Dear Diary: The pressure is on

I ambushed my boyfriend with my feeling as Applebee's yesterday during happy hour.

I know, I know, I appear to always have the worst timing, but I suppose liquid courage was involved because you Taurus/Taurus Signs are so intimidating and hard to talk to with the stone face, and never reassuring us.

i basically ask him "What next in our relationship"

i told him that i question if he wasn't more with me a lot.... not always, because sometimes i feel like he shows his his love for me, but then other times i question his actions... and the fact there is no words provided for any of it, i get all confused and insure and then i burst on him because if he isn't going to talk then i am. YOU ARE SO CONFUSING

i have a child and i want to one day be a family, maybe another kid, i am 32 so yaknow..... and right now my Taurus comes over and then goes and isolated himself in my room while my son is over her wanting to spend time with me, causing me to feel torn between spending time with my son and spending time with him while he is over at my place when in fact i don't understand why we cant all spend time together. also his lease is up and my lease will be up soon and no talks about moving in together him have been discussed...... correction i ask one time "hey babe, do you see yourself more in my life and his replay was so casual "yeah, but i don't know when though" and he moseys outta the room.

yeah..... MOSSY.

conversation is short(as i can get)

ME: i feel like you don't like Ethan, your tough on him like he's a bad kid (when he is a great kid, just still a sometimes rude, none listening, talk back kind of kid, at times) HIM: no i love ethan, i just think you make too many excuses for him

ME: then why do you come over during the week (when i have my son) and then go an isolate yourself in my room, HIM: because im tired

ME: then why come over when you know this is my time with him HIM: i wanna be with you.

ME: well i love being with you too but why don't you even try to engage with us. why do i have to feel so split into two? like its you or its him. HIM: because im tired.

ME: ok well what do you see, what do you want to happen next for us? HIM: i don't know, im just letting things happen

ME: well i want things. i want to build a life HIM: i thought we were.

ME: not for me, im having to cut my self in half for you all the time between you or ethan and i just really wanna be able to so you and him and i engage together more. as of a couple minutes ago i questioned if you even liked him so there is obvious a lot of feeling im having as to why this is taking so long for you. HIM: well what do you want.

ME: I want to build a life, i want to have a family, i want to be in this with a partner, i don't want keep doing this all by myself, its hard and its lonely and as much as its not your responsibility its what i am looking for and i question if we want the same things.

- he then got really angry, and used his stern voice HIM: im done, that was really rude.

ME: im sorry, im not trying to be rude and im trying to pick my words because i don't want to argue with you but i want you to know how i feel because im unhappy in a away and i don't want to feel this way, im sick of waiting without knowing. we have made no plans, haven't talked about anything we want for our future together, you never talk to me and you always expect me to know what im looking at when i don't know what im looking at.

-i think calmed down , this was not an angry yelling match this was calm and i think respectable because we were in public.

HE: i don't expect you to know what to say right now, im telling you this so you know this is how i feel, this is what i want and i need you to paint me a picture so i know what to expect at some point. because right now i feel like i don't know if i will ever have what i want and i don't want to find that out too late in my life.

we ended it at that.

we left Applebee's separately because i had to go home and be a mom. he texted me good night, he texted me good morning this morning and we have communicated about none related things like a camping trip, and his work... normal.

So i assume that he is ok with the things i expressed to him, i assume he is still in love and i assume him knowing the place that im at and the things that i want aren't that scary for him like i feared. although i know that he is about to sign his renewal lease for another year, so moving in together will have to be revisited another year which is fine because im really curious what happens next with him an my son and me in the middle. im worried that he is going to come over less if at all now, keeping things essentially the way they are. but id love to see the effort, i don't know what i expect but id just know id love to see the effort. also i wonder if he is going to address any of the things i told him, will he paint me a picture or am i just going to be right back in this situation in 6 month when things don't feel anymore progressed.

granted ive had minimal relationships. but the ones that i have in this life time progressed very quickly. i moved in with my sons dad after 3 months and we were together for 8 years. relationships after that we although short 3-6 months, but they guys we so interested that i was in HIS position. and now that im wanting him forever and not really getting the feeling its possible kinda bums me out. i don't want to force it but at the same time i want to force it.

anyways, i just wanted to vent it. re read it a million times.....i would love your feedback. or related stories and experiences.

sorry for the mistypes and spelling errors, im dyslexic

I'm realizing from my own experience and from this board that "patience is a virtue" with Taurus men..

Its odd that as a Taurus woman, I like to jump right into relationships and i'm much more assuring and expressive in my feelings

you have been with this guy 2 years now? you seem to communicate well (even if the timing is off), he seem to give you honest direct answers...they are just super and excruciatingly slow moving, sometimes they need poking and prodding (not too much).

