How long can a scorpio stay away or ice you out? (Page 2)

I need to be able to tell him and him believe it. But, how do I tell him without bringing it up? I mean, is that even possible? Even by saying I'm over it, he could take as me harping on it. Does that make sense?

Posted by scorchedearth
the double standard is an issue. and you shouldn't just allow him to be an insecure maniac who tries to police your texting if you're not also allowed to be concerned about what he's doing.

anyone who is telling you to be okay with that double standard doesn't have your best interests in mind.

I agree. But, it almost isn't worth it. Anything I say now, until things are calm, WILL be used against me and seen as a fight. I honestly think if he sees things are good, he will start to feel more secure, and will naturally go back to who he was before. Before, he was very attentive. I think he recognized the things he wouldn't want me doing because of his insecurities, and therefore wouldn't do them himself. I have a second job that I work Saturday nights. I never once told him stay home and wait for me, and I wouldn't. Yet, he did. I even asked why he didn't go out and he kind of shrugged it off and said he'd rather stay home and wait for me. I'm pretty sure it was also because he knew he would go crazy if the roles were reversed and I went out while he was working. So, he isn't incapable of seeing how he is. He has also told me in the past that he stopped texting or answering texts from women who had any potential to be anything other than friends. I never asked him to do that. I trusted him. Then I found out it bothered him that I texted guy friends, and he thought every guy was interested in me.

Posted by GetMisted
"I'm sorry that I brought up the Scorp woman at work after I told you she didn't bother me. It was wrong of me to throw it in your face after saying I wouldn't.

I've thought about it for a while now and have realized that my issue stems from my own insecurities.. And that you would never do anything with her just to spite me.

This is my promise to you.. She will not be brought up again. If I do, I accept that it is still my own insecurty that is playing games with my head and will not be upset with you if you react negatively to my broken promise.

I miss you. Now damn it.. Teach me another song. These guitar strings are killing my fingers! Xoxo"

Thank you.

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by scorchedearth
the double standard is an issue. and you shouldn't just allow him to be an insecure maniac who tries to police your texting if you're not also allowed to be concerned about what he's doing.

anyone who is telling you to be okay with that double standard doesn't have your best interests in mind.

There's no double standard if she doesn't have a problem with the Scorp woman..

It would be different if she was to admit that she does.

click to expand

He can't expect me to give up my male friends, though, when I'm not asking him to give up his female friends. Plus, it's just not healthy. So, if things ever calmed down and we had a chance to work it out, I would just do everything I could to make him feel secure. I will continue to have friends and he can continue to have friends. If he has an issue with me having friends, I'll ask him if that shall apply to us both. Then, the ball is in his court. To me, that's fair.

I don't actually mind his jealousy. It's part of who he is, and I accept it. But, I can't just stop having male friends. That's ridiculous. I didn't bring her up in what I posted above. I just said female friends, because that would be the equivalent. Saying that would show him it's ridiculous. There has to be trust in a relationship. Jealousy is fine...even his extreme jealousy I'm okay with, and most would not. However, it isn't healthy to shut yourselves out from the outside world. I honestly don't think it would come to that, though. I really think it all boils down to hurt. If we could just have things be calm and gain trust we aren't going to hurt one another, all the other insignificant crap would fade away.

Posted by IllaLupus
Extreme scorpio? No unevolved Scorpio.. He needs to grow up.

+1 No kidding! His little boy antics the first time should have been a red flag and his ass dumped immediately.

LetitB, I would have never gone further had he shown signs from the start. :/ He was wonderful at first.

GetMisted, no there aren't. lol

Thanks to everyone who gave me some insight!

Posted by DeathbyScorpio
LetitB, I would have never gone further had he shown signs from the start. :/ He was wonderful at first.

...and after that he wasn't. The red flags slapped the hell out of you, and you didn't flinch. You can't change him, you are not a bandaid. You have two legs I assume..walk away

or not..comes down to you, not him.

Hi DeathbyScorpio,


I've read through everything here carefully, and the other posts you wrote about this. What I see is that you're very focused on the person he seemed to be when things were good and you're hoping to return to that by some action on you part to get him back to that state. The truth is that it's only a fraction of what he's really about, and his good side seems to be hinged on things going his way with little room for any small mistake on his "mate's" part. While this may be viewed as Scorpionic, it definitely doesn't excuse it, and it's the low and controlling Scorpionic quality that Scorps need to rise above.

