Why Do Some Women Go After Taken Men?

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truecap
@truecap
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I see it on the boards here a lot. Women interested in men who already have girlfriends or married men. Why go after a man that's already involved with someone else?

Is it the challenge? The fact that he must be a good man because someone else wants/has him? Do they not care? Do they have no moral standards? Do they like being homewreckers? Do they have little faith in the single, unattached men?

What is the attraction?
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Lex
@Lex
13 Years

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I think it has to do with the already trained and groomed aspect. People already in relationships tend to exhibit a personal confidence that isn't based on superficial bravado. In short they tend to on average like themselves on a personal level that is incredibly sincere. Like a beautifully honest smile or genuine laugh it is irresistible, especially to those who lack it or don't understand that this is why they desire already taken people in the first place.

It could be simply put as a stock thing, if at least someone is with you, you must have desirable traits. Its really simple animal behavior. When looked at logically thought you can see the evolutionary reasoning for this as well as the actual flaws in pursuing someone already committed.
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truecap
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Posted by Lex
I think it has to do with the already trained and groomed aspect. People already in relationships tend to exhibit a personal confidence that isn't based on superficial bravado. In short they tend to on average like themselves on a personal level that is incredibly sincere. Like a beautifully honest smile or genuine laugh it is irresistible, especially to those who lack it or don't understand that this is why they desire already taken people in the first place.

It could be simply put as a stock thing, if at least someone is with you, you must have desirable traits. Its really simple animal behavior. When looked at logically thought you can see the evolutionary reasoning for this as well as the actual flaws in pursuing someone already committed.



That is good insight Lex.
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virgosagscorpio
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Posted by truecap
I think there's something mentally wrong with women like that.

Now, it's different if she didn't know he was married/had a girlfriend. I'm talking about the ones that know and still go after them.



Yeah, I went through this phase wherein a man was already taken. I was told he was free and I'm so stupid to believe him until the girlfriend contacted me.
I immediately cut the relationship cos I don't want to be a third wheel.
I'm not emotionally retarded to stay in that relationship.
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truecap
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Posted by djbuck1
Some people, male and female, are predators. Merciless, selfish predators. They have no conscience (as their many posts on here clearly reflect), and their sole "value" if it can be called such, is the maximization of their own pleasure. In the words of Chaucer, they are "The smiler, with the curved knife." (for cutting throats)

Their sheer lack of empathy is breathtaking. As they work to steal another's mate, they cold-bloodedly justify it by maintaining that there are no moral absolutes, that ethics-- if they exist at all-- are entirely relative to "the situation," and "If s/he can't hold onto him/her, then that's their look out! All's fair! 😄 "

These predators crash through other peoples' lives like the proverbial runaway trains, leaving heartache and destruction in their wake, leaving their battle-cry "Hey! that's YOUR problem!" in their wake.

But this is a choice these predators make. Never, ever think that they are somehow blameless because "It's who they are."

No ethical norms? No "right or wrong?'

Well my friends, if you really think that they don't know right from wrong, wrong THEM. And then watch what happens!



+1
Good way of putting it. Sounds like a sociopathic personality, doesn't it?

And how often do they dump the man they "stole" after they've wreaked havoc on other people's lives.
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truecap
@truecap
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Posted by virgosagscorpio
Posted by truecap
I think there's something mentally wrong with women like that.

Now, it's different if she didn't know he was married/had a girlfriend. I'm talking about the ones that know and still go after them.



Yeah, I went through this phase wherein a man was already taken. I was told he was free and I'm so stupid to believe him until the girlfriend contacted me.
I immediately cut the relationship cos I don't want to be a third wheel.
I'm not emotionally retarded to stay in that relationship.
click to expand




That sucks!! So sorry that happened to you. At least you were smart enough to cut ties.
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CapriLady
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Posted by guiwaterdaymaster
I like lex... Statement

I will say personally I think it has to do with the fact that other woman wanted them and they often think of that as a way to evaluated quality...

