i screwed up

and i think i lost my bull. still too upset (mostly with myself) to give details right now. suffice it to say that i freaked out this morning about some things and he lost his temper. i've put myself in his shoes and i know i was irrational so if that was the end, i don't blame him at all.

someone told me a phrase today though - "the universe offers plenty of opportunities to perfect one's self". i'll beat myself up and wallow tonight...but tomorrow's another day and there will be a better match for me out there somewhere. just hope i don't screw that up too.

😢 im sure its not as bad as you think it is. i think we're all well aware that the heat of the moment gets the best of us sometimes. i hope he remembers that.

thanks guys....SIL, i can't call him coz i don't want to embarrass myself any further, or make things even worse. rest assured though that if he calls me, the first words out of my mouth will be i'm sorry.

what you're saying makes so much sense that i am almost tempted to call. i definitely did not want to call before, coz the thought of it was making me sick to my stomach. it still is. i guess am also afraid of being rejected. i can't do it. not tonight at least. i may be stronger tomorrow.

Grab that chocolate, a paint brush and go get your Taurus.

LOL thanks for making me smile.

i just read the thread on self-destruction and found a lot of stuff on there that's so true. i know i can get through this. i just need to lick my wounds for awhile then i'll find the strength to deal with whatever needs to get done. it may stretch out into at least a week though, only coz i know we need a little cooling off period, and he'll be away next weekend.

AAAAAAAAAAAARGH

i went on to MSN and he was online. i sent him a short message, saying that i was crazy this morning and that i was sorry. i also said some other things were bothering me and it all came out wrong. i told him that i didn't expect a reply, just wanted to get that off my chest. and then i said have a good weekend.

he promptly went offline!

you really think so? i thought him going offline was like a slap in the face, lol

i am done at this point. no contact will be initiated by me. i just needed to apologize for my behaviour so i can feel good about the way things were left from my end. i can't control his behaviour or what he's going to do so i can't fret about it.

i do hope he'll call me, but am not holding out much hope.

oh and btw, i'm doing an HP - am hitting the vino now. seems like a good idea.

But doesn't all the excitement just make your Scorpion blood boil for him at deliciously hot levels?

i'm definitely not indifferent to him, that's for sure! lol
but yes, he definitely makes my blood boil, in both good and bad ways

and the key phrase is "if both of us are willing..." i'm willing but i'm not confident that he is. and with him "running away" i think he is scared, but not in the way you mean. he's probably running scared of the psycho stalker chick he thinks i may be!

about communicating...he's told me once before not to worry, that he's not afraid of communicating. well, going offline is not effective communication, unless the message is sending me is to "f $ #@ off!"

smile @ him sitting alone and working himself into a tizzy - i certainly hope so! if i'm going through this much angst would hate to think it was all for some jerk who couldn't care less.

you are so right about having a safe place to vent!! and i want to thank you for being there for me tonight, Scorp-in-law. you've really helped me through what's been a difficult evening.

and don't worry, i won't be anywhere near my phone or logging into MSN....in fact, am turning the computer off right now.

goodnight & thanks again 🙂 i'll keep you posted if i hear anything...

ooops - didn't see yr message - thx for the best wishes, notso07. i already swallowed my pride and have already taken a beating...no more for this girl. am waiting it out...

so in the bleary light of day....

first thing i thought of this morning were 2 girl friends of mine, a Scorpio and a Leo, who had both gone out with Tauruses earlier this year. both of their relationships ended in their bulls giving them the permanent silent treatment.

so...things are looking bleaker. TGIF...i need this weekend to detox my emotions, lol

oh and btw, i'm doing an HP - am hitting the vino now. seems like a good idea.


I'm rolling on the floor!!!!

thanks for checking in Scorp-in-law - don't worry, today was a good day for me. i smiled and joked around a lot, the sun is shining, i'm off work now and will enjoy the rest of the day and weekend. i've lined up tons of stuff to keep myself busy. i deleted his # from my cell phone so no danger of drunk dialing, LOL

hope you have a great weekend...

still





waiting



😢


this is definitely NOT good. and i'm not calling him. FORGETABOUTITTTTTTTTTTT

oh that feels better, am glad i got that out 🙂

hi notso07

i did make contact - the same night - i IM'd him an apology and the &*& $ % went offline
😢

calling him is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH i can't do it, judging by his response to my IM if he hangs up on me i would probably start crying. haven't cried since this whole thing started and i don't wanna start now.

i keep telling myself he just needs space right now but with each day that passes it gets harder to keep hoping (or stay in denial, whatevur)

I think Taureans rarely get mad. They get ?miffed? quite frequently, but rarely mad. What looks like anger is really just a mask for their hurt feelings. They can scare others off with the loud talk and fuming, but appreciate someone who can see through all of that and just hug them. They will sputter irrationally and flail about for a moment, but are usually approachable, willing to listen to honest explanations and feelings. They will forgive your injustices (real or imagined) like no one I have ever met.

