrong with him, but moreso b/c YOU are blocking a part of your own emotions from fully submitting yourself and your love to him b/c you're still renting half of that space to your ex
Everybody has a 1st love or that 1 ex that they'll never forget. Ok, so what! That's not code for go back to your ex as the 1st resort all b/c you can't seem to be grateful for what you've got now!
When you start realizing that you are emotionally taking someone for granted no matter how much they go out of their way to prove themselves to you, that's code for leave them & go be single!!! Go be single until 1. You've got your ex out of your system 2. Know what you want AND deserve 3. Are ready to fully give yourself to someone who has earned your trust/respect & 4. When you are mature enough to know that deep love in relationships take time.
If you were 5 years, a baby & a marriage later & yet you still didn't feel deeply about your man, I'd say ok, maybe it's time to leave; if it's not there, it's just not there. But a year & a half? Oh please!
You'll only know the full potential of your current boyfriend/relationship when you let all other outside factors go. You can't be na??ve in not understanding that outside factors unfairly influence your perception of your partner/the relationship.
You should be a doormat for Halloween.
So much for confiding here huh?
Posted by krysrenee7
I disagree that you should let your current boyfriend go bc you don't love him "deeply" enough. Bull. You've only been together for a year!!
For most people, it takes a lot of time for that kind of strong love/bond to form. And again, no offense, but perhaps the reason it hasn't formed isn't b/c there's something wrong with him, but moreso b/c YOU are blocking a part of your own emotions from fully submitting yourself and your love to him b/c you're still renting half of that space to your ex
Everybody has a 1st love or that 1 ex that they'll never forget. Ok, so what! That's not code for go back to your ex as the 1st resort all b/c you can't seem to be grateful for what you've got now!
When you start realizing that you are emotionally taking someone for granted no matter how much they go out of their way to prove themselves to you, that's code for leave them & go be single!!! Go be single until 1. You've got your ex out of your system 2. Know what you want AND deserve 3. Are ready to fully give yourself to someone who has earned your trust/respect & 4. When you are mature enough to know that deep love in relationships take time.
If you were 5 years, a baby & a marriage later & yet you still didn't feel deeply about your man, I'd say ok, maybe it's time to leave; if it's not there, it's just not there. But a year & a half? Oh please!
You'll only know the full potential of your current boyfriend/relationship when you let all other outside factors go. You can't be na??ve in not understanding that outside factors unfairly influence your perception of your partner/the relationship.
You're right.. Maybe I do need time by myself because I really don't know what I want and it's not fair for anyone. Thanks for taking the time and giving me this insightful advice. I appreciate it very much
Posted by rockyroadicecream
You should be a doormat for Halloween.
Oh thank you! Maybe I will take up your suggestion.. Since you're so nice I want to return the favor and suggest you be a female dog for Halloween... 🙂
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