The Lady Scorpio
@TheLadyScorpio
12 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 1412 · Posts: 11166 · Topics: 154
Delayed Emotional Response
I'm like that too, sort of. Have you considered that it could possibly be a way of controling heavy emotions/uncomfortable scenes as oppose to it being an actual delayed reaction? I'm kind of split.
/Honorary Scorp
/Honorary Scorp
Posted by tizianiStrangely enough if there were to be but no pressure from those around me or social constraints. I seem to react beautifully and with ease, especially in reaction to a neutral source.
This is why boxing is beautiful. It helps link body and psyche. So does piano playing, I hear.
6th house issues.
I could physically and emotionally react to what I see, or hear, or feel as long as it is solely my own experience.
Add another individual into the equation and it wrecks havoc, creating nothing but chaos.
- How could this be but a 6th House issue?
Hah tiz, if that were true I may be a Virgal wearing Stinger clothing. 😆
I have this issue too.
Posted by tizianiPiano playing hardly helped, that I could assure you.
This is why boxing is beautiful. It helps link body and psyche. So does piano playing, I hear.
6th house issues.
Posted by AndalusiaI need lessons from a Virgal on how to cope with this. Apparently, I may very soon be turning into a version of Spock.
I have this issue too.
Posted by febyfeby, in that period between the situation happening and your emotions finally surfacing, do you find yourself feeling disconnected or detached from what is going on around you?
Hello dear friend. I did read your other post....and I guess one could say I can relate to the delay you are referring to. Im always delayed. Slow to react, slow with every real emotional thing.
I was just thinking about a situation that happened to me last week where I didn't react at all, but I know others would have blown their top like instantly.
It doesn't mean I didn't feel it though...I found myself getting angrier as the evening went on.
You know I'm not a Scorpio....i was slow to react to your post 😄 now I'm ready!
Hah, an incredible Aquarian nonetheless. 😄
Posted by TheLadyScorpioLol, once I learn how to cope with it I will let you know. 🙂Posted by AndalusiaI need lessons from a Virgal on how to cope with this. Apparently, I may very soon be turning into a version of Spock.
I have this issue too.click to expand
Honestly, I've stopped viewing it as a negative thing. As long as I allow myself to experience the emotions - whether positive or negative - once I do start to feel them, that's all that matters.
Posted by AndalusiaUnless my delayed response is causing someone else pain or stress. Then I simply statenter up front how my mind operates and ask for some time to process.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLol, once I learn how to cope with it I will let you know. 🙂Posted by AndalusiaI need lessons from a Virgal on how to cope with this. Apparently, I may very soon be turning into a version of Spock.
I have this issue too.
Honestly, I've stopped viewing it as a negative thing. As long as I allow myself to experience the emotions - whether positive or negative - once I do start to feel them, that's all that matters.click to expand
Posted by enfant_terribleHmm enfant (big cats are welcome here 😆), that thought did pass my mind, until I realise I am this way even with seemingly simple situations. There is no difference in my delayed emotional response be it in public or private, it is just as bad.
I'm like that too, sort of. Have you considered that it could possibly be a way of controling heavy emotions/uncomfortable scenes as oppose to it being an actual delayed reaction? I'm kind of split.
/Honorary Scorp
Let us look at a hypothetical example, someone I care about may have made a delicious dinner for me, slaving away in the kitchen whilst I was purposely kept in place, leisurely doing my own favoured activities. Now, when I have the dinner brought to me I am often overcome with emotions, inside. However, that rush of emotions, that wave crashes so violently to the extent that my mind blanks out and I have a stoic expression on my face. It is frustrating and it angers me because I cannot express in words or in actions how I actually feel at that very moment. To have someone you care about intently staring at you, waiting for your reaction, and you are unable to give it to them. It feels as if you almost failed them in some way, not that I am unable to make up for it at a later time, I usually do. Nonetheless, that sense of failure is not the best feeling in the world. It almost feels like an emotional disability.
Are you stating that this could be a blown fuse, the very fuse which Stingers have a habit of holding unto, where we do all in our might in order to control our emotions?
I suppose that could be a possibility but I am close with these individuals, they know me well enough and I them. I am more than comfortable being vulnerable with them, not that I would like to be like so every single day because I am fiercely protective of my independence.
