to be needed or wanted

When your in a relationship, would you rather be needed by your partner or wanted?

i ask because i feel like men dont want an independent woman..a woman who doesnt need to be with the but wants to be with them. they say they want an independent woman, but they end up with dependent women. i was talking to my aries bff and i told her that men secretly want a woman to need them. maybe this man is insecure, maybe, and he feels like if the girl needs him, she wont leave him. on the flip side, an independent woman doesnt really have a tough decision to make. she can pick up and leave.

what do you think?

Depends on the man.

My mother was dependent. My father cheated on her with a woman who was independent. (They stayed married though because she WAS dependent. She thought she had no choice.
I am very independent. (a direct result of the above situation) I have been left for dependent woman more times than I care to count. (full disclosure-I have been known to say "I don't need you", again a direct result of the above situation.

I would prefer to be wanted. Wanted feels like he had a choice and he picked me. Needed feels like he had no choice SO he
picked me.

This DXP is like free therapy. My God.

for all of the times you said that you needed me
now is the time that I need you
just one more time for all the old times
midnight Blue
no trurer words were ever spoken or sung

Posted by Nala13
Depends on the man.

My mother was dependent. My father cheated on her with a woman who was independent. (They stayed married though because she WAS dependent. She thought she had no choice.
I am very independent. (a direct result of the above situation) I have been left for dependent woman more times than I care to count. (full disclosure-I have been known to say "I don't need you", again a direct result of the above situation.

I would prefer to be wanted. Wanted feels like he had a choice and he picked me. Needed feels like he had no choice SO he
picked me.

This DXP is like free therapy. My God.

What your wrote is exactly what im talking about. men need security and the ultimate security is having someone be dependent upon you. those girls have a tough decision whether to leave or not. so my independency is like a double edged sword.

also with dependency comes a mouth and ability to verbalize what you like and dont like. for example, i told my aries bff that no man is going to take her serious (1 divorce, 2 failed relationships) because she is too independent and has worth outside of the relationship. i think that independent woman have more of a voice in their relationships than dependent women. they speak up because they dont have to take anyones shit. whereas if this guy is the provider, that girl aint speaking up. i told her to play dumb and see how much better that works for her.

I should clarify... at first i was speaking in terms of financial dependency. but now im thinking to some extent..emotional dependency based on the answers.

@ligera ....you are the air they breathe? sounds romantic and scorponic but could u honestly be with someone who threatened to commit suicide if you ever left them?

to be wanted DOES feel like you are their "favorite" for the time being or season...

sometimes i see couples and im like wtf?? the guy is single and the girl has 2+ kids and to some extent looks like a complete dog, a #2 all day. and im like wth!! how did she land him? cause DMV, shes not a bitch like you are 🙂

well, she has kids so there's the financial dependency and because she could use the extra $ $ and doesnt want to muck that up, she is less likely to be a bitch...she knows that her pool of potential suitors is small. this girl is more mothering, emotionally open, and above all willing.


at times, ive pondered the fact that if i had 2 kids id be married by now no problem. BUT because i do for myself, for sooo long i do tend to have that warrior princess thing going on. i think im the total package but am i really?

Posted by PotHeadVirgo22
I dont think I like being needed...at least not every second of every minute.
Independent females have this Xena warrior princess thing goin on, and its kind of a turn on.🙂
My cancer homie has a pisces girlfriend and I be dam, its disturbing how needy she is, sheesh.
It would be cool at first, but I dont think I could live with someone who cant hold their own or think for themselves.
I'd lose my sanity...
My seeder was dependent on my mother, so I guess it had an opposite effect on me...***shruggs***

mutables signs are said to be co-dependent

Posted by size zero superhero
Certain men prefer to feel like they've got the upper hand in their relationship, so to speak. Either they gradually take steps to reduce their partner's sense of independence or as you mentioned, deliberately pursue dependent women. This way such men feel assured in that no matter how royally they fvck up, it will be overlooked thanks to their role as providers of essential resources for the spouse--in other words, vital to their s/o's ability to subsist.

