they've always been like that

People get into a relationship, and everything is plugging along swimmingly, you couldn't be happier ... then one day you realize that the other person is changing, that this person you've been so happy with has changed.


when in reality ... they've always been like that .. they haven't changed ... you've just had blinders on.


this is typical for every person. We see someone we really like and want to experience, and so we ONLY see the good traits, we ONLY recognize the positive in the other person. When in reality, this person has always had bad traits, and negative aspects about them.


due to you not seeing the reality of your own situation doesn't make the other person at fault for your mind-blindness

Yea true.

So, instead of coming to forums, or even in rl ..... when your eyes open, just step away and accept that your vision was askewed.

to go to others to present a false image of your ex, is wrong and makes you the bad guy.

Not all the time it's blinders. People build walls and you never know them till you climb over that wall. Sometimes what's behind that wall is prrreeetttyyy scary.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
"You know, it's funny; when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like... flags."

It's the most real thing I've ever heard on an animated sitcom about a talking horse.

But, once the blinders come off .... instead of trying to destroy the other person's character ... just step away with dignity.

Posted by Weeds
Not all the time it's blinders. People build walls and you never know them till you climb over that wall. Sometimes what's behind that wall is prrreeetttyyy scary.

Well, that's true, too.

But, still .... when it all comes crashing down, just leave.

Why stay to try and battle it with intentions of winning?

What are you winning exactly? What is your gain?


Just walk away ... and let it be.

Posted by P-Angel

People get into a relationship, and everything is plugging along swimmingly, you couldn't be happier ... then one day you realize that the other person is changing, that this person you've been so happy with has changed.


when in reality ... they've always been like that .. they haven't changed ... you've just had blinders on.

You're way off on this one. People change, their perspectives & goals change. I'd say it's the most common long-term game-changer.

Your right. No ones perfect.

But you decide if the good outweighs the bad. If it doesn't you have to pick youself up and move on.

Posted by P-Angel

People get into a relationship, and everything is plugging along swimmingly, you couldn't be happier ... then one day you realize that the other person is changing, that this person you've been so happy with has changed.


when in reality ... they've always been like that .. they haven't changed ... you've just had blinders on.


this is typical for every person. We see someone we really like and want to experience, and so we ONLY see the good traits, we ONLY recognize the positive in the other person. When in reality, this person has always had bad traits, and negative aspects about them.


due to you not seeing the reality of your own situation doesn't make the other person at fault for your mind-blindness

So are you pessimistic or optimistic about people?

I've been wondering where you've been. I haven't seen you much on here as of late. @P

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by P-Angel

So, instead of coming to forums, or even in rl ..... when your eyes open, just step away and accept that your vision was askewed.

to go to others to present a false image of your ex, is wrong and makes you the bad guy.

You make absolutely no sense. How can you go from their "negative" trait that was there all along to now spewing a false image of them?!

They aren't looking at you as the bad guy...they are thinking we already knew this all along but you are just finding out.

click to expand

She's out of her mind.

Seriously.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Weeds
Not all the time it's blinders. People build walls and you never know them till you climb over that wall. Sometimes what's behind that wall is prrreeetttyyy scary.

Well, that's true, too.

But, still .... when it all comes crashing down, just leave.

Why stay to try and battle it with intentions of winning?

What are you winning exactly? What is your gain?


Just walk away ... and let it be.

click to expand

Cutting emotional ties can be a fearful thing in itself.
Am I doing the right thing?
Maybe I can over look it?
I can change them.
I can accept them.
It will be ok.

Ignorance is bliss as they say

Posted by Greentea
I've been wondering where you've been. I haven't seen you much on here as of late. @P

I haven't gone anywhere.

Just now, for the past half hour, I was having a stand off with a bear .. and the bear obvious won. Now, I'm scared shitless.

I'm outside, cleaning a paint brush and up walks a bear. I'm only a couple feet from the door, no worries. He heads toward the front of the house and I run to the front porch to yell at him to go away as soon as he comes around the house. He took off, keeping a 30 foot distance, but, never leaves. I yell at him again to go on, and still he stays just at the edge of woodline. I blow the airhorn, and still he stays. Then he starts walking toward me on the front porch.

Holy fucking shit !!!

You win, you win, I bellow and run inside.

So then, he lays under the cherry tree, which is 5 feet from the front porch and just watches the front door.

This fucking bear is not afraid of humans. Someone is feeding him.

He jumps up on the front porch, I'm watching him behind curtains ... ready to shit my drawers.




But, yeah, I'm still here. Not sure about tomorrow. I might be dinner.

Go out and play dead !

Oh no, there are cats everywhere .... cats had more cats, who had more cats. It's an epidemic up here, actually, not just on my mountain, according to local news.

Also, though, this is a forest and the cats eat well. Even the retarded cat, and the ones with one eye catch food all the time. We found a dead squirrel in with a bunch of kittens not too long ago.

There's big ass Toms around, who never eat here ... and they are far from starving.

Big, I definitely don't want to be dinner to a bear. It was like, when I told him he had to leave, he then got indignant and laid down at my front door to prove I was wrong. Like he knew exactly what I said.

Shit like that happens all the time to me. Animals understand me.

A week ago, the youngest of my housecats ran up under the bed and wouldn't come out. I needed her out, and I told her that can lift the bed to get her, that there isn't a place in the house in where we can't find her or get to her, now she needed to come from the bed. She didn't, we picked the mattress up and got her. We gave her her meds.

