Scorpio and Virgo Dilemma

I'm a virgo and my boyfirend is a scorpio. I am feeling like we might be at the end of our rope. Been together 4 yrs., we live together and are now expecting a baby. I love this man and I believe he loves me. We've bought a home togethe, have had ups/downs but we're truly good friends -- we look out for one another. He's affectionate, (yes, we argue, but have worked alot on communication) and caring BUT, he's has been the initiator of sex for the entire relationship --which is how i like it. Obviously, he's discussed this with me and I haven't made any moves to initiate. What's now happened is -- we're having sex about once a month...This has now been going on for almost a year and it's pathetic and I'm embarrassed to even admit. I've brought it up and he says "i've done the initiating and my ego is shot" My only defense is this: Why would a man be OK with once a month? Something is up, he's either found someone else or isn't interested in me any longer in that manner? I suppose I am selfish. Now that he's "pulled back" considerably and doesn't seem to budge, I find it so much more difficult to put myself out there. I'm feeling sad today and needed to vent.
Thank you.

As a scorpio freind told me: "i don't like to argue/ i don't like confrontation"
=OR=
Exchange the experience. What would you do if someone repeatedly shot you down after they've tried. Would you still try? (doubtful)What would be the point if the only answer you're going to hear is "no"? (no point in asking because past experience has shown they'll get shot down again).

If you want more sex then ask for it but be prepared to have your scorpio be a bit testy about it.

i second that notion emeraldgem.

Thanks all. Coming from a past relationship with an Aries (there was never a need for me to start anything-- it was almost 4 times a week for three years straight) I take it for granted that "the man" is the aggressor. After my scorpio told me of his concerns, i thought it seemed odd..why would a be so bothered by this? I never turn my scorpio down -- the sex itself is very, very good. I've asked him this question point blank and he says he has no problem with the actual sex, he thinks it's great -- he has a problem with how we get there. When he began to really pull away, i thought..huh? what guy would not jump their girlfriend after waiting 2 weeks? It got progressively worse, the time got longer.. Last three times has been when he's been "tipsy" where we've been coming home from a party..This has definitely made my self-esteem hit the toilet. My scorpio asked me one question, he said "have you ever initiated before?" and I was honest and said "yes"...it's been downhill, he can't understand why i've done it before and can't with him. Believe me, it's not that I can't..My pride is HUGE and now that we're so into this Bullcrap, it's soo difficult to break. Sorry for this LONG tirade. Thanks all!

Strange are the ways....What has pride to do with love ?
But yeah Ive heard virgo females ( in some way ) detest the act ...Is that true ?

this is so silly. i'd have left you ages ago if you're really hung up on stuff like this.

i think if i were the guy and my partner were treating me the same way interally i'd be thinking "what the hell? I mean seriously what...".

"fiddlestix....! **heart beats faster** You would NEVER have to ask........ ;P"


hahaha begging, pleading, bribing... all courses of action with which i am familiar

Maybe it's not sex he's really wanting. When Scorpio's are truly in love the focus switches to a display of patience, tenderness, and protectiveness. When they feel secure (emotionally and physically), by physical I mean affection, holding, etc., the sex then will just flow and become more playful and more often because you'll be in sync. His waiting could be a sign of his loyalty to you. If he communicating to that he wants you to initiate, what he's really saying is he needs affection and attention. If he loves you he won't cheat and if he does it will hurt him so bad that he will probably tell you that he cheated. Then you'll really break his heart because you won't be a able to bare with it, but it will have been your fault...

So,

What more can the man do? He has told you he wants you to initiate sex. How much more plain can he be?

Instead of just doing what he asks coz you love him (presumably), you've gotten into this Virgo analysis -- oh how can he think this way, he's the guy -- which is female chauvinism.

We Scorps are sensitive! Men and women, we need the same type of attention and affection which we lovingly give! He's obviously hurt, has told you what the problem is, and you are refusing to address it. This makes him doubly hurt and he's pulled away.

