Aerazo
@Aerazo
8 Years1,000+ PostsAquarius
Comments: 9 · Posts: 2257 · Topics: 92
What if 2 people, Narcissists or with Narcissistic tendecies (Page 2)
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Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedOmmmmg!! that's just exhausting!! I'm sorry you are still going through this and I hope you don't let him win. Sometimes I wonder if this new guy also had a camera in my place or something to spy on me, he told me many things that I had done that he saw in his "dreams".Posted by UnderFireThis part especially. After I moved out of the martial bedroom while trying to figure out how I was going to finance such a high conflict, contested divorce, I found a hidden camera pointed at my bed well after I ended relations. He'd pick the lock to my room and walk in while I was laying in bed, he'd pick the lock and come into the bathroom, he put 95 miles on my car I had only driven off the lot and had parked in the driveway and had the keys well hidden, while I was out of state with a friend in her car (this was actually after the divorce was final and he was off my insurance), and after he was ordered to move out, he refused to give me his key and used it to come in again while I was sleeping in bed with my door open. His reasoning behind all of it was "I do what I want when I want". The police said if he comes on the property again without written consent I can have him arrested for criminal trespass. He still comes in the yard and gets in the garage whenever he wants. As long as he's not able to get into the house, I'm not going to let my kids watch him being arrested, but I did have to change the locks. This house is in his name, which was why I couldn't kick him out. I was just recently granted exclusive occupancy and he still tries to say with his warped mind that he's my landlord to try to gain entry. That's a psychopath right there actually!
They have no boundaries.click to expand
He has been over to my house many times and has stayed here over to sleep. So yes I have wondered if he has anything on me.
I wonder what kind of things he had recorded of you!! that's disgusting!!!!!!
Posted by AerazoPosted by MontgomeryNot an actual narcissist but some tendencies or it's just the fact that I can stand up for myself and play his games too, it's the need to win and show him that I'm not stupid that makes me do things that I regret later and hurt too.Posted by AerazoYou classifying yourself as a narcissist?Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
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As I said, everyone has some narcissm in them, but no, you're not a narcissist. They just think that because some of us are tender hearted people, they can victimize us. That's until we prove them wrong and that they picked the wrong person. He had no idea how strong I really am and thought I'd bow down to him the rest of my life. He's created a mess for himself trying to make me pay for leaving him. He's now in debt up to his eyeballs, lost the house to the bank (it's in foreclosure and I'm going to trial Monday for relocation and his contempt of court). He's racked up over 100,000 dollars in arrears, has no credit, a beat up car that's on its last leg, and he's going to loose his teaching license as a result of failure to pay court orders and is likely going to loose his kids to another state as we have no where else to go here on long Island. It's too expensive here for a single mother without a degree to live and pay rent. (I have no mortgage payments as he was supposed to keep paying in our settlement but didn't, hence the foreclosure). The kids and I are living off support he's just recently started paying and I'm out of work due to a spinal fusion I haven't fully healed from. My kids and I have a home in Ohio waiting for us if the move is granted. A mortgage there is about 400 a month for a three bedroom, whereas here, rent is about 2,500 a month, not including bills and cost of living.
Posted by AerazoPosted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedOmmmmg!! that's just exhausting!! I'm sorry you are still going through this and I hope you don't let him win. Sometimes I wonder if this new guy also had a camera in my place or something to spy on me, he told me many things that I had done that he saw in his "dreams".Posted by UnderFireThis part especially. After I moved out of the martial bedroom while trying to figure out how I was going to finance such a high conflict, contested divorce, I found a hidden camera pointed at my bed well after I ended relations. He'd pick the lock to my room and walk in while I was laying in bed, he'd pick the lock and come into the bathroom, he put 95 miles on my car I had only driven off the lot and had parked in the driveway and had the keys well hidden, while I was out of state with a friend in her car (this was actually after the divorce was final and he was off my insurance), and after he was ordered to move out, he refused to give me his key and used it to come in again while I was sleeping in bed with my door open. His reasoning behind all of it was "I do what I want when I want". The police said if he comes on the property again without written consent I can have him arrested for criminal trespass. He still comes in the yard and gets in the garage whenever he wants. As long as he's not able to get into the house, I'm not going to let my kids watch him being arrested, but I did have to change the locks. This house is in his name, which was why I couldn't kick him out. I was just recently granted exclusive occupancy and he still tries to say with his warped mind that he's my landlord to try to gain entry. That's a psychopath right there actually!
They have no boundaries.
He has been over to my house many times and has stayed here over to sleep. So yes I have wondered if he has anything on me.
I wonder what kind of things he had recorded of you!! that's disgusting!!!!!!click to expand
He was dumb enough to leave his laptop open and I saw the video of his face adjusting it towards my bed. A few minutes later, I came in view straight from the shower and was walking around nude, bending over, getting dressed. I had spyware in my computer, a keylogger in it, I found a spy pen, a cam was set up to watch me in the living room while he was at work, the house phone was tapped, he quoted conversations I had on the phone when he wasn't here. I've even checked under my car for a tracking devices because I don't trust him whatsoever. You can't put anything past them!
Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedI still have to see him, he has a legal case handling for me. I know we probably shouldn't have gotten into it. At the beginning he was all "I'll handle everything, I will take care of it" blah blah last week his assistant called me to talk about stuff they already have and I don't know if he asked her to call me or if it was just coincidence.Posted by AerazoThey HATE being ignored. It's best when they'll discard you first and find a new supply, because when you try to end it first, they get wounded and are relentless. You got lucky in your case in that he moved on swiftly.Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedExactly! sometimes I didn't know if it was just the fact that I was standing up for myself, I learned how to manipulate him too just to avoid his and at the end he seemed to have been the victim when I left him after 12yrs.Posted by AerazoI was married to one for 10 years. I don't think it makes you a narcissist for knowing your stance against him. I'm an empath but I don't take crap either. He met his match when he thought he could keep me in line. But I know I'm not a narc just because I could hold my ground and play his game as good as he could.Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedI acquired narcissistic tendencies because of a toxic relationship with my ex husband.
And being around a narcissist can make you act narcissistic. You become a product of your surroundings, but it doesn't have to be terminal. I don't think you are a narcissist however.
So know I'm just guarded and the last guy I was seeing had many red flags in that way but I didn't want to bring it up as an issue because I've known him for only 6 months.
At the end we just kept pushing things until he went to Cali and posted pictures with a girl. I never texted him again but 2 weeks prior I had gone to Miami and he went too (separately) he got me upset and I ignored him throughout the trip and didn't talk to him until days after we got back. He was furious and told me he was gonna go to see the girl and he did. So yeah now it's over.click to expand
He then sent a Snapchat to me and my friend but I never got it because I never added him back after the trip.
Then Friday flew to Cali to see this girl which he had told me he wouldn't go if I tell him not to go and I didn't stop him. Then Sunday at 3am (his time) he texted me "What do you want?" and I always used to say "You" but even though it crossed my mind right away, I said " in what terms" and it's been a week and he didn't reply, that's when he posted the pictures on fb with this girl who in my honest opinion is low class, the way she dresses, her user name "cheetah something" and her pictures are disgusting.
And if that's what he wants then I know I will never lower myself to that.
"When it came to me going to college he hated it, he would say he wished I didn't go"
Yeah, when we were still married, he wouldn't help pay for me to go to nursing school. He called me a looser and said I wouldn't amount to anything so paying for it would be a waste. I was able to get into a medical assistant program on a full grant as a "displaced homemaker". I waited til I was about to start my first class to tell him and he just lowered his head and looked at the floor. They want you dependant so you can't move on.
Posted by AerazoDO NOT TRUST HIM TO HANDLE A LEGAL CASE FOR YOU! He'll sabotage it in some way.Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedI still have to see him, he has a legal case handling for me. I know we probably shouldn't have gotten into it. At the beginning he was all "I'll handle everything, I will take care of it" blah blah last week his assistant called me to talk about stuff they already have and I don't know if he asked her to call me or if it was just coincidence.Posted by AerazoThey HATE being ignored. It's best when they'll discard you first and find a new supply, because when you try to end it first, they get wounded and are relentless. You got lucky in your case in that he moved on swiftly.Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedExactly! sometimes I didn't know if it was just the fact that I was standing up for myself, I learned how to manipulate him too just to avoid his and at the end he seemed to have been the victim when I left him after 12yrs.Posted by AerazoI was married to one for 10 years. I don't think it makes you a narcissist for knowing your stance against him. I'm an empath but I don't take crap either. He met his match when he thought he could keep me in line. But I know I'm not a narc just because I could hold my ground and play his game as good as he could.Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedI acquired narcissistic tendencies because of a toxic relationship with my ex husband.
And being around a narcissist can make you act narcissistic. You become a product of your surroundings, but it doesn't have to be terminal. I don't think you are a narcissist however.
So know I'm just guarded and the last guy I was seeing had many red flags in that way but I didn't want to bring it up as an issue because I've known him for only 6 months.
At the end we just kept pushing things until he went to Cali and posted pictures with a girl. I never texted him again but 2 weeks prior I had gone to Miami and he went too (separately) he got me upset and I ignored him throughout the trip and didn't talk to him until days after we got back. He was furious and told me he was gonna go to see the girl and he did. So yeah now it's over.
He then sent a Snapchat to me and my friend but I never got it because I never added him back after the trip.
Then Friday flew to Cali to see this girl which he had told me he wouldn't go if I tell him not to go and I didn't stop him. Then Sunday at 3am (his time) he texted me "What do you want?" and I always used to say "You" but even though it crossed my mind right away, I said " in what terms" and it's been a week and he didn't reply, that's when he posted the pictures on fb with this girl who in my honest opinion is low class, the way she dresses, her user name "cheetah something" and her pictures are disgusting.
And if that's what he wants then I know I will never lower myself to that.click to expand
I still have to deal with my ex too because of the kids. And he actually moved directly across the street.
Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedomg!!!Posted by AerazoMost of them are woman haters. Misogynistic! My ex embarrassed me so bad one time we were in NYC looking at the Christmas window display on Saks Fifth Avenue. This lady in line behind me kept bumping into me. He started yelling at her and called her a dyke in front of everyone. I was rendered speechless.Posted by ChuckcemYes sometimes with him I wanted to show him that I won't let him control me that way and that I outsmart him.Posted by AerazoRight an observant person will notice the signs and push back. Narcissists HATE resistance because they feed off of the victim-abuser relationship. They can work very slowly and methodically too. I had one as a business partner for years. I saw it coming though and had a very thick skin when she finally let loose. My employees couldn't handle it though. So I wound up breaking things off.Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
We crossed words many times sarcastically but at least that was telling me what be wanted.
One day at a party of his friends I asked where the guys wife was because I hadn't seen her and he replied: she's in the kitchen like every wife should be.
So I laughed and said doing What?
He said: washing the dishes
I said: that's what the dishwasher is for
He made it personal and said: But I like them handwashed.
I said: You'd have to wash them yourself.
So from an outside topic he used to say things that made them personal about us.