yes. some do start taking away your independence little by little. for example, moving in together, getting rid of your car and even your job.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo22

word up

back to that song...do you think that INDEPENDENT girl is the chick they marry or that chick on the side who will probably never ask them for $ $

Male Sag here. The "traditional male" was is the type that wants a woman that is dependent. It is in our nature to be dominate because our essence is strength. But the average guy wants balance in a woman. He wants her to be independent but put US first. The key I knowing when to take the lead verus when to give up power. We are in relationships by PERMISSION and not SUBMISSION. I think propel put too much emphasis on economic power and not love. Just because a man chooses to be with a woman who is needy doesn't mean he doesn't love her. It may be dimply how both I thrm were raised. We can tailor make our relationships to hw we want them to be. At the end of the day, as long as two people are hppybnd love each other, who cares how it is structured and why. There is no one truth to hw a relationship should work. It is based upon the two people involved and relationships can work in many ways.

By US I meant the relationship. Typos lol

I'd prefer to be needed.

I'd prefer him to always be wanted lol.

Want would hopefully turn into need, as far as dependent and independent most independent women are men. No softness no nothing there are some strong women who have the ability to be soft or womanly but very rarely, it takes a balance for something to work. A woman with a woman touch whos not a doorknob and a man with a backbone who on a rainy day might accidently shed a tear.

Zena Warrior Princess = Fucking.

Posted by Sutekh
Ill add this:

Like Ive said many times before, this beta culture and feminism continue to destroy male-female relations.

No im not saying women should be tied to a beam in the kitchen and not allowed to leave


No im not saying women should be relegated to functionally being a baby factor and nothing more.


What Im saying is, stop being scared of being a woman and feminine. Stop believing that "submission" means weakness.

Feminism for one, is not about equality, but female domination. I don't want to hear about these skewed wage and salary statistics. In the environment's i've worked in, women have gotten passes for doing a lot less work for the same wage. In a warehouse I worked in a woman constantly interrupted me from my task because something was too heavy or she was being lazy. I helped her once but the second time I told her if she can't do the work she should do something else and turned around and continued working, she said i was an A $ $ hole for not helping her I told her I don't see sex in this warehouse it's an even playing field.

very true. the feminine movement has fucked up the game...BUT were men asleep during this time? what do you suppose men do to better themselves in male/female relations? because men have turned into straight bitches. remember the blog.."cut from a different cloth?"

then again, it may be the losers i deal with that need to find their balls and a job. but i see a helluva lot more MR. MOMS these days.

Posted by size zero superhero

Posted by 25thDecan
I've seen countless women who claim independence(not pointing at anyone in this point..just a few I know IRL) as an excuse for being lazy lovers/mates.

That's completely pathetic on their behalf...I mean, if you're so independent, why depend on the other party to hold up both ends during sex?!
Naturally, there is NO justifying second-rate lovers.

click to expand

lol @ second rate lovers....just lay their and take it, how boring

Posted by 25thDecan

Posted by size zero superhero

Posted by 25thDecan
I've seen countless women who claim independence(not pointing at anyone in this point..just a few I know IRL) as an excuse for being lazy lovers/mates.

That's completely pathetic on their behalf...I mean, if you're so independent, why depend on the other party to hold up both ends during sex?!
Naturally, there is NO justifying second-rate lovers.

Was speaking on the emotional but yes...I can think of 3 who quickly profess the argument "I need a real man. I'm an independent woman. I cannot stick with a man who's sensitive." Smh...she wants a punching bag to be her outlet for a)being simply a mean person and b)she dooesnt want to grow and change, she wants a man to submit to the things she wants.

Very pathetic

click to expand

i like sensitive men but i admit i need a good shaking once and a while

2- Women need to stop listening to feminazi propaganda artists that you see on TV.

yeah. i hear you on this.

Posted by 25thDecan
i like sensitive men but i admit i need a good shaking once and a while- so...you're into s&m but you'd rather it be done with provocation? Cool..your prerogative/preference.