The degree of offence he has taken is disproportional to the actual offence, as you I'm sure agree because you've expressed that. There is likely a lot more to it (in his psyche, at least) maybe based on other things that have happened to him in his past. I get the sense that he's actually kind of enjoying punishing you, in the darkly sad self-stinging way that some immature Scorps do. They feel powerless so they grab power with the freeze out that is over the top. On some level they enjoy seeing the person who "hurt" them hurt more.

Even immature Scorps will respect strength if it's truly shown to them. That doesn't mean that they'll be romantically involved with a strong person - they might feel some fear of them because their BS won't be tolerated and they'll instead target someone weaker who will put up with their shit.

It would be best if you not only didn't care about the woman who flirts with him but also you didn't care about his childish response to it by shutting you out for your mistake in bringing her up again in a much better way than you had previous. His response, if I knew him, would make me lose respect for him. I might try one last ditch effort to say I'm sorry for offending you with x, I'd like to talk to you and make amends, and if I was still shut out that would be it, I would be sad that the person I thought I knew wasn't the person I really knew but I would know that I tried and they decided to fuck themselves over with catatonic coldness.


The consensus of people who know you well and people who don't know you well is that he's immature and not worth your time. I know that the love you feel for him compels you. I know that's hard. But the truth is that it isn't really what the problem is. The problem is the kind of attraction you have to him isn't healthy because he isn't a healthy perso

continued (I was cut off)

he isn't a healthy person.

Working on yourself so you are stronger and not dependant on his attention and care would be wise. Hard to do, I know, but worth it for what it will do for you in the rest of your life.

If you do whatever magic thing that triggers him to take you back, things are going to go downhill again, it's very likely, like they did with what happened with the incident that lead to you posting here. So, you might have a honeymoon type phase where you think that isn't the case and he's the wonderful man you remember, but then it will turn again.

He needs to work on his jealousy and issues, it actually is to a messed up level, this isn't about him being a Scorp male. One day, probably after years, when he's more mature and has worked on things then maybe he can be the giving person you like most in full.

The one thing that I wonder about is if he thinks that you did something that you actually didn't do that is indeed very bad. If so, he should just confront you and be done with it, then you'd know and could explain things. That's the only out I give him. Sure, people need time to process things but he's shut you out for longer than necessary without a word.

Thank you for your input, CopperDove. I think you're right. :/

forever 🙂

Posted by DeathbyScorpio
Thank you for your input, CopperDove. I think you're right. :/

You're welcome.

I know that it's really hard.

I went through many ups and downs with someone who couldn't handle stress and emotions well thanks to his immaturity. In the end it felt like I was dealing with a spoiled teenager, not a man in his 30s who could give what I could in a relationship.

So, I wrote him the note and gave it to him. He didn't want to read it in front of me, so I said okay and left. After a few minutes, he texted me and said, "I may not be ready to talk any time soon. I'm just being honest."

Obviously he's not ready to talk, but I don't know if that means he is done or just needs time or what. Thoughts?

Posted by DeathbyScorpio
So, I wrote him the note and gave it to him. He didn't want to read it in front of me, so I said okay and left. After a few minutes, he texted me and said, "I may not be ready to talk any time soon. I'm just being honest."

Obviously he's not ready to talk, but I don't know if that means he is done or just needs time or what. Thoughts?

It could mean either, but I think that he's at least in part holding out on you to hold some power over you (the "I'm just being honest" part is unnecessarily dramatic and redundant), though fortunately you've been warned that he might not talk to you for a while so now you can let go. You've done what you can with reaching out. He may decide to talk to you sooner, once your note sinks in more, and probably it will happen even sooner (if it's going to happen at all) if you don't look anxious about it. Some people just love using silence to lord it over others.

Thanks, CopperDove.

When I posted earlier, I didn't have time to write about the text I sent him back.

I said:

So, should I give up on trying to talk to you and move on then?

I also said I think me explaining how I felt then and how I feel now would help him understand things more and that I think it would make him feel better. I said it would make me feel better to understand him more. I also mentioned that it is awkward for us and other people at work because we don't speak. I told him those are the reasons why I wanted to talk.

Then I said-If you aren't ready to talk, then you aren't ready, and I respect that. But, if I need to give up, please let me know.