Posted by tizianiHmm, I will have to look into the 6th House then. 🙂Posted by TheLadyScorpioAha, well I have no first hand experience of it. I believe you.Posted by tizianiPiano playing hardly helped, that I could assure you.
This is why boxing is beautiful. It helps link body and psyche. So does piano playing, I hear.
6th house issues.
6th house is where reactions are sharpened. Maybe the Virgo is rubbing off on you 🙂click to expand
[laughs]
The things I have learned about myself from this thread.
- An emotional disability, or worse emotional retardation is very real.
- Life only exist between states of shock and "emotional melt downs".
- I am either Spock or a box of wet tissues.
- Even Virgals with their knowledgeable minds cannot save you.
- Go find solace in a tub of gelato.
/yesIambeingsarcastic
The things I have learned about myself from this thread.
- An emotional disability, or worse emotional retardation is very real.
- Life only exist between states of shock and "emotional melt downs".
- I am either Spock or a box of wet tissues.
- Even Virgals with their knowledgeable minds cannot save you.
- Go find solace in a tub of gelato.
/yesIambeingsarcastic
Posted by AndalusiaWell Melly, when you have found the miracle cure please let me know.Posted by AndalusiaUnless my delayed response is causing someone else pain or stress. Then I simply statenter up front how my mind operates and ask for some time to process.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLol, once I learn how to cope with it I will let you know. 🙂Posted by AndalusiaI need lessons from a Virgal on how to cope with this. Apparently, I may very soon be turning into a version of Spock.
I have this issue too.
Honestly, I've stopped viewing it as a negative thing. As long as I allow myself to experience the emotions - whether positive or negative - once I do start to feel them, that's all that matters.click to expand
- Would seeing a shade of disappointment in their eyes count as causing someone pain or stress?
Due to my lack of timely emotional response, it could at times cause people to mistake the depth of emotion I feel for their gesture and it could leave some feeling a bit insecure (although that was entirely not of my intent).
Posted by VivaciousScorpioIt is not merely an appropriate reaction but forcing myself to have a reaction in which I could express in the first place.Posted by TheLadyScorpioPerhaps you are trying too hard to force yourself to outwardly exhibit an appropriate reaction. As this is unnatural for you it might perpetuate the maddening feeling of failiure?Posted by enfant_terribleHmm enfant (big cats are welcome here 😆), that thought did pass my mind, until I realise I am this way even with seemingly simple situations. There is no difference in my delayed emotional response be it in public or private, it is just as bad.
I'm like that too, sort of. Have you considered that it could possibly be a way of controling heavy emotions/uncomfortable scenes as oppose to it being an actual delayed reaction? I'm kind of split.
/Honorary Scorp
Let us look at a hypothetical example, someone I care about may have made a delicious dinner for me, slaving away in the kitchen whilst I was purposely kept in place, leisurely doing my own favoured activities. Now, when I have the dinner brought to me I am often overcome with emotions, inside. However, that rush of emotions, that wave crashes so violently to the extent that my mind blanks out and I have a stoic expression on my face. It is frustrating and it angers me because I cannot express in words or in actions how I actually feel at that very moment. To have someone you care about intently staring at you, waiting for your reaction, and you are unable to give it to them. It feels as if you almost failed them in some way, not that I am unable to make up for it at a later time, I usually do. Nonetheless, that sense of failure is not the best feeling in the world. It almost feels like an emotional disability.
Are you stating that this could be a blown fuse, the very fuse which Stingers have a habit of holding unto, where we do all in our might in order to control our emotions?
I suppose that could be a possibility but I am close with these individuals, they know me well enough and I them. I am more than comfortable being vulnerable with them, not that I would like to be like so every single day because I am fiercely protective of my independence.
I unfortunately cannot relate so I am unable to give suitable advice,click to expand
Posted by VivaciousScorpioMore so the former rather than the latter.
Are you able to predict the scenarios that will force you to react and the time makes you feel uncomfortable or do you observe everyone reacting a certain way and realise you aren't participating?
I am often aware enough to know the reaction that is expected of me, hence why I am able to act my way through and fake it even though I hate doing so. When you have people you care about looking at you waiting with bated breathe for a response, any response I tend to spew out will often be but the first scenario I had predicted.
