No money, gifts, trinkets

If you were in a relationship where your partner NEVER gave you money, took you to dinners/shows/traveling, bought you anything, or did anything special for you BUT declared love for you - Would that be sufficient? Would you feel loved?

No. Actions speak louder than words. It's not being materialistic it's being realistic. I know I would be doing/buying stuff for him! Turnabout is fair play.

I would think they were just TIGHT and that isnt the sort of person I could ever be happy with so the love wouldn't be strong enough to hold me there!

Posted by USCTaurusGal



No. Actions speak louder than words. It's not being materialistic it's being realistic. I know I would be doing/buying stuff for him! Turnabout is fair play.

This is how I feel too, USCT.

Sometimes, I feel that words just aren't enough - I HAVE to DO something special when there aren't words to express the magnitude of my feelings. I am the type who gets way excited about giving my loved one a gift.

I do not need gifts or for a guy to financialy support me. That's all material things, you can get them yourself.

However, emotional support, respect and understanding is not easy to find.

You would leave your husband/bf if he got fired or had a credit card debt, etc? That's messed up!

Posted by Gizmo
I do not need gifts or for a guy to financialy support me. That's all material things, you can get them yourself.

However, emotional support, respect and understanding is not easy to find.

You would leave your husband/bf if he got fired or had a credit card debt, etc? That's messed up!

Leaving your husband/bf when he is having a legitimate financial hardship is not love - it is being unreasonable and yes "messed up!".

HOWEVER, that is NOT what I am talking about in this thread.

On second thought - since you made that statement/asked the question - If he got fired/accumulated credit debt by being IRRESPONSIBLE (i.e. not performing well on his job/ carelessly spending money he doesn't have in the first place) then, yes indeed, I would leave him.

Before the relationship got off the ground this type of persons way would be evident & that type of person is unattractive to me...it's not something that is all of a sudden going to make an appearance during a marriage!! And them losing their job etc is completely different circumstances...

I have no problem with paying half but to not go out anywhere, dinners, shows or travel doesn't fit into my life style and what I personally like to do so again that person wouldn't ever be considered a potential partner!

Posted by sweethearts
Before the relationship got off the ground this type of persons way would be evident & that type of person is unattractive to me...it's not something that is all of a sudden going to make an appearance during a marriage!! And them losing their job etc is completely different circumstances...

I have no problem with paying half but to not go out anywhere, dinners, shows or travel doesn't fit into my life style and what I personally like to do so again that person wouldn't ever be considered a potential partner!

I totally agree! But what about the ones who have their best foot forward and you don't detect such wayward ways until you are in...

People can share their bodies with people so carefree but when you try to discuss their finances/credit/money - management style they act like you slapped their mother...

Weird.

Posted by LibrasRule36!

Posted by Gizmo
I do not need gifts or for a guy to financialy support me. That's all material things, you can get them yourself.

However, emotional support, respect and understanding is not easy to find.

You would leave your husband/bf if he got fired or had a credit card debt, etc? That's messed up!

Leaving your husband/bf when he is having a legitimate financial hardship is not love - it is being unreasonable and yes "messed up!".

HOWEVER, that is NOT what I am talking about in this thread.

On second thought - since you made that statement/asked the question - If he got fired/accumulated credit debt by being IRRESPONSIBLE (i.e. not performing well on his job/ carelessly spending money he doesn't have in the first place) then, yes indeed, I would leave him.

click to expand

Yes being irresponsible is unattractive, agreed! If that's the case, a guy has no excuse. But what if he's a struggling artist or still going to school, or just bought a house and has shitloads of bills. You can't be mad at him for not buying you diamonds. Plus there are some gifts that could cost him nothing, but be more valuable to you...

I can buy my own shit too. If I am in a relationship it's all-inclusive because they will have my heart, body and anything else I so deem them worthy off.

But what about the ones who have their best foot forward and you don't detect such wayward ways until you are in...


That being the case then, they can stay home and save if that's what they want... not me, I'm still going to do the things that I want and can afford with other friends. two people get into a relationship...one doesnt have to conform to the others ideal way of living.

What i have noticed is the value that other people put on expenditure, everyone is so different in what they think is worth it. ie: I'm happy with buying a fashionable item of clothing but my friend may only buy it if it has a recognised label. He may have no problem with buying something for work/sports/leisure and me I prefer to buy lunch/dinner or coffee out with mates. Nobody is right or wrong and as far as I'm concerned you work hard and therefore there should be some happiness in all those hours you put into generally being somewhere when you'd rather be somewhere else.

