Inexperienced Taurus with heavy water placements - what to do? (Page 3)

Posted by jeane

Posted by jpx
Yeah, I know. Not sure how to deal with it, if there's any point at all to go on dating. I feel in my heart like there is a chance, but I don't want to be deluded either.

i think it depends on what you hope to get out of this situation you find yourself in and then ask if he is in a position to give you want you want.

you have to be honest about what you want and also honest with yourself about him, his inexperience (sexually, in a relationship, general life experience) and where he is in his life.

i know you said you're happy to go with the flow but that doesn't ring true with what you type. you have expectations (nothing wrong with that), is this guy capable of fulfilling them and do you want the person to drag him kicking and screaming while he does it?

click to expand

I was happy to go with the flow, I didn't expect him to be this intense with me...contacting me everyday, wanting to spend all this time with me - I have literally been at his place for days straight and he'll still contact me when I get home and make new plans!
And also this emotional intensity... I wasn't prepared for that either, to be honest. I just went with whatever he wanted, but yeah, I am developing deeper feelings for him and I really thought he was too, I'm shocked to hear him say he isn't - I almost feel like he's not being honest with me, because everything he does (and I judge people by their actions and not words) says he has.

No, I don't want him kicking and screaming at all. I want him to actually want to be with me, which incidentally, he says he does, he says he's still clear about wanting to be with me and "liking me a lot".
I feel like it COULD develop if he stopped being so stubborn and "worried" about our future the whole time.
I should mention he's a control freak to say the least and that he has "years" of his life already mapped out, and he doesn't like it when something "disrupts" his plans. Bit of OCD going on there..

We've dated for five weeks. To me, that's not enough time to even have this relationship talk, unless you really feel it's going in the wrong direction and want to be just friends instead.
I'm really confused.

Posted by jpx

Posted by busyeyes88
U had sex with him too soon before determining the relationship you want. All men regardless of sun sign will sex a woman without commitment if she does not Make it clear what she wants from day one!!

If you can hang out with him without the sex then do so but if you can't call it quits!! If you sex him, he will add you to his "harem" list!

Yeah, maybe you're right.. does it make a difference that HE has made it abundantly clear to me that this isn't about sex and that he wants me in my life anyway?
He told me he'd rather be friends with me without the sex if it means he can keep me in his life (his words)

click to expand

oh boy... they all say that :/

Posted by jpx
I was happy to go with the flow, I didn't expect him to be this intense with me...contacting me everyday, wanting to spend all this time with me - I have literally been at his place for days straight and he'll still contact me when I get home and make new plans!
And also this emotional intensity... I wasn't prepared for that either, to be honest. I just went with whatever he wanted, but yeah, I am developing deeper feelings for him and I really thought he was too, I'm shocked to hear him say he isn't - I almost feel like he's not being honest with me, because everything he does (and I judge people by their actions and not words) says he has.

No, I don't want him kicking and screaming at all. I want him to actually want to be with me, which incidentally, he says he does, he says he's still clear about wanting to be with me and "liking me a lot".
I feel like it COULD develop if he stopped being so stubborn and "worried" about our future the whole time.
I should mention he's a control freak to say the least and that he has "years" of his life already mapped out, and he doesn't like it when something "disrupts" his plans. Bit of OCD going on there..

We've dated for five weeks. To me, that's not enough time to even have this relationship talk, unless you really feel it's going in the wrong direction and want to be just friends instead.
I'm really confused.

he says he doesn't have deep feelings but you don't believe him

he says he wants to concentrate on his career but you don't believe him

he says he wants to be with you but not call you his girlfriend and not be with you once he goes overseas

you say you are going with the flow but you are thinking about the future. you said you're going with the flow but feel confused. the confusion comes from wanting a clear defined path. that's not going with the flow.

i'm not saying this to be mean. i couldn't go with the flow either. it's against my nature. i need to know from the outset a rough idea of a person's thoughts. the thing is i think in a roundabout way he has told you his thoughts - something casual with an end date - it sounds like you don't want to accept that.

the mapping out i not an ocd thing, it's a man thing. many of them plot their lives and if you come at the "wrong" time, too bad.

it comes down to this is a guy who doesn't know what he wants. who behaves that way? children.

he says he doesn't have deep feelings but you don't believe him

he says he wants to concentrate on his career but you don't believe him

he says he wants to be with you but not call you his girlfriend and not be with you once he goes overseas

you say you are going with the flow but you are thinking about the future. you said you're going with the flow but feel confused. the confusion comes from wanting a clear defined path. that's not going with the flow.

i'm not saying this to be mean. i couldn't go with the flow either. it's against my nature. i need to know from the outset a rough idea of a person's thoughts. the thing is i think in a roundabout way he has told you his thoughts - something casual with an end date - it sounds like you don't want to accept that.

the mapping out i not an ocd thing, it's a man thing. many of them plot their lives and if you come at the "wrong" time, too bad.