It sounds rather manipulative when I write it as so but that was not the intent, not at all.
Posted by TheLadyScorpioSpock sistah!! 😄
However, that rush of emotions, that wave crashes so violently to the extent that my mind blanks out and I have a stoic expression on my face. It is frustrating and it angers me because I cannot express in words or in actions how I actually feel at that very moment.
Well I only jumped on the 'control' wagon because you said; "...in fact I am on a constant frantic search for the appropriate emotional response to express in return, or even a gesture which would fit the social etiquette that is expected of me. "
Which to me indicates that you are aware of it at the moment it's happening, yet you are still unable to express how you feel. And if you are selfconscious about it at the time, it's not a delayed reaction per se, it's just that you don't have a need to express your emotions in an animated manner. Anyway that's how I am, I feel things strongly but I have 0 need to express it outwardly. Instead, I've grown to hate birthdays and stuff because I have to fake expressions.
This would be me on a rollercoaster, quite literally.
I have to disappoint you guys, I am a libra but I have the exact same issue.. I have trouble reciprocating attention even.. Or hold up a conversation sometimes when the other person is really dear to me. It is quite heartbreaking because the other feels that I am not interested in them.. my sixth house is in virgo by the way. If boxing helps, that's a good idea, I was thinking about horse riding and maybe a drama group. Things are easier when the mood is light and I feel less insecure but I don't want to lose the person I care about because of this. It is a very important topic thanks to the OP for bringing it up. ♥
Posted by febyWhat flavour should we dig into? 😄Posted by TheLadyScorpioPlease pass the gelato 😄 I only want a few bites!!
[laughs]
The things I have learned about myself from this thread.
- An emotional disability, or worse emotional retardation is very real.
- Life only exist between states of shock and "emotional melt downs".
- I am either Spock or a box of wet tissues.
- Even Virgals with their knowledgeable minds cannot save you.
- Go find solace in a tub of gelato.
/yesIambeingsarcasticclick to expand
Posted by workingirlYou are most welcome workingirl and I hope you enjoy the discussion being held here.
I have to disappoint you guys, I am a libra but I have the exact same issue.. I have trouble reciprocating attention even.. Or hold up a conversation sometimes when the other person is really dear to me. It is quite heartbreaking because the other feels that I am not interested in them.. my sixth house is in virgo by the way. If boxing helps, that's a good idea, I was thinking about horse riding and maybe a drama group. Things are easier when the mood is light and I feel less insecure but I don't want to lose the person I care about because of this. It is a very important topic thanks to the OP for bringing it up. ♥
Posted by enfant_terribleThe gif, I entirely relate to.Posted by TheLadyScorpioSpock sistah!! 😄
However, that rush of emotions, that wave crashes so violently to the extent that my mind blanks out and I have a stoic expression on my face. It is frustrating and it angers me because I cannot express in words or in actions how I actually feel at that very moment.
Well I only jumped on the 'control' wagon because you said; "...in fact I am on a constant frantic search for the appropriate emotional response to express in return, or even a gesture which would fit the social etiquette that is expected of me. "
Which to me indicates that you are aware of it at the moment it's happening, yet you are still unable to express how you feel. And if you are selfconscious about it at the time, it's not a delayed reaction per se, it's just that you don't have a need to express your emotions in an animated manner. Anyway that's how I am, I feel things strongly but I have 0 need to express it outwardly. Instead, I've grown to hate birthdays and stuff because I have to fake expressions.
This would be me on a rollercoaster, quite literally.
click to expand
Oh, I am more than aware but there seems to be both shock and a wall in place where I cannot find the words or actions to express the emotions at hand.
Surprisingly, I am actually not self conscious about it, I simply do not understand the need to have a hyper drive of instantaneous reactions to every single interaction between those close to me. I need the freedom to express my genuine emotions when they do a rise (whenever that may be) and not be forced into a box or a corner whilst being told when and where I get to express myself. That level of restriction or if you look at it from another angle, expectations, causes me to freeze up and act my way through it all. I abhor having to do so.
enfant, you may be unto something here! 😄
Posted by febyYou did tell me to choose, then a buffet of flavours it shall be. 😛Posted by TheLadyScorpioHey I'm libra dominant, you choose...if I don't like it I'll say something 😛Posted by febyWhat flavour should we dig into? 😄Posted by TheLadyScorpioPlease pass the gelato 😄 I only want a few bites!!
