Dear Diary: Does my Taurus trust me?

I'm still in the state of confusion, Taurus confusion.

I cant tell if im overthinking and building myself up over unconfirmed things or is it exactly what it seems?

the last time I posted, it was in regards to the progression of my relationship with my boyfriend of 1.5yrs.

it was about the direction of our relationship and the future of merging our lives together, me being a mom and him being a younger guy. everything I needed to say was said to him, and little was verbally communicated except one reassuring statement that he said

HIM: "you are my life, and i'm in this with you"

with that he has come thru in action from what i can see, which I have learned that I need to account for in Taurus for the lack of verbal communication. We spent time with his family more recent, were im getting to know them a little better and them me, he has been making a large effort with my son, and my son has been responding back in a positive way which has been a relief. but when I talk about future his responses are less the reassuring.

(now we already renewed our leases so for sure if anything happens its not happening for another year.) but driving in a neighborhood I like I mention to him, "the other day I was looking at 3 bed room place around here and they actually really nice and affordable, then I give him the details and all the benefits for him to figure out on his own on a gold platter , he responds with silence.

in the kitchen while talking about i dont remember what I mention "if we ever live together I want a 3+ bedroom place so you can have a room for your own space (video game room and computer, man cave, private getaway) as long as i can own the kitchen.....silence

Silence, its really discouraging. but its whatever because regardless its cant be discussed until another year

well yesterday, my boyfriend is DJing at a "yoga in the park" community event. it was wonderful and after yoga everyone just hung out and dances, hooped, tight roped, acro-yoga'd, networked. it was a really fun environment. I knew no one there but the Sagittarius that I am i was making friends and having conversations with people. well a guy and his girlfriend approached my boyfriend to just introduce and show recognition to his DJing. we all start talking and it turns out this guy sells herb.. ( don't judge me, I am a responsible adult). I just moved to the east area of town, im still making friends In the area and as of currently I don't have my own "guy" yet for that.

anyways fast forward to us leaving. my boyfriend on the way home says to me, "aw man I forgot to get that guys info before he walked away" and I say, "yeah me too, I wanted to get his number incase I ever need to buy, because I don't have a connection out here yet" he goes dead silent and then says to me

Him: " i think its really weird you asking guys for numbers, were you even going to tell me?"

Me: I'm telling you, right now.

Him: yeah, right now your saying something but if you got his number would you have even told me? Im just saying that it makes me uncomfortable.

Me: i didn't even get a chance to ask him, so it never actually happened and im not trying to hide anything, im telling you right now my intentions. don't you trust me?

Him: Yeah

(i start getting kind of defensive because his tone makes to me feel like im in trouble with the principle.)

Me: I'm sorry if you feel uncomfortable about that, that's not my intention, your my boyfriend and that's not a secret to anybody..... but to me in this moment i feel like the underlining issue is about you don't trust me and that hurts my feelings because I'm not trying to hide anything from you.

he said nothing else and i finished what i was saying before he cut me off to tell me he felt uncomfortable and then it was silence the entire way home. from the advice YOU ALL have given me in the past, i did just leave it at that. i didn't poke the subject more and i let him go through his "thing" hoping it would be over. i acted unbothered by it all and when we got home, we showered and he went right to bed. i haven't spoken to him since, he did cuddle me in his sleep. i left for work earlier then him this morning. im not sure if we are good yet and what he is thinking now without poking the subject.

my fears are this.... i feel like he will hold this in a negative way in his mind and keep it there in a file of all the things that make him unsure about me without actually talking to me about it again and letting things add up without any knowledge. which is kind unfair to me because i have been a good girl always!

i also feel like trust is a big issue. i trust him . i know he has female friends and as jealous and possessive as i feel about it, i never bring that out of me, because i trust him. even if i cant trust the girls, my trust in him is pretty high that i don't question things. but for him i cant make friends with guys which i don't really unless we are all friends, and in this case its really just a connection of mutual benefit in a business sense.

this is also to add that a couple weeks ago he some how saw a text from my GAY work friend. he is very gay and very sensitive friend.... we talk about crystals, video games and poetry and sometimes he sends me poems he writes. not about me, but about something or someone. i know what it could seem like but the fact of the matter is that its nothing he needs to worry about and explained to him just that, saying....