I know people that have saved and eaten out at cheap resturants so they could save money...and then died only to pass on all that hard earnt money to children who then squander all those savings quickly and without much thought!!!

Back to the original OP: I think the love would eventually fade for me BUT only if he was vocal in the way I used my money and tried to push his opinions onto me.

Ladies, ladies! You cannot be seriously judging how much you will love a man, by what they buy for you, can you?
So relationship now comes down to how many goodies you can get out of him?!

My best friend Libra, who I love to death, had a guy who was buying everything for her, she dumped him because he was boring. Then she finds a guy who is exciting and she wants to dump him because he's too broke. Finally he gets a good job, now she complains that he's never home and doesn't give her enough attention. Can't we be happy with what we have?

Posted by Gizmo
Ladies, ladies! You cannot be seriously judging how much you will love a man, by what they buy for you, can you?
So relationship now comes down to how many goodies you can get out of him?!

My best friend Libra, who I love to death, had a guy who was buying everything for her, she dumped him because he was boring. Then she finds a guy who is exciting and she wants to dump him because he's too broke. Finally he gets a good job, now she complains that he's never home and doesn't give her enough attention. Can't we be happy with what we have?

I agree.

Also, it's not the COST associated (per se), it's the thought behind it. I had a boyfriend in college who didn't have any money, but he would write me little notes and get those mini packets of m&m's and leave them sprinkled on my bed. Also, when we lived together, our house had a rose trellis outside of the master bedroom. Sometimes when he had to be to work before me, he would take roses and cut them short and float them in a vase called a fish bowl and place them by the side of my bed, or he would sprinkle them on the bed. He knew I loved them and that cost NOTHING, but it was the fact that he was thinking of me. With that being said, if someone is just cheap and doesn't think I am worth an expenditure of money, he and I will not work. It's not about the money, it's about the fact that he doesn't think I'm worth it; whether it be a $ 10, $ 100, $ 1,000, $ 10,000 expenditure. But, I don't attract, nor date anybody that doesn't value me physically, emotionally and financially, so I'm not worried about it. In relationships it ebbs and flows - sometimes both people are at the same place, and sometimes they aren't.

I also think that Sweethearts brings up a valid point regarding age, because there were things that I was completely ok with and accepted (moneywise) at 21 that were not acceptable at 31.

The OP doesnt state anything about hardship it just says would that be sufficient and would you feel loved...

My Answer NO it wouldn't be sufficient and he could show other ways to make me feel loved but simply just saying it doesn't mean much unless he shows it too...with or without money.

not gonna lie, to an extent this stuff is important to me. i prefer the thoughtful gestures. most of the time i like going to dutch with my partner but sometimes i like it when we take turns taking each other out. for example, i'm a huge gamer geek. my ex was too. every now and then he would come home bearing a new game that he knew i had been wanting. most of the time it was for us to share and play together but sometimes it was just for me. then again, i would do the same. he collected most of his wardrobe from me. i might have seen something while i was out that i knew would look great on him (he's hard to buy clothes for; he's super tall but slender with long limbs) so i would buy it. doesn't always have to be things of a materialistic nature. we would also give things like a nice, long massage to each other too.

as long as she fucks and gives good head I don't have to be wined and dined.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
wow,I'm way to easy......

LOL!

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
wow,I'm way to easy......

LOL!! Me too Bella!!! I'm just so independent that I dont EVER ask or require a man to do anything for me. Is it nice to be wined and dined a little bit? Of course it is, but it doesnt dictate how I feel about someone. My ex husband was pretty broke when we met and would stop on the side of the road and pick me flowers (mostly weeds, but they were pretty) and the gesture meant so much to me.

When we later built a very successful business together and money was of no concern... he spoiled me like a Princess. It didnt matter to me how much he spent, I think the feeling behind the gestures is WAY more important. I will say that when a man does something for me I always do what I can in return. Even if its just a small inexpensive gift because it's all I can afford. When someone is good to me, its so much easier to be good in return. So, I reciprocate the best way I can and spending is not a necessity for me.

* did anything special for you

Depends on what this entails. Never did anything-anything? Like fix my computer when it was broke, made me dinner, went to an event that was important to me, etc.? That would be a deal breaker.

Posted by Gizmo
I do not need gifts or for a guy to financialy support me. That's all material things, you can get them yourself.

However, emotional support, respect and understanding is not easy to find.

I think this is key, no matter how many gifts you get or money is spent on you, they mean nothing without emotional support, respect and understanding (or the attempt thereof).