Like women that often dress for other women... They want the. To almost be jealous... Or they do... Same with men... Well then some women get jealous and say why can't I find a man like that... And instead of trying to find a man like that or asking him he he has any quality friends they go after him... Trying to seduce him... I have had 2 women show up at my door in nothing but a coat and beautiful lace... Turns out they both new I was friend with each and they both wanted more... As it turns out neither too me about their feelings and only decided to do this because they got competitive with each other...

Result I thought it was very immature and ended up with neither of them...

If you like a guy or are interested in him let him know... Give him obvious signs as guys can often be oblivious... Don't do the above it turns into a bad thing unless you are in a relationship...

PM



I've seen this before. The girls that are motivated in their actions towards males in order to gain response from other females. The man ends up as a pawn, and often trapped if the situation is ongoing and the true motive is power on behalf of the females. So one has to become a bit of an escape artist as a man, if this becomes the life path. There is a true competitive drive among women, which can become pathological and damaging. It can also be exploited for the benefit of either sex.

In general, there most likely is an evolutionary basis as the taken mates are generally the healthiest and these "spars" allow continuation of species.

Humanist point-of-view: those who experience love from the inside and out generally exude happiness which is attractive.

It can reduce others to desperate, dark, envy, then destructive maliciousness at its worst.

Or, the love can spread. Love creating more love.

Some people find love very threatening. Others want to feel love. Perhaps, even those becoming threatened and acting-out-of destruction are merely expressing the desire to feel love. Love-is-the- object-of-desire.

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DMV
@DMV
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Posted by truecap
I see it on the boards here a lot. Women interested in men who already have girlfriends or married men. Why go after a man that's already involved with someone else?

Is it the challenge? The fact that he must be a good man because someone else wants/has him? Do they not care? Do they have no moral standards? Do they like being homewreckers? Do they have little faith in the single, unattached men?

What is the attraction?



Why go after a man that's already involved with someone else? shit happens
Is it the challenge? not at all. i dont go knowingly seeking taken men
The fact that he must be a good man because someone else wants/has him? naw, he can still be a dick single or in a relationship.
Do they not care? care about whom?
Do they have no moral standards? im sure we are all breaking some type of moral standard. what makes your sin any smaller than mine?
Do they like being homewreckers? i want to screw him,not wife him.
Do they have little faith in the single, unattached men? nope. like i said shit happens.
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DMV
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with the guy ive been screwing for 3+ years. When i first met him, he told me from jump that he was involved. he wasnt looking for another gf, he was just looking for a good time. i was also looking for a good time.

so we've been having a good time for a long time. i dont call his cell "looking" for him. i dont flip when he is busy. and vice versa. this may sound weird but he is the best relationship/nonrelationship ive ever had. he isnt only my lover, but he is a great friend.

the reason why he decided to look elsewhere is always attraction #1 and his girl doesnt give fellatio. so like you always hear, if he wasnt getting it at home, he went out looking for it.

he doesnt discuss his relationship with me but i do run things by him. we talk about other things and see each other 4-5 days a week.
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wateryram80
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Posted by feby16aqua
Posted by wateryram80
I think this is the slimiest type of chase. I love to chase AVAILABLE men. Going after a man that is taken really says a lot about the chaser. Low self-esteem and self-worth. I will be no one's second choice or sloppy sex option. Yuck. I want to be IT or not in your life at all.



Hey, it has a LOT to do with the man imo. Either he's a coward or incredibly selfish.
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Yea and the guy that would accept those advances is a piece of shit too! Good point!
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wateryram80
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Sister wives or open relationships are the way to go in situations sometimes I believe. Then at least everything is out in the open and all cards are on the table.



Now if it's a situation where it's out in the open and everyone is happy, then I see no problem. If one person is in the dark and will ultimately feel betrayed, it's not cool and not helping (sorry DMV, just stating my opinion). If I were the girl, I'd want to know so I could get rid of the guy.
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DMV
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Posted by feby16aqua
Posted by DMV
Posted by feby16aqua
The betrayal aspect of it gets me every time. I understand about having a good time, trust me I'm ALL for that...but how do you think she would feel if she found out?




like ive said b4, i think i actually HELP their relationship.



