Stages of Dating

Ok...call me dense, dumb, naive, stupid.....whatever....but...
Can somebody please explaing to me the steps that take place for a relatioship to come about. (In your opinion). I think that there are some very fundamental things that I dont understand and it's causing problems for me.

Lol... Rugby. I used to love playing that sport but it's just intresting how Rugby or soccer is like American Football even though everyone from Europe thinks it's a wussy sport.

They don't use pads in Rugby? I don't mean to sound offensive but that just sounds stupid lol.

Would you rather they just flock to you? It's important to make an initiative. A woman, from my experiance, has to know if you are into them. A man who doesn't work to get his woman will not entirely respect her. She will be seen as an expectation or like she is supposed to come to him. The traditional way is probably the best way.

Well I suppose that's a perspective thing then. But no sense getting stubborn about this. Maybe we would be better off with another woman's view.

***maybe a little too direct..but seriously,why are women so lazy,expecting a man to make all the moves,so they can sit their and go "hmmm,maybe —"***

Because they aren't scorp woman. LOL!!!

Seriously, I have been told that I intimidate men when they are interested, until they actually have a conversation with me. I have asked several interested parties why they were intimidated initially (clearly they found a way to approach me, or I approached them- If I thought it was worth it 😉) - they say I have an unapproachable look, not mean or anuything just very confident. This kind of bothers me, because I am not purposely doing this... However, I really respect the men who approach me anyway. Confidence is attractive to confident women.

"Confidence is attractive to confident women."

We might need to find a nice ugly shy 13 year old burn victim for bling then. 😛

ok, my take on is simple: two people meet, hang out, enjoy eachother's company and decide if they want to be in a relationship together. SIMPLE. I dont see the point in starting out as friends. It "seems" like if a woman starts off as something casual/friendly with a guy, then that's all she'll ever be to him and he never fully respects her or ends up taking her seriously. I dont see the purpose in dating mutliple people if you know good and well that you have your heart and eyes set on one person in particular.

Everybody keeps telling me to me new people and let other guys take me out to get my mind off this current guy. So I gave it a try, and at the end of the day HE is still the only one that I think about and want to be with.

I'm just now learning that there is a difference between "dating" and a "relationship". I always thought they were one in the same. Rude awakening....

LOL@Scorpius!

Lol @ you, you sick humoured fuck. 😛

Seriously?

"maybe a little too direct..but seriously,why are women so lazy,expecting a man to make all the moves,so they can sit their and go "hmmm,maybe —"

We (women) want to make the moves also but the reason I havent made a move yet is simple: Fear of rejection. Its crazy but I would almost rather stay in "maybe" land than come straight out and ask him for a relationship and end up being rejected and having nothing afterwards.

There's no advice on helping the fear of rejection, SouthernT. You simply have to go up to him and take the rejection.













err... I mean ask him out.

Just laugh... Laugh damnit!

Welp... Spose tha's my cue to leave.

***It "seems" like if a woman starts off as something casual/friendly with a guy, then that's all she'll ever be to him and he never fully respects her or ends up taking her seriously.***

Oh it happens.... A marriage came out of this senarial for me, and two relationships. I don't think I ever start off in a relationship with anyone. How can you? You have to be friends to get to know eachother initially, otherwise, how would you know if you even want to be in a relationship with this person at all?

***We (women) want to make the moves also but the reason I havent made a move yet is simple: Fear of rejection.***

Being a scorp and a woman who knows " I am the shit" I never have this problem. If I want a relationship I tell them, take it or leave it. If they aren't ready or don't at that time, I move on or stick around until relatioship material presents itself... Seriously. However, I don't want to hear anything about me seeing others. I want a relationship - you don't, no longer compatible. Simple.

***Its crazy but I would almost rather stay in "maybe" land than come straight out and ask him for a relationship and end up being rejected and having nothing afterwards.***

You always have something afterwards - YOURSELF... And maybe an opening for a better partner.

