coldwater
@coldwater
13 Years
Comments: 1 · Posts: 360 · Topics: 35
No sex= No Friendship?
me refuse to get it on? surely you jest lol 😛 BUT i have stopped seeing men who start to ration it out.
i have plenty of platonic male friends. theyre jewels 🙂
i have plenty of platonic male friends. theyre jewels 🙂
Posted by CluelessCancer
men are the best friends EVER...even if they want you..who cares..just ignore it and keep it moving! As long as you DONT send mixed signals to stroke your own personal ego...it's all good.
+1
I mean do men even befriend women they arent in some way attracted too?
Do they honestly want to sit there and talk about how your past love life sucks with another man? (just an example).... But thats what friends do right?
I get what we as women can get out of a friendship with a man, but what does a man get outta it?
Do they honestly want to sit there and talk about how your past love life sucks with another man? (just an example).... But thats what friends do right?
I get what we as women can get out of a friendship with a man, but what does a man get outta it?
My true friend male is ONLY my Cap friend. Ive had those all or nothing experiences with others.
I think you are right sweetlibra....it gets way too complicated. I know its easy to say ignore what they want, but it does or will eventually affect the " friendhip relationship" eventually...at least thats what I find. Having sex with someone will bring out all kinds of emotions for someone. Is it even possible to have sex with a so called friend and then go back to being "friends" again?
I guess some friendhsips arent made to last forever.
Besides there shouldnt be any stipulations placed on friendship. If you are my friend you should be my friend wether we sexing or not.
I guess some friendhsips arent made to last forever.
Besides there shouldnt be any stipulations placed on friendship. If you are my friend you should be my friend wether we sexing or not.
I have some guy friends. None I'm all too close with, but we've have normal friendships. I see them most when around my libra friend, and let me tell you, if there's ever a person who can speak up against this, it's her. She's surrounded by guy friends, hardly has any female friends. While she has dated a few of them, others have girlfriends and/or aren't interested. They bowl together, have fun (which basically means do a lot of stupid stuff. They usually have the same kind of humor which really brings them together), and talk. When I've hung out with her and some of our guy friends, yes, we actually do sit around and talk, sometimes. Hahaha, I remember we all went back to her house after a movie, and her and the male leo were sitting around talking about their sex lives (and no, it wasn't to get sex out of her) and me and the Aries talking about technology and random facts, etc. The guys were dealing with girl issues, too, so we let them get it all off their shoulders. Haha. Guys do that? Yep, cap moons, too.
I believe that you can have normal friendships without it being something more or not have that be the reason for talking. I read somewhere that yes, it is likely that at some point during the friendship, the guy may become interested in the girl, or vice versa, and usually at different points, but that doesn't mean it ruins the friendship or become the only reason the person wants to hang out and talk. I don't know why friendship should be impossible or why people think that what every guy wants out of a friendship with a female is something more. I've never had a friendship ruined over feelings. I mean, if the guy is unable to control his own feelings here for the sake of a friendship, that's kind of ridiculous, anyway. Yeah, I think some of the guys I'm friends with like me, but that does not mean that: they became friends with me because they somehow already liked me without knowing me, all their logic and common sense goes out the window when they start feeling that, they cannot hold on to the friendship. One of them even outright told me he liked me. Did anything change after that? No. Our friendship did not suffer.
Sorry for typing so much. I'm tired and my pisces merc feels like rambling for some reason. : (
I believe that you can have normal friendships without it being something more or not have that be the reason for talking. I read somewhere that yes, it is likely that at some point during the friendship, the guy may become interested in the girl, or vice versa, and usually at different points, but that doesn't mean it ruins the friendship or become the only reason the person wants to hang out and talk. I don't know why friendship should be impossible or why people think that what every guy wants out of a friendship with a female is something more. I've never had a friendship ruined over feelings. I mean, if the guy is unable to control his own feelings here for the sake of a friendship, that's kind of ridiculous, anyway. Yeah, I think some of the guys I'm friends with like me, but that does not mean that: they became friends with me because they somehow already liked me without knowing me, all their logic and common sense goes out the window when they start feeling that, they cannot hold on to the friendship. One of them even outright told me he liked me. Did anything change after that? No. Our friendship did not suffer.