[laughs]
The things I have learned about myself from this thread.
- An emotional disability, or worse emotional retardation is very real.
- Life only exist between states of shock and "emotional melt downs".
- I am either Spock or a box of wet tissues.
- Even Virgals with their knowledgeable minds cannot save you.
- Go find solace in a tub of gelato.
/yesIambeingsarcasticclick to expand
Cherry, Lemon, Rum Raisin, Coffee, Baileys, Amaretto, Salted Caramel and Pistachio.
Posted by febyPosted by TheLadyScorpioPERFECT and Yummo to all!!!Posted by febyYou did tell me to choose, then a buffet of flavours it shall be. 😛Posted by TheLadyScorpioHey I'm libra dominant, you choose...if I don't like it I'll say something 😛Posted by febyWhat flavour should we dig into? 😄Posted by TheLadyScorpioPlease pass the gelato 😄 I only want a few bites!!
[laughs]
The things I have learned about myself from this thread.
- An emotional disability, or worse emotional retardation is very real.
- Life only exist between states of shock and "emotional melt downs".
- I am either Spock or a box of wet tissues.
- Even Virgals with their knowledgeable minds cannot save you.
- Go find solace in a tub of gelato.
/yesIambeingsarcastic
Cherry, Lemon, Rum Raisin, Coffee, Baileys, Amaretto, Salted Caramel and Pistachio.click to expand
Hah, @tiziani would have to cough up those boxing sessions then and be our trainer.
TLS. You hit the nail on the head when you said you needed time to process before reacting. It's verrrry true. I think it stems from the fact that at the moment an event happens, we stingers feel that internal volcano explode with all these hot, seething emotions. Of course the first emotion that surfaces is the one where we instinctually go into, I'm going to rip you a new ass with my words and slay your heart out with a dagger so sharp it will take you years to recover. 😄
But, well, that is just the first emotion that surfaces and any scorp who is mature knows we need to put a lid on that. So we stay silent and process what we are really feeling--sifting through all the emotions that crop up until we get to the heart of the matter. Once we feel that we know exactly what is really the truth of emotions, we can go back in with the honest assessment.
Of course this can also go for feeling overwhelmed in a romantic sense and getting caught up in those emotions as well. Like the volcano wants us to completely consume and possess our lover in the moment like some molten lava engulfing everything in it's path, but the assessment period might allow for the possibility that maybe we just really like the person and molten lava may not be the right course of action at this juncture. 🙂
But, well, that is just the first emotion that surfaces and any scorp who is mature knows we need to put a lid on that. So we stay silent and process what we are really feeling--sifting through all the emotions that crop up until we get to the heart of the matter. Once we feel that we know exactly what is really the truth of emotions, we can go back in with the honest assessment.
Of course this can also go for feeling overwhelmed in a romantic sense and getting caught up in those emotions as well. Like the volcano wants us to completely consume and possess our lover in the moment like some molten lava engulfing everything in it's path, but the assessment period might allow for the possibility that maybe we just really like the person and molten lava may not be the right course of action at this juncture. 🙂
Posted by TheLadyScorpioPerhaps you need to learn how to be present in the moment and just allow yourself to just experience your interactions with others. I mean ask yourself who is actually imposing these expectations? Others or are you placing them on yourself? All of your hesitation appears to be based on "expectations".
...when normal individuals respond to another individual's expression or acts of emotion with ease, I have a period of complete blankness where I mentally absorb the event ...I am on a constant frantic search for the appropriate emotional response to express in return, or even a gesture which would fit the social etiquette that is expected of me. However when I do come up with a response, it often ends up being a forced reaction, an act and in essence if I had to be honest I am but faking it.