I think now that you got that out in the open, he will be more responsive and start slowly painting you that picture...you just can't expect it over night.

HE could have easily just said he doesn't see a future and ended it, but he didn't, hes still in contact he seems to want to be a part of your life..he said "I want to see you" gotta take his word for it.

Sounds like he's still figuring it out on his end, but still wants to be with you. You need to have a plan in hand, you need to see what point B is from point A, whereas he just wants to be without any plan involved... he just wants to be in the present.

You both have very different outlooks, and I see both perspectives here. Timing is everything though, and you both are in completely different places and are moving in different paces.

However, his actions are what matter. He hasn't left yet, it doesn't seem like any of the things you said scared him off or worried him. It just seems like he was oblivious to your feelings, and it's good that you bought it out in the open. See how he asked you to help paint him the picture? He's pretty much saying, "ok take the lead on this, and I'll follow."

You know your leases are coming up, ask him about the prospect of living together. This will be very telling on where he stands with you and just how much he wants to be with you. Start looking at apartments for all 3 of you, and show him the listings that you see. Start implying that you want to live together with him and see how he reacts. That's how you'll know how in it he really is. Though at the same time, be alert of your feelings, and don't impulsively get your hopes up while you do this. Expect the worse to keep yourself safe in case there is potential disappointment...

i think you need to push him for the answer you want.

he might not like it since he does have a petulant teenager attitude about him at times but i've found that sometimes i've had to force the issue. you can wait and wait and wait...and wait...but after some time a kind shove is needed and appreciated. they can get stuck in a rut too and need a hand to keep moving even if it is slower than most.

and when i mean push, have clear intentions about what you want. eg want to move in together? give him a date that you would like to see this happen. you need to be specific. don't leave it as a general hypothetical. it will only be kicked into the long grass. determine a reasonable bull like time frame. describe what you picture and what you would like to see happen.

Posted by The_Mad_H8R
You did what you can do by letting him know your side, the rest is up to him.

It's kinda shitty that he doesn't engage with you son, IMO that's a curb kickable offense itself. You have to make sure he knows you're a package deal, the boy is part of that.

I'm guilty myself of saying I'm tired when I just don't want to talk about things. And usually I'm being honest. I find emotions especially about matters of the heart to be exhausting, I'd rather hear your side, let it simmer, tell you I'm tired when you ask me about mine, then later circle back after I've had a good chance to digest the subject and figure out what it is I really want. Maybe he's the same. I'm also a "there is a time and place for everything" kinda guy - I don't handle public outbursts of emotions very well, I'd rather that be private. And even then I'd prefer to hear yours and keep mine to myself, I'll show how I feel because I honestly suck at expressing my own emotion in words. I can show them all day long through action. Not sure if that's a sign thing, a guy thing, or my dumbass, but I hope you can take something from it.

Feel him out for a while to see how he acts. Give him a measuring stick for what you want, set goals you both agree on. If he doesn't make movement towards those goals, ditch him, he's in a rut and it'll be hard for him to get out without a major ultimatum.

I don't recommend moving in unless you're both on the lease, but living together really does change the dynamic of a relationship and maybe that's what he really wants/needs the stability.

Anyway, good luck! I hope something someone says resonates and gives insight.

amazing reassurance, you just provided.

I feel better knowing the "im tired" thing is really that simple. and I think ive caught up the fact that I know I have to give him "processing time" - every time something emotional comes into play Im usually prepared for not getting anything back, in most cases when I lay it all out there things do noticeability change after that. I usually feel satisfaction even if I don't get the words. the "time and place" statement is literally something verbatim he has said to me a hand full of times, you both are very similar from what I can tell. but I have come to terms that there is never a good time or place, which is probably why things always feel weird when they come to the surface.

He does show me a lot in his actions, and most of it is really wonderful. this is why I love him and seek understandings so much.

in regards to my son, yes, if he is not down with this package then I know I need to move on.

but he does little things. I mean he has gone to the movies, dinner, our friend house and he's picked him up from school a time or two, sometimes we go to his place for the pool and he will feed us dinner. and that is wonderful for me. I expressed that I cant savor those times enough. but that is few and far between and I want more.

but most importantly I want him to bond with my son, because I want my son to have more of a male role model then his dad (a good person but not the best choice maker) I mean I want my kid to have a man to talk. I the fear that he just tolerates my son and that makes me insecure AF

but time will tell.

and im as optimistic as possible.

thank you so much for your insight.

What do you bring to the table? Is what you need to think about.

Don't get caught up in the "single (desperate) mom" thinking... "I'm lonely..." "my child needs a father..." "I, I, I, me, me, me..."

