Silent treatment

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Libralady1985 on Monday, April 10, 2017 and has 34 replies.

How to Cope with the Silent Treatment

The silent treatment can feel overwhelming and hurtful. It is often a way for others to express their frustration or need for space. To cope, focus on maintaining your emotional health, communicate openly when possible, and consider setting boundaries to protect yourself from prolonged silence.

Profile picture of MrR78
@MrR78
9 Years

I make a continuous effort if that person means something to me to the point where I exhaust it. Then I shut off and you really really have to have a good explanation.

I do listen to the explanation though, only because I know what it feels like to be ghosted. I think that's the least I can do and if the explanation is not good enough, see you later.

I cant stand the whole ghosting, cutting people off shutting down emotions thing. People should be able to communicate, even though it can be considered that silence is a form of communication.

Then again I am a Leo and like things to be sorted so we both know where we stand.

Profile picture of Chuckcem
@Chuckcem
14 Years5,000+ Posts

I'll make andeffort, but if the person continues giving me the silent treatment, I'll let them know to contact me when they are ready to talk like an adult. Then I leave them alone.

Profile picture of Fleshpot
@Fleshpot
11 Years1,000+ Posts

It depends on what the silence is about.

If it is an immature form of protest or stubborn refusal to discuss an issue we're having, I find it very frustrating.

But if it's just a result of needing some separation to cool off and process their thoughts, then many times, it's welcomed.

Profile picture of Gemitati
@Gemitati
11 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

My husband used to try this on me.

I just follow him and tell him very loudly that 'as long as we are living under the same roof - I will not accept any of this nonsense! You have to tell me what you want me to do - apologize or whatever and we make up and move on!'

So he had tried...lol

Profile picture of Gemitati
@Gemitati
11 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

My husband used to try this on me.

I just follow him and tell him very loudly that 'as long as we are living under the same roof - I will not accept any of this nonsense! You have to tell me what you want me to do - apologize or whatever and we make up and move on!'

So he had tried...lol

Not gonna work with me.

click to expand

Don't say nonsense! You don't know me😉

Profile picture of Dolluxxe
@Dolluxxe
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Dolluxxe

Posted by heliumfiasco
Libras do not handle the silent treatment well. Want to see a terrible side of me? Pull that shit.

Been with enough Scorpios for this Leeb to handle it well. I still scream internally from time to time though 😆

I didn't know you can scream at

Scorpio...lol

click to expand

I said internally scream. Not scream at a Scorpio. Those men will kill you as soon as you open your mouth.

Profile picture of Gemitati
@Gemitati
11 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by Dolluxxe

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Dolluxxe

Posted by heliumfiasco
Libras do not handle the silent treatment well. Want to see a terrible side of me? Pull that shit.

Been with enough Scorpios for this Leeb to handle it well. I still scream internally from time to time though 😆

I didn't know you can scream at

Scorpio...lol

I said internally scream. Not scream at a Scorpio. Those men will kill you as soon as you open your mouth.

click to expand

I know! That's why I was surprised!!!

—?

Profile picture of Gemitati
@Gemitati
11 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

My husband used to try this on me.

I just follow him and tell him very loudly that 'as long as we are living under the same roof - I will not accept any of this nonsense! You have to tell me what you want me to do - apologize or whatever and we make up and move on!'

So he had tried...lol

Not gonna work with me.

Don't say nonsense! You don't know me😉

We don't know each other ?

click to expand

And let's keep it this way! Lol

Profile picture of Aerazo
@Aerazo
9 Years1,000+ PostsAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

My husband used to try this on me.

I just follow him and tell him very loudly that 'as long as we are living under the same roof - I will not accept any of this nonsense! You have to tell me what you want me to do - apologize or whatever and we make up and move on!'

So he had tried...lol

click to expand

Caps tend to do this very often.

Profile picture of DeeLovesRed
@DeeLovesRed
10 Years1,000+ Posts

I'm the queen of silent treatment... ??...

when people "try" to do it to me, I just act like they don't exist. I can hold grudges very well, so I usually advise ppl not to give me the silent ??...

Because I already have a hard time opening up, so don't make me turn my faucet all the way off... ??