You know, I can see your point as well.
I am not judging you DMV. I'll say that I am in no position to judge. I feel passionately about one side more than the other, but I do see both sides.

Sister wives or open relationships are the way to go in situations sometimes I believe. Then at least everything is out in the open and all cards are on the table.
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no bubbles no troubles 🙂

thats up to him to let the cat out of the bag.

it may sound crazy but.....he treats me better than any other man ive met.

ive been on the other side and its awful but i realize the other women really has nothing to do with cheating. i blamed my ex for not giving me a choice.

one thing i do like about this guy is that he gave me a choice right from the start. he could have lied his way n2 my pants like so many other man do but i admired his honesty.
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DMV
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Posted by wateryram80
Sister wives or open relationships are the way to go in situations sometimes I believe. Then at least everything is out in the open and all cards are on the table.



Now if it's a situation where it's out in the open and everyone is happy, then I see no problem. If one person is in the dark and will ultimately feel betrayed, it's not cool and not helping (sorry DMV, just stating my opinion). If I were the girl, I'd want to know so I could get rid of the guy.
click to expand




no problemo 🙂

when i talk about making a choice i mean that i may decide to stay or go.

a guy told me that i girl should never give up a good man just because he cheated. if he still loves you and still provides fro you in every way but wants some P on the side..why give that good man up? now if he steals from you, give that dude up quickly!

ive never been faced with a choice so i dont know how i would react. but i do known women who have married known cheaters. my bff married her ex husband even after she found him receiving fellatio from another girl. her own mother didnt discourage her because her exhusband and mom wen ring shopping together.
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Posted by wateryram80
@DMV
I don't think that people should give up on marriages because of cheating but if I'm not married and I still have the option to bounce, I would. I do agree that people make mistakes but if it becomes a pattern, that's a problem.

What's up with women not giving fellatio btw? Are there any women that don't and have major reasons for not doing it?



well listen to this, she didnt end the marriage because of cheating. she ended it because when she wanted to talk about something, he still needed time to think about it. so they had trouble communicating.

"I divorced him because he doesnt talk to me when i want him to not because he was sleeping with other women on the side"

i dont know about the fellatio part. what i do know is that in the South ALOT of women dont do it. they mamas didnt and they dont. they still manage to get the guy to go down but they dont have return the favor.

we all have to stand for something i guess
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wateryram80
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12 Years

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Posted by DMV


well listen to this, she didnt end the marriage because of cheating. she ended it because when she wanted to talk about something, he still needed time to think about it. so they had trouble communicating.

"I divorced him because he doesnt talk to me when i want him to not because he was sleeping with other women on the side"




That's interesting. I guess everyone has different deal-breakers.


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truecap
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Posted by DMV
with the guy ive been screwing for 3+ years. When i first met him, he told me from jump that he was involved. he wasnt looking for another gf, he was just looking for a good time. i was also looking for a good time.

so we've been having a good time for a long time. i dont call his cell "looking" for him. i dont flip when he is busy. and vice versa. this may sound weird but he is the best relationship/nonrelationship ive ever had. he isnt only my lover, but he is a great friend.

the reason why he decided to look elsewhere is always attraction #1 and his girl doesnt give fellatio. so like you always hear, if he wasnt getting it at home, he went out looking for it.

he doesnt discuss his relationship with me but i do run things by him. we talk about other things and see each other 4-5 days a week.



4-5 days a week is a relationship.

click to expand




Sounds like he's in the relationship with you and not her. He spends more time with you or do yall just do quick hookups? Not meaning that in an insulting or nasty way, just curious.