Surprises are nice, but only when they are thoughtful and not out of guilt... I frequently surprised my ex with candy and gifts, random cards or notes slipped in places for him to find, sexy stuff, a well thought out scavenger hunt for our 1 yr anniversary, dinner in a french maid outfit, etc., etc.

He didn't do a damn thing for me! He only gave me gifts on x-mas and my bday, and I only received flowers on V-day in the whole 4 yrs we were together - thus, he only gave me things when he felt obligated to do so. He never surprised me with anything, not even dinner when I'd get home 1-2 hrs after him.

Sure, he declared his love for me - but, he never showed me any.

The only gift that I ever received from him that I truly appreciated was a $ 10 key chain because I considered it to be a thoughtful gift. One year he gave me a $ 1,200 bracelet and I was disgusted by the lack of thought put into the gift, he went to the jewelry store on x-mas to find something to give me.

I don't need or want expensive things, I need and want the above along with sentiments from the heart. All women deserve such!

Keep in mind mu original question - Would you feel loved if he professes his love (so the emotional support and such are a given) BUT he never did anything special for you? i.e.

give you a bubble bath
send you flowers at work
take you on an evening drive
give you a pedicure
sing to you
give you a hand-written note

OR whatever you deemed 'special'. The above are just examples - some require loot and some don't.

Even god gives us gifts/miracles...just saying.

I'm old fashioned as well...I still believe in being courted and actually getting to know the guy before even considering anything serious and especially before giving up the nookie cuz you cant take that back...lol

I would be turned off if a guy I'd just started dating asked me to take HIM out on a date...next! Just not what I'm looking for...I didnt play that in my early twenties and def. not now...

Thanks Rumi! You rock too!!!

Yes, you are so right about the earth signs taking you out and spoiling you. My current Virgo spoils the crap out of me! The other Virgo I dated was the same way.... no experience with a Cap but my Taurus ex spoiled me as well... showered me with whatever he could offer when he had it and when he didnt he did what he could. I noticed the mention of the gift he made. My Taurus did the same. One year at Christmas in the beginning years together when we didnt have much to our name, he spent hours at a friends cabinet shop and built me a dinette table that I still have to this day. It is so cute and quaint.... maple and butcher block with heart shape designs carved and cut into it. Even though we are not longer together, I refuse to relinquish it. It still means so much to me. So its not about the quantity, its about the quality of the gift and the thought that went into it. It doesnt have to be much.... just from the heart!

Posted by Rumi

Posted by LibrasRule36!
Keep in mind mu original question - Would you feel loved if he professes his love (so the emotional support and such are a given) BUT he never did anything special for you? i.e.

give you a bubble bath
send you flowers at work
take you on an evening drive
give you a pedicure
sing to you
give you a hand-written note

OR whatever you deemed 'special'. The above are just examples - some require loot and some don't.

Even god gives us gifts/miracles...just saying.

well well well .. why dont you trade it off.. hmmm .. do something suggestive and promise to finish it in a bubble bath. 😉

are you dating a capricorn? but no, they love to take you out to dinners and drive,,

----
speaking of it,, earth signs take you out to dinner/lunch etc a lot (both virgo cap..), fire will spend on you, whimsically.. they do.. dont know how air signs deal with it? .. 😛

click to expand

Hi there Rumi,

No, not dating a capricorn. I am dating a Leo and he says/does very thoughtful things all the time...he tells me he loves me frequently, takes me to dinner/movies/family get-togethers, cooks for me (mainly breakfast), messages/rubs my hair and feet, entertains me, buys me gifts, etc.

Some history -

We met in January '08 and he was out the gate courting me properly. When February '08 - Valentine's Day rolled around he had several gifts for me. I didn't expect anything - it was so sweet. In August, when his B-Day rolled around I asked him what he'd like and he said, "Nothing. My b-day is just another day. Besides, no one rarely gets me anything." I said "What about your Mom, does she get you a gift?" He said, "She doesn't get me anything either and that's ok with me."

However, I got him B-Day & X-Mas & just because gifts despite him saying this and I could SEE the joy in his face/eyes. (I felt like he'd be disappointed if I didn't do anything special eventhough he said he didn't mind not getting special treatment.)

Ever since meeting him, I often wonder if I would be content in a relationship with someone who declared love for me but NEVER did anything special for me - Basically this is what I would have given him had I took his word and not did anything special (I HAVE to do/give something because words alone cannot express my feelings at time. I am

CON'T
I am the kind of person that is more excited than the receipient of my gift.)

i have to be met half way....simple as that