Knowing me I'll probably start cooking for myself, leaving the house at crazy times, have late phone conversations etc... —

Profile picture of Lilianni
@Lilianni
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Try to tell him directly how you feel. The issue at hand. Don't address the silent treatment because that's not the issue, that's secondary. Tell him then step back and let him do his part.

Profile picture of Ssuperman
@Ssuperman
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

I drop those emotionally abusive motherfuckers.

What's abusive about it?

It's abusive when it's used as a tool to control someone, to force them to dampen their emotions, stop talking, or lose you, as it were.

But silence doesn't always mean that. It can mean what you described or other things. Sometimes people are doing the above and aren't even aware of their own motives. To me, it's not a clear-cut case of abuser/abusee every time.

click to expand

I just can't see how it's even controlling. Literally sitting there doing nothing isn't controlling anything. As a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite of controlling.

Profile picture of Ssuperman
@Ssuperman
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

I drop those emotionally abusive motherfuckers.

What's abusive about it?

It's abusive when it's used as a tool to control someone, to force them to dampen their emotions, stop talking, or lose you, as it were.

But silence doesn't always mean that. It can mean what you described or other things. Sometimes people are doing the above and aren't even aware of their own motives. To me, it's not a clear-cut case of abuser/abusee every time.

I just can't see how it's even controlling. Literally sitting there doing nothing isn't controlling anything. As a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite of controlling.

The thing that you're controlling is the flow of communication. You are cutting her off, refusing to hear or share. That's emotional manipulation. Her only choices are to kowtow to you, and ignore her own needs, or to leave you.

click to expand

So, it's ok to FORCE someone to communicate when and how you feel like it?

Now that's controlling

Profile picture of Dolluxxe
@Dolluxxe
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Dolluxxe

Posted by heliumfiasco
Libras do not handle the silent treatment well. Want to see a terrible side of me? Pull that shit.

Been with enough Scorpios for this Leeb to handle it well. I still scream internally from time to time though 😆

lol I'll pull it if you deserve it lol

click to expand

Nah.. Usually it's them not getting their way.. Or can't apologize for what they said/did..

They always break and end up contacting me first.

Libra woman rule: Iron fist in a velvet glove 😄

Profile picture of Ssuperman
@Ssuperman
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

I drop those emotionally abusive motherfuckers.

What's abusive about it?

It's abusive when it's used as a tool to control someone, to force them to dampen their emotions, stop talking, or lose you, as it were.

But silence doesn't always mean that. It can mean what you described or other things. Sometimes people are doing the above and aren't even aware of their own motives. To me, it's not a clear-cut case of abuser/abusee every time.

I just can't see how it's even controlling. Literally sitting there doing nothing isn't controlling anything. As a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite of controlling.

The thing that you're controlling is the flow of communication. You are cutting her off, refusing to hear or share. That's emotional manipulation. Her only choices are to kowtow to you, and ignore her own needs, or to leave you.

So, it's ok to FORCE someone to communicate when and how you feel like it?

Now that's controlling

Oh no. Both people have to respect the other's boundaries. However, cutting off communication with someone you're in a relationship with is cutting off any means to fixing the relationship, if you're doing it to fix or punish or whatever. It fixes nothing. It just breeds resentment.

Taking time to cool off is actually very reasonable. You just have to let your partner know that's what you're doing so she doesn't feel abandoned when she's in crisis.

click to expand

Then those issues are hers/his to bear. I know how it feels to be cutoff from communication. I tried to FORCE someone to open up and tell me what was wrong, made things worse.

Getting upset from someone taking time to think and process the situation means the person demanding instant communication is actually the controlling one. It's also a form of insecurity and a total lack of their partners feelings

Profile picture of Ssuperman
@Ssuperman
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

I drop those emotionally abusive motherfuckers.

What's abusive about it?

It's abusive when it's used as a tool to control someone, to force them to dampen their emotions, stop talking, or lose you, as it were.

But silence doesn't always mean that. It can mean what you described or other things. Sometimes people are doing the above and aren't even aware of their own motives. To me, it's not a clear-cut case of abuser/abusee every time.

I just can't see how it's even controlling. Literally sitting there doing nothing isn't controlling anything. As a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite of controlling.