No, I tend to believe people's actions I guess. I can't see any other reason as to why he does the things he does otherwise.

He hasn't been concentrating on it, I know for a fact that I have sort of come between and he's chosen to spend time with me when he should have practising. It's been entirely his choice though.

He wants to be with me and tells everyone we're dating and holds my hand in public, and first he said a relationship wasn't on the cards YET and then two days later it's not on the cards at all. Yeah, this is why I'm confused.

I'm thinking about the future because he forces me to - he basically forced this conversation out of yesterday, I even told him I didn't want to talk about it but he said he needed to know where I stand. I said I don't know yet, because it's too early.
I said "I do know I like you a lot and want to keep seeing you."
"That's how I feel too, I just don't want you to expect too much from me and then be upset" he said.

Yeah no, something casual is fine for me as a start, for the first months. I could have done that.
But I hate the way he's already decided the outcome, so now I'm not so sure I can do casual anymore. I mean, what will be the point?
But it's hard, because the feelings are definitely there.

Posted by jpx
No, I tend to believe people's actions I guess. I can't see any other reason as to why he does the things he does otherwise.

He hasn't been concentrating on it, I know for a fact that I have sort of come between and he's chosen to spend time with me when he should have practising. It's been entirely his choice though.

He wants to be with me and tells everyone we're dating and holds my hand in public, and first he said a relationship wasn't on the cards YET and then two days later it's not on the cards at all. Yeah, this is why I'm confused.

I'm thinking about the future because he forces me to - he basically forced this conversation out of yesterday, I even told him I didn't want to talk about it but he said he needed to know where I stand. I said I don't know yet, because it's too early.
I said "I do know I like you a lot and want to keep seeing you."
"That's how I feel too, I just don't want you to expect too much from me and then be upset" he said.

Yeah no, something casual is fine for me as a start, for the first months. I could have done that.
But I hate the way he's already decided the outcome, so now I'm not so sure I can do casual anymore. I mean, what will be the point?
But it's hard, because the feelings are definitely there.

you're being used. he may not realise it but you are. dtmfa.

Posted by jeane

Posted by jpx
No, I tend to believe people's actions I guess. I can't see any other reason as to why he does the things he does otherwise.

He hasn't been concentrating on it, I know for a fact that I have sort of come between and he's chosen to spend time with me when he should have practising. It's been entirely his choice though.

He wants to be with me and tells everyone we're dating and holds my hand in public, and first he said a relationship wasn't on the cards YET and then two days later it's not on the cards at all. Yeah, this is why I'm confused.

I'm thinking about the future because he forces me to - he basically forced this conversation out of yesterday, I even told him I didn't want to talk about it but he said he needed to know where I stand. I said I don't know yet, because it's too early.
I said "I do know I like you a lot and want to keep seeing you."
"That's how I feel too, I just don't want you to expect too much from me and then be upset" he said.

Yeah no, something casual is fine for me as a start, for the first months. I could have done that.
But I hate the way he's already decided the outcome, so now I'm not so sure I can do casual anymore. I mean, what will be the point?
But it's hard, because the feelings are definitely there.

you're being used. he may not realise it but you are. dtmfa.

click to expand

You mean, he just wants someone right now, to spend time with?
Someone to sort of.. practise on?

Posted by Infinite8
You are comfortable for him RIGHT NOW - he wants his possessions right now and indulge in them. It's not about you, it's about him and his needs.

this exactly. explained much better than so many of my shoddy attempts.

.



You don't seem to understand Taurus men and will get burned. They hardly ever go by what they FEEL... They go by what they THINK. He WILL do as he says he will do, not as he feels - and no one will change that goal of his. You are comfortable for him RIGHT NOW - he wants his possessions right now and indulge



No, I don't understand it, honestly, but neither does he, lol.

Yeah, I'll get burned, I already have been by him, twice.
So taking a few days off from him, no contact at all - to figure this out. If he keeps on pressing I will tell him exactly that.