....No response, but I didn't expect one.

We went to a happy hour for mutual friends after and he was acting like he was having the time of his life. He stayed away from me the whole time, except for one instance. A friend of mine saw me texting someone and asked who it was. I told her it's a guy I've sort of, but not really been talking to. She asked what was wrong with me because he sounds perfect, is talented, and really good looking. I told her I'm just being really cautious, but left out that I'm still in love with my ex. Anyway, she took my phone and started texting the guy, pretending to be me. She invited him over to watch a movie and I was saying, Omg what if he says yes, I don't want him to come over tonight.... I dont know if my ex heard us or what, but he came over and stood on the other side of the table right across from us to talk to someone. I just find it odd he happened to do that as we were clearly talking about the girl inviting another guy over to my place. (He definitely heard that standing across from us.) I know it's bad to make scorps jealous, but if he wants to just make me wait forever and let me go, I have to try to move on. Does he just expect me to do the back and forth with months of not talking for another year? I won't.

@Gemi9, in the past, he has tried to resist me, sexually. Of course, he always gave in right away if we were in the same room, but if we weren't physically together, he wouldn't come around me for fear we would sleep together. He said it is too emotional for him. I think he didn't want to let his guard down. He would tell me I can't come over and then say you have no idea how badly I want you to be here. ...It seems like self-torture to me. Why not just try to work things out if you love the person?? I don't get it either.I guess it is self-protection to scorps?

Also...why do scorpios need to wait so long to talk? Is it because you tend to yell and don't want to (he doesn't ever yell; he says nothing), or because you are scared to show your true emotions, or is it for punishment or...?

Hi DeathbyScorpio,

It's good what you sent to him and that you didn't expect a reply. At least he knows.

If he thinks that you're getting involved with someone else thanks to what your friend was doing, likely he won't bother to talk to you again. Or he'll get very angry at you and take action based on that. That's presuming he overheard any of it. If he doesn't care about you any more, then of course it won't really bother him, ego issues aside.

You have the right to move on, of course. I think that you should because he is too immature and punishing and troubled. But you aren't ready to date someone new yet, that isn't fair to the new person because you haven't moved on enough yet to be ready. Your friend did a very bad thing by doing that with that guy with the texts - not only for the guy, who is being told something that you wouldn't say or want at this point, but for you too because of where you're at with the Scorp guy. I wouldn't want to be friends with a person who did something like that - deciding for me what I should write to someone I'm not ready to get involved with yet.


Some Scorpios need a lot of time to process things, but he has taken longer than a healthy Scorp needs, it appears, so with him you aren't seeing what a Scorp needs, you're seeing what an immature and punishing person does.

That stated, in general Scorps may need to wait longer than other people prefer because they need to do a few things (any combination of the below):

- process the details that sometimes can be overwhelming to them - Scorps can feel multiple layers of things and they have to sort that out to figure out what is coming from the other person and what is within themselves, etc. The emotional life of a Scorp is hard to navigate - so much energy swirls about, and emotional energy is hard to understand.

- process the energy of the other person out of themselves (so they can be objective) and be in their own energy so they have energy to engage in the talk


- be calm as possible so they don't feel like they'll lose control when talking in some way - revealing what they don't want to reveal. It's scary for a lot of Scorps to feel that they aren't in control of their emotional responses to things

- if immature and therefore perhaps vindictive, they need time to figure out how to manipulate the situation and potentially get revenge

Also, I hope that you will tell the guy who was texted by your friend that it was your friend who grabbed your phone, sorry about that, and state something that you are in fact comfortable with regarding getting together with him (and if you aren't okay with getting together with him, honor that). I can only imagine the mess her immature controlling takeover of your phone might create. If that guy really likes you it's awful that he will think that he's being invited over when he isn't.

Be careful of who is in your life. There are now two examples of people in your life, based on what you've posted, who are immature and controlling in some way.

Thanks for your response!

I was thinking it would be a bad thing if he overheard that, and I'm almost positive he did (he was very close by and I noticed he was looking at us after he had kept away). He also lingered there, probably to hear what was going on.

I'm guessing it isn't a good idea to text him again as he may see it as pushing or desperate. I'm wondering if there is anything I should/would do to let him get a sense that I'm not dating someone new. I've noticed he isn't a fighter (as in pursuing, not arguing) for things, even if he wants them. If he feels hurt or rejected, he tends to just be silent and stay away rather than take action to get things back. :/

I would love to move on, but that's very hard to do when you see the person you still love all the time.