Posted by TheLadyScorpioYes, to some degree, but on the opposite end for me. So, I will feel something immediately, but will make a conscious choice to not show it to you until I've processed it and then I will decided how I express the feeling to you. It has more to do with being guarded and making a choice about what I will and will not express to others. At the end of the day though, it all comes down to the same thing. Scorps, for the most part feel they must control their emotions from others. Whether it be fear of another's reaction or fear of how you will be perceived. Emotionally constipated. As you feel more comfortable in your skin and feel less critical of yourself, you're less restricted.
...Have any of you dear Stingers ever felt this way or suffer such a predicament? If so, how did you overcome it or at least develop coping mechanism to suppress it?click to expand
The issue with that is it's often based on an assumption of how we think others will perceive us/respond vs what has actually happened. Until you get that sorted you'll forever be in fear of how you "come off" to others.
Anyway, my brain is mush today, so I hope that makes sense.
Posted by febyCan I ask, do you know why that happens for you and what do you do as the emotion builds? To eventually express it?
Hello dear friend. I did read your other post....and I guess one could say I can relate to the delay you are referring to. Im always delayed. Slow to react, slow with every real emotional thing.
I was just thinking about a situation that happened to me last week where I didn't react at all, but I know others would have blown their top like instantly.
It doesn't mean I didn't feel it though...I found myself getting angrier as the evening went on.
You know I'm not a Scorpio....i was slow to react to your post 😄 now I'm ready!
Correct me if I'm wrong LadyScorp, you were speaking of any type of emotional expression vs simply negative emotions?
Posted by febyHaha, I would have asked, so thanks for this.
Not that anyone asked but if I could just say, I think one of the reasons why it's so hard for me to forgive is because I don't feel like I have a true desire to hurt anyone, nor do I really want to in my heart. Then when someone fucks with me I'm like "oh no you daint!!" I will begrudge them and hold them in contempt inside of me. It's actually super tortuous for me because it goes against the way I am comfortable to be most naturally. One way to break this fucking curse for me is if I'm inspired with a feeling of compassion for them...
I don't know if anyone else can relate.
@PhoenixRising
I have not forgotten about your questions and still in the middle of contemplating them.
I have not forgotten about your questions and still in the middle of contemplating them.
Posted by WhiteChocolateIt needn't be hypocrisy. It can be an expression of mourning a loss of life, which is an universal reaction.
I see this in news stories about high school students who've died, and the school holds a vigil or similar. All of a sudden the entire school is wracked with grief over the kids death.
Yet prior to his death, most of the mourners probably didn't even know he existed. But instead of being honest and admitting they actually feel nothing and don't give a crap...they go off the deep end all emo.
Not directed at the person who died, but the loss of any young human life, which sustains the momentum.
A backward transference from that person's death to how it would feel if a friend died.
There is a difference between having an emotional reaction and expressing it.
I don't think it's a problem with reaction, rather the expression doesn't seem to "match" the moment so to speak.
The expression doesn't take precedence over the emotion felt genuinely in the moment. And you can sense that, because then you talk about the delayed response.
I honestly think you're not aware that the emotion is in the moment because you're focused on the expression not matching the moment.
I don't think it's a problem with reaction, rather the expression doesn't seem to "match" the moment so to speak.
The expression doesn't take precedence over the emotion felt genuinely in the moment. And you can sense that, because then you talk about the delayed response.
I honestly think you're not aware that the emotion is in the moment because you're focused on the expression not matching the moment.
I'm Scorpio moon.
You took words out of my mouth here --
"Now that may sound a bit confusing but it is essentially this; when normal individuals respond to another individual's expression or acts of emotion with ease, I have a period of complete blankness where I mentally absorb the event but my emotions never seem to quite catch up with the speed at which the situation is unfolding"
..
I'm totally like that and when people press me for emotional reaction I still remain silent, or find a way to escape situation or end up crying.. But...irs blank...at the same time not so blank..
I never quite understood why I am like this. Off late, i feel its becoming a problem. Any emotional situation will have me blank. My mind stops...everything stops. I stop.
It's opposed to my Aries sun. I'm actually kind of thankful for this nature though. Only, yes, people may feel annoyed to deal with me...because when another is all hot in emotions, my reaction does not seem to make a connection anywhere especially when they sooo need it from me.
What should I do?
And to make things worse...even when I am emotional or feeling too much myself which is like loooooong time after that emotional situation - I cannot bring myself to express it..