Well, then, immediately she disappears and we can't find her anywhere. We looked at every nook, every little crevice .. for like half hour we searched for this cat.

Then we're standing in the living room and I told my husband that it was like she understood what I said, in that there wasn't anywhere she could go in the house where we couldn't find her and get her, and she understood those human words, to then prove me wrong.

Well, no sooner had I spoke those words to my husband, acknowledging that she understood and that she was right and I was wrong, she appeared behind me. My husband gasped because he didn't even see her sneak up.

It's very bizarre. But, this goddam bear was waiting for me to come outside. He knew what I was saying to him. Just like the cat knew.

Posted by juliette
it's not like you can get to know the person right away lol. it's not that people are pretending or changing, or putting blinders, though maybe some of them do, but in average, they are in love and happy, and being happy, happier than usual really tones down most of the negative traits. and also most of the people knows that no one is perfect so seeing the glimpse of the negatives is not seen as the reason to walk away.

so it's no wonder that smart people say it takes at least 3 years to get to know someone. regardless how open or closed someone is. it takes a certain amount of life situations to see, and in average that amount is in 3 years.

That doesn't reference the topic of the thread, but, thanks for taking the time to give your input.

Those times where you thought the person you were with was someone else, and now you realize that they aren't what you thought ..... it was you all along, in your perception of that person.

The person was always the same, that person didn't change.

so, realize that you let your judgment get clouded when you are in the throws of attraction ... so you can adjust yourself.

They were always like that ..... you were just blinded. Stop trashing their character simply because you two can't be a couple.

Just because someone doesn't like you anymore, it doesn't mean they are a bad person.

But, if you give false impressions of them, to get people to side with you ... then the bad person is you.


Just step aside and let the person pass ........

I video taped it on my tablet. It's in 3 segments and most of it is me running from window to window, crying on the phone to my husband.

He's going to freak out when he sees this .... this bear was literally waiting for me.

Wild animals come all the time, since we have bird feeders and cat food out. We see raccoons, opossum, deer, bear, mountain lions, rabbits, etc. Bears come and steal seed. They love your trash, so we have to keep all trash indoors.

He came to feed off of what he could find. Well, twice he went to the bird feeder and sniffed it, and a couple times he went to the cat food.

... but, he didn't eat any of it. Instead, he laid down just feet from the front porch and watched the door.


It's like, me telling him he has to leave didn't set right with him .... he means for me to leave and let him rule.


And I did ...... I concede

Posted by P-Angel

Those times where you thought the person you were with was someone else, and now you realize that they aren't what you thought ..... it was you all along, in your perception of that person.

The person was always the same, that person didn't change.

There's always a grey area. When you meet someone and attraction is high, both of you are paying close attention to your first impressions. Later on they start relaxing around you and showing you who they really are. This causes confusion because everyone sells themselves at first… They also let their guard down and make exceptions for who they think is worth it. It takes a while to get to know anyone and people have layers. Sometimes you find out it's an onion and there are ppl out there who master manipulation quite naturally. I feel sorry for children born to such people.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Greentea
I've been wondering where you've been. I haven't seen you much on here as of late. @P

I haven't gone anywhere.

Just now, for the past half hour, I was having a stand off with a bear .. and the bear obvious won. Now, I'm scared shitless.

I'm outside, cleaning a paint brush and up walks a bear. I'm only a couple feet from the door, no worries. He heads toward the front of the house and I run to the front porch to yell at him to go away as soon as he comes around the house. He took off, keeping a 30 foot distance, but, never leaves. I yell at him again to go on, and still he stays just at the edge of woodline. I blow the airhorn, and still he stays. Then he starts walking toward me on the front porch.

Holy fucking shit !!!

You win, you win, I bellow and run inside.

So then, he lays under the cherry tree, which is 5 feet from the front porch and just watches the front door.

This fucking bear is not afraid of humans. Someone is feeding him.

He jumps up on the front porch, I'm watching him behind curtains ... ready to shit my drawers.




But, yeah, I'm still here. Not sure about tomorrow. I might be dinner.

click to expand

There are bears that are perfectly comfortable around humans. I went snowboarding one year, came out of my hotel room amd there was a bear several yards away dumpster diving...and I quickly darted back inside. Later found out she was the town bear, and she made frequent appearances.

Lol, I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life.

Posted by AriesLove
They still have some responsibility for their negative faults. That's why it's referred to as being "negative".

But relationships are about comprimise so just because you were a certain way while being single you should respect and love your partner enough to bend a little in a relationship. Especially if your trait is a "negative" trait. Those anyone can do without. If I'm selfish now should I remain selfish?!

People do not disclose "negative" traits in the beginning so it certainly isn't the other persons fault they know nothing about them. People need to keep it real and be themselves and stop putting up a front to attract others to get what they want.

I feel if you have a bunch of negative traits floating through your life don't jump into a relationship but instead work on yourself first. That is your fault!

Couldn't have said this better myself. Only thing I would add is that some ppl are just blind to their faults. You don't know something exists if you don't see it.

Posted by Finbuff

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by P-Angel

People get into a relationship, and everything is plugging along swimmingly, you couldn't be happier ... then one day you realize that the other person is changing, that this person you've been so happy with has changed.


when in reality ... they've always been like that .. they haven't changed ... you've just had blinders on.

You're way off on this one. People change, their perspectives & goals change. I'd say it's the most common long-term game-changer.

Disagree - the average person does NOT change one bit from what they are, even in later years. The degree of change in individual personality and behavior is minimal and measured in small degree's.

click to expand

Clearly not unless they're werewolves.