I'll hang out with the other guy to try to move on and see if there could be anything there, but I'm not going to do anything other than that until I'm ready.

Also, I'm almost certain he cares about me, and still loves me. That doesn't mean he will want to work things out, though.

He seemed very nervous when I approached him with the note.

I think he would flat out tell me if he is done, especially because he tends to be an a-hole when hurt and he knows that would really hurt me. So, maybe he is not sure of what he wants. Who knows. Do you think he would respond if he were truly done?

Thanks, and sorry for all the questions. Lol

I'd imagine forever as they are part of the water sign family.

I know and have known many Scorpios and many of them do forgive and will speak to you again. But there are some who also walk away and don't look back. I've only met 1 like that.

Hi DeathbyScorpio,

No problem with all of the questions. 🙂

That's bad that he tends to be passive. That's another sign of immaturity of course, and it can very much be about playing the victim too, a role he likely is quite adept at.

It could be that he's undecided, yes. I would hope he'd just tell you it's over if that's what he wants. I think it's possible he's punishing you and playing the victim because he feels that you're in the wrong. If he talks to you about it he may try to make you seem even more wrong than anything you would actually. Hold your ground as best as you can if that happens. If there is something legitimate he brings up, fine (that you haven't shared here) but it sounds like there isn't any horrible thing you've done that would lead a person to stop talking to another person.

You are okay with that flirty woman now, but I wouldn't be okay with all of that if I witnessed it even though I'm not involved with either of them because it was disrespectful to their respective partners (the woman's husband and you). He should have deflected her flirting as an instinctual response to respect you, instead he wants to play a game with it all and get pouty. But I get the sense from what you've described about him that he's not self aware and acts from his emotions impulsively. So he wouldn't recognize some of his own behaviour even if you filmed him and showed it to him later.

Probably it's best to leave the possible thing he overheard for now - don't mention it to him. He may not have overheard enough to know what was really being discussed anyway. You might get more of a sense of that over the next few day and then you can decide if you want to tell him anything about it. It isn't his business now, though, because you aren't a couple currently.

You can hang out with the other guy, of course, if you focus on it being a friendship at most for a while. If the Scorp finds out given how he feels about you even talking to other men, he won't be happy, but that's his problem to face.

If there is a way to not see him so much (to work somewhere else) I recommend looking into it. It isn't good for your personal or professional life to be experiencing stress with the reminder of him. Even if things get better it's still risky that it will happen again in some way. But I know that changing jobs usually isn't easy and he's the one who is causing the problem here so ideally he should find another place to work if he isn't willing to

I was cut off:

The last sentence should be:

But I know that changing jobs usually isn't easy and he's the one who is causing the problem here so ideally he should find another place to work if he isn't willing to patch things up with you to at least have things be neutral.

Thanks for your response, CopperDove! You seem to have a balanced, mature perspective.

I really wish he would find another job, but I know that's not ever going to happen. Sigh. I guess all I can do is be patient and keep hoping things will get better, whether he and I end up together or not.

Posted by DeathbyScorpio
Thanks for your response, CopperDove! You seem to have a balanced, mature perspective.

I really wish he would find another job, but I know that's not ever going to happen. Sigh. I guess all I can do is be patient and keep hoping things will get better, whether he and I end up together or not.

You're welcome. 🙂 I'm glad to be helpful. I've been involved with immature people, including someone who had a lot of Scorpio influences, and I also have observed a lot over the years with my friend's relationships.

I think that's the best you can do, and I wish you all the best for getting through it. It's hard to be kept waiting. As time goes forward it will probably get easier for you because you'll be able to understand things more clearly, even if he doesn't tell you anything directly. You'll likely have insights in hindsight that are hard to access in yourself now, during this emotionally difficult time.

Any updates, DeathbyScorpio? I'm wondering if he has talked to you by now or not.

Posted by CopperDove
Any updates, DeathbyScorpio? I'm wondering if he has talked to you by now or not.