The thing that you're controlling is the flow of communication. You are cutting her off, refusing to hear or share. That's emotional manipulation. Her only choices are to kowtow to you, and ignore her own needs, or to leave you.

So, it's ok to FORCE someone to communicate when and how you feel like it?

Now that's controlling

Oh no. Both people have to respect the other's boundaries. However, cutting off communication with someone you're in a relationship with is cutting off any means to fixing the relationship, if you're doing it to fix or punish or whatever. It fixes nothing. It just breeds resentment.

Taking time to cool off is actually very reasonable. You just have to let your partner know that's what you're doing so she doesn't feel abandoned when she's in crisis.

Then those issues are hers/his to bear. I know how it feels to be cutoff from communication. I tried to FORCE someone to open up and tell me what was wrong, made things worse.

Getting upset from someone taking time to think and process the situation means the person demanding instant communication is actually the controlling one. It's also a form of insecurity and a total lack of their partners feelings

When you're in a relationship, the issues are the both of yours to bear. If you give the silent treatment when she needs you, that's an indication you're not ready to be in a relationship. Goes for women giving men the silent treatment too. It's "do it my way or I won't even look at you" behavior. Men usually do it from a distance. Not call, not pick up the phone, not text, etc. Women usually do it in person, sitting there on your couch, arms folded, lip out, either refusing to speak to you or giving you one-word syllables.

click to expand

I agree with it being both of your burdens. However, you can't demand that from your partner. What's that say about you? You should respect your partner and give them what they need (space to breathe). I'm fixed fire so I've struggled with this myself in the past and some as of now. I want it NOW! This is selfish behavior and it's not healthy

Profile picture of Ssuperman
@Ssuperman
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

I drop those emotionally abusive motherfuckers.

What's abusive about it?

It's abusive when it's used as a tool to control someone, to force them to dampen their emotions, stop talking, or lose you, as it were.

But silence doesn't always mean that. It can mean what you described or other things. Sometimes people are doing the above and aren't even aware of their own motives. To me, it's not a clear-cut case of abuser/abusee every time.

I just can't see how it's even controlling. Literally sitting there doing nothing isn't controlling anything. As a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite of controlling.

The thing that you're controlling is the flow of communication. You are cutting her off, refusing to hear or share. That's emotional manipulation. Her only choices are to kowtow to you, and ignore her own needs, or to leave you.

So, it's ok to FORCE someone to communicate when and how you feel like it?

Now that's controlling

Oh no. Both people have to respect the other's boundaries. However, cutting off communication with someone you're in a relationship with is cutting off any means to fixing the relationship, if you're doing it to fix or punish or whatever. It fixes nothing. It just breeds resentment.

Taking time to cool off is actually very reasonable. You just have to let your partner know that's what you're doing so she doesn't feel abandoned when she's in crisis.

Then those issues are hers/his to bear. I know how it feels to be cutoff from communication. I tried to FORCE someone to open up and tell me what was wrong, made things worse.

Getting upset from someone taking time to think and process the situation means the person demanding instant communication is actually the controlling one. It's also a form of insecurity and a total lack of their partners feelings

When you're in a relationship, the issues are the both of yours to bear. If you give the silent treatment when she needs you, that's an indication you're not ready to be in a relationship. Goes for women giving men the silent treatment too. It's "do it my way or I won't even look at you" behavior. Men usually do it from a distance. Not call, not pick up the phone, not text, etc. Women usually do it in person, sitting there on your couch, arms folded, lip out, either refusing to speak to you or giving you one-word syllables.

I agree with it being both of your burdens. However, you can't demand that from your partner. What's that say about you? You should respect your partner and give them what they need (space to breathe). I'm fixed fire so I've struggled with this myself in the past and some as of now. I want it NOW! This is selfish behavior and it's not healthy

This is where compatibility and maturity are important, I think. It's similar to having similar sexual appetites and needs, similar spiritual needs, similar monetary needs. You can be opposite about some things, but for a relationship to work, you have to have similar or complimenting style s in all of these areas. Maturity helps bridge any gaps.