Even when I'm touched or feeling.. I cannot express. I am blank. On the outside.
You took words out of my mouth here --
"Now that may sound a bit confusing but it is essentially this; when normal individuals respond to another individual's expression or acts of emotion with ease, I have a period of complete blankness where I mentally absorb the event but my emotions never seem to quite catch up with the speed at which the situation is unfolding"
..
I'm totally like that and when people press me for emotional reaction I still remain silent, or find a way to escape situation or end up crying.. But...irs blank...at the same time not so blank..
I never quite understood why I am like this. Off late, i feel its becoming a problem. Any emotional situation will have me blank. My mind stops...everything stops. I stop.
It's opposed to my Aries sun. I'm actually kind of thankful for this nature though. Only, yes, people may feel annoyed to deal with me...because when another is all hot in emotions, my reaction does not seem to make a connection anywhere especially when they sooo need it from me.
What should I do?
And to make things worse...even when I am emotional or feeling too much myself which is like loooooong time after that emotional situation - I cannot bring myself to express it..
Even when I'm touched or feeling.. I cannot express. I am blank. On the outside.
For myself, it depends on how deep the event has to reach before it hits me. I have minor bouts of emotiveness, like when I have a piece of chocolate cake and it's good, I'm all "hmmmmmm". Or when I see something funny, I giggle.
I fall into the same category as feby, I sit in shock until the situations burrows to where my feelings are, then things start to happen. If I have to emote something immediately, I have a go-to list of behaviors to exhibit to look normal. Then usually a little while later I come back to that person all:
Or if they were an asshole:
Or if this happens:
Then I throw my remote that isn't changing the channel because the batteries are on the fritz, but I don't know that because it isn't my job to monitor the batteries, so I have to sit and witness the shit show and the music and the feels, so when my Virgo ex finally did come down stairs because off all the noise I was making, I ripped his head off verbally.
Literally.just.for.forgetting.to.change.batteries
I fall into the same category as feby, I sit in shock until the situations burrows to where my feelings are, then things start to happen. If I have to emote something immediately, I have a go-to list of behaviors to exhibit to look normal. Then usually a little while later I come back to that person all:
Or if they were an asshole:
Or if this happens:
Then I throw my remote that isn't changing the channel because the batteries are on the fritz, but I don't know that because it isn't my job to monitor the batteries, so I have to sit and witness the shit show and the music and the feels, so when my Virgo ex finally did come down stairs because off all the noise I was making, I ripped his head off verbally.
Literally.just.for.forgetting.to.change.batteries
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Recently, I have come to the realisation that I have a delayed emotional response when reacting to social situations or expected reciprocating acts of love between those I care for.
Now that may sound a bit confusing but it is essentially this; when normal individuals respond to another individual's expression or acts of emotion with ease, I have a period of complete blankness where I mentally absorb the event but my emotions never seem to quite catch up with the speed at which the situation is unfolding. This often leaves me with a stoic face hence people may react in an offended manner and find me cold-hearted or numb.
That could not be further from the truth, in fact I am on a constant frantic search for the appropriate emotional response to express in return, or even a gesture which would fit the social etiquette that is expected of me. However when I do come up with a response, it often ends up being a forced reaction, an act and in essence if I had to be honest I am but faking it. This is not out of any malicious intent but I simply cannot meet their expectations in time. It takes time for me to genuinely express thanks or love or appreciation or surprise or any emotion at all. I need time to ponder, to reflect, to let it sink in, so then my honest response would rise to the surface within me.
There seems to be a complete disconnect between how I perceive events, how I process information, and finally how I express emotions.
Yet, no matter what I do I cannot seem to speed the process up. The final result leaves those around me feeling a shade disappointed because of my seemingly non-reactive state but what they do not realise is this - I often react perhaps a few days or weeks or even months down the line when the thought of what they did or said finally resurfaces, now completely understood.
Unfortunately but then, they have but forgotten the occasion and at times already went through the whole resentment process. By that time, they merely see a random emotional outburst at an inappropriate time, mistaking me for being moody, sentimental or overtly sensitive.
- Have any of you dear Stingers ever felt this way or suffer such a predicament? If so, how did you overcome it or at least develop coping mechanism to suppress it?