No, he hasn't talked to me, but I've noticed some changes in his behavior last week. They are very subtle and may seem silly, but a huge difference from before, if that makes sense. I had sent out a couple of 'all staff' emails asking for help on a project. Two or three weeks ago, he didn't respond (which, I didn't think he would). Last week, he actually responded to one and said he was sorry he was just seeing my email, and that he was out of the office at another office we deal with, but that he hoped I got help. He had no reason to respond that he couldn't help, especially seeing as he wasn't even in the office. I was shocked he responded at all. I responded back with a couple of lines, and he responded again and said he has been going to this place a lot (telling me something semi-personal).

A couple of weeks ago, a few of us went out to eat. It was raining and he was the only one with an umbrella. He didn't offer to give it to anyone and one of the girls even joked about how he didn't offer the ladies his umbrella. One day last week, a group of us went out to eat. It was raining again. There were a few girls in the group, but as we were leaving, he turned to the girl standing next to me and me and said we could take his umbrella. Again, seemingly insignificant, but there's no way he would have done that two weeks ago.

He also started posting songs about loving a person. The latest one he posted was this past weekend and the whole song is about wanting to reconcile, feeling the person loves him like he loves her, feeling there isn't peace in their hearts because they threw their love away, and it asks what are they supposed to do if they can't live apart/without each other. It also talks about thinking of the person all the time, even in his absence. I really do think he relates that to us.

Tonight, I went with some friends to a happy hour, and he was there. Someone asked me about my Friday night and I told them. I think he put two and two together that I was out with a guy (I was--trying to move on), and he audibly said, "Hmmm" but he sounded hurt. A while later, he started talking about one of the girls he used to flirt with. Nothing major, just talking about their interactions, but I swear I think he started talking about

...but I swear I think he started talking about her to piss me off or hurt me.

Other than that, nothing has happened at all. SIGH.



In my gut, I feel like there was a change in him, and I don't know if it came out of the blue or if it's because I wrote him that note recently. In the past, he has told me twice he was done (normally he won't say a word when I ask). Both times, I calmly accepted it and said okay. Days later, he pursued me, and was the complete opposite, both times. I think he tries to move on and the times where I've felt he is done and I'm accepting it and going to move on too, he freaks out and realizes he may lose me. It's so stupid. I don't know why he can't just TALK to me like a normal person and work things out if he loves me and doesn't REALLY want me to go anywhere. Some people will say it's just a control thing or he just wants me around to play games, but I know he really does love me. What bothers me is that just because he loves me and misses me, doesn't mean he will try to make things right. That part, I do not understand. I don't know if it's pride, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt again, or what.

I kind of wish I hadn't said anything about my Friday night now. I don't know if it helps or hinders if he sees I'm trying to move on.

I also wonder if I should reach out to him again, but I mostly feel like he needs to put in some effort. Posting songs for me to hopefully see is ridiculous. I've offered to talk; I feel like the ball is in his court. He's not proactive though. Very frustrating.

Thanks for the update!

The ball is in his court, yes! You reached out in a very clear way. If he wants to stop the pattern you've had in the past with him, he'll do it. It's good that he has at least been pleasant with his new behaviour, but it's far from what will fix this, I agree.

He may be the type of person who only really wants you when you don't want him as much, or when he feels that he "needs" you for something - something to pay attention to, like what you've noticed with his effort to get you back when it seemed that you had moved on. That can be an ego thing for some people; their ego misses the person, the rest of them isn't necessarily all that moved because they aren't mature, self aware and together enough to love deeper than their ego. What he feels that he calls love is likely very different from what you experience when you feel love - his behaviour has shown many times that his love is more like you might see in a spoilt little boy rather than a healthy man.

Now that he knows that you might be moving on, he might resort to what he's done in the past, or give up, or who knows what. Immature people who aren't self aware are predictably unpredictable, the only truly predictable thing is that they won't handle the situation in a clear and satisfying way.

I do wish you well with this, but I feel that you deserve better. Your willingness to work on issues, to try to understand another person, to admit wrongdoing if you've done wrong, and to communicate clearly is admirable and deserves someone who can match it.

just hold him @ gun point that'll change him

Posted by busyeyes88
Gemi9. I'm in the middle of writing it... Lol

It's a great title for a book! Among all of the self help books out there, there aren't enough truly no-nonsense books on this - books that get right to it. So I hope that you do write it. Your posts are very clear and strong so I can imagine that your writing style and advice in a book would be too. 🙂

Posted by busyeyes88
@DeathbyScorpio. I am a female bull and saw your thread. And all I can say is if that were me in yr shoes it would have been his death by now.. I would have amputated the 'relationship' by walking awaY PERMANENTLY. I would never allow anyone to treat me like that let alone someone I have a relationship with. His behaviour is disgusting. You are weak and he is using your weakness and your low self esteem against You. I suggest you pick yourself up, get your self respect back and walk away FOR GOOD. Maybe then he will respect you..