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DMV
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Posted by truecap
Posted by CluelessCancer
Posted by DMV
with the guy ive been screwing for 3+ years. When i first met him, he told me from jump that he was involved. he wasnt looking for another gf, he was just looking for a good time. i was also looking for a good time.

so we've been having a good time for a long time. i dont call his cell "looking" for him. i dont flip when he is busy. and vice versa. this may sound weird but he is the best relationship/nonrelationship ive ever had. he isnt only my lover, but he is a great friend.

the reason why he decided to look elsewhere is always attraction #1 and his girl doesnt give fellatio. so like you always hear, if he wasnt getting it at home, he went out looking for it.

he doesnt discuss his relationship with me but i do run things by him. we talk about other things and see each other 4-5 days a week.



4-5 days a week is a relationship.



Sounds like he's in the relationship with you and not her. He spends more time with you or do yall just do quick hookups? Not meaning that in an insulting or nasty way, just curious.

click to expand




4-5 days a week, he's sporadic. sometime he'll come over round 10, fall asleep, and stay till 3am. other times he'll come over at like 6pm and stay till 10pm. sometimes its 1am, sometimes is 10am.
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truecap
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Look everyone has a "choice" to cheat if they choose, so someone saying well I've had so many people approach me is BS, a woman walking down the street can get ass that minute, if she so desires.

Men as well...especially in this day and time.

Actually people who don't cheat and are committed to their relationships are a lot more interesting, because cheating is actually very easy to do, but staying faithful is not, that shows idk, a higher level of being.



I'm not really that interested in why people cheat. I'm more interested in the women or men that are willing to be with a taken man. I want to understand what's in it for them.

I suppose the taken man will never ask them for a committment - what if it messes up his committment to someone else.
I suppose it's just recreational sex - but why not do that with someone single.

I just don't get it.

Thanks to DMV for being honest and upfront.
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Posted by Libra911
Posted by DMV
Posted by feby16aqua
The betrayal aspect of it gets me every time. I understand about having a good time, trust me I'm ALL for that...but how do you think she would feel if she found out?

like ive said b4, i think i actually HELP their relationship.



I respect the fact you are honest about this. I am far from being miss perfect, like everybody else here, but I don't think your last statement is genuine. I don't think you truly believe you are helping the relationship, do you??
click to expand




i wouldnt have said it if i didnt believe it to be true.

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DMV
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Posted by truecap
Posted by CluelessCancer
Look everyone has a "choice" to cheat if they choose, so someone saying well I've had so many people approach me is BS, a woman walking down the street can get ass that minute, if she so desires.

Men as well...especially in this day and time.

Actually people who don't cheat and are committed to their relationships are a lot more interesting, because cheating is actually very easy to do, but staying faithful is not, that shows idk, a higher level of being.



I'm not really that interested in why people cheat. I'm more interested in the women or men that are willing to be with a taken man. I want to understand what's in it for them.

I suppose the taken man will never ask them for a committment - what if it messes up his committment to someone else.
I suppose it's just recreational sex - but why not do that with someone single.

I just don't get it.

Thanks to DMV for being honest and upfront.
click to expand




valid questions. i have the other male partners but in ways im selfish and i want to continue to be around him as well. he's familiar to me.
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CapriLady
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Look everyone has a "choice" to cheat if they choose, so someone saying well I've had so many people approach me is BS, a woman walking down the street can get ass that minute, if she so desires.

Men as well...especially in this day and time.

Actually people who don't cheat and are committed to their relationships are a lot more interesting, because cheating is actually very easy to do, but staying faithful is not, that shows idk, a higher level of being.



Agrees. And it's not about judgement. People need different things.

It's that cheating, lying, power struggles, and manipulation destroy the heart-bonds.
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Posted by Libra911
Posted by DMV
Posted by Libra911
Posted by DMV
Posted by feby16aqua
The betrayal aspect of it gets me every time. I understand about having a good time, trust me I'm ALL for that...but how do you think she would feel if she found out?

like ive said b4, i think i actually HELP their relationship.



I respect the fact you are honest about this. I am far from being miss perfect, like everybody else here, but I don't think your last statement is genuine. I don't think you truly believe you are helping the relationship, do you??



i wouldnt have said it if i didnt believe it to be true.