Now that we aren't together he posted a video of this girl walking on a super market isle showing her ass and in high heels and it just looked low and disgusting. Even if it's another girl it just made me lose respect for him for doing that.
He would have never posted something of me showing me off like that. He only posted one of us and it was a sweet picture. So I know he respected me that way, I can see he has no respect for this girl for the things he posted about her and its a week after meeting her and she doesn't live in this state so no one knows her, she doesn't even know him.click to expand
Yes!! he always hated on "ratchet" girls and hoes, amd girls who are out clubbing all the time, he would even record girls coming out drunk of clubs and looking like sh*t. He would even say things to them. This girl he is seeing is just like them.
But with me, when we get out of the club he would carry me in his arms to the car.
Posted by EphexisIt's bad when you know you can hurt them too and you do, to the point that it drives them crazy. I hace held back many times but other times I just lose it and say or do things I know that hurt them on purpose and I know they are insecure, and jealous so I did things I knew would affect them.Posted by AerazoHun everyone has narc tendencies, you seem quite normal to me, perhaps a little tight fisted, but that's to be expected when dealing with such people.Posted by UnderFireNo, I'm not a narcissist but I have some tendencies. I had to learn to play the game when I was with an abusive husband for 12 yrs. only the last 4yrs he started showing and I always contradicted him which again pushed things to the edge. I tried to make him aware and go to therapy but he never wanted to. So I just started doing me, outsmarting him and playing the games, he didn't like it and started acting like the victim.
If you think you're a narc, that actually means you're not, because, ain't no narc will ever admit to that.
You see, these people never see their own issues. They have no boundaries. They feel entitled to say whatever they feel is true, and litter their opinions, whether it's rude, hurtful, or not true at all. They will then get mad when you try to defend yourself and they will blame you for causing the drama.
The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.
I started noticing similarities between my ex and the guy I was currently seeing.
They were both the same zodiac sign and they are actually only one day apart on the birth day. maybe just a few hours apart. Same year.
Narc is bad when it is to extreme levels, than it becomes a disorder.
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Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedWow and I'm glad for you and happy you're gonna be away from him for good and that he is paying for some of the damage he has done.Posted by AerazoPosted by MontgomeryNot an actual narcissist but some tendencies or it's just the fact that I can stand up for myself and play his games too, it's the need to win and show him that I'm not stupid that makes me do things that I regret later and hurt too.Posted by AerazoYou classifying yourself as a narcissist?Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
As I said, everyone has some narcissm in them, but no, you're not a narcissist. They just think that because some of us are tender hearted people, they can victimize us. That's until we prove them wrong and that they picked the wrong person. He had no idea how strong I really am and thought I'd bow down to him the rest of my life. He's created a mess for himself trying to make me pay for leaving him. He's now in debt up to his eyeballs, lost the house to the bank (it's in foreclosure and I'm going to trial Monday for relocation and his contempt of court). He's racked up over 100,000 dollars in arrears, has no credit, a beat up car that's on its last leg, and he's going to loose his teaching license as a result of failure to pay court orders and is likely going to loose his kids to another state as we have no where else to go here on long Island. It's too expensive here for a single mother without a degree to live and pay rent. (I have no mortgage payments as he was supposed to keep paying in our settlement but didn't, hence the foreclosure). The kids and I are living off support he's just recently started paying and I'm out of work due to a spinal fusion I haven't fully healed from. My kids and I have a home in Ohio waiting for us if the move is granted. A mortgage there is about 400 a month for a three bedroom, whereas here, rent is about 2,500 a month, not including bills and cost of living.
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It's sad that they bring this down on them themselves.
My ex begged me to take him back and tried to play victim for me to take him and I told him I couldn't do it anymore.
Then I meet this guy who is actually just one day apart on their birthday and shows the same red flags so I preferred to get out of it.
Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedomg!!! yesss this guy was the same, he has said things I have said or done. He says as in dreams he saw me doing this and if he should be jealous. and stuff like that.Posted by AerazoPosted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedOmmmmg!! that's just exhausting!! I'm sorry you are still going through this and I hope you don't let him win. Sometimes I wonder if this new guy also had a camera in my place or something to spy on me, he told me many things that I had done that he saw in his "dreams".Posted by UnderFireThis part especially. After I moved out of the martial bedroom while trying to figure out how I was going to finance such a high conflict, contested divorce, I found a hidden camera pointed at my bed well after I ended relations. He'd pick the lock to my room and walk in while I was laying in bed, he'd pick the lock and come into the bathroom, he put 95 miles on my car I had only driven off the lot and had parked in the driveway and had the keys well hidden, while I was out of state with a friend in her car (this was actually after the divorce was final and he was off my insurance), and after he was ordered to move out, he refused to give me his key and used it to come in again while I was sleeping in bed with my door open. His reasoning behind all of it was "I do what I want when I want". The police said if he comes on the property again without written consent I can have him arrested for criminal trespass. He still comes in the yard and gets in the garage whenever he wants. As long as he's not able to get into the house, I'm not going to let my kids watch him being arrested, but I did have to change the locks. This house is in his name, which was why I couldn't kick him out. I was just recently granted exclusive occupancy and he still tries to say with his warped mind that he's my landlord to try to gain entry. That's a psychopath right there actually!
They have no boundaries.
He has been over to my house many times and has stayed here over to sleep. So yes I have wondered if he has anything on me.
I wonder what kind of things he had recorded of you!! that's disgusting!!!!!!