I had the experience of not being mature enough to bridge the gap from my communications needs (need to communicate often, pretty much daily, need to know where the relationship stands, need to be told I'm loved, beautiful, needed, etc.) vs. the needs of someone much quieter, more detached, and in need of much more space. I tried so hard to meet him half-way, and then I tried to meet him all the way, and I totally fucked it all up.

click to expand

I totally feel ya and I did the same.

Profile picture of pooface222
@pooface222
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

I drop those emotionally abusive motherfuckers.

click to expand

I'm glad you said that. My husband is a PRO at the silent treatment. When I told him how emotionally abusive it is, he turned around and told me that I am a victim and am not strong enough!?!

I told him 'there's not much I can do to make you talk arsehole! I ask you what's wrong...Nothing. I tell you what I think is wrong with you..Nothing. I say Talk to me..Nothing.'

Yup! Emotionally abusive arsehole!

Profile picture of P-Angel
@P-Angel
21 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Things don't happen TO people, they happen BECAUSE of people.

meaning ..... everything he does is a reaction from something you did/said. Just as right now, you are reacting from/off of him.

So, to say the silent treatment without owning your part of a relationship in where there are TWO people reacting off of each other is pretty ignorant on your part .. and clearly shows you are looking for validation to support your desire to ignore where you're fucking up.

there's a reason why he is ignoring you. A valid reason in his mind.

But, here you come and to portray a deception, with intentions of slanting perception in your favor.

any and all people with a smidgeon of common sense should realize that you've participated in bringing him to the point where he's icing you out, and should realize that you're being false and embellishing, if you're not telling the whole truth of it.

Basically, you just want people to attack his character ..... likely because you can't handle being responsible for your part.

Profile picture of Libralady1985
@Libralady1985
9 Years

Posted by P-Angel

Things don't happen TO people, they happen BECAUSE of people.

meaning ..... everything he does is a reaction from something you did/said. Just as right now, you are reacting from/off of him.

So, to say the silent treatment without owning your part of a relationship in where there are TWO people reacting off of each other is pretty ignorant on your part .. and clearly shows you are looking for validation to support your desire to ignore where you're fucking up.

there's a reason why he is ignoring you. A valid reason in his mind.

But, here you come and to portray a deception, with intentions of slanting perception in your favor.

any and all people with a smidgeon of common sense should realize that you've participated in bringing him to the point where he's icing you out, and should realize that you're being false and embellishing, if you're not telling the whole truth of it.

Basically, you just want people to attack his character ..... likely because you can't handle being responsible for your part.

That's quite the assumption ?

Profile picture of P-Angel
@P-Angel
21 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Posted by Libralady1985

Posted by P-Angel

Things don't happen TO people, they happen BECAUSE of people.

meaning ..... everything he does is a reaction from something you did/said. Just as right now, you are reacting from/off of him.

So, to say the silent treatment without owning your part of a relationship in where there are TWO people reacting off of each other is pretty ignorant on your part .. and clearly shows you are looking for validation to support your desire to ignore where you're fucking up.

there's a reason why he is ignoring you. A valid reason in his mind.

But, here you come and to portray a deception, with intentions of slanting perception in your favor.

any and all people with a smidgeon of common sense should realize that you've participated in bringing him to the point where he's icing you out, and should realize that you're being false and embellishing, if you're not telling the whole truth of it.

Basically, you just want people to attack his character ..... likely because you can't handle being responsible for your part.

That's quite the assumption ?

click to expand

You're quite ignorant, since you have zero awareness that his actions towards you are reactions from you.

But, then again ... if you were actually capable of realizing that, then you would have.

Profile picture of ariesfire82
@ariesfire82
9 Years

I'm currently going through the silent treatment with my cancer ex. Its been over two months. But i did say i wanted a clean break while she wanted to stay friends. So i guess she is respecting my wishes!

Profile picture of outofdarkness
@outofdarkness
9 YearsLibra

Posted by Aerazo

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Libralady1985
How do you cope with the silent treatment?? It is like the loudest scream to me, I can't stand it!!!

My husband used to try this on me.

I just follow him and tell him very loudly that 'as long as we are living under the same roof - I will not accept any of this nonsense! You have to tell me what you want me to do - apologize or whatever and we make up and move on!'

So he had tried...lol

Caps tend to do this very often.

click to expand

Yes, they do.