I would give any of my friends the same advice. It's hard to do when you see the person every day and you still have feelings for them, though. Love is stupid in that way. :/

Today, we happened to walk past each other and briefly looked at each other (which we never do, it's so awkward), and he started to give a smile. I'm sure I had a mean/not pleasant look on my face, and I looked away. I don't know why smiling at him is so hard for me. I guess I'm just too hurt.

Posted by busyeyes88
@CopperDove. Thanks for your comment which I take as a compliment. It has always been a dream of mine to be an author but was never sure of the genre. But maybe I will bear your comment in mind. My mercury is in Aries which is very strong and my venus is in Pisces which hates the mistreatment administered by humans on each other 😢

You're welcome! The placements you mentioned seem ideal to write a book of this kind. I relate to what you say about mistreatment. My mercury is in Sagittarius, my Venus in Scorpio, and I have my sun and mercury in the 7th house and I'd say that one way that manifests is that fairness and justice are very important to me, along with the truth. I am also against cruelty of all kinds.

@Deathbyscorpio, I agree with busyeyes88 about the harm this does to you.

It completely makes sense you wouldn't want to smile at someone who has treated you like he has. His smile is meaningless unless he is willing to have a proper discussion with you, to apologize and then wish you well and let you move on because he can't give you healthy love. That would show some maturity on his part, but wouldn't make him trustworthy to continue to date - he'd be too new to doing something mature and would revert fast.

I know it's hard and I feel for you. I've had the experience of saying goodbye to someone I loved, knowing they weren't going to be able to love me in a healthy way so it was the best thing for me to do. It was painful for a long time as I recovered and worked on myself, but I emerged with a stronger core than I had before that relationship.

Okay, I definitely think he is trying to do little things to make me jealous or upset me since he figured out I went out with someone. That would hurt me, too. However, I've never tried to hurt him when he has hurt me (if that isn't obvious by the fact I haven't stabbed him right in the heart yet). Obviously he is emotionally immature, and all scorpios vary, as people are still individuals. However, for those of you who know you try to seek revenge on those who have hurt you (you know who you are, be honest), why do you do it?

I've seen various opinions on this, but would seeing a person you love date or trying to move on make you try to win them back, or would it make you stay away (even when you have pushed the person away or ignored the person initially)? He seems to only get nicer if I'm nice to him when we aren't talking. The only time he has responded to me being distant is if we are already talking and trying to be friends.

The only reason I'm still harping on this is because we work together and it is making me miserable. I don't understand why we can't at least be cordial and speak as friends. Sigh.

Posted by busyeyes88
@Deathbyscorpio. I'm not sure of your age but love is a two way street and trust me when I say that at my age I am still learning my lessons. You may love him but ask yourself.. Does he love you? Do you love him more than yourself? Why would you smile at a man who has treated you in a consistently appalling way? Would you treat him the way be has treated you? If not, then why allow him to treat you like that? But better still you are doing more damage to yourself than he is to you because every time you allow him in to treat you badly YOU are to blame because only YOU can control what happens.. Ie if you were to put up strong barriers to protect your emotions he would not be able to penetrate them therefore unable to do any more emotional harm to you.. But every time you leave your emotions open with no protection he is able to access them and harm you. Every time you let him do this to you.. It's like another form of 'self harm' but instead of you doing the harming you are giving him the permission to do it for you. At the end of the day we are all human beings. We were not put on this earth to treat each other badly.. But there are people out there who will use our weaknesses against us regardless of sun sign. He is a nasty person With bad energy.. Why on earth would you want that in your life? Ask yourself that question. You need to look inward at yourself and realise that most of this problem has come from you because if you held your head up high, with nose in the air and ignored the damn ass.. You would find you would be in control And that every time you ignored him as if he no longer existed he would become nothing... You would gain the Power. The Power being SELF RESPECT. There is no greater power out there. Think about it?

In my 30s--way too old for this sh*t.