He was dumb enough to leave his laptop open and I saw the video of his face adjusting it towards my bed. A few minutes later, I came in view straight from the shower and was walking around nude, bending over, getting dressed. I had spyware in my computer, a keylogger in it, I found a spy pen, a cam was set up to watch me in the living room while he was at work, the house phone was tapped, he quoted conversations I had on the phone when he wasn't here. I've even checked under my car for a tracking devices because I don't trust him whatsoever. You can't put anything past them!
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:/
Posted by AerazoPosted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedomg!!!Posted by AerazoMost of them are woman haters. Misogynistic! My ex embarrassed me so bad one time we were in NYC looking at the Christmas window display on Saks Fifth Avenue. This lady in line behind me kept bumping into me. He started yelling at her and called her a dyke in front of everyone. I was rendered speechless.Posted by ChuckcemYes sometimes with him I wanted to show him that I won't let him control me that way and that I outsmart him.Posted by AerazoRight an observant person will notice the signs and push back. Narcissists HATE resistance because they feed off of the victim-abuser relationship. They can work very slowly and methodically too. I had one as a business partner for years. I saw it coming though and had a very thick skin when she finally let loose. My employees couldn't handle it though. So I wound up breaking things off.Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
We crossed words many times sarcastically but at least that was telling me what be wanted.
One day at a party of his friends I asked where the guys wife was because I hadn't seen her and he replied: she's in the kitchen like every wife should be.
So I laughed and said doing What?
He said: washing the dishes
I said: that's what the dishwasher is for
He made it personal and said: But I like them handwashed.
I said: You'd have to wash them yourself.
So from an outside topic he used to say things that made them personal about us.
Now that we aren't together he posted a video of this girl walking on a super market isle showing her ass and in high heels and it just looked low and disgusting. Even if it's another girl it just made me lose respect for him for doing that.
He would have never posted something of me showing me off like that. He only posted one of us and it was a sweet picture. So I know he respected me that way, I can see he has no respect for this girl for the things he posted about her and its a week after meeting her and she doesn't live in this state so no one knows her, she doesn't even know him.
Yes!! he always hated on "ratchet" girls and hoes, amd girls who are out clubbing all the time, he would even record girls coming out drunk of clubs and looking like sh*t. He would even say things to them. This girl he is seeing is just like them.
But with me, when we get out of the club he would carry me in his arms to the car.
click to expand
I'm not sure why he treated you with respect. My only guess is he was still wearing his mask.
Posted by AerazoPosted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedWow and I'm glad for you and happy you're gonna be away from him for good and that he is paying for some of the damage he has done.Posted by AerazoPosted by MontgomeryNot an actual narcissist but some tendencies or it's just the fact that I can stand up for myself and play his games too, it's the need to win and show him that I'm not stupid that makes me do things that I regret later and hurt too.Posted by AerazoYou classifying yourself as a narcissist?Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
As I said, everyone has some narcissm in them, but no, you're not a narcissist. They just think that because some of us are tender hearted people, they can victimize us. That's until we prove them wrong and that they picked the wrong person. He had no idea how strong I really am and thought I'd bow down to him the rest of my life. He's created a mess for himself trying to make me pay for leaving him. He's now in debt up to his eyeballs, lost the house to the bank (it's in foreclosure and I'm going to trial Monday for relocation and his contempt of court). He's racked up over 100,000 dollars in arrears, has no credit, a beat up car that's on its last leg, and he's going to loose his teaching license as a result of failure to pay court orders and is likely going to loose his kids to another state as we have no where else to go here on long Island. It's too expensive here for a single mother without a degree to live and pay rent. (I have no mortgage payments as he was supposed to keep paying in our settlement but didn't, hence the foreclosure). The kids and I are living off support he's just recently started paying and I'm out of work due to a spinal fusion I haven't fully healed from. My kids and I have a home in Ohio waiting for us if the move is granted. A mortgage there is about 400 a month for a three bedroom, whereas here, rent is about 2,500 a month, not including bills and cost of living.
It's sad that they bring this down on them themselves.
My ex begged me to take him back and tried to play victim for me to take him and I told him I couldn't do it anymore.
Then I meet this guy who is actually just one day apart on their birthday and shows the same red flags so I preferred to get out of it.
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I'm HOPING it'll be granted. I can't see how it wouldn't be. We'll be out on the streets if it's not. I don't think any judge in his right mind would allow that.
It's weird after you have narcs in your life how easy it is to cross them again. I might have met a somatic narc recently. Also a cancer like myself and my ex. He had too much of a female following which I don't mind, but he forgot to hide his pof and had pictures on it taken the day we spent together. People can date around, fine but he told me he wasn't so... Dude, buy!
Posted by UnderFireI see myself as one of the healthy ones, like we said just because we stand up for ourselves doesnt mean we are narcissists but we can also play their game and even win.Posted by AerazoEveryone has a bit of narcissistic tendencies, this is something which I can never deny but here, I am talking about the unhealthy narcissism.Posted by UnderFireNo, I'm not a narcissist but I have some tendencies. I had to learn to play the game when I was with an abusive husband for 12 yrs. only the last 4yrs he started showing and I always contradicted him which again pushed things to the edge. I tried to make him aware and go to therapy but he never wanted to. So I just started doing me, outsmarting him and playing the games, he didn't like it and started acting like the victim.
If you think you're a narc, that actually means you're not, because, ain't no narc will ever admit to that.
You see, these people never see their own issues. They have no boundaries. They feel entitled to say whatever they feel is true, and litter their opinions, whether it's rude, hurtful, or not true at all. They will then get mad when you try to defend yourself and they will blame you for causing the drama.
The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.
I started noticing similarities between my ex and the guy I was currently seeing.