Posted by jpx

Posted by jeane

Posted by jpx
No, I tend to believe people's actions I guess. I can't see any other reason as to why he does the things he does otherwise.

He hasn't been concentrating on it, I know for a fact that I have sort of come between and he's chosen to spend time with me when he should have practising. It's been entirely his choice though.

He wants to be with me and tells everyone we're dating and holds my hand in public, and first he said a relationship wasn't on the cards YET and then two days later it's not on the cards at all. Yeah, this is why I'm confused.

I'm thinking about the future because he forces me to - he basically forced this conversation out of yesterday, I even told him I didn't want to talk about it but he said he needed to know where I stand. I said I don't know yet, because it's too early.
I said "I do know I like you a lot and want to keep seeing you."
"That's how I feel too, I just don't want you to expect too much from me and then be upset" he said.

Yeah no, something casual is fine for me as a start, for the first months. I could have done that.
But I hate the way he's already decided the outcome, so now I'm not so sure I can do casual anymore. I mean, what will be the point?
But it's hard, because the feelings are definitely there.

you're being used. he may not realise it but you are. dtmfa.

You mean, he just wants someone right now, to spend time with?
Someone to sort of.. practise on?

click to expand

sounds like it he does just want someone right now.

of course he is going to choose sex over work. is it because of you or is it because of sex?
he tells everyone he with you in public but in private tells you you have an expiration date. is he showing you off because he really wants to be with you or are you good for his ego?
he tells you that he doesn't want to hurt you. either he has very low self esteem or he is already planning his exit. since he said he wants to kybosh this once he goes overseas i would suspect the latter.

i don't know if it is practice. you certainly are convenient for him and he seem to be getting everything he wants from you but could you say the same?

sounds like it he does just want someone right now.

of course he is going to choose sex over work. is it because of you or is it because of sex?
he tells everyone he with you in public but in private tells you you have an expiration date. is he showing you off because he really wants to be with you or are you good for his ego?
he tells you that he doesn't want to hurt you. either he has very low self esteem or he is already planning his exit. since he said he wants to kybosh this once he goes overseas i would suspect the latter.

i don't know if it is practice. you certainly are convenient for him and he seem to be getting everything he wants from you but could you say the same?




Well, trust me, we don't always have sex and it's not just about sex - though the physical part of it has been amazing and we BOTH think so. The attraction is huge between is, that's what makes it difficult for me as well I think.
We have a good relationship and mutual respect (or we wouldn't even have this conversation) so I do know he likes me. He's a good person, I don't believe he's using me, at least not that's not his intention. I think we'll remain friends because honesty is what is most important to me.
LIke so many people here have pointed out - if I get hurt, it's my own damn fault and I know this.

But yeah, taking some time off from him now.

Posted by busyeyes88
OP, we are emotional and intense IN THAT MOMENT but we are constantly looking into our future goals and if any kind of "interference " whether human or obstacle gets in the way, we can cut straight off! We will not let anything interfer with that.

He has been straight up. He wants you around FOR NOW.. You are not seen in his future so when the time comes, he will cut you straight off. He is telling you now to save you future distress. He does not want you to get too attached to him emotionally.

We are emotional beings but we are also logical and 9/10 we prefer to let logic rule. he is not attached to you emotionally and will never be. If he was, he would have planned you in his future ie offer to keep you as a gf whilst he goes abroad or ask you to move with him.

You are doing this to yourself. You are saying you will go with the flow but it's obvious you can't... You are evening planning a future with him in your head and there is none.

I see, yeah. I do accept him choosing his career before me, though. I know how much it means to him and I told him today that I will never stand in his way.
"I know this, I know you'd never do that 🙂" he said.
We're on the clear about that.
I'm even on the clear on this not going any deeper, even though I want it to.

My problem is him saying he doesn't have deeper feelings for me, when I know he does.
I do pride myself in being highly intuitive, and I am rarely wrong, but of course, I might be wrong this time. But I don't think I am.

Posted by Infinite8

Posted by jpx
.

No, I don't understand it, honestly, but neither does he, lol.

Yeah, I'll get burned, I already have been by him, twice.
So taking a few days off from him, no contact at all - to figure this out. If he keeps on pressing I will tell him exactly that.

Well... I am half like you and half like him...lol. I follow feelings first and then decide and how it plays logically with my plans 😛

Anyway, the important thing to remember is that he DOES NOT function like you function. So, don't try to figure this out by relating to it, because he doesn't do things your way.