"Every serious relationship I had up to and including marriage started off like that. I agree with QueenScorp - "I don't think I ever start off in a relationship with anyone. How can you?"

well I'm not saying meet somebody and jump straight into a relationship. Like I said, you meet, hang out, find out if your compatible, enjoy eachother company with now "hidden agenda's" and then take it to the next level of a relationship. I guess my point is that eventually something has to be defined. Or do you just go with the flow until "whenever"....?

"with no hidden agenda"

Read "Mars and Venus On A Date". This book is specifically written about the stages of dating and how they are different for man/woman. Its a good read.

"Read "Mars and Venus On A Date". This book is specifically written about the stages of dating and how they are different for man/woman. Its a good read."

I'll have to find that book sometime this weekend. Because I simply dont understand it.
I've read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" but that book is more directed towards existing relationships in a way.

"Would you rather they just flock to you? It's important to make an initiative. A woman, from my experiance, has to know if you are into them. A man who doesn't work to get his woman will not entirely respect her. She will be seen as an expectation or like she is supposed to come to him. The traditional way is probably the best way."

AMEN!

"Read "Mars and Venus On A Date". This book is specifically written about the stages of dating and how they are different for man/woman. Its a good read"

LOL....i just called a used bookstore near me and they have one copy of it. I'm going to pick it up right now. Thanks! 🙂

"I dont see the purpose in dating mutliple people if you know good and well that you have your heart and eyes set on one person in particular. "

Dating multiple people is good because if the person you want doesn't feel the same, you have other options. Good thing to keep yourself available until both parties agree to exclusivity/monogamy. As you can see (evidently on dxpnet) a lot of woman get themselves hurt by thinking that the other guy is so into them that they won't date anyone else. Then a few months later they find out the other guy is dating others and really doesn't want a relationship with them. End result is the woman gets hurt.

I know others disagree but there's no rules on dating, to each its own.

***Like I said, you meet, hang out, find out if your compatible, enjoy eachother company with now "hidden agenda's" and then take it to the next level of a relationship. ***

And during this time you are friends, that eventually turn into FWB, if you both like eachother, then relationship possibly, or not.

I like that book. Nobody in my family talked about relationships. It was all "men are dogs" "they use you" "hope you find yourself a good husband", yet nobody told me HOW to got about it. So I had to learn from reading books and hearing others experience. People had so many prejudices against men and love that I couldn't understand the point in dating. If it wasn't for books I'd be a lost soul in the dating world lol.

All this "Friends stuff" is not explained well. I had tons of guy friends and I didn't want to date any of them.

I am usually approached my many men daily so it was always go on a date and decide whether or not I want to keep dating them or not. Dating was just another way of saying "getting to know you better". Unless expectatations are stated in the beginning (which is something I always do if I know what I want), there is too much ambiguity. Dating means one of 2 things: get to know each other better so that one day you can decide if you are compatible enough to pursue something serious OR have a fling OR become friends with benefits with no emotions OR just have fun (go on dates, have company and some TLC).

Once you mention "Friends", guys start thinking "Oh yes she wants to be friends with benefits" or they think "Oh no she only wants to be my friend, that means I'll get no booty". If all you want is sex and nothing further than by all means be their "friend". But to me a real friend is someone who is there for you in time, someone you can trust and sorry but no guy you just meet and call a "friend" is worth trusting so soon. I fell in the trap when I was young and ended up being friends with men who eventually (sometimes years later) reveal that they want to sex me and thats why they remained my "friend". I live in NYC so maybe its a culture thing but this is how it is here with dating especially if you are a beautiful woman that many men want.

"'Act' like you are committed to him without pressuring him" Be careful with this. Some woman will start getting all jealous and making demands like its been 1 day why haven't you called me?! And that will turn the guy off and make him run if its too early in the dating game and he hasn't yet asked for exclusivity.

"All this "Friends stuff" is not explained well. I had tons of guy friends and I didn't want to date any of them."