They were both the same zodiac sign and they are actually only one day apart on the birth day. maybe just a few hours apart. Same year.
Healthy narcissism are people with strong-self love, have good self-esteem and value other people as much as they value themselves. They does not believe they are superior to others and don't see the need to belittle or devalue people in order to feel better about themselves.
When you start to question yourself, if you're also a narc, that's where you will know you're not one of those unhealthy ones. The unhealthy narcs, can never feels like that. The lack of empathy in them will never allow them to do so. This is why I will never argue with one, when I can detect someone who has that. Why? Cos' it's pointless and they gonna mind fuck your brain which will leave you feeling like an empty shell.
I don't think it has got to do with the sun signs or the month of birth, although I do realized that as well, with those whom I knew, but I guess, it's more to the upbringing, yet, I still don't want to put 100% of the blame to their families, because as human being, we all have free will. It's up to us to educate ourselves and these people chose not to do that because : HUGE EGO.
That's just from my point of view.
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I know I won when he took the last measure to go see some random girl he doesn't even know and posted pictures of her showing off on social media, I would have seen it differently if it were a decent girl but she didn't care that he posted pictures of her when this is the kind of girl he usually bashes on social media and even post #lovelife. and he hasnt even added her on his fb yet so she may not even know this is outthere. Yea it hurt me because we had been talking for 6 months but at the same time I see it as a good thing for me to not be close to him.
He brought out really bad sides of me by creating scenarios.
Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedThat's true, I seem to attract them a lot. Wow I don't mind as long as we are on the same page but most people just tend to hide things I don't even know what they get out of that.Posted by AerazoPosted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedWow and I'm glad for you and happy you're gonna be away from him for good and that he is paying for some of the damage he has done.Posted by AerazoPosted by MontgomeryNot an actual narcissist but some tendencies or it's just the fact that I can stand up for myself and play his games too, it's the need to win and show him that I'm not stupid that makes me do things that I regret later and hurt too.Posted by AerazoYou classifying yourself as a narcissist?Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
As I said, everyone has some narcissm in them, but no, you're not a narcissist. They just think that because some of us are tender hearted people, they can victimize us. That's until we prove them wrong and that they picked the wrong person. He had no idea how strong I really am and thought I'd bow down to him the rest of my life. He's created a mess for himself trying to make me pay for leaving him. He's now in debt up to his eyeballs, lost the house to the bank (it's in foreclosure and I'm going to trial Monday for relocation and his contempt of court). He's racked up over 100,000 dollars in arrears, has no credit, a beat up car that's on its last leg, and he's going to loose his teaching license as a result of failure to pay court orders and is likely going to loose his kids to another state as we have no where else to go here on long Island. It's too expensive here for a single mother without a degree to live and pay rent. (I have no mortgage payments as he was supposed to keep paying in our settlement but didn't, hence the foreclosure). The kids and I are living off support he's just recently started paying and I'm out of work due to a spinal fusion I haven't fully healed from. My kids and I have a home in Ohio waiting for us if the move is granted. A mortgage there is about 400 a month for a three bedroom, whereas here, rent is about 2,500 a month, not including bills and cost of living.
It's sad that they bring this down on them themselves.
My ex begged me to take him back and tried to play victim for me to take him and I told him I couldn't do it anymore.
Then I meet this guy who is actually just one day apart on their birthday and shows the same red flags so I preferred to get out of it.
I'm HOPING it'll be granted. I can't see how it wouldn't be. We'll be out on the streets if it's not. I don't think any judge in his right mind would allow that.
It's weird after you have narcs in your life how easy it is to cross them again. I might have met a somatic narc recently. Also a cancer like myself and my ex. He had too much of a female following which I don't mind, but he forgot to hide his pof and had pictures on it taken the day we spent together. People can date around, fine but he told me he wasn't so... Dude, buy!click to expand
Posted by AerazoHe just moved onto the next victim and is love bombing her. She just can't see it yet.Posted by UnderFireI see myself as one of the healthy ones, like we said just because we stand up for ourselves doesnt mean we are narcissists but we can also play their game and even win.Posted by AerazoEveryone has a bit of narcissistic tendencies, this is something which I can never deny but here, I am talking about the unhealthy narcissism.Posted by UnderFireNo, I'm not a narcissist but I have some tendencies. I had to learn to play the game when I was with an abusive husband for 12 yrs. only the last 4yrs he started showing and I always contradicted him which again pushed things to the edge. I tried to make him aware and go to therapy but he never wanted to. So I just started doing me, outsmarting him and playing the games, he didn't like it and started acting like the victim.
If you think you're a narc, that actually means you're not, because, ain't no narc will ever admit to that.
You see, these people never see their own issues. They have no boundaries. They feel entitled to say whatever they feel is true, and litter their opinions, whether it's rude, hurtful, or not true at all. They will then get mad when you try to defend yourself and they will blame you for causing the drama.
The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.
I started noticing similarities between my ex and the guy I was currently seeing.
They were both the same zodiac sign and they are actually only one day apart on the birth day. maybe just a few hours apart. Same year.
Healthy narcissism are people with strong-self love, have good self-esteem and value other people as much as they value themselves. They does not believe they are superior to others and don't see the need to belittle or devalue people in order to feel better about themselves.
When you start to question yourself, if you're also a narc, that's where you will know you're not one of those unhealthy ones. The unhealthy narcs, can never feels like that. The lack of empathy in them will never allow them to do so. This is why I will never argue with one, when I can detect someone who has that. Why? Cos' it's pointless and they gonna mind fuck your brain which will leave you feeling like an empty shell.