Or is it...you actually desire a mate who will violently react to your insults? My point wasn't that the guy in question was "overly" sensitive or even slightly. On the contrary, the women I'm describing DO NOT care for anyone save themselves. They simply cannot reconcile to THEMSELVES that this is who they are and that they are attracted to men who can be trusted to take a hand to their face...or that they prefer men who will never require anything of them emotionally. Yet...the vibrator stays handy and they cheat on it with real guys here and there only to be let down at how human a human can be.

well let me say that i cannot be with a man who takes my shit especially my overly emotional rants about life i.e. complaining. sometimes i need a shaking get your mind right kinda talk. i can easily walk over a man to keep my emotional composure. but with the right man, he'd tell me to sthu and stop whining. someome to take the wheel for me.

i dont like violent types. i left my ex because of that so i dont allow that. but i need someone to set me straight.

Wanted. Need, alone, leaves you a mere convenience.

Posted by Ellybean
But to be quite honest, in some way, with all the water in my chart and my seventh house cancer moon especially, on a certain level I'd need to be needed by my partner.

yeah your wateryness wants to be needed. i guess so does my mars in virgo, i live to serve my master lol.

i want to be needed by my partner, but not financially and to some extent emotionally. i feel him in that he feels better around me, but i dont need him to crave it to the point of suffocating or him changing his scheduled activities.

i also want to be wanted. i want to be the favorite. the front runner. the one he picked. i like to know i beat out some other hoes. bragging rights ya know.

desired is way cool 2.

Posted by LeoVirgoGirl

Posted by DMV
2- Women need to stop listening to feminazi propaganda artists that you see on TV.

yeah. i hear you on this.

I think all of this is a load of .BS that we all have come to believe in. All it comes down to perception and stereotypes. Just because a woman has a career, makes more than a man, has her shirt together then she is a feminist. A guy never gives me a second chance when he finds out what i do for a living.... all i attract are the needy men who gladly give me their checkbook so "I can direct their lives".
Who assigned me to this job? Men who presume and live a feminist stereotypes.

Wanted or needed?

Neither. I just want to be loved.

click to expand

i dont tell men what i do for THAT exact reason you stated above. they either look at me with $ $ or feel as though they cant offer much.

i totally have to downplay my intelligence.

@25th,

your right. i dont want my feelings to be dismissed. but i do get on some bullshit every now and then because i like to worry and feel anxious. i need someone to see through all that and just shove a cupcake in my mouth.

word. i tend to scare men off easily. scorp moon/sag sun can be quite intimidating and aggressive. i have to tone back alot of myself.

although with the water signs and other saggis, not so much.

naw, i need my man to know what is just bullshit and what is real. comes with time and practice.

or sheer dumb luck

^^ Some, or even a lot of, men would be capable of seeing the difference, if you allow them to get to know th??t well. I don't know you so obviously I don't mean to imply that I know who you are or not nor anything about your relations. But, how much do you show them of yourself in a relationship. And sometimes you just have to tell them how you work, and he'll take note for next time. Do you give them a chance to get to know you thoroughly enough to understand all your complexities and what you need from them in certain moods/situations.

I couldn't agree more with the people who said that it's all about being loved. How you manage to make that relationship work together is irrelevant, as long as both partners are satisfied.

Once you're in love all these things of 'I want him/her to be like that or understand that' don't matter anymore, you just love him/her, even if they don't fit your checklist or idea of the ideal partner or they annoy you sometimes.

But that's just what I think.

Posted by DMV
When your in a relationship, would you rather be needed by your partner or wanted?

i ask because i feel like men dont want an independent woman..a woman who doesnt need to be with the but wants to be with them. they say they want an independent woman, but they end up with dependent women. i was talking to my aries bff and i told her that men secretly want a woman to need them. maybe this man is insecure, maybe, and he feels like if the girl needs him, she wont leave him. on the flip side, an independent woman doesnt really have a tough decision to make. she can pick up and leave.

what do you think?

agreed.

a man will not reach his full potential unless he feels that he's needed.

it sorta coincides with traditional roles. the majority of marriages in the past were built to last primarily because many women worked from home and/or lacked education and opportunity in the workplace. thus, a man was "needed" and the nature of that need forced them to step up to the plate.

thus, if an "independent" woman doesn't have a genuine need, it's in her interest to find a way to fake it. doesn't guarantee a union, but will increase the probability of one.