Some single mothers give up dating until their children are adults. Some single moms won't ever let a man move in until their children move out. Some single mom's never let a man see their children unless there's a proposal. Some single mom's are lonely but, that's just the way it is. Some people... single, married, dating are lonely.

Don't make your problems his... because you don't share a life. It's your life with or without him. Be strong on your own. Be an asset. Think about what YOU have to offer him.

I don’t know about your relationship. But I can tell you that you deserve better than Applebee’s!!

Posted by LadyNeptune
I don’t know about your relationship. But I can tell you that you deserve better than Applebee’s!!

hahaha - it was happy hour. we had an hour to spend some time before I had to get my son, so we went to applebees for happy hour because its cheap and close. lol

- appreciate that tho

Does he ever talk of the future of you guys and your son? It seems he is still on the fence... I would find out where he’s at sooner rather then later because my gut tells me this may not work out 😢

Posted by VenusAquarius
What do you bring to the table? Is what you need to think about.

Don't get caught up in the "single (desperate) mom" thinking... "I'm lonely..." "my child needs a father..." "I, I, I, me, me, me..."

Some single mothers give up dating until their children are adults. Some single moms won't ever let a man move in until their children move out. Some single mom's never let a man see their children unless there's a proposal. Some single mom's are lonely but, that's just the way it is. Some people... single, married, dating are lonely.

Don't make your problems his... because you don't share a life. It's your life with or without him. Be strong on your own. Be an asset. Think about what YOU have to offer him.

yeah, I don't think this applies.

not to talk myself up, but im perfectly stable on my own and wildly independent.

i suppose a fault of mine by ya'll (bless you) have been that i treating/talk to him like a child, sadly he has also said that.

but in my defense, he is immature at time and also seeks guidance by me, which i am more then happy to provide being a sag with all the knowledge ive acquired in my lifetime, i think he's lucky because i have helped him accomplish a lot of his said goals and motivated and cheered him on in everything he does.

ti have also expressed the expectation i have for him and my son to both him and my son.

- To my son i said "I love him and I want him in our lives, he doesn't want to act like he is your dad, because you already have a dad, but he does want to be your friend and he does love me and want to make sure you don't treat me badly. -

and to my boyfriend i said " I just want you to be his friend, i appreciate your advice and your opinion but he is not your responsibility and i don't need to feel like you have to discipline him, . i just hope that you two can bond to where he feels comfortable with you and talking to you about boy things that i just am not equipped for.

i see where you are coming from tho. i mean i was not interested in being serious with anyone when i met my boyfriend, and for a long time i just let it be completely separate, but when you know you find something you adore you go for it. i don't know i think at times i can get lonely, only because im doing this alone. im raising my kid alone, im working at a life all alone and who wouldn't want to share that life with someone. i mean its hard, i don't get child support nor do i ask for it, im a hard worker yes but i don't want to travel this road alone forever i want to hold someone's hand and be on a team.

So as far as "don't make my problems his" - i don't feel im doing that. my problem is that i don't feel confident in my future with him do to his lack of communication. we don't talk about future AT ALL.... if he doesn't want to share his life with me after everything i have shown him thus far then it has to end for my own happiness and i would rather know that now then later. Times is a value to me.

and a big fear i have is that he doesn't see a future with me but he does NOT see a future with me so he just strings me along until he is knows for sure, which is crazy that someone doesn't know after this long to me. i feel like as a Taurus they don't know what they feel and they put it off until it explodes out of them. i see a lot of girls just talk about the blindside of a Taurus where they fall of the earth and they are left heartbroken.

i don't want to be heartbroken like that. it hurt just thinking about it.

So i asked him a couple days after our talk

he said that he is hear for me, and that i am his life.

but no direction as to what he wants for him self and for me.

do i have to do everything for him? because im not interested in make choice for someone else.

i just want to make choices together or for myself.

as wonderful as it feels to have someone tell me that he is here for me and that im his life.

i just don't feel like its convincing statement. but i suppose with most taurus/Taurus signs, you take what you get and you believe it until provided otherwise

Think of all you could accomplish if you dropped that weight and actually put your effort into other things.

Jupiter is about to be in sag. Why waste any lead time worrying about a man who cant even carry a conversation.

Gurl. You cant get back the time you've wasted.

You're going to spend another 8 weeks worrying about this man.

You know what I did in 8 weeks—

A standup show and an improv show, while still kicking ass at my full time job.

Set some goals for yourself and watch the men flock to you.

I think you wasted enough time and this guy isn’t the one. It doesn’t take two yeArs to know and in this case he still doesn’t know. And him being standoffish with your son is a deal breaker.

Posted by bkbella86
I think you wasted enough time and this guy isn’t the one. It doesn’t take two yeArs to know and in this case he still doesn’t know. And him being standoffish with your son is a deal breaker.