Sorry for typing so much. I'm tired and my pisces merc feels like rambling for some reason. : (
Posted by coldwater
I mean do men even befriend women they arent in some way attracted too?
Do they honestly want to sit there and talk about how your past love life sucks with another man? (just an example).... But thats what friends do right?
What the fuck, are you talking about teenage girls, or some such immature shit?
Because grown ups are actually capable of having friendships with the opposite gender.
And what the hell is this = "sit there and talk about how your past love life sucks with another man"? .... because it sure as hell looks like you are implying that women want to sit there and listen to you whine about your sucky love life .. because women don't like that.
Perhaps, your little teenage girlfriends want to babble like highschool .. but, "other" women really would rather you shut the fuck up about your whining about your love life ... and the way you worded that, you made the implication that since a man wouldn't want to sit there and listen to it, that a woman would.
And I'm here to tell you ... you are full of shit.
when you grow up, your vision will change because maturity will set in
Posted by coldwater
Ladies have you ever had a man cut off friendship ........... you refused to have sex with them?
..... is different from .....
Posted by coldwater
Ladies have you ever ........ stop a relationship because you refused to have sex with them?
click to expand
The first one implies that the friendship included sex originally ...
The second one implies that sex was never a part of the terms of relationship originally ...
Your questions are too vague to be able to answer except by surface dwellers, whom make up 99.99999% of the human race.
The second one implies that sex was never a part of the terms of relationship originally ...
Your questions are too vague to be able to answer except by surface dwellers, whom make up 99.99999% of the human race.
My questions were simply that....just questions, hence the question marks at the end.
I feel that friends....rather male or females ones, if they are indeed friends, should be able to talk about anything. Me referencing a love life was simply an example of one of the things "friends" should be able to talk about. When I call someone my friend I do not take that lightly. I do not call everyone my friend. So....if you hold that capacity with me I do expect you to mean it.
And in regards to the "vague" questions, I think everyone else followed along nicely.
I feel that friends....rather male or females ones, if they are indeed friends, should be able to talk about anything. Me referencing a love life was simply an example of one of the things "friends" should be able to talk about. When I call someone my friend I do not take that lightly. I do not call everyone my friend. So....if you hold that capacity with me I do expect you to mean it.
And in regards to the "vague" questions, I think everyone else followed along nicely.
This question was referencing men and women in general.
Yes, it is nice if one can have and maintain that male friendship. Although friends should be able to talk about most things, its nice to get a different prospective on thing..... male and female friends prospective. Nothing makes this better when its someone you feel you can trust. Who truely has you best interest at heart then a true friend.
Posted by Sutekh
Isnt sex the point?
What are we going to do play basketball together? You cant do "guy stuff" with women.
There are different relationships on different levels but I think the term —friend?? is thrown around too loosely. Social networking and FWB has played a huge role in this. Also the fact that people don't really have a clear definition of what's private nowadays.
facebook. Many people I know have hundreds of —friends??. They also post endlessly on what they are doing, thoughts, moments in their lives, relationship woes etc. and really... I couldn't care less. It is also not very hard for people to go on and on about their business to anyone who will listen.
Are they really —friends— maybe.. but I bet they are just people you know.
Online people are a whole different ball game. Too much room for unclear boundaries in autonomy. These people are come and go contacts but I don't maintain them and would not like if my partner did either.
I had a similar conversation with a guy awhile ago. He said, —I??ve never really used women for friendship, only as an ego boost.??
I have male "buddies"... workmates, x-workmates, people I hang with, drink with, shoot the shit with. I have some old school friends but I am friends with their woman too... and these women 'genuinely' like me and don't just tolerate me because it would make them look bad, haha! Real women who if did have a problem with our friendship would not be afraid to say so to their men.
It's kept surface because anything beyond that there is always, always sexual undercurrents if things of an intimate nature are discussed. I'm not comfortable with this anymore. If I was single, I'm sure it would all look very different
Not a lady but thought I'd chime in anyway 😉
I'm sorry but I was actually thinking along the same lines of P-Angel as well, I thought you were saying to have male friends means it somewhat equates to having sex with them and either you or they would end a friendship based on them wanting sex. Something along those lines anyway.
