Elissar18
@Elissar18
7 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 224 · Posts: 556 · Topics: 16
Why do expectations change in a relationship?
Posted by DefineTruth
If your serious about a relationship, it's about being in a team. Sometimes you bend for her, sometimes she bends for you.
To me, the tighter your grip on sand the faster it flows from your fingers. Too much stress for me.
I agree. It's give and take.. but not because of expectations. Rather because you live and respect each other to want to do those things.
People expect it and are disappointed when they don't have every single expectation met. They focus on the 1 thing the person doesn't do, instead of the 10 things they do, do.
Posted by Black-Mamba
boundaries.
I don't know what you mean. Care to elaborate?
Posted by cute_leoxx
yeah because it's like getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons, when you need validation from the other person. you should be able to love yourself and make yourself happy, instead of expecting someone else to do that.
that's when people start to become needy
to be afraid of whether they care or not, or if they love you or not (or if their love is returned to you in full). you start to see things that aren't there..and to ruin a perfectly happy relationship
My man likes validation but I'm a Leo so complimenting and encouraging others comes naturally to me so he got lucky in that regard and we don't feed each other's insecurities. We both have expectations and for the most part, we both meet them and discuss future expectations about when we're married and what will change. It's just so strange how you need to adapt and be a certain way to make someone else happy. So while I think you should love yourself and be happy in yourself, in a relationship, it stops being about you and becomes about them. I think that's where people mess up. They focus too much on what they want from the other person instead of what they can give.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by Elissar18Posted by DefineTruth
If your serious about a relationship, it's about being in a team. Sometimes you bend for her, sometimes she bends for you.
To me, the tighter your grip on sand the faster it flows from your fingers. Too much stress for me.
I agree. It's give and take.. but not because of expectations. Rather because you live and respect each other to want to do those things.
People expect it and are disappointed when they don't have every single expectation met. They focus on the 1 thing the person doesn't do, instead of the 10 things they do, do.
so don't do anything.
reclaim your power.
click to expand
Just interested in discussing. It's not really something that's affecting me in a bad way. I just started thinking about it because I noticed how many people talk about partners not replying straight away, calling back, not saying or doing what the other person wants and ignoring or making their partner feel insecure etc... zo it just got me thinking about expectations
Posted by cute_leoxxPosted by Elissar18Posted by cute_leoxx
yeah because it's like getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons, when you need validation from the other person. you should be able to love yourself and make yourself happy, instead of expecting someone else to do that.
that's when people start to become needy
to be afraid of whether they care or not, or if they love you or not (or if their love is returned to you in full). you start to see things that aren't there..and to ruin a perfectly happy relationship
My man likes validation but I'm a Leo so complimenting and encouraging others comes naturally to me so he got lucky in that regard and we don't feed each other's insecurities. We both have expectations and for the most part, we both meet them and discuss future expectations about when we're married and what will change. It's just so strange how you need to adapt and be a certain way to make someone else happy. So while I think you should love yourself and be happy in yourself, in a relationship, it stops being about you and becomes about them. I think that's where people mess up. They focus too much on what they want from the other person instead of what they can give.
Although it's important to give the person what they want but also because you want to give them what they want. I agree in a sense that needing validation is taking from the other person rather than giving. I think that in a way people in relationships need to change if they want to make it last (one person could end up unsatisfied if their needs aren't met or if the other person is taking too much). some people just want more and more in a relationship, and can't be satisfied (because they aren't fulfilling their own needs first).
it's important to always communicate your feelings with the other person
click to expand
Of course. It goes both ways. I found the less you expect, the more you get though. The other person doesn't feel pressured or burdened to keep you happy, they actually want to go above and beyond your expectations. It's when we demand things, that we get less than we need from them and become less willing to give. So if I say I like it when you do xyz, it's better received than why don't you do xyz? Even the way expectations are communicated have a huge impact on the outcome.
Posted by i-xy
It's controlled by live vessels, developing to the changing environment and caught in the trappings of tight genes.
Posted by i-xyPosted by Elissar18Posted by i-xy
It's controlled by live vessels, developing to the changing environment and caught in the trappings of tight genes.
Relationships are meant to change.click to expand
Yeah but why do people?
Posted by i-xyPosted by Elissar18Posted by i-xyPosted by Elissar18Posted by i-xy
It's controlled by live vessels, developing to the changing environment and caught in the trappings of tight genes.
Relationships are meant to change.
Yeah but why do people?
Why shouldn't they?
It's part of development.click to expand
If it's for better then yes. But often people become worse
Give/ Take I guess
Posted by Elissar18When you're single, you expect nothing. You manage fine on your own. So why does it change when a 2nd person is added to the picture? Why is it so important that they do everything you want so that you feel like they care? Do you think they care less if they're not you personal slave or validation machine?
Well that’s not true.
Your single cause you expect TOO much 😂😂😂
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by Elissar18When you're single, you expect nothing. You manage fine on your own. So why does it change when a 2nd person is added to the picture? Why is it so important that they do everything you want so that you feel like they care? Do you think they care less if they're not you personal slave or validation machine?
Well that’s not true.
Your single cause you expect TOO much 😂😂😂click to expand
Lol. Touche
My expectations are pretty simple.. I just need him to treat me the same way he did to get me and to communicate with me.