The fact that he is young and inexperienced makes it worse, he might do things even more selfishly simply because he just doesn't have the experience of actually being sensitive to the other party's needs.

You will have to do all the self protecting with out any help from him.

If you disconnect now, you will feel better than if you continue until he leaves. If you divinely now, you will at least feel that YOU made the right choice and YOU had the power to decide what was right for you.

If you keep at this until he leaves... You will probably feel victimized and upsets at yourself.

Definitely think about what is BEST FOR YOU. You already got his answer... You already know the end of this story. It's up to you how you want to choose to protect yourself moving forward.




Yeah, I'm not sure what to do know. I don't want to cut him off, he's been a great friend to me, we enjoy each other's company but there's too much physical attraction to ever be "just" friends, at least not now, and that attraction is from both of us.

But to me, the main thing here is honesty.. I know he might be leaving, so I won't feel cheated. And I'll always know exactly what you are saying; I'm hurting MYSELF, he's not.

I did tell him this today;
"If I get in too deep, I will let you know. I don't want you to keep asking or pressing this, just leave it alone. I promise you I can take care of myself and my own feelings."

He said this made him feel much more at ease about the situation.

But like what has been said previously in the thread: yeah, he's getting pretty much everything he wants and he's loving it, maybe even got carried away by it. I might not be getting what I want in the long run.

Posted by busyeyes88
OP, it doesn't matter how you "mix" it... there is a "use by" and "sell by" date written on the tin.

The choice is yours and you knew this the minute you picked the tin off the shelf....

Yeah but I had no idea he was going to be THIS intense and emotional with me, because he really has been.
I thought it would be noticeable on his behaviour, that this had an expire date and that he'd play it cool, but he doesn't.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by jpx

Posted by busyeyes88
OP, it doesn't matter how you "mix" it... there is a "use by" and "sell by" date written on the tin.

The choice is yours and you knew this the minute you picked the tin off the shelf....

Yeah but I had no idea he was going to be THIS intense and emotional with me, because he really has been.
I thought it would be noticeable on his behaviour, that this had an expire date and that he'd play it cool, but he doesn't.

I will let you in on a secret... When I finished with my gem ex I had emotionally "check out" 12 months before hand. He had NO idea... "And the BAFTA award goes to....."!

click to expand

HAHA, I tend to this too! Haha.
But at the same time, I've gone so long without really feeling anything for anyone, I want to enjoy it while it lasts.. :/

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by jpx

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by jpx

Posted by busyeyes88
OP, it doesn't matter how you "mix" it... there is a "use by" and "sell by" date written on the tin.

The choice is yours and you knew this the minute you picked the tin off the shelf....

Yeah but I had no idea he was going to be THIS intense and emotional with me, because he really has been.
I thought it would be noticeable on his behaviour, that this had an expire date and that he'd play it cool, but he doesn't.

I will let you in on a secret... When I finished with my gem ex I had emotionally "check out" 12 months before hand. He had NO idea... "And the BAFTA award goes to....."!

HAHA, I tend to this too! Haha.
But at the same time, I've gone so long without really feeling anything for anyone, I want to enjoy it while it lasts.. :/

The balls are.in your court...

He has played all his cards and has left you to decide.. Just know whatever you decide. The outcome will be the same. A taurus WILL NOT be controlled and we are "immovable " Once our mind is made up.

I have a feeling that after a few days you will decide to continue... So just remember your "use by date"... You will be "terminated" in whatever year he goes abroad. Good luck

click to expand

Thanks..
He's always including me in future plans though, but I guess those are plans BEFORE he leaves for another country.
I think I'll decide to continue as well, mostly because I left so many relationships unclear behind me, still thinking of what COULD have been.. I think I'm starting to understand the whole sentiment of at least having loved and lost, rather than never having tried at all..

So, these past weeks have been difficult for me on so many levels, and Taurus has been an incredible support to me.
I am in serious doubts over my own professional career, I am very unhappy, but he always listens and gives advice.
I'm also in distress over my family's well being and my ex boyfriend's mental illness. He has been taking care of me, holding my hand and hugging me to sleep, cooks for me and will call me everyday.

Even when my idol passed away a few days ago, he spent the entire day talking to me about it, even though it's not a musician he was fond of himself at all.

The other day, he tells me he's torn between his career plans and his emotional needs. He wants the security but finds they collide with his other plans.

Yesterday, he asks me a bit jokingly if I would consider moving abroad with him. I say yes and we talk about it.
He says he now has second thoughts about the career plans, and says he is fully aware of "what sacrificies it will take".