I think it's purely a mental thing to make it work maybe you're over romanticizing the idea, I do that too but often I find when you're both single it might be the one thing that they do or even something you did that can tip the balance. When you're otherwise taken it's far easier to maintain the platonic friendship. There's just something primal at work.
It's easy for women to think that men just want sex and in fact they probably do and that works both ways for men. There in lies the conflict itself and maybe your friendly aqua nature just can't say no because I know try to make friends with everyone but it's up to you whether you allow it to happen or not because in one way or another their intentions will be clear. It's just for me I'm really not wired up in a way that I can just have sex with people I don't have a strong mutual connection with and if they are simple just a friend I would never consider them anything more than that.
Might be easy to think no sex = no friendship but don't you think that line of thought only comes from "friendship = sex"? some food for thought I guess.
I'm sorry but I was actually thinking along the same lines of P-Angel as well, I thought you were saying to have male friends means it somewhat equates to having sex with them and either you or they would end a friendship based on them wanting sex. Something along those lines anyway.
I think it's purely a mental thing to make it work maybe you're over romanticizing the idea, I do that too but often I find when you're both single it might be the one thing that they do or even something you did that can tip the balance. When you're otherwise taken it's far easier to maintain the platonic friendship. There's just something primal at work.
It's easy for women to think that men just want sex and in fact they probably do and that works both ways for men. There in lies the conflict itself and maybe your friendly aqua nature just can't say no because I know try to make friends with everyone but it's up to you whether you allow it to happen or not because in one way or another their intentions will be clear. It's just for me I'm really not wired up in a way that I can just have sex with people I don't have a strong mutual connection with and if they are simple just a friend I would never consider them anything more than that.
Might be easy to think no sex = no friendship but don't you think that line of thought only comes from "friendship = sex"? some food for thought I guess.
This isn't really on topic but it connects in my head so... sorry in advance for the rant.
I wonder how many women would have been able to avoid sorrow and hardship if they had just listened to their primitive nature and stop trying to intellectualize things. Some women say, "We make more money, we have better jobs we are equal to men." But they don't think like men.
"I should be able to talk to a "friend" about anything. male or female"
No you shouldn't. Human nature dictates that men and women can interact but only to a certain level... then primal kicks in. But no... women want to be the cool girlfriends and equal in all ways when they have no idea that men don't mind being primal. They like that role... it gets confused in today's world but it is who they are.
Men and women can be friends... up to a certain line. When that line is flirted with, chances are it is/can/will go over on someone's part.
Example: I went traveling for a few years. When I returned I visited my brother at his office and met his new assistant. I spent an hour or two with him, I left.... and called his wife. I asked her what was up with this new assistant. She went on about how it is an old friend of theirs and how she is working with him now. I said, "Watch her." She assured me that I had no idea what I was talking about and everything is fine... so I left it at that.
A year later... my brother ups and leaves his wife, his children and the country... with the assistant. Over 10 years of bitter battles, drama, court cases etc. and everyone is messed in the head.
Why was my x-sister-in-law trying to be cool and except this "friendship"? When it was obvious to me in 1 hour there was more going on here?
There is a Cap on here right now trying to seek revenge on her boyfriend who she caught sending flirty body shot pics to his porn star "friend" online. She knew he liked to flirt and was okay with it but this was crossing the line. wtf? Exactly how much flirting to other women is appropriate? idk... none!!!!!
There was also a thread about a woman who was getting her ex boyfriend, now "friend" sending her emails expressing how much he missed her and sending love songs. Is that not a line crossed? Do true "friends" cross these lines?
People think they are so intellectualized that they can out smart human nature.
I wonder how many women would have been able to avoid sorrow and hardship if they had just listened to their primitive nature and stop trying to intellectualize things. Some women say, "We make more money, we have better jobs we are equal to men." But they don't think like men.
"I should be able to talk to a "friend" about anything. male or female"
No you shouldn't. Human nature dictates that men and women can interact but only to a certain level... then primal kicks in. But no... women want to be the cool girlfriends and equal in all ways when they have no idea that men don't mind being primal. They like that role... it gets confused in today's world but it is who they are.