Scorpions and Taureans respect each other in that sense, and will avoid being in that same frame of mind at the same time. Both know there won?t be any backing down, and it will be a fight to the death.

But with their own hurt feelings, a Taurus, like a Scorpion finds it hard to make the first move toward reconciling things.




THIS IS ALL TRUE. WITH ME BEING A TAURUS AND YOU ALL SAW WHAT I WENT THROUGH WITH THAT SCORPIO GUY, I CAN SAY THAT BOTH SIGNS HAVE A LOT OF PRIDE AND A LOT OF STUBBORNESS. But I will also say that if you approach him first, he will not keep score or think he won because you broke down first. Call him and talk to him. Right now, if he's a true Taurus, he's hurt that you haven't called him...and wondering how much you care for him....
Call him...call him...chant with me...call him...call him...put the wine down...call him...

LOL @ HP - can't believe you got me started on that vino trip, am hooked now

seriously, i apologized already, yes via IM, not phone ... do you really think phoning is going to make a difference? he hung up on me on MSN darnit ... he'll probably hang up if i phoned him now.

guess am also scared he'll lose all respect for me if i go around chasing and hunting him down.

how long ago was this "hang up" on MSN?

I dated a Taurus man for well over a year and I'm a Taurus...seriously don't be stubborn about it. Let him be the stubborn one...he secretly wants you to pursue him and show him how sorry you are...i know it sounds lame, but their egos need that padding. Step up to the plate and call him. If he doesn't answer the first time, fine....but give him a day and call him again...if you're truly sorry for what you did or what happened, he will see that in your attempts to reach him.

I still dn't understand communication via IMs and email when things are so important to salvage...call him...be sober when you do it, but call him.

daymn you're right PM....he does have control over my emotions, darnittttttt. wishful thinking maybe but would it make a lot of diff if the details i gave you were based on no birth times? i don't have either birth time

and you're right too HP - this is obviously too important for IM or email but that was our usual mode of communication (before Europe) until recently. since he's been back he's been phoning me only, no IMs. the "hang up" on MSN happened last thursday.

good news is that i'm still on his contacts list, which means he hasn't blocked me. i'll take that as a sign he hasn't closed off all avenues of communication.

flood his cell w/ sweet texts, huh? maybe i'm brave enough for that. at least no hang ups there.

don't flood his phone...no overboarding it...moderation is key.

gawd no. i think one msg would do it for me. if no response still, then i just can't deal...

what i mean is, one message would be like a 'flood' already for me. the IM, a text...that would be a flood already.

oh crap just remembered i deleted his # from my phone to avoid being tempted to call. i have to go searching for it, i know i wrote it down somewhere.

thanks for the input you guys....have a good night, i gotta try and get some sleep...

you haven't even dated this guy long enough to memorize his phone number!??!?!>>

huh....

do you have a voice mail from him?

no, i save people's #s into my cellphone - i don't memorize them anymore. lazy, i know. it's like calculators, i never bother doing math in my head, lol

i deleted his voicemails also... guess the scorp in me that day was trying to cut off all ties. i was really close to deleting him from my MSN too, but thought i would wait at least a week. i think the reason i wanted to cut that off too was it was my pride reacting to the way he went offline after i offered him an olive branch.

i have to admit, after sleeping on it i do feel like calling him. it's just a matter of getting up the nerve, and being strong enough to accept what may happen.

give me a couple of shooters first 😛 lol, just kidding

pluto's muse - i've re-read what you wrote about our charts (thanks again, btw, it was great! lots of detail and easy to understand) and you're right about so many things. one thing i should've let you know is that we haven't been together long enough to 'settle on an emotional level' yet and that's what i guess i'm trying to figure out as i go along here.

right now it really does seem like it will take a lot of patience and understanding on my part. i'm hoping that taking the risk will be worth it, only time will tell.

mind you, when i call him and if he hangs up all this is moot anyway...ok i will shut up about this now until after i call.

🙂 🙂 🙂

just got back from an awesome run on the seawall...came home to find a message on my cell from him 🙂

called him back, we had a great talk 🙂 🙂 🙂 sorry can't stop smiling 🙂

i think for now we both just recognize that we each have a temper and happened to collide at precisely the wrong moment. am sure there will be a better time to bring it up gently and talk about it in more depth. i did thank him at the end for calling, i know how hard it was for me to even pick up the phone.

thanks to everyone for helping me through this!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not planning on wasting this second chance - no more self-sabotage. i know it won't be easy but am happy to have the opportunity to see it through and give us a chance. no risk, no reward right??

thanks, SIL!!!!! and you definitely are right to say 'I told you so' ...

awwww thanks guys 🙂 🙂 🙂