Egurl

So,

Obviously your Scorp still cares a great deal for you, or:
1) He would not be feeling hurt by your lack of initiation, nor have any hopes you might...
2) He would not have bothered to make himself vulnerable by explaining to you that your lack of initiation has hurt his ego.

In translated terms, by you not ever having initiated sex, he does not feel wanted or desired (i.e. - his ego is shot). While I do not know about other Scorps, I do know that while a good deal of my sex drive stems from what I feel FOR a person, it (the sex drive) is exponentially compounded and essentially needs to feel that in return.

I would not necessarily jump to the conclusion that, if he is not getting it from you, he must be getting it from somewhere else. While it is possible that at some point he would see the effect this is having on him as detrimental and might seek what he needs elsewhere, I find it more probable that he would end the relationship first, as that, in and of itself, would be far more productive.

That being said, I would take it that he still cares for you and wants your relationship to work. That being said, given that he has gone to the extreme of "putting himself out there", I would take it as a sign of (from his perspective) "hitting rock bottom with nothing left to lose" (i.e. - last ditch effort).

You have a few options:
1) Do nothing, say nothing, and you will probably lose him.
2) Try talking to him. Not intellectually, but emotionally. Discuss openly what you do feel for him (i.e. - giving him some reassurance). Discuss what feelings are holding you back from initiating. If during your discussion, you are not able to come to a place where you can "jump his bones", as others have suggested, perhaps the two of you can find a happy medium (ways to show him, as others have said above, affection and attention, and that you do want him).
3) If you are not comfortable talking about your feelings on such a level, perhaps trying some experimention with "initiation comprise" without the conversation (i.e. - try a few things and see if that gets his motor running).

Initiation doesn't necessarily mean that you have a throw the man on the bed, rip of his clothes, and lick him from head to toe and back again... There are a number of ways of "initiating" (i.e. - letting him know you want to have sex) without necessarily crossing too far over "gender roles". Like:
1) Try flirting with him.
2) Try a nice little tease (that obvio

Continued... Sorry...


2) Try a nice little tease (that obviously would not be a tease, probably a very bad idea otherwise 🙂 ).
3) Nice candlelit dinner with a sexy outfit.
4) Approach him from behind and enjoy a nice oral exploration of his neckline.
5) Buy, wrap, and give him some nice lingerie (meant for you of course).
6) Nice candlelit bubblebath (might not work for guys, not sure).
7) Surprise him when he comes home from work (or wherever) in nothing but "something" (whatever it maybe).

Perhaps some of these suggestions would work as compromises, as he gets a confirmation that you want him, and you get "him jumping YOUR bones"... You do need to try something, whether it is action or conversation or you DO stand a great risk of losing him.

Good luck!

In retrospect, I suppose I could have put it a bit more concisely and pointedly by saying this...

What you have described is about damn near as close as anyone is ever going to get to a Scorpio TRULY begging... We don't beg, unless it's part of the game, which this obviously isn't. Take that as both a positive and negative sign, and give the poor dog a bone (or a cookie, or a treat, or preferably a large juicy "So" steak, or SOMETHING)...

Read all the emails and trust me, as a Virgo, I am contemplating them ALL! LOL!
Scorpio and I talked about this last night, very heated argument -- eventually had to take a breather and walk away, he came in got his pillows and slept on couch (thougth I saw him crying) bottom line -- we both feel "wounded". He says that I make him feel "unsexual" by not throwing him a bone, huh? a Scorpio -- thought their entire being was "sexual"...Me being a virgo, I'm going to go off and think now..Thanks again for your input!

So stop analyzing so much and gosh make love to the man. Show him you are a woman in every sense of the word!

Why is it so hard for you to do that? If you do not know how to go about it, then just read and learn how to be seductive!

Are you willing to risk your relationship just because you do not initiate sex—

This man seems like he totally loves you but at the rate you are going and making him unwanted, he may stray...