I know he loves me. That's not me being hopeful or naive. He is just emotionally handicapped like no other. Lucky me.

I've never not felt strong with a person before. It has a lot to do with the fact that I see him all the time (which creates a lot of other issues I won't get into, but it freaking SUCKS).

I get that I need to not let him walk all over me. I just want to get to a point where he and I can sit down and have a conversation. Nothing will be solved and I won't feel any better with complete silence.

PS-Thanks for everyone's comments. I'm annoying even myself by how this affects me, so I can only imagine how frustrating it is to an outsider. ha My close friends and family want to smack him...and sometimes me because I deserve better. I get it.

Even when I was "immature" (because I was very young, a teenager) I wasn't vengeful like some people seem to get. I don't relate to that description of Scorpios. But I know that there are many Scorpios who do relate to it.

My response to someone I like dating someone else and moving on is to stay away from them. If they don't want me and are dating someone else it's sad for me, but they've made their choice. I always put a lot into relationships and try to show people who I really am and understand who they really are so I would know that I had done that and they still didn't want me so goodbye.

@busyeyes88, You are entitled to your opinion, of course, but you don't know me. I do not want someone who I know does not want me. I value myself more than that. It may seem he doesn't want me from the crap he pulls, but I know that he loves me. Right before he stopped talking to me, he proved that to me big time. He also gives signs that he does want me. I have asked him if he is done and for him to please let me know if he is so I can move on, and he won't answer. If I knew he was done, there would be no reason for my post. Also, I am a constant work in progress, and always trying to improve. I am also a Christian and try to respond in love, including people who do not deserve it. There is great maturity in that. I get that people don't understand that, and that's fine.

Another thing I don't understand about this particular scorp:

He stays away, acts like a jerk, doesn't communicate. Then, he'll slowly engage. It seems that if he feels it is safe, he finally will open up. Then, he pours out his heart and it is always the COMPLETE opposite of how he was acting.

He texted me that as he has said before (meaning within the past year of this back and forth), he still thinks I'm a good person and he hopes one day we can be friends, but it's going to take time. I haven't responded, and don't know that I will. He has said pretty much the exact same thing before, and I was heartbroken because I thought that meant he was done. I stayed away and tried to move on. Then, he came back and said he never stopped loving me or wanting me, etc., etc. Just...what? Why do some scorps do things like that? Do they intentionally play games? Are they trying to move on, but can't? Do they try to teach the person a lesson? A week ago, he was posting songs about wanting to reconcile and contacted me out of the blue. Then, he finds out I hang out with someone else and he is back to acting like a jerk. Are scorps willing to risk someone they love walking away for good or are the completely oblivious to how f'ed up they act?

Posted by busyeyes88
@Deathinscorpio. It may not be about a sun sign. He sounds like a jerk who treats you badly and has you under his thumb. You are a Christian but the bible says to respect yourself too. It's only a game when there is more than one person playing. If you stop partaking of this 'game' he has with you the game will obvious stop. But you are feeding his actions and Therefore the game will continue. What exactly do you want from him?

The reason I came here and started looking into scorpio behaviors is because most everything I've seen online about scorpios in relationships (or exes), he is or has done. I've never seen that behavior or those patterns (good and bad) in any other person before. Of course, all scorpios and people are different.

You're right about the game, which is why I decided not to even respond to his text. What I want from him is the truth. His actions and words or actions and feelings never match when we aren't together.

In the meantime, I'm focusing on myself and trying to move on.

Girrrrl, it's almost April and you are still dealing with this mess—
Lose his number and treat him like a co-worker.
Spring is here, find some other guys to date and enjoy basking in what it feels like to be adored.

Posted by DeathbyScorpio
Another thing I don't understand about this particular scorp:

He stays away, acts like a jerk, doesn't communicate. Then, he'll slowly engage. It seems that if he feels it is safe, he finally will open up. Then, he pours out his heart and it is always the COMPLETE opposite of how he was acting.

He texted me that as he has said before (meaning within the past year of this back and forth), he still thinks I'm a good person and he hopes one day we can be friends, but it's going to take time. I haven't responded, and don't know that I will. He has said pretty much the exact same thing before, and I was heartbroken because I thought that meant he was done. I stayed away and tried to move on. Then, he came back and said he never stopped loving me or wanting me, etc., etc. Just...what? Why do some scorps do things like that? Do they intentionally play games? Are they trying to move on, but can't? Do they try to teach the person a lesson? A week ago, he was posting songs about wanting to reconcile and contacted me out of the blue. Then, he finds out I hang out with someone else and he is back to acting like a jerk. Are scorps willing to risk someone they love walking away for good or are the completely oblivious to how f'ed up they act?