Hear what your saying, hell I hear what all of you are saying.

and I agree, but at the same time I also disagree because I feel like everything isn't always black and white.

or am I just making excuses?

its weird I had a WILD dream last night about him, it was all over the place with details but in a nut check it was a cheating dream. in my dream I never actually saw him cheating but there was so much deception (and completely out of character actions for him if I had to say so) but in the end, I just ended it. I was like its over between us. in for whatever reason I felt relief , a little relief, I was sad when I woke up, not angry just kind of sad. but I didn't seem heart broken in my dream I seemed more relief.

now im sure your thinking that this is a sign. but at the same time I don't knowwwww ........im not ready to give up yet. as much as I complain about these things, I think its fear that is really the enemy here. im scared. im scared of how much control he has or that I give him. because in most cases im ok with waiting for someone to come around, I would never wanna feel forced into anything, for most my life ive been queen of none commitment. I have always been out here on my own and im still living like that and im still doing it just fine and im not going to stop, I cant. im just afraid of allowing someone to have the control, because I want morem I wanna see what he can do, I wanna see what we can do, I wanna do it all with him. and what if he doesn't feel the same.... because he doesn't communicate his vision. I see it so clearly, in HD what i want for my furture. and its simple and its rewarding and is adventurous and beautiful..... but what if he doesn't feel the same. what if he doesn't want the same. I have no idea? iv mentioned things to him so much and I try to be subtle about it all because I don't want to freak him out but my world has some how included him in its revolving motion.

is this normal? or have i turned straight cray cray?

he's a wonderful guy outside of our conflicting personalities. the relationship isn't perfect because I have things I am having trouble accepting.... but with that all said he does do a lot to make me happy. he protects me knowing im a wild spirit, he is thoughtful, and looks out for me, he take care of me when im sick, he whips me up food when I say im hungry, he calls me every day we are apart, tells me about his day, we have a routine that goes without saying, he says he is grateful for me at times when I help him, we establish a great group of friend together, we plan trips together, we are still good together.......

I guess im continuously needing to walk myself thru these motions.

but I am going to set a time frame.

I asked my son lastnight, what do you think about me and BF moving in together

Son: No im not ready for him to move in, I just want it to be me and you.

Me: im thinking in a year, when you finish 3rd great that I want Him to live with us.

Son: I don't want to live with him.

Me: well why does your daddy get to live with his girlfriend?

Son: because they have my brother.

Me. what what is I want to give you sister?

Son: Ill think about it...,

I the last I have told my son I was thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend, and he did seem sad about it, and he say he didn't want me too... thankfully my bf and I worked things out regard that challenge and my son was happy I had a change of heart.

and to mention. after I had this conversation with my bf about my son, we put a day or 2 between us and on the 3rd day he came over to have dinner and hang out with us and as soon as he walked in he greated me and immediately went to my son room to say hi, and stayed back there to see what he was doing... which was playing Roblox (kids latest addiction) and explain to him how roblox worked which is something that my boyfriend actually found interesting.

I wonder if ill ever get used to the fact that ill always be waiting on him and ill always have to action over words. I really do enjoy words and how they make me feel.

sorry to go on and on.

I suppose I just had to work these things out in my head.

I do feel better, and really thank everyone who gave me their feedback. in my life im usually the on always giving advice and never getting advice and I appreciate all the advice and what I can take from it.

Posted by sagittariusxo
because I want morem I wanna see what he can do, I wanna see what we can do, I wanna do it all with him. and what if he doesn't feel the same.... because he doesn't communicate his vision. I see it so clearly, in HD what i want for my furture. and its simple and its rewarding and is adventurous and beautiful..... but what if he doesn't feel the same. what if he doesn't want the same. I have no idea?

it goes back to communication. if he is not talking to you about it, then either you are not asking the questions or he doesn't feel comfortable enough to be truly honest. of course there is the third option that perhaps he doesn;t know but i would find that hard to believe.

in my own experience, it took a while for my partner capable of truly opening up to me. i had to demonstrate that it was a safe environment to speak his mind. a lot of men don't want to disappoint or hurt their partner and for some men it is a case of not wanting to be vulnerable for fear of repercussions. sometimes it is easier to remain mute.

i would also advise not to discuss this with your child. he has no power in this relationship between you and your guy (ultimately you are going to make the final decision) and it's unfair for for him to be on your roller coaster of emotions (you're breaking up, you're moving him in, etc). it's too much responsibility for a child to take on. let his biggest problems include doing all his schoolwork, keeping his room tidy and deciding what he wants for his birthday.

your relationship issues are your issues. not his. don't put it on his shoulders.