ME: "i would NEVER do that to you, i am in love with you and i only have my eyes on you. im sorry for what that text looks like but it is a misunderstanding and not at all what you think"

i also told my work-friend that he got me in trouble. in which he went a head and attempted to add my BF on FB to prove how gay he is - proof is in the pictures 😛 lol

i didn't question how he saw that text, which is clearly snooping. but the truth is i don't care. i don't care what he sees on my phone, im not trying to hide anything from him and if i tell him everything or not mention everything is nothing im intentionally hiding.

but it really hurts my feeling because i feel like he just doesn't trust me. and i don't understand why because i have nothing else left to give, i have laid everything out on the table for him as to who i am. i mean, why does it take you Taurus signs so long to believe in someone? its really hurtful.

what do you think?

i may get blown apart here by the crowd but i think you are taking the trust issue too personally. to me, it's not a reflection of you but more about him and his insecurities.

the house thing - just leave it now. you've sowed the seed and like you said, you've got 12 months before anything can happen so no need to push.

it if were me, i would introduce him to my gay friend! if he worries about the dealer's number, i would have said "should i have waited until you asked for his number?" at which point (hopefully) he would see that he was being ridiculous and respond with a no.

the disagreement is over. it's over. go on like you were before. you said your peace, he heard you, it's done. move on.

"I'm in trouble "

You sound like a kid worrying about upsetting their mom cause they took the car out and moms gonna hold it over my head forevaaaa.

If you're going to stay with this man, be grown in the relationship.

This is petty

“my fears are this.... i feel like he will hold this in a negative way in his mind and keep it there in a file of all the things that make him unsure about me without actually talking to me about it again and letting things add up without any knowledge. which is kind unfair to me because i have been a good girl always!”



This was my ex though. That DAMN FILE! 😂😂😂😂

Don’t worry though, it will only come out if you choose to actually get upset at him for something. Instead of ignoring him and just waiting till he was ready to talk to you about something. That’s really all you can do with a guy like that. Say what you have to say and move on.

This is not your first post about the taurus guy. A Relationship shouldnt feel like hard work. You said his lack

of emotional expression makes you insecure, which I understand as a fire sign you need communication and

expression. I say dump him. He makes you miserable.

thank you all for the insight.

I cant dump him because I love him still, and im still happy. i am happy. i know what unhappy and settling feels like and this isn't it. so i feel like breaking up with just lead me to realize its not what i want and i don't want to be the break up, make up, break up make up type. that's exhausting. you work for the things you love good or bad and this is still worth working for.

there are just some big things that are hard for me to wrap my head around and that's why i need you guys!!!!

i appricate your agree or disagree post even and they are too much truth.

but I have no problem sympathizing to these things, I just want to better understand the otherside.

its really hard for me because he is a very emotional and sensitive person.

and I am a very unemotional and direct, line crosser, so I never knew if im crossing that line for the worse or the better. i just do what i feel i need to at any moment that feels right. i cant say i have too many regrets either.

moving forward we have not talked about what was discussed.

it appears that he accepts what I said, about getting the herb guys number. I mean the validation that everything is ok was never given, its really all in action and how it feels like nothing every happened.

I guess he just needs validation for his own negative thoughts... whatever he thought in his head would happen by me having that number needed to be shot from the sky so that he knows what is what straight from my mouth. -

its true tho.

he is also pretty insecure, and that can be annoying. but i feel like i might bring that out of him a little more. i feel like i takes him out of his comfort zone. im older, im super confident, or so it seems on the outside per what people tell me, i have my life together and appear to not really need anyone, which i also because i suppose i don't accept help easily. im also really good with communicating, i have a way with words, i feel or so i have been told and i feel like my passionate approach to topics can also be called arguing to someone like him he might be intimidated by me. that makes me feel bad and at the same time unapologetic.

i just want him to move past that.

i just foresee myself putting my foot down more to fight for these issues now that we are so far in.

and its sad and scary to think that i might in fact be just too much for him because aside from these issues i post about ( which really just stems from the same things over and over, sorry about that) i don't want to find it doesn't work. and that just fear. unknown fear of life and destiny because regardless that will be heartbreaking no matter if it feels right or not.

i don't know.

thank for allowing me the forms to vent.