There is one thing I have learned from my experience and from what my girlfriends have been going through with men, and from my boyfriends. A man's brain and emotions are attached to his penis. So unless he is telling you 'I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend, I want to be in a serious exclusive relationship with you' and not only this but he is showing by ALL his actions that this is true for a few months even after sex/honeymoon phase is over, all he does is to feed his ego and enjoy himself and satisfy his penis. You are just a girl, a woman he appreciates. Nothing more. So as long as you are not going to invest your emotions, then it's fine.

Men are not like us. I repeat. Men are not like us. They don't wait for a single girl or miss a girl and dream of getting back together like we do. They get horny and they get in touch with any girl that they think they can get.

' I'm a good person and he hopes one day we can be friends, but it's going to take time'
' Then, he came back and said he never stopped loving me or wanting me, etc., etc. Just...what? Why do some scorps do thin

'he still thinks I'm a good person and he hopes one day we can be friends, but it's going to take time.'

'Then, he came back and said he never stopped loving me or wanting me, etc., etc. Just...what? Why do some scorps do things like that? Do they intentionally play games?'

oops I guess someone was feeling horny but lonely. It may seem like he is trying to hurt you or that he doesn't care about your feelings one bit, but it's only because he is a man. With a penis.

If you want a beautiful fun relationship , he isn't the one who can give you that. It sucks that you are coworkers but you're not the only one who dated a coworker. You will forget about him once you start dating someone else.

I have to add that once you say no to him, in your mind, you will feel amazing, it will be like rebirth.

He is treating you like sheit.

'Lose his number and treat him like a co-worker.
Spring is here, find some other guys to date and enjoy basking in what it feels like to be adored.'

^^^^^This!

Even if it's hard you can do this. He might try to flirt with you and sleep with you again, but you have to say no.

If he wants you that bad, he can always take you out to dinner and 'beg' you to be in a serious relationship because he is in love with you.

Unless he begs you to be his girlfriend, don't respond to anything he might say or do.

Posted by LunarMaiden
Girrrrl, it's almost April and you are still dealing with this mess—
Lose his number and treat him like a co-worker.
Spring is here, find some other guys to date and enjoy basking in what it feels like to be adored.

Good advice. I'm trying to do just that.

To the comments about him thinking with his penis--normally, I'd agree with you, because men will be men. However, he isn't like that with me. I've actually tried to come over in the past or tried to make a move and he says no because it is too emotional for him. And, he has always maintained our sex is the best, so it's not that he doesn't want it. The first time we had sex after we initially broke up, he literally had tears in his eyes. That's not normal for a guy, I know. He is very sensitive, and I do think he loves me quite a bit. He's just a screwed up person.

Anyway. So, stupid update--Sunday before last, he responded to me after I basically asked if he was done. He said he hoped we could be friends, but that it's going to take time. (I think I've mentioned this bit already.) I didn't respond, which is unusual for me. I haven't looked in his direction or said a word to him since. Well, this past Sunday, he sent me a friend request on fb. We haven't been friends on fb since last year. I accepted it the next morning, but neither of us have said anything to each other, and I don't plan on saying a word to him. It's just very odd that he sent me a friend request on fb after months, when just a week ago, he said it would be a while before we could be friends.

I didn't read this long thread except last 2 pages. You are just as screwed up as he is. Not responding to soneone on purpose is childish and abusive. Then wonder why you 2 have such a fucked relationship. He didn't do anything wrong. He just wasn't ready for a relationship and is probably waiting until he knows he can give you what you want and need. Why be so pressed out for a title? If someone was pressing me like that I would be reluctant to tell them about shit going on in my personal life and he probably isn't being a jerk. He backs up and comes back slowly cuz he doesn't know how to handle u and you probably put pressure in him. It's like trying to pet a wild dog you don't know how to approach. If u do petty shit like ignore me at given times I wouldn't know how to approach your moody ass. He's giving you space that he thinks you are saying you need when you withdraw and go no contact. Be more accountable and maybe he can come to a decision.