Well, he warned me and he's been honest about this. We'll see what he decides. I'm with him all the way, like he has been with me.
Thanks for all your support guys.

Posted by busyeyes88
That's good news OP. Yes, taurus is very good at looking after people.. We are the human "umbrella"!!! When a taurus foresee you in their future it is a good sign as we are forward thinking people. We spend more time thinking and planing for the future than we do in the "here and now". I am glad he has "turned around" and things are on the up! Good luck OP. Thanks for keeping us posted. "I love it when a plan comes together" - A-Team! 😉

You are lovely people indeed, I have spent most of my relationships taking care of others and to be taken care of by somebody else is something new and wonderful to me, and whatever happens, I will always be grateful to this man for being so supportive. I told him this as well, even if he moves away without me, I will never regret the time with him.

I don't know if he's turned around, but he's started to include me in his plans of moving abroad now, he asked me twice (he joked about it just an hour ago, that we should just move out of here immidiately together), as he now also knows how unhappy I am with my own current situation. I saw this as a great sign. Maybe he needed to hear that I am flexible about my future. I see no reason at all to even stay in the town we live in anymore, it's really come down to that.

And you're right about the "here and now", he said he didn't like this about himself and that he wanted to enjoy the moments now a lot more than he does.

Posted by wicked
I'm soo happy to read this. You have a good man jpx :-)
Both of you stay good to each other always, love each other, snuggle cuddle, make love, have loads of happy years together. I wish you both great happiness... I love happy love stories ♡
Ps: Pick your fights carefully with him lol

Thank you.
Not sure if he had a change of heart, but he even started planning for what kind of jobs to take IF we move out of the country TOGETHER and sort of toyed with the idea.
He wants to go out of the country to attend a special school for his career goals, and they're difficult to get into, so obviously, if he gets into them, he feels he must go.

So, this weekend, he placed my hand on his heart and told me; "I'm so glad that you are here with me".
Also asked me what I want to do for Valentine's day and told me straight out: "I want to take you to [the city where one of the schools he wants to attend is] and show you around. Can we book a date for it?"

Also, he told me once again last night while chatting:
"I feel stupid not to tell you, but I was so happy you came to visit me this weekend, it meant a lot to me 🙂"


I know I should be happy, maybe it's my Scorp Moon making me paranoid and worried, but he told me so coldly that this was "probably" not long term and then he starts making "jokes" about us moving away TOGETHER (more than once) and now this.. I feel that he IS getting emotionally attached to me. Or is he?
Maybe he is trying to consider it?

One interesting thing he told me was that he often felt conflicted about wanting security in his life and this colliding with his career goals, which are not secure and would entail him to maybe move about and do a lot of travelling.

Posted by busyeyes88
One interesting thing he told me was that he often felt conflicted about wanting security in his life and this colliding with his career goals, which are not secure and would entail him to maybe move about and do a lot of travelling."

This is me, OP... I'm always in constant conflict even at my age now.. I'm in conflict as to "settle" and "stabilise" or just keep moving...

For a taurus security is a proper solid career and he will move around in order to achieve it... He is still young, so the chances are, he will move a few times before he becomes stable so if you are looking for stability, you are probably with the wrong taurus.. His "jokes" are his way of telling you not to become too attached....

I guess my question is; why is he making these jokes if I am not to become too attached?
Telling me to move away with him is such a weird thing to say if I shouldn't become attached to him :O

are you his girlfriend yet?

We've moved up on to being exclusive, we enjoy being together and none of us feel the need to see anyone else, so that's where we're at right now. We'll see what happens, not a day goes by that I don't think about what he's said but I've learned this is one emotional guy and I need to tread easily here. He says he worries a lot about the future, I tell him to just enjoy the moment and our time together.
I'll never see this as a waste of time, even if we break up when he leaves (which I'm prepared for) this has been the healthiest relationship I have ever been in.

Posted by jpx
We've moved up on to being exclusive, we enjoy being together and none of us feel the need to see anyone else, so that's where we're at right now. We'll see what happens, not a day goes by that I don't think about what he's said but I've learned this is one emotional guy and I need to tread easily here. He says he worries a lot about the future, I tell him to just enjoy the moment and our time together.
I'll never see this as a waste of time, even if we break up when he leaves (which I'm prepared for) this has been the healthiest relationship I have ever been in.

that's great news - happy for you 🙂