I feel like I'm the same while single but less flirty when I'm in a relationship
I feel like I'm the same while single but less flirty when I'm in a relationship
Posted by Yodi
My expectations are pretty simple.. I just need him to treat me the same way he did to get me and to communicate with me.
I feel like I'm the same while single but less flirty when I'm in a relationship
That's a fair ask. People usually slack off in the effort department after a while though. No one keeps chasing when you're caught so I guess things get comfortable and people become complacent.
Posted by Yodi
My expectations are pretty simple.. I just need him to treat me the same way he did to get me and to communicate with me.
I feel like I'm the same while single but less flirty when I'm in a relationship
YESSSS 👍
Why is it so hard to understand This?!
The relationship is constantly changing so the expectations change with it, but it is all about communication and compromising in my book. We both should work at making the other person feel good and happy.
Posted by GobbyPosted by pisceswoman123
The relationship is constantly changing so the expectations change with it, but it is all about communication and compromising in my book. We both should work at making the other person feel good and happy.
I don't know whether to giggle or nod my head in agreement...
click to expand
You can do both at the same time 😄
Posted by GobbyPosted by pisceswoman123Posted by GobbyPosted by pisceswoman123
The relationship is constantly changing so the expectations change with it, but it is all about communication and compromising in my book. We both should work at making the other person feel good and happy.
I don't know whether to giggle or nod my head in agreement...
You can do both at the same time 😄
Not when the two sentiments are conflicting... 😆
click to expand
Hahaha
Make you mind up then 😛
Posted by pisceswoman123
The relationship is constantly changing so the expectations change with it, but it is all about communication and compromising in my book. We both should work at making the other person feel good and happy.
I think a lot of the time men hope she never changes. And women hope he does change. You end up with a relationship that isn't always how it started. If both parties commit to working together and making an effort, then I guess it evolves into something better. If expectations are one sided, it often falls apart.
Posted by Elissar18Posted by Yodi
My expectations are pretty simple.. I just need him to treat me the same way he did to get me and to communicate with me.
I feel like I'm the same while single but less flirty when I'm in a relationship
That's a fair ask. People usually slack off in the effort department after a while though. No one keeps chasing when you're caught so I guess things get comfortable and people become complacent.click to expand
Yup very true and that's when insecurities comes into play.. if he's not putting forth effort anymore then you being to feel like their bored or cheating
Posted by WhathaveidonePosted by Yodi
My expectations are pretty simple.. I just need him to treat me the same way he did to get me and to communicate with me.
I feel like I'm the same while single but less flirty when I'm in a relationship
YESSSS 👍
Why is it so hard to understand This?!click to expand
Lol men 🙄😅
Posted by Sagicorn
Idk who does that? I don't havr exepctations from a partner but I have things I like and prefer and the ones I don't. Also I believe when people are truly working together they will get along just fine and meet each others expectations. No one is made perfect for anyone and relationships are made of compromises and understanding and team work. If you work as a team you can overcome most of obstacles together
I expect that in the early stages they call regularly. If I get ignored I head for the exit. As the relationship develops, I expect to be included in with events or functions including friends and family. I think there are expectations of how a relationship is supposed to work and what you want from your partner. If you have no expectations then you're just settling and accepting whatever you can get.
Posted by YodiPosted by Elissar18Posted by Yodi
My expectations are pretty simple.. I just need him to treat me the same way he did to get me and to communicate with me.
I feel like I'm the same while single but less flirty when I'm in a relationship
That's a fair ask. People usually slack off in the effort department after a while though. No one keeps chasing when you're caught so I guess things get comfortable and people become complacent.
Yup very true and that's when insecurities comes into play.. if he's not putting forth effort anymore then you being to feel like their bored or cheatingclick to expand
I thought it would be the opposite when you get comfortable. Insecurity should lessen because you trust each other more. Who knows... shit's complicated sometimes
Posted by nakedgirlavalanchePosted by Elissar18Posted by Black-MambaPosted by Elissar18Posted by DefineTruth
If your serious about a relationship, it's about being in a team. Sometimes you bend for her, sometimes she bends for you.
To me, the tighter your grip on sand the faster it flows from your fingers. Too much stress for me.
I agree. It's give and take.. but not because of expectations. Rather because you live and respect each other to want to do those things.
People expect it and are disappointed when they don't have every single expectation met. They focus on the 1 thing the person doesn't do, instead of the 10 things they do, do.
so don't do anything.
reclaim your power.
Just interested in discussing. It's not really something that's affecting me in a bad way. I just started thinking about it because I noticed how many people talk about partners not replying straight away, calling back, not saying or doing what the other person wants and ignoring or making their partner feel insecure etc... zo it just got me thinking about expectations
this is why you don't discuss your relationship problems with the world unless they put you in grave danger but problems should stay and be fixed within the relationship between those two people instead of inviting outsiders to their opinionclick to expand
That's true. I think we all go through that at some point. Sometimes it's better to vent it with others instead of blowing up in each other's face and saying things you'll regret later.
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When you're single, you expect nothing. You manage fine on your own. So why does it change when a 2nd person is added to the picture? Why is it so important that they do everything you want so that you feel like they care? Do you think they care less if they're not you personal slave or validation machine?