Wanted no doubt...

Being needed turns me off...
I don't know why but I get so attracted to a guy who doesnt need me,but wants me...knowing that he's not with me because he feels he can't go on without me, BUT because, he's still with me,when he does not need to be. It's just so much more genuine for me that way...

^that was a jumbled mess and if i translated it correctly, it sounds like you want a guy who needs you 😛

Posted by Astroduck
^^ Some, or even a lot of, men would be capable of seeing the difference, if you allow them to get to know th??t well. I don't know you so obviously I don't mean to imply that I know who you are or not nor anything about your relations. But, how much do you show them of yourself in a relationship. And sometimes you just have to tell them how you work, and he'll take note for next time. Do you give them a chance to get to know you thoroughly enough to understand all your complexities and what you need from them in certain moods/situations.

.

noppers. opening up to someone could take years

Posted by LeoVirgoGirl
I was thinking about this some more and it is nothing but perception.

Here are a few of my experiences:

Guy#1: we went out with about year and half ago. He acted like he was not interested so i moved on. Sometime later I found out through a grape vine that he was not working and didn't want for me to know that. Now his reasoning was that a woman would not date him because he is not making any money. He assigned me to same type of needy woman. IHis assumption about a woman is that she needs a guy to provide. It never crossed his mind that sitting on the beach looking at fishingships is one of my favourite things to do. No money required. He assumed and we parted.

Guy#2 just dropped me. I was very heartbroken. Again through the grapevine found out he was in love with me but because i showed no emotion (i am not very touchy feely ) so he assumed i did not want him!

Guy #3: posts a picture of his new gfd in the needy pose. When i told our common friend that I'm looking for a best friend and an equal in my partner, he takes the picture down.?

We base our relationships on a lot of assumptions.

Guilty.

i am guilty of assuming alot in my relationships.

Posted by LeoVirgoGirl

Guy#1: we went out with about year and half ago. He acted like he was not interested so i moved on. Sometime later I found out through a grape vine that he was not working and didn't want for me to know that. Now his reasoning was that a woman would not date him because he is not making any money. He assigned me to same type of needy woman. IHis assumption about a woman is that she needs a guy to provide. It never crossed his mind that sitting on the beach looking at fishingships is one of my favourite things to do. No money required. He assumed and we parted.

you people need dictionaries...the old school kind that they used to give us in elementary school.

he didn't think you needed a guy to provide.

he thought that YOU wanted a guy who could provide. he couldn't provide and feared your judgement.

if he thought that you needed a guy who could provide, he would have told you he was unemployed and told you that you deserved better.

I disagree with DMV. Men do want an independent woman but soon into the relationship, the independent woman changes. Becomes even more independent and thinks, I do not need a man. Men enjoy independent woman for their character. Men end up with dependent women because, like I just wrote, the independent woman makes and acts like a man is holding her back. Most men do not hold women back. Women hold themselves back then blame men for it.
Men do end up with dependent woman because it is nice to know that someone wants and needs you and shows it. An independent woman does want and need someone but for some reason, rejects the man they are with as they fear they will loose their independence. Well, what is a relationship all about?
To have someone share your live with and to share the experiences, good and bad. Create a future together. This does mean giving up some of your independence. Most men do this all the time, give up some of their independence. Most women do not see this and do not realize this either.

I prefer to be wanted. I do require my partner to be independent too. I cannot honestly say that I have ever felt that I needed or wanted to be needed.

I want to be wanted.

If I only had one night, I rather it be a night of wants.
If I had forever, I rather it be a lifetimes of wants.

A reasonable amount of dependence is acceptable at the beginning of a relationship; however, as time goes by and the person becomes increasingly dependent as opposed to independent, I will feel burdened or suffocated.
I am ultra-independent and not in the derogatory sense that is often implied??_ it's not egoistic, rather it's a natural state of mind: I was born alone and I will die alone. When I first got into blogging about astrology years ago, cyber friends said my chart was extremely independent. It took me a while to realize the astrological connections with independence and the birth chart.