I don't think it has got to do with the sun signs or the month of birth, although I do realized that as well, with those whom I knew, but I guess, it's more to the upbringing, yet, I still don't want to put 100% of the blame to their families, because as human being, we all have free will. It's up to us to educate ourselves and these people chose not to do that because : HUGE EGO.
That's just from my point of view.
I know I won when he took the last measure to go see some random girl he doesn't even know and posted pictures of her showing off on social media, I would have seen it differently if it were a decent girl but she didn't care that he posted pictures of her when this is the kind of girl he usually bashes on social media and even post #lovelife. and he hasnt even added her on his fb yet so she may not even know this is outthere. Yea it hurt me because we had been talking for 6 months but at the same time I see it as a good thing for me to not be close to him.
He brought out really bad sides of me by creating scenarios.
click to expand
Posted by Aerazo
Like each other and start dating not knowing the other person has this same tendencies?
What could be some of the issues they have in the relationship?
Any experiences with this situation?
Reflecting
Posted by UnderFireYeah I really saw us as the power couple.Posted by AerazoIt hurts because you do have something which humans supposed to have, feelings and empathy.Posted by UnderFireI see myself as one of the healthy ones, like we said just because we stand up for ourselves doesnt mean we are narcissists but we can also play their game and even win.Posted by AerazoEveryone has a bit of narcissistic tendencies, this is something which I can never deny but here, I am talking about the unhealthy narcissism.Posted by UnderFireNo, I'm not a narcissist but I have some tendencies. I had to learn to play the game when I was with an abusive husband for 12 yrs. only the last 4yrs he started showing and I always contradicted him which again pushed things to the edge. I tried to make him aware and go to therapy but he never wanted to. So I just started doing me, outsmarting him and playing the games, he didn't like it and started acting like the victim.
If you think you're a narc, that actually means you're not, because, ain't no narc will ever admit to that.
You see, these people never see their own issues. They have no boundaries. They feel entitled to say whatever they feel is true, and litter their opinions, whether it's rude, hurtful, or not true at all. They will then get mad when you try to defend yourself and they will blame you for causing the drama.
The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.
I started noticing similarities between my ex and the guy I was currently seeing.
They were both the same zodiac sign and they are actually only one day apart on the birth day. maybe just a few hours apart. Same year.
Healthy narcissism are people with strong-self love, have good self-esteem and value other people as much as they value themselves. They does not believe they are superior to others and don't see the need to belittle or devalue people in order to feel better about themselves.
When you start to question yourself, if you're also a narc, that's where you will know you're not one of those unhealthy ones. The unhealthy narcs, can never feels like that. The lack of empathy in them will never allow them to do so. This is why I will never argue with one, when I can detect someone who has that. Why? Cos' it's pointless and they gonna mind fuck your brain which will leave you feeling like an empty shell.
I don't think it has got to do with the sun signs or the month of birth, although I do realized that as well, with those whom I knew, but I guess, it's more to the upbringing, yet, I still don't want to put 100% of the blame to their families, because as human being, we all have free will. It's up to us to educate ourselves and these people chose not to do that because : HUGE EGO.
That's just from my point of view.
I know I won when he took the last measure to go see some random girl he doesn't even know and posted pictures of her showing off on social media, I would have seen it differently if it were a decent girl but she didn't care that he posted pictures of her when this is the kind of girl he usually bashes on social media and even post #lovelife. and he hasnt even added her on his fb yet so she may not even know this is outthere. Yea it hurt me because we had been talking for 6 months but at the same time I see it as a good thing for me to not be close to him.
He brought out really bad sides of me by creating scenarios.
If you've notice one thing about narcs, they will pretend to be the calm person and make it looks like you're the crazy one. You will lose your mind and create a scene when they were the ones who actually provoke you, way from the beginning. Ghosting, silent treatment are all part of their traits, in order to gain control.
When they realized what they did, do trigger you and your emotions, this is where they knew they already has the power over you. Don't play their games, back off and cut them off before it's too late.
Yes, it will take time to heal, but it's better to be safe than sorry. I wish you well.
click to expand
But good thing I'm not blind. and the reason why we lasted that long was because I was seeing things and I wanted to see how far could he go. Now I know.
I'm calm, I rationalize a lot and this is the reason of the thread. While reading and remembering how things went down in the last 2 weeks I know I have to move on .
Thanks a lot for the advices!!! 🙂
Are you a narcissist?
Posted by Aerazo
Like each other and start dating not knowing the other person has this same tendencies?
What could be some of the issues they have in the relationship?
Any experiences with this situation?
Reflecting
Posted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedHmm he always did. The other times were tests trying to test me for jealousy. He would tell me this girl likes him, or some other girl likes him but he doesn't like them back. or that girls send him stuff on snap but he doesn't care. I simply ignored it every time because I didn't need someone to test me, if he wanted to be with me he would, if not he could just go with someone else.Posted by AerazoPosted by MeMyselfAndIntriguedomg!!!Posted by AerazoMost of them are woman haters. Misogynistic! My ex embarrassed me so bad one time we were in NYC looking at the Christmas window display on Saks Fifth Avenue. This lady in line behind me kept bumping into me. He started yelling at her and called her a dyke in front of everyone. I was rendered speechless.Posted by ChuckcemYes sometimes with him I wanted to show him that I won't let him control me that way and that I outsmart him.Posted by AerazoRight an observant person will notice the signs and push back. Narcissists HATE resistance because they feed off of the victim-abuser relationship. They can work very slowly and methodically too. I had one as a business partner for years. I saw it coming though and had a very thick skin when she finally let loose. My employees couldn't handle it though. So I wound up breaking things off.Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
We crossed words many times sarcastically but at least that was telling me what be wanted.