I agree CapAngel. That's the difference between girls having friends and guys having friends. If a guy ends up in the friends category with a girl, that means she has no intentions of sleeping with him. Guys however, will try to stick a girl in the "friends" category with the intention of sexing her one day. But he will call her a "friend" just in case something better comes along. A guy once before put it to me like this: He said that men keep many "horses" in the stable. When one horse is not able to work, he has another horse as a back up to do the job.

Yeah that's why I rely on books alot too. My motheher is in her 40's and she is JUST NOW trying to give me advise about men. And she made this statement to me on my birthday this year in regards to the guy that I am interested in. She said:

"Have you slept with him yet? You need to sleep with him before you loose him to someone else. Your going to miss the boat. Good girls dont get what they want these days and you need to go out there and get yours and stop trying to be a good girl. Go get tested and present your papers to him and tell him that you want want to be closer to him and you want to be intimate with him."

"I guess I'm completely alient to this dating culture... it's a good thing that I am not and never was looking to have something do do with the ones in it."

yeah i'm with you on that one. I dont get the dating culture either.

"Have you slept with him yet? You need to sleep with him before you loose him to someone else. Your going to miss the boat. Good girls dont get what they want these days and you need to go out there and get yours and stop trying to be a good girl. Go get tested and present your papers to him and tell him that you want want to be closer to him and you want to be intimate with him."


OMG...LMAO Don't take her advice

I think she's bling's type. Hook them up. 😛

I told my Scorpio for us both to get tested together. That way its fair.

"Scorpius...I didn't know your sister was single....."

LOL! You catch on quick, wise one.

"so yes southernT your mother is smart bc I do have a need to see the paper"

Oh I definitley think that EVERYBODY should take this approach with someone new. I've been celibate for almost two years now and you can BEST BELIEVE that the next "stick" that slides inside me will have been tested before hand.

And this is just my personal opinion, but if two people dont feel comfortable bringing up the subject and challenging eachother on it,(and going to get tested at the request of the other person) then those two individuals dont need to sleep together yet. Because the communication isnt there yet and communication has to be there before sex. There's entirely too much sexual freedom going on these days for a person to not INSIST on testing. And not only that, if the results come back positive or negative, at least you give that person the option to stay or go. And it may even bring the two of you closer together. Nobody's gonna take better care of you or look out for you better than YOU.

SoutherT, you are right about the sexual freedom and how there's a bit too much. I hate how casual it's become!

Your mother told you that you had to sleep with him? Is she nuts? I'm sorry. The answer is NO you don't have to sleep with him. It's ultimately your choice. Do it if you want and don't if you don't. No need to be kept in the olden days with this. It's up to you.

"Your mother told you that you had to sleep with him? Is she nuts? I'm sorry. The answer is NO you don't have to sleep with him. It's ultimately your choice. Do it if you want and don't if you don't. No need to be kept in the olden days with this. It's up to you."

Lol....dont worry. I havent and I'm not going to. Like I mentioned in another post, I asked him the other day face to face if we were on the same page and he said "we need to sit down and discuss that". So, I dont know if I should basically take that as a "NO" or what. (I ran into him at a shopping center so we were not able to get in depth about the matter)

Don't you two have a "toy box?"

Stages of dating?

I don't know ....

Scorpius that's not cool...lol...now I gotta hide mine. 🙂

Haha. According to prrringLeo, men can have toy boxes too.

"sigh... i feel ya too"

It's by choice. I cant seperate feelings from sex, so I just dont have sex. It sucks,having to go without, but I have to be true to myself.

"Don't you two have a "toy box?"

No, no toys over this way. Dont want toys, much rather have the real deal. The touching, the kissing, the whispers, the stroking, the moaning, the short panting, the sensuality. The real deal.

So you're more into virtual porn then?

"I don't know ...."

P-Angel, what's your take on how things should come about?

Aww.....come on everybody. Let's not play "Hide and seek" tonight......LOL

Lol! I did it just because it bothers you.