In what way? I am just curious what made you believe you are helping the relationship?
I would understand if there is a very short passionate affair and the man realizes how much he loves his wife after the passion during that affair is gone, but if this is happening for a while, it is def an emotional connection which imo can cause more damage to his relationship
click to expand




well,i send him back home floating on cloud 9. till he needs another fix. he goes home more relaxed and satisfied. now, instead of focusing on the fact that she doesnt give fellatio and how much of a bummer it is, he can focus on other more important things in their relationship.

i have met members of his family which is totally his bad.
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ScorpioFish
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One thing I have noticed is that MANY women (note I did not say all) feel attracted toward a man BECAUSE he has a woman of his own. She may be physically attracted to him as well, but the relationship attraction can sometimes be what gets her attention.

The attraction is from the fact that the man has clearly proven he can court, keep, maintain and support the happiness of his current woman.

That in itself is a very attractive thing to other women, and when they see this, they want it for themselves (especially if the girl is single and dating losers).
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CapriLady
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Posted by truecap
Posted by CluelessCancer
Look everyone has a "choice" to cheat if they choose, so someone saying well I've had so many people approach me is BS, a woman walking down the street can get ass that minute, if she so desires.

Men as well...especially in this day and time.

Actually people who don't cheat and are committed to their relationships are a lot more interesting, because cheating is actually very easy to do, but staying faithful is not, that shows idk, a higher level of being.



I'm not really that interested in why people cheat. I'm more interested in the women or men that are willing to be with a taken man. I want to understand what's in it for them.

I suppose the taken man will never ask them for a committment - what if it messes up his committment to someone else.
I suppose it's just recreational sex - but why not do that with someone single.

I just don't get it.

Thanks to DMV for being honest and upfront.
click to expand




It is an issue. How is the man "taken"? Does his heart belong to someone else? If so, it doesn't matter whether he's married or not.
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CapriLady
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Posted by BalmyTigress
Posted by feby16aqua
Posted by BalmyTigress
I would say though that there is a second part to that "test of character" and that is to not throw that choice to the other person's face saying "I could've had sex with someone else, but I didn't". It's a bit like telling someone "I could've stolen your car, but I didn't." It doesn't exactly win you Person of the Year -award :-)

This isn't aimed at feby, by the way. Just something I was thinking.



Why doesn't it get you the person of the year award? I think it should! And you better believe it that when it comes down to it and I've found out YOUVE betrayed me OH FUCK YES I am going to let you know that I had my chances and did not. It's the truth.



I suppose it depends on the people involved in the relationship. If both admit that it's hard to stay monogamous, then I'm sure sticking to it is an accomplishment and something to be proud of.

But I'm scared now. I haven't betrayed you :-) I promise!
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ty. I like this point Balmy. Relationships need to be mutually negotiated and it's so complex, unless you are in absolute agreement from the beginning. I would hope that if someone had a hard time being monogamous they would talk to me rather than betray me behind my back.
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Posted by DMV
Posted by Libra911
Posted by DMV
Posted by Libra911
Posted by DMV
Posted by feby16aqua
The betrayal aspect of it gets me every time. I understand about having a good time, trust me I'm ALL for that...but how do you think she would feel if she found out?

like ive said b4, i think i actually HELP their relationship.



I respect the fact you are honest about this. I am far from being miss perfect, like everybody else here, but I don't think your last statement is genuine. I don't think you truly believe you are helping the relationship, do you??



i wouldnt have said it if i didnt believe it to be true.



In what way? I am just curious what made you believe you are helping the relationship?
I would understand if there is a very short passionate affair and the man realizes how much he loves his wife after the passion during that affair is gone, but if this is happening for a while, it is def an emotional connection which imo can cause more damage to his relationship



well,i send him back home floating on cloud 9. till he needs another fix. he goes home more relaxed and satisfied. now, instead of focusing on the fact that she doesnt give fellatio and how much of a bummer it is, he can focus on other more important things in their relationship.

i have met members of his family which is totally his bad.
click to expand




I appreciated your honesty today DMV. You have helped increase my understanding, as well as release some emotional turmoil 🙂
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CapriLady
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Posted by truecap
Posted by CluelessCancer
Posted by DMV
with the guy ive been screwing for 3+ years. When i first met him, he told me from jump that he was involved. he wasnt looking for another gf, he was just looking for a good time. i was also looking for a good time.