As far as your personal concerns with the subject DMV, it's really amounts to the people we choose and the choices we make. You have assessed people you have observed choices. Assess your choices.

I agree with Sutekh in that —Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius very capable being —an island.—?

Posted by Nala13
Depends on the man.

My mother was dependent. My father cheated on her with a woman who was independent. (They stayed married though because she WAS dependent. She thought she had no choice.


I am very independent. (a direct result of the above situation) I have been left for dependent woman more times than I care to count.

This DXP is like free therapy. My God.

Free therapy is right. Wow. Lightbulb moment.

Here I am rocking around thinking guys appreciate the fact I work and aren't dependent upon them for money, a roof over my head etc...who'da thought they were after the complete opposite—??

Mind.
Blown.

I don't believe there exist a man who wants a 100% needy woman forever...really BS!!!
He would get tired and bored sooner or later.....then want to run away from her...

The best deal is ..... The two are both independent, and both want each other always...and forever! :p

Posted by VenusAquarius
I prefer to be wanted. I do require my partner to be independent too. I cannot honestly say that I have ever felt that I needed or wanted to be needed.

I want to be wanted.

If I only had one night, I rather it be a night of wants.
If I had forever, I rather it be a lifetimes of wants.

A reasonable amount of dependence is acceptable at the beginning of a relationship; however, as time goes by and the person becomes increasingly dependent as opposed to independent, I will feel burdened or suffocated.
I am ultra-independent and not in the derogatory sense that is often implied??_ it's not egoistic, rather it's a natural state of mind: I was born alone and I will die alone. When I first got into blogging about astrology years ago, cyber friends said my chart was extremely independent. It took me a while to realize the astrological connections with independence and the birth chart.

As far as your personal concerns with the subject DMV, it's really amounts to the people we choose and the choices we make. You have assessed people you have observed choices. Assess your choices.

I agree with Sutekh in that —Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius very capable being —an island.—?

hey hey hey VIA!

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

Posted by Nala13
Depends on the man.

My mother was dependent. My father cheated on her with a woman who was independent. (They stayed married though because she WAS dependent. She thought she had no choice.


I am very independent. (a direct result of the above situation) I have been left for dependent woman more times than I care to count.

This DXP is like free therapy. My God.

Free therapy is right. Wow. Lightbulb moment.

Here I am rocking around thinking guys appreciate the fact I work and aren't dependent upon them for money, a roof over my head etc...who'da thought they were after the complete opposite—??

Mind.
Blown.

click to expand

take a little look see around. i think a very limited limited number of men end up with a women who can hold herself down and them too just in case. but the majority of men, CRAVE to be the provider, the man, the head, the one who you come to if u need anything emotionally and financially.

like one of the posters said, an independent woman craves her independence and she's had it for soo long that when she feels like shes losing it, she gets threatened and things fall apart. sometimes she can be a bitch with a raging ego.

the girl who needs you. totally different approach to relationships which seems to be working.

Posted by cbseawind
I disagree with DMV. Men do want an independent woman but soon into the relationship, the independent woman changes. Becomes even more independent and thinks, I do not need a man. Men enjoy independent woman for their character. Men end up with dependent women because, like I just wrote, the independent woman makes and acts like a man is holding her back. Most men do not hold women back. Women hold themselves back then blame men for it.
Men do end up with dependent woman because it is nice to know that someone wants and needs you and shows it. An independent woman does want and need someone but for some reason, rejects the man they are with as they fear they will loose their independence. Well, what is a relationship all about?
To have someone share your live with and to share the experiences, good and bad. Create a future together. This does mean giving up some of your independence. Most men do this all the time, give up some of their independence. Most women do not see this and do not realize this either.

i agree with what you wrote. lets say that a man wants an independent women who knows how to be act dependent? what kind of independence do you think that men give up?

What men give up? For me would be hanging out all the time with my buddies. Reduce my outside activities or include my special someone in my activities. My relationship would come first.
Other independence items to give up would be the choice of the man.
What kind of independence would women give up?