Sad news

My scorp friend who has (today) expressed how much he likes me, has been in the hosital all night with his son (9 years old, who he has sole custody of), who has chronic asthma, whose lungs collapsed and who couldn't breathe for 3 minutes is hooked up to an oxygen machine and they don't know if will have brain damage or not called me several times last night and today and I didn't answer, because we had a disagreement about our friendship.

He getting really emotionally attached, but not ready for a relationship, me really liking him as a person, but don't think there would be a future of a relationship for us.

He finally texted me after 9 unanswered calls (I know I usually answer calls even when there has been a disagreement, but he wasn't getting my point and clearly, I misunderstood him and I didn't want to talk) asking me to call. I finally did and he just expressed how much respect and admiration he had for me as a person and how his emotions were getting out of control, how it hurts him when I ignore him. Bottom line we got things straight and he is now clear that we are only friends...

I told him he sounded horrible and exhausted, he tells me about his son and I feel like SHIT!!!! He really needed a friend and I was ignoring him. I almost cried after hearing the story. He doesn't know if his son will have brain damage or not because of the lack of oxygen he had received to his brain.. He hadn't been to sleep and had to go into work.

I don't feel there is enough I could do for him because of this... I don't know what to do... I cannot imagine possibly losing a child. My heart aches for him and his family and especially his son.

I asked if there is anything I can do. His response. "Just continue to be my friend." I told him sure, but anything else I can do to let me know, even if it is to go to the hospital with him.

I feel like CRAP!!!!

That is the most you can do just be his friend and be there, but you know that right?

I am sorry to hear that.

"He getting really emotionally attached, but not ready for a relationship, me really liking him as a person, but don't think there would be a future of a relationship for us."

Why?

For him:
He is separated from his wife, and they haven't started any divorce procedings. He has full custody of his son (by another woman)who has chronic asthma, constantly needs to be taken to and from the hospital especially when the weather changes. Therefore he isn't in a position or emotional able to persue a relationship right now.

For me:
He is a great person, great father, and I admire these things about him. I not being sure that I want a relationship today, however I know that I will be ready for one soon. There are certain things I need in a relationship and I don't think some of the most important things I need he will be able to give. Just not right for me as far as a romantic relationship in the long run. I don't think. You always know if someone is really what you are looking for we sometimes give it a try anyway, but I would rather try with a potential "what I need" than a good one "without some key things I know I need" and hope he will acquire them or change.

I am not talking about only physical or material things, mostly personality and compatibility.

He is still an awesome person and I can be friends with him for a lifetime.

You're full of it.

The best thing to do is to let him go so he can eventually move on.

You know he's lying when he says he can accept friendship. Of course, dropping him at this emotional time is tough. But you either make him pay the price now or later.

Choice is yours.

QS

Well there you go if two people are not ready for a relationship then there is nothing wrong with being friends.

I really hope his son will be alright, my mother has asmtha.

Scorpio_rising. Wow, such compassion and excuse me!!! Who is full of it— He and I have always been friends, feelings just changed for him recently! This is tragic, do you have any children? Clearly you don't, no parent should have to wonder if their child will make it or not!

I know you have read previous posts about he and I and I even asked you a couple of personal questions throgh pm, but he wouldn't lie or make anything like that up! What are you implying?

SL, Friends is what we are. In fact I am still friends with exes. So, I am capable of it...

If he shows he can't deal with it in the long run then at that point we set things straight. I will not, not be his friend as something this tragic has happened to him. Sorry.

TB, maybe you are right. Maybe he does and maybe he was trying to say that before. It is just hard to leave a friend hanging at a time like this. I was letting him go. I did tell him I could only be a friend to him. I just feel bad about not offering to help with this tragic situation with his child. I guess I feel guilty about not answering his call when something like this has happened. I know it isn't my responsibility, but hell, I am a scorp and we are reliable friends. Part of our nature. It takes two to have a relationship by the way. If I am not in one with him, then who will he be in a relationship with? Right, there wont' be one.

Taurus Babe answered the question for me.

I didn't mean to be so blunt, but then, that's the way we Scorpios are, aren't we.

When you say that he sprung this love thing on you despite being friends for some time, the reality is he knew it for a long time (he just didn't tell you until he did).

QS, you know what the deal is. Your emotions are caught in a bind because you're in the middle of it, and you do have some non-romantic emotional attachment to him.

***and it takes two to not be in a relationship...if he is in a relationship and you are not...who are you not in a relationship with?***

I am not in a relationship with anyone. My point exactly...

***QS, you know what the deal is. Your emotions are caught in a bind because you're in the middle of it, and you do have some non-romantic emotional attachment to him.***

Scorpio_rising, this i true. As it is with all my friends.

For him:
He is separated from his wife, and they haven't started any divorce procedings. He has full custody of his son (by another woman)who has chronic asthma, constantly needs to be taken to and from the hospital especially when the weather changes. Therefore he isn't in a position or emotional able to persue a relationship right now.

For me:
.. There are certain things I need in a relationship and I don't think some of the most important things I need he will be able to give. Just not right for me as far as a romantic relationship in the long run. I don't think. You always know if someone is really what you are looking for we sometimes give it a try anyway, but I would rather try with a potential "what I need" than a good one "without some key things I know I need" and hope he will acquire them or change.