Go and have sex with the man and stop thinking! You need less talk and more action! 😉

PS Well, since you are giving it so much thought, then think about if this has anything with your upbringing, such as a little girl/teenager you were thought that asking for sex would make you a prostitute? If any truth to that, then forget about it, you are a grown woman expecting a child, so go for the kill and make love to your man with some passionate sex!

"You need less talk and more action!"

LOL...Sooo true

LOL! I'm still thinking..You're not shocked are you?

No, I'm not willing to give us up based on this issue. We've got too many other things going for us. Funny that when sex is great and consistent it's not even an issue but when it drags on to this point it can make you feel as distant as the moon -- to close this gap seems as hard as getting to the moon in a 747.

Thx..

So,

Maybe this will help you as you think...

Yeah, we Scorps are sexual, but are also sensitive...we sometimes get shy about our passion...so need to know that u feel strongly about us, too...otherwise, we feel too "out there", unprotected...

Now keep thinking on it, sweets,...you're smart and will reach the right conclusion lol.

Then just get on the 747 and see where the ride takes you... On the mean time, ride your man! lol

You may like it! 😉

Here's another question that some of you might be able to help with...What does this mean and how is this different from my sun sign Virgo?

My Moon: Taurus

My Rising sign: Pisces

You have a point.

When I say "feeling wounded" I guess this is what I mean:

He says: "well, So, you're not initiating, therefore I could care less if we have sex" and it happened too, caught me like a MAC truck..never would I have assumed he'd be able to "hang in there" for 1 month at a time for over a year.

Naturally, as time has passed and we're averaging 1 a month...I begin to feel like crap and unattractive -- My logic is simple "why would a man want to have sex 1x a month"?

I know, I know...Complete sexism on my part. But I am being honest. I was completely baffled. I've asked men about this and they've said "yep, I see his point, but I wouldn't be able to last that long" that's been the consensus so far. Never been with a Scorpio before and boy, whenhe puts his mind to something ....Other relationships I hardly ever initiated--didn't need to. I go comparing him to these others on this issue and feel inadequate -- pretty typical for a Virgo.

so basically

you have a problem

you know the solution

you refuse to solve it.

you come on the internet to complain.

get over yourself.

Fiddlesticks..

Well, that's one way of putting it. Thanks for the input.

OR do U want any of us to come down and broker peace ?

Coz the solution is just in front of U.

OR U want to still win this battle of PRIDE while getting reassurances on his fidelity aspect ?

"My logic is simple...why would a man want to have sex 1x a month"

It's not about logic, it's about the pain you are causing in his heart by *not listening* #1 relationship killer.

So, your world got rocked. You're starting to realise that your man's *feelings* are taking precedence over his sex drive....and you don't want to accept this, because it is challenging your deeply held beliefs about the male sex drive.

I imagine your double earth sign is causing this stubborness of mind...

So,

I have a couple of questions and a comment;
1.) If your moon is in Taurus you already have the tendency to be emotionally clingy, posessive, controlling, very affectionate, loving hugs, etc. So what really gives?
2.) What is your lovers moon sign?
I have to thank Scorp-in-law for pointing out the fact that your pregnant, you must not be that far along if he is encouraging your initiation and some women's sex drives hit the roof during thier pregnancy, so there must be some unknowns hanging out their that maybe you haven't shared, but in order to give you and your scorp a fair shake you gotta give the real skinny missy.

I'm a scorpio with virgo rising and taurus moon so I know a we bit on this one.

SweetPea,

Yes, I'm 3 months along..And yes, my libido is in overdrive and has been for a bit..don't care, I'm not giving in...that's how I've been feeling until just recently when we're now heading for over 1 month with no sex. Yes, I guess, as a Scorpio he's definitely trying to make me feel as he does -- apprently, he's succeeded. As far as his moon sign goes, I don't know it..we're not sure what time he was born..any way I can find out without the time?

I hear you..But, aren't there always hidden resentments in relationships. Thanks for all the advice!

Just go shag the dude...God I hope Virgo guys are not like that..I will be dead if thats the case..