One day at a party of his friends I asked where the guys wife was because I hadn't seen her and he replied: she's in the kitchen like every wife should be.
So I laughed and said doing What?
He said: washing the dishes
I said: that's what the dishwasher is for
He made it personal and said: But I like them handwashed.
I said: You'd have to wash them yourself.
So from an outside topic he used to say things that made them personal about us.
Now that we aren't together he posted a video of this girl walking on a super market isle showing her ass and in high heels and it just looked low and disgusting. Even if it's another girl it just made me lose respect for him for doing that.
He would have never posted something of me showing me off like that. He only posted one of us and it was a sweet picture. So I know he respected me that way, I can see he has no respect for this girl for the things he posted about her and its a week after meeting her and she doesn't live in this state so no one knows her, she doesn't even know him.
Yes!! he always hated on "ratchet" girls and hoes, amd girls who are out clubbing all the time, he would even record girls coming out drunk of clubs and looking like sh*t. He would even say things to them. This girl he is seeing is just like them.
But with me, when we get out of the club he would carry me in his arms to the car.
I'm not sure why he treated you with respect. My only guess is he was still wearing his mask.
click to expand
Posted by UnderFireThank you and I really appreciate your support, sometimes we overlook things when feelings are compromised but after what @MeMyselfAndIntrigued went through gives us an advantage over spotting these behaviors and walk out of them.
@MeMyselfAndIntrigued
And to you too, I hope time will heal your wounds and please stay strong for the sake of your children.
"Remember, softness is not weakness. It takes courage to stay delicate in a world this cruel."
I don't intend to be in here for long either, due to all of the negative energy. I hope the both of you will be more careful when it comes to the matter of dealing with new people. May God bless.
Thanks again, yes I see negativity here too, or you mean in the world in general?
Posted by AerazoFrom what I've seen, in most cases it ends up being a very toxic relationship. There tends to be a lot of emotional manipulation, unnecessary competition, illusions and delusions, lack of trust, betrayal, etc.
Like each other and start dating not knowing the other person has this same tendencies?
What could be some of the issues they have in the relationship?
Any experiences with this situation?
I have seen some that are "peaceful" but you get a sense that there's an under current of tension and it seems fake and lacks any real emotional depth.
Posted by beautifulsoul74And both partners always seem like they're constantly looking for "better."Posted by AerazoFrom what I've seen, in most cases it ends up being a very toxic relationship. There tends to be a lot of emotional manipulation, unnecessary competition, illusions and delusions, lack of trust, betrayal, etc.
Like each other and start dating not knowing the other person has this same tendencies?
What could be some of the issues they have in the relationship?
Any experiences with this situation?
I have seen some that are "peaceful" but you get a sense that there's an under current of tension and it seems fake and lacks any real emotional depth.
click to expand
Posted by UnderFire
@MeMyselfAndIntrigued
And to you too, I hope time will heal your wounds and please stay strong for the sake of your children.
"Remember, softness is not weakness. It takes courage to stay delicate in a world this cruel."
I don't intend to be in here for long either, due to all of the negative energy. I hope the both of you will be more careful when it comes to the matter of dealing with new people. May God bless.
I was just coming back to this post to do the same. To reply to the op's end post and to also let you know you seem like a really good man, deserving of a woman's love. I wish you the best on your journey and thank you for your kind words. And yes, I've noticed since I've come back I feel heavier. I'm in some closed Facebook narcissist support groups and the people are simply amazing! They all know how you feel without having to explain or having to hear people ask "but why did you stay so long?" No one realized how hard it is to break free from them unless they've been in the situation themselves. And each one of them is so warm and there is absolutely no negativity. Unless you get one or two trolls trying to come in which they are spotted immediately and booted out. I'm healed as far as any pain now, but it feels good to be understood when even your own best friend or family doesn't get exactly what you've been through.
Maybe look into those groups as well if you still need encouragement.
Best of luck to you and God bless you too! ☺️
OP, you seem like a caring person with a good head on your shoulders, and I hope you take the fact that your friends are referring to you as a narcissist with a grain of salt. There's tests you can take online to test those theories yourself if you still wonder. And the good part about being with a narc is we can much more easily spot them now and know how to cut them out of our lives before it's too late.
Best of luck to you as well!
Best of luck to you as well!
Posted by beautifulsoul74He is the top description, I am the second.Posted by AerazoFrom what I've seen, in most cases it ends up being a very toxic relationship. There tends to be a lot of emotional manipulation, unnecessary competition, illusions and delusions, lack of trust, betrayal, etc.
Like each other and start dating not knowing the other person has this same tendencies?
What could be some of the issues they have in the relationship?
Any experiences with this situation?
I have seen some that are "peaceful" but you get a sense that there's an under current of tension and it seems fake and lacks any real emotional depth.
click to expand
He wanted to compete, manipulate me emotionally, didn't trust me, was insecure therefore he played jealousy games on me to see my reaction.
I'm calm and peaceful but always watching every move. I do lack emotional depth but is because I don't see why I should reassure him why I was with him. It was obvious I liked him otherwise I wouldn't even talk to him. But once I started falling into his games, I came up and "attacked". He was hurt so he did something worst.
And now I never texted him again or showed that I was hurt or cared for him like other girls would.
I think that what made him mad was that I wasn't acting like a girl that was crazy over him, even though I did like him a lot, I could tell that was gonna get his ego even higher and he would try to control me, so I just ignored him during his games.
TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC!! I was overthinking every situation and many things don't add up.
One of his friends pointed out that we were a Good couple because we both liked to control but we liked each other a lot. so even to outside people they could see us competing. :/
Posted by AerazoNot being as emotional as others doesn't necessarily mean you lack empathy. But lacking empathy towards him is understandable. After everything I've had to fight through, I absolutely do not care what happens to my ex. I've lost any and all emotion towards him completely.Posted by beautifulsoul74He is the top description, I am the second.Posted by AerazoFrom what I've seen, in most cases it ends up being a very toxic relationship. There tends to be a lot of emotional manipulation, unnecessary competition, illusions and delusions, lack of trust, betrayal, etc.
Like each other and start dating not knowing the other person has this same tendencies?
What could be some of the issues they have in the relationship?
Any experiences with this situation?
I have seen some that are "peaceful" but you get a sense that there's an under current of tension and it seems fake and lacks any real emotional depth.
He wanted to compete, manipulate me emotionally, didn't trust me, was insecure therefore he played jealousy games on me to see my reaction.
I'm calm and peaceful but always watching every move. I do lack emotional depth but is because I don't see why I should reassure him why I was with him. It was obvious I liked him otherwise I wouldn't even talk to him. But once I started falling into his games, I came up and "attacked". He was hurt so he did something worst.
And now I never texted him again or showed that I was hurt or cared for him like other girls would.
I think that what made him mad was that I wasn't acting like a girl that was crazy over him, even though I did like him a lot, I could tell that was gonna get his ego even higher and he would try to control me, so I just ignored him during his games.
TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC!! I was overthinking every situation and many things don't add up.
One of his friends pointed out that we were a Good couple because we both liked to control but we liked each other a lot. so even to outside people they could see us competing. :/
click to expand
And as far as him doing something worse, yes and it's because they have absolutely no remorse or conscience whatsoever. They think you deserve whatever they throw at you.
Posted by AerazoOh definitely and I could read her like a book going into it. She was never able to push me too far, which she didn't like, so she would try to start a lot of fights. She also tried to charm me, which I knew was fake, so that would rile her up too.Posted by ChuckcemYes many times you can spot them and it's sad that they just hurt people, good thing you broke it off because those people are better off alone or with someone who wouldn't mind taking the position of the submissive. Believe it or not, .any women like that..Posted by AerazoRight an observant person will notice the signs and push back. Narcissists HATE resistance because they feed off of the victim-abuser relationship. They can work very slowly and methodically too. I had one as a business partner for years. I saw it coming though and had a very thick skin when she finally let loose. My employees couldn't handle it though. So I wound up breaking things off.Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/click to expand
Posted by AerazoYeah it's good that you got away from him.Posted by ChuckcemYes sometimes with him I wanted to show him that I won't let him control me that way and that I outsmart him.Posted by AerazoRight an observant person will notice the signs and push back. Narcissists HATE resistance because they feed off of the victim-abuser relationship. They can work very slowly and methodically too. I had one as a business partner for years. I saw it coming though and had a very thick skin when she finally let loose. My employees couldn't handle it though. So I wound up breaking things off.Posted by ChuckcemI could see him seeking out his victim personality. Testing me all the time, even when I tried to not play his games I felt the need to come on top and not let him win it.
If they were true narcissists, they would seek out "victim" personalities. Another narcissist wouldn't really work for them, so pretty sure that relationship would never launch.
I think if two people had narcissistic tendencies, then it would be a very bumpy road depending on the personalities of either individual. It would probably reach a boiling point then end.
Yes it reached a boiling point. it's done. I still have to see him :/
We crossed words many times sarcastically but at least that was telling me what be wanted.
One day at a party of his friends I asked where the guys wife was because I hadn't seen her and he replied: she's in the kitchen like every wife should be.
So I laughed and said doing What?
He said: washing the dishes
I said: that's what the dishwasher is for
He made it personal and said: But I like them handwashed.
I said: You'd have to wash them yourself.
So from an outside topic he used to say things that made them personal about us.
Now that we aren't together he posted a video of this girl walking on a super market isle showing her ass and in high heels and it just looked low and disgusting. Even if it's another girl it just made me lose respect for him for doing that.
He would have never posted something of me showing me off like that. He only posted one of us and it was a sweet picture. So I know he respected me that way, I can see he has no respect for this girl for the things he posted about her and its a week after meeting her and she doesn't live in this state so no one knows her, she doesn't even know him.click to expand
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Let me tell you - fixed signs as narcs are the worst. They want everyone to bend to their will.
It's so true that you just have to stop playing the game, but I honestly love playing with some of them because they are so fragile. You just have to know their weaknesses and not be in a place where they can affect you in any way. If you are ever dependent on one, do whatever it takes to not be dependent on them. They will suffocate you and do whatever they can to leech onto you. I had to move to another state to get my mom to stop. That's why I can sort of understand what my husband is going through, even though he's also a narc.
Wow and I'm sorry you went through that, it wasn't that easy for me, we started our relationship when we were 15 so basically we grew up together and had 2 kids and moved in together, got our cars, jobs, school, everything while being together.
When it came to me going to college he hated it, he would say he wished I didn't go because he thought I would meet someone. Also control me sexually, like every time I went out with my friends we had to have sex .maybe so I wouldn't be tempted to be with another guy.
Later on he started sending me text messages insulting me if I went out and basically made me go back home.
For my birthday he never wanted to go, even though we were together for over 10 yrs he always made something up to not go and stay home.
It was draining and I started seeing the same things with this other guy. but I'm glad we stopped it..