so we've been having a good time for a long time. i dont call his cell "looking" for him. i dont flip when he is busy. and vice versa. this may sound weird but he is the best relationship/nonrelationship ive ever had. he isnt only my lover, but he is a great friend.

the reason why he decided to look elsewhere is always attraction #1 and his girl doesnt give fellatio. so like you always hear, if he wasnt getting it at home, he went out looking for it.

he doesnt discuss his relationship with me but i do run things by him. we talk about other things and see each other 4-5 days a week.



4-5 days a week is a relationship.



Sounds like he's in the relationship with you and not her. He spends more time with you or do yall just do quick hookups? Not meaning that in an insulting or nasty way, just curious.

That is a very good point TrueCap. Thank you.

click to expand


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sweethearts
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I have over the last couple of years had a number of dealings in my home with married or partnered men...some great looking and some not so, all tradies. They are very friendly especially if you are attractive and talk to you constantly, they listen and talk personal stuff if it comes up and even flirt...

One guy that came to build me a rock wall on a Saturday morning, I invited in for a glass of water after the job was finished...my mum and dad were visiting and he was lovely. He sat and chatted and walked my parents out with me as if he was my partner...haha my mother was smiling as he was a nice looking guy. Harmless because I knew he had a partner but he seemed to just want to talk. This isn't an isolated incident from my experience...

Luckily I know my boundaries because I could have wrecked a few homes if I was that way!

I have also been told by some tradies that they have woman that come on to them, meeting them in their nighties etc and full on looking for more than just working around the house!
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DMV
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Posted by cunninglinguist
Posted by DMV
Posted by feby16aqua
The betrayal aspect of it gets me every time. I understand about having a good time, trust me I'm ALL for that...but how do you think she would feel if she found out?



i dont know which is why i stay in my lane. we both get a benefit from it and then go our separate ways.

like ive said b4, i think i actually HELP their relationship.



Not by putting her at risk for STDs. Condoms don't protect from everything or anything all of the time.
click to expand




yawn
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DMV
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Posted by cunninglinguist
Posted by DMV
Posted by cunninglinguist
Posted by DMV
Posted by feby16aqua
The betrayal aspect of it gets me every time. I understand about having a good time, trust me I'm ALL for that...but how do you think she would feel if she found out?



i dont know which is why i stay in my lane. we both get a benefit from it and then go our separate ways.

like ive said b4, i think i actually HELP their relationship.



Not by putting her at risk for STDs. Condoms don't protect from everything or anything all of the time.



yawn



haha nice. so you probably are a walking collection of diseases.
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double yawn
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by cunninglinguist
Posted by DMV
Posted by cunninglinguist
Posted by DMV
Posted by cunninglinguist
Posted by DMV
Posted by feby16aqua
The betrayal aspect of it gets me every time. I understand about having a good time, trust me I'm ALL for that...but how do you think she would feel if she found out?



i dont know which is why i stay in my lane. we both get a benefit from it and then go our separate ways.

like ive said b4, i think i actually HELP their relationship.



Not by putting her at risk for STDs. Condoms don't protect from everything or anything all of the time.



yawn



haha nice. so you probably are a walking collection of diseases.



double yawn



If you keep your mouth open long enough, maybe you can catch another cock.
click to expand




triple yawn
Profile picture of DMV
DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by xygeneration
Posted by DMV
Posted by xygeneration
DMV, do you really believe that the guy doesn't get some goodies at home?



absolutely i believe that he doesnt get fellatio at home. that's his reason for dipping out and not my reason for sleeping with him.



So you believe this guy, who is in a relationship but lies to his gf is telling you the truth? What makes you believe him?
click to expand




alot of women dont give BJs, its not that far fetched.

i can say that ive never had a problem with him lying. he doesnt have a reason to lie to me. we've been sleeping together for over 3 years.

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