@brianafay
19 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius
Ultimatums vs
I mean either way you're saying "I need you to _____ or I can't stay in this relationship"
Yeh this is a good point to ponder...
Some people cannot seem to help verbally phrasing their needs and wants in an accusatory context.
The onus is on the SO to comply or fulfill certain requirements.
Sometimes the 'either or else' seems implied from the get go.
I dislike ultimatums for the same reason you do, it seems to withdraw free will from the equation- and that isn't fair - it's used too often in immature game playing techniques.
Posted by brianafay
How do you draw the line between an ultimatum and communicating your needs ?I don't personally like ultimatums because I wouldn't feel good knowing someone only did something because I forced the issue.
But at the same time, it's not fair to expect people to be mind readers...you're supposed to communicate your needs...and it's only fair to leave if your needs aren't being met?
How did you phrase what you wanted? The delivery can be the win all or the spark that ignites all hell to break lose.
click to expand
Oh this isn't about me or my experience...I don't communicate ...I get mad because he can't read my mind...lol
Just something I was thinking about listening to someone bitch about their relationship
Request: I need this because of that.
Ultimatum: I need this OR ELSE that.
My advice to her was she needs to tell him what she wants/needs so he is aware and is given a chance to fulfill them ...but if he doesn't she has pretty much made up her mind to leave because she will feel/already feels he is neglectful of her needs... so I realized it's an ultimatum rather she says it is or not.
Did this help you understand your situation?
dxpnet has hosted real conversations like this since 2000. If you value independent communities, you can support the site below.
Every contribution helps keep dxpnet independent and ad-light.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →
How do you draw the line between an ultimatum and communicating your needs ?
I don't personally like ultimatums because I wouldn't feel good knowing someone only did something because I forced the issue.
But at the same time, it's not fair to expect people to be mind readers...you're supposed to communicate your needs...and it's only fair to leave if your needs aren't being met?