Men and women can be friends... up to a certain line. When that line is flirted with, chances are it is/can/will go over on someone's part.
Example: I went traveling for a few years. When I returned I visited my brother at his office and met his new assistant. I spent an hour or two with him, I left.... and called his wife. I asked her what was up with this new assistant. She went on about how it is an old friend of theirs and how she is working with him now. I said, "Watch her." She assured me that I had no idea what I was talking about and everything is fine... so I left it at that.
A year later... my brother ups and leaves his wife, his children and the country... with the assistant. Over 10 years of bitter battles, drama, court cases etc. and everyone is messed in the head.
Why was my x-sister-in-law trying to be cool and except this "friendship"? When it was obvious to me in 1 hour there was more going on here?
There is a Cap on here right now trying to seek revenge on her boyfriend who she caught sending flirty body shot pics to his porn star "friend" online. She knew he liked to flirt and was okay with it but this was crossing the line. wtf? Exactly how much flirting to other women is appropriate? idk... none!!!!!
There was also a thread about a woman who was getting her ex boyfriend, now "friend" sending her emails expressing how much he missed her and sending love songs. Is that not a line crossed? Do true "friends" cross these lines?
People think they are so intellectualized that they can out smart human nature.
Don't people usually have affairs with "friends" of the opposite sex?
Someone who was 'there for them', someone who they could 'talk to'?
Isn't that what partners are supposed to be?
Someone who was 'there for them', someone who they could 'talk to'?
Isn't that what partners are supposed to be?
haha! 😄
I've had tons of male friends, more so than women friends, for sure. I like the way males operate! When I am/was single they are the best (and it is lovely to be surrounded by attractive men and I'm sure the feeling is mutual) But there are usually undertones and yes, you make it clear by your behavior how things are.
When I/They are in a relationship... there is a difference and that's why I refer to them as "buddies". The nature of those friendships change and I think it's pretty natural.
I'll go to a male friend's show, birthday, return an email catching up or on a specific topic.. but I'm not going into details about my life or carrying on with any intimate conversations.
there is a line
I've had tons of male friends, more so than women friends, for sure. I like the way males operate! When I am/was single they are the best (and it is lovely to be surrounded by attractive men and I'm sure the feeling is mutual) But there are usually undertones and yes, you make it clear by your behavior how things are.
When I/They are in a relationship... there is a difference and that's why I refer to them as "buddies". The nature of those friendships change and I think it's pretty natural.
I'll go to a male friend's show, birthday, return an email catching up or on a specific topic.. but I'm not going into details about my life or carrying on with any intimate conversations.
there is a line
Posted by DazedScorp
My roommate is a woman... Who is also one of my two best friends... and we are both attractive people... and we don't have sex... Nor is there a desire to do so....
So you be the judge.
same with my current (only male) and my last roommate. desire is there. sometimes rather blatant. but no... even if we're two adults attracted to and living with one another, that means squat. still good friends.
however to the op... yea i've had guy friends who wanted a piece, i refused and they ditched. however they came around again later willing to be plutonic. at least that's the pretense.
I like guy friends and I have a few who don't pull that shit.
However, I have a few who pulled the usual "hur I'm gonna PRETEND to be your friend and the second I find out that I won't get any from you, POOF I'm gone!" bullshit. Makes them look so skeezy.
I've had a friend recently kinda go MIA because I think he just realized things just weren't going to happen like that. I was pretty disappointed in him because it was friends first before he developed a crush of sorts.
Overall, when this shit happens, it's lame as hell. Talk about fake, superficial, and begs the question the quality of the friendship.
However, I have a few who pulled the usual "hur I'm gonna PRETEND to be your friend and the second I find out that I won't get any from you, POOF I'm gone!" bullshit. Makes them look so skeezy.
I've had a friend recently kinda go MIA because I think he just realized things just weren't going to happen like that. I was pretty disappointed in him because it was friends first before he developed a crush of sorts.
Overall, when this shit happens, it's lame as hell. Talk about fake, superficial, and begs the question the quality of the friendship.
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