---------------

I haven't been following your tale with this man, so, I don't know any of the background info ... but, when I read this .. I'm left with having the impression that what you're missing is the fact that he had emotional commitments to his son and you feel slighted by it. When you said the reason why he isn't ready .... it's all about because of his son who really needs him full-time. And then you talk about how he isn't able to give you what you want, and you're hoping he'll change.

So, I can't help but think that what you're not getting from him, is his full and undivided attention. And if that's the case .. then that's just fucked up, because his child is more important than anybody and if you feel like your in competition with his child for emotional attention .. then you need a reality check.

Of course, like I said .... this is the first time I've read anything about this man.

"So, I can't help but think that what you're not getting from him, is his full and undivided attention. And if that's the case .. then that's just ed up, because his child is more important than anybody and if you feel like your in competition with his child for emotional attention .. then you need a reality check."

P-Angel: I wonder how many step-parents resent their step-kids for this exact reason.

QS: I'm not saying this is your reason. It could be the guy just doesn't turn you on physically or just doesn't get you emotionally... or whatever.

This just all sounds so callous and heartless to me .... men aren't as good as women when it comes to sorting out emotions, and at this turn in his life, his emotions are going to be out of control, while dealing with an ailing child.

Now, just doesn't seem like the right time, "to set him straight". Now, is the time to let him have a shoulder to lean on and a heart to depend on with compassion.

I feel sorry for this man 😢

I hope his son is ok 🙂

Uhhh, P-Angel you need to re-read... I never said anything about wanting any attention from him and lack their of because of his son... Reread dear.

Uhhhh People!!!! Read again if you don't get it the first time. Geeeze. Hell, I am a parent too Hello!!!! Where I mention his son is how I was feeling guilty about not answering his calls because of something else when his son was going through this tragic event. BTW I am a stepparent of two whom I still adore and they me after divorce....

PAngel - we are not in a relationship. We are friends, but he is falling in love with me and I didn't see us having a relationsip because of (like I said) compatibiltiy and personality issues mainly...

Read people...

No One is more important than my daughter so, no one gets that more than me. All of this is explained in the first post. Read what it says not what you want to get out of it...

Queen .. I said it was the impression I got. I didn't mean for it to sound bad ... just the feeling I was getting when I read it.

Is the boy ok?

***Now, just doesn't seem like the right time, "to set him straight". Now, is the time to let him have a shoulder to lean on and a heart to depend on with compassion.***

Uhhh again P-Angel, this is exactly what I am saying I am doing. Again... Read before you post.

You got the message all screwed up and backwards. We are friends and I am there for him.

BTW, his son is fine. I called as soon as I got home. I am going to meet him at the hospital after work tomorrow.

I just ask that people read the words other than form their own feelings the words are what tell the story..

He is fine thanks.

I will go to the hospital tomorrow and meet him and his family there.

Thanks Sagi!! My only sister is a Sag and I have tons of Sag in my chart as well as aquarius. Which makes me a weird scorp with a chart full of air and fire... LOL!!!

His son is fine. I had an early breakfast with my scorp friend before work. He really appreciates me for being his friend and said he is back on track and he gets that we can only be friends....

*** I know stop throwing things at me scorpius and taurusbabe!!✨***

Yeah, I think he meant it, but like scorpius and taurusbabe said. I can see in his eyes he wants more. I just don't think we are a right fit in the long run... Not at all because of any of his children - makeing that clear for those who might jump to conclusions without theroughly reading the thread. P-Angel. LOL!!! 😉

OOOPs. I meant Scorpio_ rising and Taurusbabe... Not enough coffee this morning.

thoroughly reading the thread... Damn my spelling is screwed...

"makeing that clear for those who might jump to conclusions without theroughly reading the thread. P-Angel. LOL!!!"


I read perfectly fine, Queen .... I've said twice, and now a third time .. please read this .. it was the impression I got .. which isn't the same as stating facts.

Do you realize that?

Yes P-Angel, I was joking.... I am sure you are clear of the facts now right?

🙂

Yes, yes... Hide your anger in smiles.

LOL@Scorpius!!!

QS, I am glad that his son is doing fine. Did he fully recover as far as speaking and remembering?

I am glad that you are able to continue being an active friend to him. I know that his emotions are probably all over the place because with what he's going through like anyone we want a good man/woman to comfort us intimately even. Whatever you offer should be better than nothing because we all know what nothing feels like (ugh).

I respect you for being honest with him about your feelings because so many people choose to full-out abandon their formers rather than be honest and give closure. It is up to the other person to accept the closure. When he is stronger to stand on his own he will accept the closure. 🙂

Yes his son is fine... My scorp friend is exhausted with work and hospital all night. Then to top it off his new SUV's engine light kept coming on. since the dealer was around the corner from where I lived I met him at the dealership and dropped him off to work today.

I didn't go to the hospital after all for some reasons per his request (that I understand completely). I was just happy that he appreciated the offer.

I am a scorp and I am honest to a fault, so I can't help but express my feelings... Thans MA....

Scorpius needs to be bitch-slapped !!!

LOL@P-Angel!!!

"P-Angel: he is - regularly"

Yea, by your hot best friend. 😛