We virgos aren't all that bad...Stubborn & critical but extremely loyal and honest...

Good Good...I am seeing more and more Scorpio/Virgo couples...

Message posted by: missmorals on 1/18/2007 9:36:58 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.50
Just go shag the dude...God I hope Virgo guys are not like that..I will be dead if thats the case..

MissM I hear Virgo men do have "issues" when it comes to sex... So here has showed us that Virgo females do to!

Why is that?
initiating sex with your Scorpio man because of other relationships problems you two may be having?
PS Hey so, are you saying that you are not

Thanks! Appreciate the hug...LOL..

ok, don't give in. also don't complain or whine or cry when he cheats or leaves you.

or is it perhaps you really aren't attracted to him?

Escorpiona: "MissM I hear Virgo men do have "issues" when it comes to sex"

Not the one I am in talks with..but then again its talks isn't it..lets see if he delivers the goods..LOL

I meant

PS Hey so, are you saying that you are not initiating sex with your Scorpio man because of other relationships problems you two may be having?


(don't know what happen with the sentence, it got mixed up!)

Escorpiana:

The biggest issue was when he started to complain about my "not inititaing" early on in our relationship. He started to comment on his past relationships and how he'd neveer been with someoene who didn't "jump him" just as much as he did to them. Well, this didn't help me, this only made it worse, I internalized his "comments" and feel inferior and not "up to par". I explained to him back then that I never felt that I "had" to initiate in other realtionshisp, it was done for me most of the time. Bottom line...his initial complaining made me withdrawal in this area completey. Please note that this has not happened in other aspects of our relationship. We've been able to compromise and talk about other issues without this kind of stumbling block.

I can't be in a relationship where I'm initiaiting as much as my man, it's not what I want --- he's aware of this. He says that my saying that I don't want to have sex once a month isn't enough, he says I have to show him. Battle of wills here. Sorry so long!

Well someones gotta give otherwise it'll all go to pots...Harsh but true..

"Battle of wills here"

Have sex first ....Battles can wait.

So well the compromise, he initiates twice to your once, but go and initiate, gosh what is the big deal? It seems with your stubbornness you may lose a good man...

Hey So go and buy some sexy lingerie and go for it, seduce your man!

Try it, you may like it! lol

LOL @ G

let the battle be fought during sex..its soooo much fun

"LOL @ G

let the battle be fought during sex..its soooo much fun"

haa haa haa....Yeah Uve all the weapons in place to fight that battle !

Bang Bang !

Missmorals has a point -- no issues there between he and I. I tell ya, I've gotten a much more Pro-scorpio response with this group than anyone else I've ever discussed this with. Wonder why? My scorpio would be thrilled to hear it. HA.

Most women that know about this issue have said their partners barely give them a chance to inititate. I guess I got myself a super sensitive Scorpio or he's got himself a stubborn B** virgo.

So: "Missmorals has a point"

Naturally....

😛

I love you Virgos...ya bunch of special peeps

"So: "Missmorals has a point"

Naturally....

"


LOL....Doctor U r succeeding at Ur practice.

So are you going to do it or not? 😉

Initiate, initiate, initiate... lol

Emeraldgem--

You're cracking me up. I sound horrible don't I? Yes, most people I spoke with about this agree with all of you BUT the caveat is: what kind of guy would hold out that long?
I know it's old school, I know it's crazy, unfair and selfish..but hey, we were on a roll until he decides that he's annoyed that I don't initiate..I got duped!
Virgos aren't too much for change. I know, I know..shit or get off the pot.

Well So, as stubborn as your being I have one question for you? How are you going to feel when he leaves you for someone that LOVES to initiate and isn't a stubborn virgin? From what I hear from you, I give you both a year after the baby is born. Then he'll be gone. There are plenty of women out there that WILL initiate while you're hiding your head sulking! Plenty of women out there that will remind your Scorp that he is a man!

You snooze, you will loose.......

"what kind of guy would hold out that long?"

One that loves you you idiot!!!!!!!